That would have been a good idea -- if we had paid someone to do it.
Instead of using your balls trimmer-
And I never wash them, ever. And it’s not my balls, it’s my asshole....I’m joking...
You're not joking.
Not at all.
Adam Lerner
Joseph Gordon-Levitt · 9 quotes
Kyle Hirons
Seth Rogen · 6 quotes
Alan
Philip Baker Hall · 3 quotes
Mitch
Matt Frewer · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Adam Lerner & Kyle Hirons (3), Alan & Mitch (3), Adam Lerner & Alan (2)
50/50 quotes
A tumor?
Dr. Ross Yes.
Me?
Dr. Ross Yes.
That doesn't make any sense though. I mean... I don't smoke, I don't drink... I recycle...
I want this to be over. I’m so **** tired of being sick...if this surgery doesn’t work, that’s it -- [crying] I’ve never been to **** Canada or told a girl I love her...it sounds stupid.
Katherine No. It doesn’t.
I’m sorry I was such an asshole.
Katherine I was the asshole. I was so totally unprepared - for you. This job is really hard. If I **** up, I could ruin someone’s whole life.
I guess we’re both beginners at this.
Katherine [smiles]
Yeah.
What were you doing when I called? Were you on Facebook?
Katherine You know... umm... stalking my ex-boyfriend actually isn't the only thing I do in my free time.
I wish you were my girlfriend.
Katherine Girlfriends can be nice. You just had a bad one.
Yeah, but I bet you’d be a good one.
Okay... My mom is... I don't know. She's a crazy person. She just worries all day every day. And honestly, it annoys the shit out of me. It's way too much. And it's not helpful, and um, I can’t talk to her. I don't call her back. It's a problem.
Katherine So she's got this husband who can't talk to her, and this son who won't?
Uh, yeah, I guess.
Katherine Makes you kind of a dick.
Me? [laughs, obviously surprised by her directness] Is that, like, the medical term?
Katherine Yeah, I mean, listen... You can't change who your parents are. The only thing you can change is how you choose to deal with that.
Aren’t you supposed to, like, subtly manipulate me into figuring this stuff out? Not just call me on my shit?
Katherine Yeah, you cleaned my car. So, uh, we are completely beyond that.
I’m Alan Lombardo: stage 3 lymphoma. Pleased to meet you.
Mitch Barnett, metastatic prostate cancer.
Oh, I’m Adam Lerner, schwannoma neurofibrosarcoma.
Whoa, what the **** is that?
Tough break. The more syllables, the worse it is.
No, she doesn’t like to.
No **** shit she doesn’t like to! Who likes putting dicks in their mouths? That’s why they call them jobs!
I was in the neighborhood - I was just on a date with Claire, the girl I met at the bookstore? My date did not go well, unfortunately, due to a lack of chemistry... and, I think, an overuse of profanity on my part. But, whilst on my date... I ran into Rachael.
Oh, yeah?
And I would like to present to you what I am going to call Exhibit...whore!
[Shows Adam a picture of Rachael kissing another man]
Look at it! That's Rachael! And that's a ****in' filthy, Jesus-looking mother****er, and they're kissing! I did it! I ****in' nailed you! I've hated you for months, and now I have ****in' evidence that you suck as a person! Holy shit! Holy shit!
So you want to drive, right now?
Yeah.
You sure that's what you want to do?
That's your make-a-wish? To drive?
Rachael Adam - you have no idea how hard it’s been! I don’t know how to do this, and it’s been so stressful, and you’ve been so sick, and shit, you’re the one who told me Kyle keeps using your cancer to get girls! Why should I be the bad guy?
Because you're his girlfriend, you cheated on him, and he has **** cancer, you lunatic!
[Adam is receiving his first session of chemotherapy. One of the other patients offers him a tin]
Want a macaroon?
Oh, thanks. I’m alright.
Oh, yeah, thank you, but I - I don’t do weed.
C’mon, man. Just get high with us!
Okay. Thanks.
Twenty-seven.
That’s just the worst. A perfectly good youth wasted.
Alan, stop it. Don’t listen to him, he's just messing with you.
Listen to me, this cancer is bullshit. First your hair’s going to fall out, then your balls’ll shrink. And if that isn’t enough, your dick becomes a constant source of disappointment.
[Alan and Mitch laugh]
I got to tell you, I was really nervous about this whole cancer thing, and then I met you guys, and boy do I feel better.
[to Adam, the night before Adam's surgery]
Driving! That’s what you want to do? That’s your “Make A Wish”? To drive? We could be having sex with hookers while skydiving, and instead you want to do something I learned to do when I was fifteen!
[to Katherine]
I’m sorry, but, I’m going to have to call you on that. It’s bullshit. That’s what everyone has been saying. “You’ll get better” and “It’ll be fine”. I don’t know why everyone is so **** scared to say it. “You’re dying, dude”...It makes it worse.