Mmmm, I'm so wet!
Yeah... they told us that would happen in health class...
Seth
Jonah Hill · 53 quotes
Officer Michaels
Seth Rogen · 37 quotes
Evan
Michael Cera · 34 quotes
Fogell
Christopher Mintz-Plasse · 27 quotes
Officer Slater
Bill Hader · 16 quotes
Becca
Martha MacIsaac · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Evan & Seth (14), Seth & Officer Michaels (10), Evan & Officer Michaels (8)
Superbad quotes
Page 1 of 9You have such a smooth ****!
Yeah, you would too... if you were a man.
[talking about porn sites]
You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean, that could be any number of things, right? Perfect Ten? I mean, it could be a bowling site.
Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going IN, which is a huge concern.
Right, I didn't realize that.
Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?
No.
Do you want to get killed for liquor?
No, but I would get killed for pussy. No questions asked!
I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
She had back problems, man. Anyway, it's like they made them better. They're more... symmetrical, supple, firm.
Alright, I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move.
I still think you have a chance with Jules man. Really I mean she got incredibly hot over the summer and she obviously hasn't realized it yet cause she's still always talking to you and flirting with you and stuff.
Are you out of your mind! Look at Jules' dating record ok. She dated Dan Remick who's had a 6 pack since like kindergarten, Jason Stone who looks like **** Zack Morris, and Matt Muir, Matt Muir, he's the sweetest guy ever! Have you ever stared into his eyes? It was like the first time I ever heard the Beatles.
I'm just sick of all the amateur stuff, y'know? I mean, like, if I'm paying top dollar I want a little production value, y'know like some editing, transition, something, some music...
Yeah well y'know, I'm sorry, Evan, that the Coen Brothers don't direct the porn that I watch. They're hard to get a hold of, okay?
Look at those nipples.
They're like little baby toes.
It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get. Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in.
You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.
Yeah, why don't you just wear what you wore to school?
No, I can't do that. I can't let Jules see me in what I wore to school. It's completely unbecoming. No one's gotten a hand job in cargo short since 'Nam!
I got a boner!
Nicola Ha ha good. Do you have a condom?
Yes...and lube!
Wait for me Nicola! Wait for me on the outside!
Nicola We were gonna go to Hawaii...
Can I hold your gun?
I think everyone should hold a gun at least twice.
What's it like to have a gun?
It is...awesome! I mean, I've only had mine for like a few months, but I'll tell you, it's like having two ****. If one of your **** could kill someone.
Gym Teacher Seth, get off the field!
Dude, get out of here. They're going to make me run laps again.
Dude, just listen, okay? Jules and her stupid **** friend came up to me, and they asked me to buy her alcohol. But not just her, for her whole party. You know what that means? By some divine miracle, we were paired up and she actually thought of me. Thought of me enough to decide that I was the guy she would trust with the whole funness of her party. She wants to **** me, she wants my dick... [Catches breath] in and around her mouth.
Did you ever think that she's just using you to get her alcohol? She doesn't want your dick?
Of course I thought that. That's the first thing that came to mind. But she's got an older brother and she could've asked him, but she asked me. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Seth, Momma's making a pubie salad and I need some Seth's Own dressing." She's D.T.F.—down to ****, man. P and Vagi, she wants to ****, man! Tonight is a night that **** is an actual possibility.
You just sound like an idiot. You're not gonna be able to sleep with her, man.
No...dude, I don't want to talk a lot of shit, okay? But she's gonna be at the party, and she's gonna be drunk, and she likes me at least a little, enough to get with me. At the very least I'll make out with her, two weeks handjob, month blowjob, whatever, whatever. And then I make her my girlfriend. And I've got like two solid months of sex. By the time college rolls around, I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vaj.
Gym Teacher Seth, get off the field
Gym Teacher You're getting that!
No, I'm not!