Mario quotes from The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)
Played by Chris Pratt
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Foreman Spike: Well, well, well, if it isn't Brooklyn's favorite failures, the Stupid Mario Brothers.
Luigi: [sarcastically] Oh, great. Spike's here.
Mario: Hey, Spike.
Spike: Yeah. [mockingly] "It's-a me!" [laughs] Ooh, yeah. [seriously] Tell me, have you even gotten one call since you two have left me to start your dumb company?
Luigi: As a matter of fact, Spike, we have. [points at his phone]
Mario: Wow. Really?
Luigi: Uh, yeah. Our mom called, and she said, "Oh, boys, that's the best commercial I've ever seen!" And I said, "Thank you very much, Mother, we're very proud of it." So, boom! [slams his phone, cracking the screen]
Spike: [laughs] Good luck running a business with this idiot. [throws a balled-up napkin at Luigi]
Mario: [catches the balled-up napkin; in tranquil fury] Say that again about my brother, and you're gonna regret it. [throws ball back at Spike]
Spike: Oh, yeah? [grabs Mario by the overalls] Get this through your tiny brain, Mario: you're a joke, and you always will be. [throws Mario on the ground, leaves some money, and exits]
Luigi: Are you insane? He's 3 times than your size.
Mario: Luigi, c'mon. Y'know, you can't be scared all the time.
Luigi: Mmm, you'd be surprised. [hears his cracked phone begins to ring with the Nintendo GameCube boot-up music and answers] Hello, Super Mario Brothers. Uh-huh? A drip in your faucet? That's great! I mean, that's...That's great you called us because we can be there, and we can fix it right away. Okay. [hangs up] Mario, we got one! The Super Mario Brothers are in business!
Mario: Woohoo!
Luigi: [sarcastically] Oh, great. Spike's here.
Mario: Hey, Spike.
Spike: Yeah. [mockingly] "It's-a me!" [laughs] Ooh, yeah. [seriously] Tell me, have you even gotten one call since you two have left me to start your dumb company?
Luigi: As a matter of fact, Spike, we have. [points at his phone]
Mario: Wow. Really?
Luigi: Uh, yeah. Our mom called, and she said, "Oh, boys, that's the best commercial I've ever seen!" And I said, "Thank you very much, Mother, we're very proud of it." So, boom! [slams his phone, cracking the screen]
Spike: [laughs] Good luck running a business with this idiot. [throws a balled-up napkin at Luigi]
Mario: [catches the balled-up napkin; in tranquil fury] Say that again about my brother, and you're gonna regret it. [throws ball back at Spike]
Spike: Oh, yeah? [grabs Mario by the overalls] Get this through your tiny brain, Mario: you're a joke, and you always will be. [throws Mario on the ground, leaves some money, and exits]
Luigi: Are you insane? He's 3 times than your size.
Mario: Luigi, c'mon. Y'know, you can't be scared all the time.
Luigi: Mmm, you'd be surprised. [hears his cracked phone begins to ring with the Nintendo GameCube boot-up music and answers] Hello, Super Mario Brothers. Uh-huh? A drip in your faucet? That's great! I mean, that's...That's great you called us because we can be there, and we can fix it right away. Okay. [hangs up] Mario, we got one! The Super Mario Brothers are in business!
Mario: Woohoo!
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[After Mario almost completes Peach's training course]
Peach: Well, we have a long journey ahead of us, Mustache.
Mario: But I didn't make it.
Peach: You almost did. No one gets it right away.
Mario: How many tries did it take you?
Peach: [her eyes widen] Oh, so many. I was not good at it. Worse than you. [flashes a guilty grin]
Mario: [disbelieving] You got it right away, didn't you?
Peach: I got it right away, but I grew up here.
Mario: Okay, now you're just trying to make me feel better.
Peach: No. No. [pause] Is it working?
Mario: A little bit, yeah.
Peach: Well, we have a long journey ahead of us, Mustache.
Mario: But I didn't make it.
Peach: You almost did. No one gets it right away.
Mario: How many tries did it take you?
Peach: [her eyes widen] Oh, so many. I was not good at it. Worse than you. [flashes a guilty grin]
Mario: [disbelieving] You got it right away, didn't you?
Peach: I got it right away, but I grew up here.
Mario: Okay, now you're just trying to make me feel better.
Peach: No. No. [pause] Is it working?
Mario: A little bit, yeah.
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Mario: You don't seem like you're from here.
Fire Peach: I don't know where I'm from.
Mario: Really?
Fire Peach: Yep. My earliest memory is arriving. [flashback to Baby Peach entering the Mushroom Kingdom and meeting the Toads] I was so lucky they found me. [as Peach grows up, shots of her fishing Cheep Cheeps and training with the Toads] They took me in and raised me like one of their own. And when I was ready... [cut to Peach being crowned as the Toads cheer for her] ...they made me their princess.
[Flashback ends]
Mario: Maybe you're from my world.
Fire Peach: [looking up at the sky] There's a huge universe out there...with a lot of galaxies.
Fire Peach: I don't know where I'm from.
Mario: Really?
Fire Peach: Yep. My earliest memory is arriving. [flashback to Baby Peach entering the Mushroom Kingdom and meeting the Toads] I was so lucky they found me. [as Peach grows up, shots of her fishing Cheep Cheeps and training with the Toads] They took me in and raised me like one of their own. And when I was ready... [cut to Peach being crowned as the Toads cheer for her] ...they made me their princess.
[Flashback ends]
Mario: Maybe you're from my world.
Fire Peach: [looking up at the sky] There's a huge universe out there...with a lot of galaxies.
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Peach: You ready?
Peach: We are here to see the king.
[at Cranky Kong's throne]
Cranky Kong: What makes you think you're worthy of fighting alongside the greatest army in the world?
[All the guards tap their weapons to the ground]
Peach: Because we have heart. And with your strength, we can win.
Cranky Kong: Okay, fine.
Peach: That's it?
Cranky Kong: No, that's not it! The answer is No. Good bye!
Peach: If the Mushroom Kingdom falls, the Jungle Kingdom is next.
Mario: We're not leaving without your army.
[Beat]
Cranky Kong: Hahahahaha! Who is this guy? Oh, he makes me laugh. Hahahaha! All right, tough guy, you want my army so badly? Defeat my son in the Great Ring of Kong!
Peach: Give us a second. [to Mario] This is a really, really bad idea!
Mario: Well, do you have another way to save my brother?
Cranky Kong: [pops up from the floor] Are you two done whispering? It's a little rude.
Peach: We are here to see the king.
[at Cranky Kong's throne]
Cranky Kong: What makes you think you're worthy of fighting alongside the greatest army in the world?
[All the guards tap their weapons to the ground]
Peach: Because we have heart. And with your strength, we can win.
Cranky Kong: Okay, fine.
Peach: That's it?
Cranky Kong: No, that's not it! The answer is No. Good bye!
Peach: If the Mushroom Kingdom falls, the Jungle Kingdom is next.
Mario: We're not leaving without your army.
[Beat]
Cranky Kong: Hahahahaha! Who is this guy? Oh, he makes me laugh. Hahahaha! All right, tough guy, you want my army so badly? Defeat my son in the Great Ring of Kong!
Peach: Give us a second. [to Mario] This is a really, really bad idea!
Mario: Well, do you have another way to save my brother?
Cranky Kong: [pops up from the floor] Are you two done whispering? It's a little rude.
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Mario: [turned into a cat] Oh, what? I'm a cat?!
Donkey Kong: [laughs] You got the cat box! Oh, my - Ah! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. [becomes serious] Now you die. [throws a punch at Cat Mario, who dodges]
Mario: [to himself] Huh. I'm a cat! [counter-attacks]
Donkey Kong: [laughs] You got the cat box! Oh, my - Ah! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. [becomes serious] Now you die. [throws a punch at Cat Mario, who dodges]
Mario: [to himself] Huh. I'm a cat! [counter-attacks]
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Mario: [after defeating Donkey Kong] Had enough?
Donkey Kong: [weakly] Not...even...close. [almost falls off the platform]
Mario: [grabs Donkey Kong by his tie] I'll take that as a "Yes."
[Donkey Kong falls, and Mario jumps on him; the Kongs in the crowd cheer and chant "Mario!"]
Toad: Yes! That's my best friend!
Donkey Kong: [weakly] Not...even...close. [almost falls off the platform]
Mario: [grabs Donkey Kong by his tie] I'll take that as a "Yes."
[Donkey Kong falls, and Mario jumps on him; the Kongs in the crowd cheer and chant "Mario!"]
Toad: Yes! That's my best friend!
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[Mario, Peach, Toad, and the Kong Army arrive on Rainbow Road]
Mario: [laughs] Wahoo!
Peach: Is there anything like this in your world?
Mario: [yells] What?
Peach: [louder] IS THERE ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN YOUR WORLD?!
Mario: [laughs] No. We don't drive on rainbows.
Peach: What are you gonna tell me next? That the turtles aren't evil?
Mario: [laughs] Wahoo!
Peach: Is there anything like this in your world?
Mario: [yells] What?
Peach: [louder] IS THERE ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN YOUR WORLD?!
Mario: [laughs] No. We don't drive on rainbows.
Peach: What are you gonna tell me next? That the turtles aren't evil?
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Peach: No! No, Mario!
Cranky Kong: [gasps] No! No! [The flying Clown Cars starts snatching him and the Kongs away] Get your clown claws off of me!
Bowser: [cackling] Goodbye, Mario.
Peach: We have to get home.
[From above Rainbow Road, Mario and Donkey Kong are falling]
Donkey Kong: [throws debris] HEY! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
Mario: My fault?! You're the one who-
Donkey Kong: STOP TALKING! I don't want the last thing I hear before I die to be your- [he and Mario crash into the ocean. Donkey Kong is knocked unconscious, but Mario manages to bring him up to the surface by pulling him by his tie. A large creature closes its jaws beneath them. They surface]
Donkey Kong: Mario... you saved my life.
Mario: Yeah, well...I won't tell anyone. But I don't know or remember what happened.
Donkey Kong: No, thank you. Good, please don't.
Mario: Okay. [hears bubbling sound from below] Uh...did you just...feel something?
[The Maw-Ray rises up out of the water behind them. Mario and Donkey Kong scream and start swimming away]
Donkey Kong: Swim!
[The Maw-Ray closes its jaws around them]
Cranky Kong: [gasps] No! No! [The flying Clown Cars starts snatching him and the Kongs away] Get your clown claws off of me!
Bowser: [cackling] Goodbye, Mario.
Peach: We have to get home.
[From above Rainbow Road, Mario and Donkey Kong are falling]
Donkey Kong: [throws debris] HEY! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
Mario: My fault?! You're the one who-
Donkey Kong: STOP TALKING! I don't want the last thing I hear before I die to be your- [he and Mario crash into the ocean. Donkey Kong is knocked unconscious, but Mario manages to bring him up to the surface by pulling him by his tie. A large creature closes its jaws beneath them. They surface]
Donkey Kong: Mario... you saved my life.
Mario: Yeah, well...I won't tell anyone. But I don't know or remember what happened.
Donkey Kong: No, thank you. Good, please don't.
Mario: Okay. [hears bubbling sound from below] Uh...did you just...feel something?
[The Maw-Ray rises up out of the water behind them. Mario and Donkey Kong scream and start swimming away]
Donkey Kong: Swim!
[The Maw-Ray closes its jaws around them]
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[Inside the Maw-Ray]
Donkey Kong: So, this is the end; being slowly digested by an eel next to an idiot in overalls.
Mario: Well, at least your brother isn't gonna die because of you.
Donkey Kong: [crossing his eyes] At least you're not gonna die with your dad thinking you're a joke.
Mario: [sullen] Yeah, well, my dad thinks I'm a joke, too.
Donkey Kong: [sadly] Yeah? Well... [angrily] Your dad's right!
Mario: You know what? I feel bad enough. Just, just leave me alone.
Donkey Kong: I've never met your dad, but he sounds "brilliant".
Mario: Just go in a corner and smash some stuff, smash monkey!
Donkey Kong: [furiously throws a tire down, and slams his fists] I...AM...MORE...THAN A GUY...WHO SMASHES THINGS!!!!!
[The Maw-Ray burps; they find the engines of Donkey Kong's racing cart, look at one another, and smile. Cut to them launching themselves out of the Maw-Ray's mouth]
Donkey Kong: So, this is the end; being slowly digested by an eel next to an idiot in overalls.
Mario: Well, at least your brother isn't gonna die because of you.
Donkey Kong: [crossing his eyes] At least you're not gonna die with your dad thinking you're a joke.
Mario: [sullen] Yeah, well, my dad thinks I'm a joke, too.
Donkey Kong: [sadly] Yeah? Well... [angrily] Your dad's right!
Mario: You know what? I feel bad enough. Just, just leave me alone.
Donkey Kong: I've never met your dad, but he sounds "brilliant".
Mario: Just go in a corner and smash some stuff, smash monkey!
Donkey Kong: [furiously throws a tire down, and slams his fists] I...AM...MORE...THAN A GUY...WHO SMASHES THINGS!!!!!
[The Maw-Ray burps; they find the engines of Donkey Kong's racing cart, look at one another, and smile. Cut to them launching themselves out of the Maw-Ray's mouth]
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Mario: Hey! Leave him alone!
Luigi: Mario?
Bowser: [releases Donkey Kong] You just don't know when to quit!
Mario: Yeah, I've been told that before.
Luigi: Mario?
Bowser: [releases Donkey Kong] You just don't know when to quit!
Mario: Yeah, I've been told that before.
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[Mario and Luigi defeat Bowser with the Super Star; they, Peach, and Donkey Kong approach Bowser]
Bowser: Peaches. [chuckles nervously] Uh, listen, this is not the way I pictured it, but give me one more chance.
Peach: Ew, no. [brings out the Mini Mushroom]
Bowser: No-no-no-no-no-! [Peach stuffs a Mini Mushroom into Bowser's mouth, causes him to shrink; in a high-pitched voice] Hey! Hey! That is not cool!
Donkey Kong: Ha! He got the Blue Mushroom!
[Toad puts Bowser into a jar]
Mario: See? Told ya I'd get you a pet turtle.
Peach: [giggles] Not bad, mustache. And Luigi, you're so brave.
Luigi: Oh, thanks. [chuckles] Yeah, it's kind of my thing.
Bowser: Peaches. [chuckles nervously] Uh, listen, this is not the way I pictured it, but give me one more chance.
Peach: Ew, no. [brings out the Mini Mushroom]
Bowser: No-no-no-no-no-! [Peach stuffs a Mini Mushroom into Bowser's mouth, causes him to shrink; in a high-pitched voice] Hey! Hey! That is not cool!
Donkey Kong: Ha! He got the Blue Mushroom!
[Toad puts Bowser into a jar]
Mario: See? Told ya I'd get you a pet turtle.
Peach: [giggles] Not bad, mustache. And Luigi, you're so brave.
Luigi: Oh, thanks. [chuckles] Yeah, it's kind of my thing.
Other characters in The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023): Bowser · Peach · Donkey Kong · Luigi · Cranky Kong · Kamek
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