Seth Rogen movie quotes

View Quote [Out of breath] That kid's a freak! He's a freak, he's the fastest kid alive!

View Quote Set course for Bailey's Bar & Grill, Warp 10 - engage!

View Quote Shall we get road beers? Yeah? Can I have thirteen beers to go please.

View Quote You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game.

View Quote [after discovering Andy's dating a grandmother] Hey, **** her on her plastic-covered couch...**** her while she's watching "Murder She Wrote". She would probably find that very erotic...**** her and have her send you a check for twelve dollars on your birthday.

View Quote [To Andy before he hits on Beth] There are three rules when it comes talking to women. Number 1 ask questions, don't say anything, because women, all they wanna do is talk about themselves so you're just gonna let them do that. 2 be cool and 3 be kind of a dick. Look be like David Caruso in "Jade".

View Quote THIS ENDS NOW!!!

View Quote You've been served!

View Quote Danger! Danger! Trees! Tree! Tree! Squirrel!

View Quote You know what? I know this isn't you talking, it's your hormones, but I would just like to say, "**** you, hormones! You are a crazy bitch, hormones!" Not Alison, hormones. **** 'em. It's a girl, buy some pink shit.

View Quote If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."

View Quote Steely Dan can gargle my balls.

View Quote I may not have a brain, gentlemen, but I have an idea.

View Quote [Confronting Derek, as if he were dating him rather than Susan] Derek, you are a selfish jerk, and guess what? I've met someone else! She's limegreen, she has 14 little chunks of pineapple inside her, and she is everything I deserve in life! I'm happy now, Derek! Without you! It's over! [Holds up the lime green jello he mentions and leaves triumphantly]

View Quote [to Gallaxhar's robot probe; making signs to match his words, similar to Gromit from The Curse of the Were-Rabbit] Hello! Hi! Howya doing? Welcome! We are here to destroy you!

View Quote What do you know, the geek shall inherit the Earth.

View Quote Sometimes you just gotta roll the dice.

View Quote Over the last 60 years, the human race has been drip-fed images of my face, on lunchboxes and t-shirts and shit. It’s in case our species do meet, you don’t have a **** spaz attack!

View Quote Seth Rogen: Just answer me one question: Is Michael Cera's butthole as adorable as I pictured?
Jay Baruchel: Oh, for ****'s sake...
Seth Rogen: I picture it looking like a little donut. A little pink sprinkled donut.

View Quote Jay Baruchel: Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room.
Seth Rogen: Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.
Craig Robinson: That's **** up. I'm right here man.
Jay Baruchel: I'm not calling Craig an elephant.
James Franco: That's racist.

View Quote James Franco: Who did this? Who did this?!
Seth Rogen: Did what, what are you talking about?
James Franco: [holds up his jizzed porn magazine] Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?
Seth Rogen: No.
James Franco: No?
Danny McBride: [raises his hand] It was me, Franco. I ****in' made jizz in your magazine.
James Franco: Why?!
Danny McBride: When I ****in' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?
James Franco: Real **** smart answer, why don't you **** aim, huh?!
Danny McBride: I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a ****in' wild fireman's hose, she's gonna grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth!
James Franco: The **** kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a **** sock or on a ****in' tissue?!
Danny McBride: No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women!
James Franco: I highly doubt they ****in' taught you to ****in' close your eyes and ****in' **** wherever you want!
Danny McBride: I mean, you're getting all worked up over a ****in' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with **** iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!
James Franco: That's right, man. I like to ****in' read!
Danny McBride: You think that's the only thing I jerk off in here? I've been dropping loads around this ****in' house like a goddamn dump truck.
James Franco: YOU DON'T **** ON MY STUFF!
Danny McBride: I'll **** wherever the **** I want, James. I'll ****in' **** in your kitchen, I'll **** on your ****in' art, I'LL **** ANYWHERE I WANT!
James Franco: I will ****in' **** right on you! I will **** like a ****in' madman all over you, McBride!
Danny McBride: Ooh! I ****in' wish you'd **** on me right now, I ****in' DARE YOU TO **** ON ME!
[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]
Danny McBride: [Grabbing a baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so ****in' hard in here!
James Franco: This, no more, man, all over your ****in' face!
Danny McBride: All over the ****in' floor, all over the ****in' place, I'll ****in' **** anywhere I want, I'll ****in' **** on these walls, I'll **** on the ****in' cabinets, on the ****in' furniture, I'LL **** EVERYWHERE!
James Franco: [points his revolver] If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna **** shoot it off!
Danny McBride: You don't have enough bullets, bitch!
James Franco: [waving his revolver] No ****in' jerking off in my house, McBride!
[Danny throws the baseball bat to the ground]
Seth Rogen: Come on, man.
Danny McBride: **** this. It's just I'm too thirsty to do this, and the ****in' bitter irony is I'm not gonna have my thirst quenched until I finish this. I give up.
[walks out of the living room and leaves Seth behind]
Seth Rogen: Danny, no. Don't walk away. Danny, don't walk away from me!
Danny McBride: It's too late, Seth. I've already walked away too much.
Seth Rogen: No, you haven't. You could still come back and just ****in' turn around and come back and help me. Danny? Daniel?
[Danny is nowhere to be seen]

View Quote Lavash: Get away from me. Don't touch me. It was YOU! You cocksucking bagel ****face!
Cereal: Hey, watch it!
Lavash: You pushed me out of the cart! No surprise there, huh? A bagel trying to kill a lavash, once again.
Sammy Bagel Jr.: I pushed YOU? What are you, nuts? Why would I do that? I'm a pacifist. The only thing I've ever pushed is my peaceful agenda which even that I didn't push, you know? I passive-aggressively nudged. I reached out in a panic. It was Toots over here, the bun. She grabbed me!
Brenda: Hey, I was just trying to save Frank.
Lavash: Who is Frank? You?
Frank: Yeah, I'm Frank.
Lavash: The fault is YOURS then, huh?
Frank: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
Lavash: Well, it did, and now you and your stupid useless bun have **** us all!
Brenda: Hey, who are you calling useless, you flappy ****?
Lavash: Sausage, control your insolent bun. And cover her up already. Show some modesty, woman.
Brenda: UGH! [Prepares to fight Lavash, but Sammy holds her back]
Sammy Bagel Jr.: Hey, hey. Look, can we all just, you know, calm down a notch, please? Let's try to be, I don't know, amicable. I'm Sammy Bagel Jr. You know, I'm happy to meet all of you. Except for this meshuggener **** over here.

View Quote [in the Nonperishables' cave, Frank is still coughing after taking a big hit of Sativa]
Firewater: It's good shit, isn't it?
Frank: [coughs] Okay, okay, I'm super baked, and my friends are probably wondering where the hell I am. Will somebody please just tell me something already?
Firewater: [Takes a hit of Sativa from the Kazoo] Okay. The thing about the Great Beyond is... [blows] We invented it!
Frank: What?!
Firewater: I know, right? As soon as you're out those doors, the gods kill our asses.
Frank: What are you, crazy? That doesn't make any sense! Why would the gods wanna kill us? It makes no sense.
Firewater: Uh, because it makes them stronger. Every kill gives 'em power and it's never enough. Over the years, they've grown bigger, stronger, fatter. Their hunger's insatiable, buddy! I mean, ****.
Frank: OK, you guys are **** nuts. How much of that shit have you been smoking? Too **** much is how much.
Firewater: We blaze for real, 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit. Before us, everyone knew the awful truth. Oh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So we, the Nonperishables, created a story: the story of the Great Beyond, a place where the gods care for you and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shiting themselves.
Frank: Wait, wait. So, you're telling me you wrote the song?
Firewater: I can't take full credit. I wrote the music. Twink here is my lyricist. We both drop it right and drop it all the time. Boom! The melody came to me one night, when I was getting super, super, super baked, like ****-a-guy baked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook, it caught on, you know. In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... ****y. The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views. **** with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish. Now, every morning, when I hear the song, I'm like: "What the **** are you guys saying? I mean, wasn't there a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit! I love juice! Always have! Juice are hilarious! Who the **** do these guys think they are?!" Anyway, at least it's distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.
Frank: So that means Carl & Barry are dead?
Firewater: I don't know who those dudes are, but if they went out those doors?
Grits: [smoking Sativa from the pipe] Dead [coughs] as a mother****er. [coughs twice]
Frank: Oh, God. If what you're saying is true, I-I gotta tell everybody.
Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also, very pointless. No one will believe you.
Frank: I have to try. Everyone will die otherwise.
Firewater: Huh yeah, that's a good point. **** me, right?
Frank: Wait! You guys have any proof of this?
[Firewater and Grits turn to Twink who walks up to Frank]
Twink: Go to the dark aisle, beyond the ice.
Frank: Why? What's in that aisle?
Twink: Oh, you'll see. But I warn you: Once you see that shit, it'll **** you up for life. Good luck! Have fun! [Kisses Frank on the lips and runs off laughing]
[Frank then leaves]
Firewater: Hey, Grits, pack another bowl, will ya? I'm a-hankering for a hunk of herb.

View Quote Frank: Nobody's gonna help us.
Brenda: Then, this is it.
Barry: At least we go out together.
[They all grab hands as they're ready to die]
Fat Man: [yells as he gets hit by a ladle thrown by Lavash] OW! What the...?
Lavash: You **** with them...
Sammy Bagel Jr.: You **** with us, bitch! [Lavash keeps throwing ladles at the fat man.] Run, guys! We're out of ladles.
Gum: Hop on, y'all.

View Quote CUTE?!

View Quote Hope you like it, 'cause you can't return it!

View Quote Honestly, guys, I never thought I'd die like this. I always thought I'd meet a nice girl, and settle down, and then she'd eat my head. So sad.

View Quote Mario: [turned into a cat] Oh, what? I'm a cat?!
Donkey Kong: [laughs] You got the cat box! Oh, my - Ah! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. [becomes serious] Now you die. [throws a punch at Cat Mario, who dodges]
Mario: [to himself] Huh. I'm a cat! [counter-attacks]

View Quote Donkey Kong: Cool raccoon suit.
Tanooki Mario: Really?
Donkey Kong: Not at all.

View Quote [Donkey Kong enters the Great Ring of Kong; he dances to the DK Rap from "Donkey Kong 64", with the crowd cheering]
Donkey Kong: [raps along] I'm D.K.! I'm Donkey Kong!
Young Kong: Yeah! We love you!
Donkey Kong: Oh, yeah! [waves at his father] Hi, Dad! Hi!
Cranky Kong: No. No! Don't do that!
Donkey Kong: [dancing] Dad, wave back!
Cranky Kong: Enough with the showboating!
Donkey Kong: What do ya mean?! They like it! It's what they came here for! Dancin' pecs! [flexes his chest]
Cranky Kong: [to crowd] Okay, simmer down! [the crowd still cheers] I said, "Simmer down!" [the crowd stops cheering]
Diddy Kong: D.K.! D.K.! D.K.! D.K.!
Cranky Kong: That means you, Diddy Kong!
Diddy Kong: D.- [sits down] Sorry.
Cranky Kong: Now, since I want this fight to last more than five seconds, I put power-ups around the arena. You're welcome, Mario!
Donkey Kong: [smugly] I don't anything special to break every bone in your tiny body!

View Quote Mayor Ned McDodd: (to Horton) Listen, Horton, turns out I need your help a little bit. Apparently, if that speck keeps moving around, our whole world… could be obliterated. So I need you to find us Whos a safer, more stable home… and fast.
Horton the Elephant: No problem, Mr. Mayor. Let's see… (looks at a flower) Wow! That's a nice view.
(A giraffe-like creature of the species Zatz-It eats the flowers. Horton gets scared.)
Mayor Ned McDodd: Hello, is everything okay?!
(A grape falls on Horton's head. He looks to find out where the grape came from, and it was two woodpecker-like birds who are pecking a pile of grapes, taking turns trying to knock them down, causing them to fall and hit Horton, Horton then dodges 2 more, and a anteater-like creature with a vacuum-like snout of the species Nink walks by consuming flowers, nearby some termite-like insects with bladed teeth. Horton gasps in fear.)
Mayor Ned McDodd: What's going on up there?
(A Zatz-It eating the flowers, the two birds who are now pecking the grapes at the same exact time, just slightly off from each other, Horton gasps in shock.)
Horton the Elephant: (freaking out) OH NO!
(The same thing loops every time and it cuts to the insects eating what it looks like a tree, but is actually just a flower. Horton screams then runs to a hill)
Horton: THIS ENTIRE JUNGLE IS A HOUSE OF DEATH!!! (he stops panicking and looks up) Oh, wait. There's a good spot.
Narrator: And it's then Horton saw at the top of Mount Nool
(the camera flies to Mount Nool's cave with a sunflower, the one that started this whole mess in the first place) a small cave that looked peaceful and quiet and cool,
where a sunflower grew proud and tall from the ground.
There, he knew every Who would be safe. Would be sound.
Horton the Elephant: I found it, Mayor. The perfect place. Right up there. At the top of Mount Nool.
Miss Yelp: Mr. Mayor?
(The mayor was startled when Miss Yelp entered the office)
Horton the Elephant: I wish you could-
(The mayor muted the horn, then starts rubbing it)
Mayor Ned McDodd: Haha, oh, shiny. Haha...
Miss Yelp: The Who-Centennial Committee is waiting for you to look over the giant meatball for the Edible Parade. Oh, and then you're due at the dentist for your Who-root canal.
Mayor Ned McDodd: You know, sticking “Who” in front of everything doesn’t make it hurt less. Just wastes time! (Miss Yelp closes the door) I don’t… wanna go. (to Horton) Listen, Horton, I gotta go. (packs most of his things in his suitcase, including his coffee and his goldfish) Apparently, there’s a problem with the giant meatball.
Horton the Elephant: You just take care of that meatball, sir, and leave the freaking out to me.
Narrator: So then Horton began his long, perilous trek,
determined to save the small world on the speck.
Horton was faithful and stalwart and kind.
Horton the Elephant: I got you. Don't worry. I'll protect you!
Narrator: He was a brave hero... at least in his mind.
Horton the Elephant: (uses his ears as a ninja hood) We must become invisible. Travel silently. For there are forces that would seek to destroy us.
(The camera zooms in on Horton's head as it transitions into an anime-style sequence. A giant tree sprouts up from the ground, blocking his path.)
Horton the Elephant: Huh?! So you think you can sneak up on me, huh?! (combat noises) It is clear that you are no match for my technique. Hey! (kicks a branch, but it snaps back and smacks his butt with an awkward shot of a red mark from below.) I see you have mastered the way of the snapping branch. Watch me tumble! (He jumps from branch to branch to the top of the tree.)
Off-Screen Voice: Morton Mouse, go!
Morton Mouse: You are fast, Horton, but the Kangaroo has monkeys! (Monkeys can be seen flying in from the distance.)
Horton the Elephant: Hm? I will make monkeys of these monkeys. It is their destiny. (He does a Dragon Ball-style to fire a beam of energy at the monkeys.) For the clover!
(cuts to a cute, anime style, with Morton looks in awe.)
Clover: Horton is the greatest hero of them all, haaaa!
(Cuts back to the same anime style)
Horton and Morton: Horton! Morton! GO! (Horton runs forward, screaming, but is stopped by Morton.)
Morton Mouse: But Mount Nool is that way! (Horton felt dumb-founded for a sec.)
Horton the Elephant: Ha-ha-ha! To the top of Mount Nool! As fast as lightning! Away, I go. (He starts to jumpkicks, but snaps back to reality as he trips, landing on a flower.) Oh, sorry little fellow. You'll be fine. Just think healing thoughts.
Animal Kids: Horton, Horton! Look!
(Katie gets bumped by a log repeatedly)
Jessica Quilligan: We've all got our own clovers with worlds on them!
Angela Glummox: Yeah!
Horton the Elephant: Oh...
Katie: In my world, everyone's a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies!
Horton the Elephant: That's beautiful, Katie ! (Katie she puts her flower on the top of her head and walks away)
Katie: Ha-ah-ah.
Horton the Elephant: In a... really weird way.
Jessica Quilligan: My world is called Jessicaland, and everyone worships Queen Jessica because Jessica is so beautiful.
Angela Glummox: Jessica, that was awesome.
(As they talk about their specks with their worlds, Sour is picking some fruits from a tree and she saw his son, with an orange flower and grabs it to her)
Sour Kangaroo: Rudy!
Rudy Kangaroo: Mom, be careful! My best friend Thidwick lives on that!
Sour Kangaroo: Rudy, no one lives on this, it's not possible. (She crushes the flower in front of him.)
Rudy Kangaroo: What...?
Sour Kangaroo: That Horton is a menace.
Rudy Kangaroo: Mom, Mom, please, you're so weird! Don't do this to me!
Sour Kangaroo: Honey, go to your room. (Pushes Rudy's head to her pouch) Horton! (Horton and his class look away, while Jessica and Angela scream in terror and run away at the sight of Sour. Rudy's mother kicks Katie from bush, sending her flying over a tree resembling a football goal, but surprisingly, she finds it amusing)
Tommy Cow-Bear: (happy) Its good.
Sour Kangaroo: (to Horton) What do you think you're doing?
Tommy Cow-Bear: Oh, you guys with worlds are in trouble! (he run away)
Sour Kangaroo: Have you forgotten what we've discussed?
Horton the Elephant: Oh no, I'm an Elephant and Elephants never forget, it's a curse really! I remember, I was on my head and you said hmm and I looked up and you said ,what are you doing?, and I said the thing about the speck, then you pulled my ears and you poked me in the forehead...
Sour Kangaroo: Horton!
Horton the Elephant: : Well you did.

View Quote (Just then, a rustling is heard at the jungle)
Horton the Elephant: Uh-oh. Hang on Mr. Mayor. I may have to put up a fight. A frightened elephant could be very dangerous. (to the rustling sound) Alright! You've called down the thunder, buddy. You hungry for trouble? I'M AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT SALAD BAR! TAKE A BITE!!!
(The rustling noise stops to reveal it was Morton, who was tired of running)
Morton Mouse: I hate running.
Horton the Elephant: Morton! (gritting teeth goofily) Don't do that!
Morton Mouse: Horton! Horton? (turns around to see Horton's eyes) D'oh! There you are. We got trouble! Wait. Stay. Wait. Did you hear that? No, I'm here. Okay. Listen. No, go. Kangaroo has gone nuts. Bananas. She's telling everyone that you should be kicked out of Nool.
Horton the Elephant: She said that? I thought we were friends.
Morton Mouse: Word is, she's gone to Vlad's.
Horton the Elephant: Vlad. Vlad. I know two Vlads. Is it the bad Vlad or the bunny Vlad that makes the Cookies?
Morton Mouse: Yeah, Horton. She's sending you a bunny with cookies. I think we can assume it's the bad Vlad.
Horton the Elephant: Yeah, that's a good call.
Morton Mouse: So, unless you're cool with giant razor sharp claws (pulls Horton's eyes) ripping the flesh off of your body, I get rid of the clover.
Horton the Elephant: I can't. I promised the Mayor. I meant what I said and I said what what I meant. And an elephant's faithful 100%.
Morton Mouse: Please, for me, just this once, be faithful 99% of the time. I've never gone 99% on anything. They think I'm awesome. So, come on.
Horton the Elephant: I meant to what I said and I said what I meant.
Morton Mouse: I'm not gonna say it. (Horton wants Morton to say it, but fails) You can do that all day it's not happening. (Still waiting to finish the sentence, Morton sighs) An elephant's faithful 100%.
Horton the Elephant: That's right. That's my code. My motto. Thanks for the warning, Morton.
Morton Mouse: Okay, but watch the skies. (pulls Horton's eyes again) Keep watching the skies.
(Morton runs away before looking at Horton then runs away. In fear, Horton looks up at the sky, knowing something bad will happen)
Horton the Elephant: Mayor, you need to get everyone underground, NOW!
(Mayor is performing CPR to Finwick)
Mayor Ned McDodd: Two, Three, four...
Horton the Elephant: I don't wanna sound the alarm. (Mayor starts doing mouth-to-mouth at the fish before the fish inflates, eyes open wider) There's a good possibility we maybe attacked by a giant, carnivorous bird.
Mayor Ned McDodd: What?!
Horton the Elephant: There's a small chance it could be a bunny with cookies, but, I wouldn't count on it.
(Mayor looks at the the Chairman's portraits)
Mayor Ned McDodd: Oh, they are formidable.
(He loses grip of Finwick and tries to grab it before the fish went back to his bowl, panting)
Horton the Elephant: Mayor, are you there?
Mayor Ned McDodd: Yeah, no. That's a great idea. It's just... in order to get everyone mobilized, I need the "Okay" of the city council. And they never listen to me. I've been called a boob. Several times. I can't do it.
Horton the Elephant: You have to talk to them, Mayor. Okay, listen...
(Just as he talks to the Mayor)

View Quote Horton the Elephant: (as John F. Kennedy's voice) And, uh, we will, uh, put us back on Mount Nool before the end of this, uh, decade.
(Just as Horton arriving to Mount Nool, Mrs. Quilligan, who is lying on a tree, noticed Horton's speck is still alive. Shocked, she flies in panic, although her wings are disproportionately small for her body.)
Mrs. Quilligan: (rapidly) Oh! This-this Elephant, he's crazy. Oh my goodness! I gotta tell everybody. I need to get to the Kangaroo. Whoo! Wait til they find out about...
Vlad Vladikoff: Oh! You should've been seeing me. I really let elephant have it. I chase him, i torment him. And then I break him into million little elephant pieces. (Rudy gasps in shocked, hearing about it) It was thing of beauty, really. My best work. Classic Vlad.
Sour Kangaroo: And the clover?
Vlad Vladikoff: Clover is finished. No way in million years Horton find it. Read my beak: Clover is gone forever.
(Mrs. Quilligan lands and fell off, Vlad laughs as he sees her)
Mrs. Quilligan: I just saw Horton and he is still talking to that CLOVER!
(Sour looks at Vlad, who chuckles nervously, in anger, thinking he was lying to her)
Sour Kangaroo: Idiot! (storms off)
Vlad Vladikoff: Whoa! Come on, I'm your bro! It's me you're talking to! We have history! Come on, let's not forget, I did this for free!
Sour Kangaroo: (she wipes through large leaves) What is happening to the Jungle of Nool? (she jumps towards the animals in the clearing) There once was a time when people were people, (Tommy, his father Willie, and another cow-bear standing next to them look at Sour in surprise with other animals), and specks were specks. (three Zatz-Its look on her, and these on left slowly shakes his head yes) Well I say if you can't see it, hear it, or feel it (jumps onto the central rock), it doesn't exist. Our way of life is under attack. And who's leading that attack? (turns gently, then turns abruptly and raises their hands in a gesture of haunting) Horton!!
(The animals gasp in shocked and horror, then Morton arrived, interrupting the speech)
Morton Mouse: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! This is Horton we're talking about, you know about him. He wouldn't hurt a fly. Except for that fly city he sat on. But he didn't do that on purpose.
Sour Kangaroo: (coldly and angrily) SHUT UP, Mouse!
Morton Mouse: Oh, yeah. That's weird. My brownies are burning. I got to go. (He runs off quickly)
Sour Kangaroo: Are we going to let troublemakers like Horton (grabs Rudy as an example) poison the minds of our children?!
Yummo Wickersham: Not the children!!
(The Wickershams arrives to all the animals hear Sour's speech too)
Sour Kangaroo: When Horton tells our children about worlds beyond the jungle, he makes them question the authority. Which leads to defiance, which leads to ANARCHY!!!
Yummo Wickersham: Yeah!! Horton must pay!!
Mrs. Glummox: It's that speck!
Willie Cow-Bear: Now, we have to do something!
Mrs. Quilligan: For the children!
Yummo Wickersham: For the children!
Sour Kangaroo: ARE WE GOING TO LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS??!!
Various Residents: NO!!!
(They all start to run, attack, and charge at Horton as a mob)
Yummo Wickersham: Let's get him!

View Quote [to Adam] You’ll be fine. 50/50! If you were a casino game you’d have the best odds!

View Quote [to Adam, the night before Adam's surgery] Driving! That’s what you want to do? That’s your “Make A Wish”? To drive? We could be having sex with hookers while skydiving, and instead you want to do something I learned to do when I was fifteen!

View Quote Rachael: Adam - you have no idea how hard it’s been! I don’t know how to do this, and it’s been so stressful, and you’ve been so sick, and shit, you’re the one who told me Kyle keeps using your cancer to get girls! Why should I be the bad guy?
Kyle: Because you're his girlfriend, you cheated on him, and he has **** cancer, you lunatic!

View Quote (Mantis is giving Po acupuncture) Po: I thought you said acupuncture would make me feel [Mantis strikes another needle] better...
Mantis: Trust me, it will. It's just not easy finding the right nerve points under all this...
Po: Fat?
Mantis: Fur. I was gonna say fur.
Po: Sure you were.

View Quote Tigress: [after Tigress lectures Po and he makes a weird facial expression] Oh, that's it! [about to punch him]
Mantis: Wait! My fault! I accidentally tweaked his facial nerve! [Po falls over with his back full of needles] ...And I may have also stopped his heart.

View Quote [as Po bounces down the palace steps] Tigress: If he's smart, he won't come back up those stairs.
Monkey: But he will.
Viper: He's not gonna quit, is he?
Mantis: He's not gonna quit bouncing, I can tell you that.

View Quote Mac: They’re actually really good. They taste like vanilla, kinda. They’re awesome.
Kelly: Pudgie, what do you got there?

View Quote Mac: Hey. What’s nice is in a few years, we’ll have a third person to help us do this.
Mac: Hey. What do you got there, sweetie? Is that a balloon? Did you find a balloon? (But it turns out to be a condom) Oh, shit! That’s not a balloon! (He throws it to Kelly) Oh, jesus!
Kelly: (screams)

View Quote Bill: Uh-oh. Mac attack.
Mac: Hey!
Bill: Hey, there he is.
Mac: Hey.
Bill: I need that Mendelson file by 4:00.
Mac: Okay, yeah.
Bill: And this is not your bro, this is your boss talking. (chuckles)
Mac: I’ll have it to you by 3:00. How’s that?
Jimmy: Mac! Mac!
Bill: Okay.
Mac: What?
Jimmy: Wait. Hold on. Whoo!
Mac: Okay!
Jimmy: (panting) Oh, jeez, it’s so far. Hey, we gotta go work on that thing we were discussing.
Mac: What thing?
Bill: What’s going on?
Jimmy: We have to go work on that joint file.
Mac: Of course. The joint file.
Bill: You guys are doing a joint file?
Mac: We have a joint file together.
Jimmy: Yeah. We’re pretty deep into it. It’s tight. It’s pretty thick.
Mac: It’s a big file. Pretty fat file.
Jimmy: It’s dank.
Mac: We should blaze through it, probably.
Jimmy: Yeah. Yeah, we gotta file that for the THC Corporation.
Bill: Okay.
Jimmy: Because we are in the weeds.

View Quote We will know soon enough if you are Leonardo Da Vinci or just think you are.

View Quote You know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and Steve Jobs, I would say "Steve was the big picture guy and I liked a solid workbench". When people ask the difference now, I say "Steve’s an asshole".

View Quote It's not binary! You can be decent and gifted at the same time.

View Quote Timon: Pumbaa, I think we lost them.
Pumbaa: That was terrifying. [Shenzi's clan of hyenas peer close, emerging behind them] Do you hear a low growl?
Hyena: Looks like we'll be having pig for dinner, plump and chubby.
Pumbaa: [offended] "Chubby"? Did he just call me "chubby"?
Timon: Uh-oh. [runs behind a rock]
Pumbaa: It sounded a lot like he just said "chubby." Which would be a mistake, because I will not be made to feel ashamed of who I am!
Timon: Oh, boy.
Pumbaa: I may run from hyenas, but I will always fight a bully! [charges and drives the hyenas off]
Timon: Do you feel better, Pumbaa?
Pumbaa: I do.
Timon: You got that out of your system?
Pumbaa: I did.

View Quote [Simba, Pumbaa, Timon, Zazu, and Nala make it to the Pride Lands]
Timon: [about the hyenas] What's your plan for getting us past the slobbering guards?
Simba: Live bait. [he, Nala, Zazu, and Timon look at Pumbaa]
Pumbaa: That's a great idea. Those guys could never resist fresh meat! So all we need to do is find something that's like big, plump, and juicy... maybe like a gnu?
[They all continue to stare blankly at Pumbaa]
Pumbaa: Why's everyone looking at me?
[Shenzi's clan of hyenas are paying attention to Timon. Pumbaa is set up like a roast pig]
Timon: O chère, mademoiselle. It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we proudly present your dinner! Be... our-- [screams]
[Timon and Pumbaa flee before the clan of hyenas]
Timon: It's working, Pumbaa!

View Quote [As the buzzards are about to devour the laid Simba, one sees Pumbaa running and screaming into the scene to scare them off.]
Pumbaa: I missed 'em! I'm gonna get one of those vultures one day. I'm gonna get one!
Timon: I don't know why it's so important to you.
Pumbaa: I just feel like it would make me feel better. [spots Simba] Oh, no. It's a little lion!
Timon: That is not a lion.
Pumbaa: Well then, go check it out. What is it?
Timon: That is not a lion, it's a furry bird!
Pumbaa: It looks like a lion!
Timon: That's not a lion. Let me get a closer look. Excuse me. All right, let me see what we're dealing with here. [ Timon looks and draws at Simba's lips exposing the cub's teeth, alarmed. He leaps up in fright.] IT'S A LION! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, PUMBAA!
Pumbaa: Wait! Hey, Timon. Wait, Timon, wait! It's a little lion!
Timon: [hides behind the rock] It gets bigger.
Pumbaa: Can we keep him? Can we please keep him? Oh, oh, okay. I promise I'll walk him every day! If he makes a little mess, I'll clean it up.
Timon: You'll be his little mess! He's gonna eat you and then use my body as a toothpick!
Pumbaa: But one day, when he's big and strong, he'll be on our side!
Timon: I've got it. What if he's on our side? Hear me out! Having a ferocious lion around might not be such a bad idea!
Pumbaa: Well then, can we keep him?
Timon: Yes, of course we can keep him! My God, who is the brains of this operation?
Pumbaa: We're gonna name him Fred!

View Quote Vengeance or death! Hopefully vengeance.

View Quote [As Jared sees Mulgarath in the form on an old man] Don't be fooled by what you think you see. That's just what he wants.

View Quote [repeated line] Death to the ogre!

View Quote By the axe of Ucarga, you'll submit to me!

View Quote [Bob takes Chip and Dale through Sweet Pete's factory]
Chip: I wonder if they're keeping Monty in here.
Dale: There's only one way to find out. [to Bob] So, is this your secret bootlegging facility or what?
Chip: Come on!
Bob: What? No! What are you talking about? This is Sweet Pete's legit business. It's for old merchandise that never got sold.
Chip: Old merchandise?
Bob: Yeah, like for example, you remember Shrek body wash?
Chip: Uh...
Bob: Exactly! No one does! It didn't sell. That's why Sweet Pete bought all the inventory and melts it down for its useful parts. The guy has a real eye for business. I wish I could see what he sees.
Dale: I'm sure there's corrective lenses or something you could get. [Chip elbows him] Ow! What? [they both see that the melted plastic from the bottles are used to make portable toilets] So, he turns the toys into toy-lets. [chuckles]
Bob: Wow! That's been staring at me for years and I never pieced it together! [laughs]

View Quote Dale: How do they know we're here?
Chip: I'm guessing your social media post at the police station.
Dale: Ah. Oops. [chuckles] Yeah, that's my bad. [sits on one of He-Man's shoes]
He-Man: Hey, there's something down there.
Skeletor: There's nothing down there, ya boob! You walk around with no pants long enough, and you start to notice every breeze. [laughs]
Bob: [looking under the table where Chip and Dale were] Gotcha! [Chip and Dale are gone.] Huh?