Luigi quotes from The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)
Played by Charlie Day
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Foreman Spike: Well, well, well, if it isn't Brooklyn's favorite failures, the Stupid Mario Brothers.
Luigi: [sarcastically] Oh, great. Spike's here.
Mario: Hey, Spike.
Spike: Yeah. [mockingly] "It's-a me!" [laughs] Ooh, yeah. [seriously] Tell me, have you even gotten one call since you two have left me to start your dumb company?
Luigi: As a matter of fact, Spike, we have. [points at his phone]
Mario: Wow. Really?
Luigi: Uh, yeah. Our mom called, and she said, "Oh, boys, that's the best commercial I've ever seen!" And I said, "Thank you very much, Mother, we're very proud of it." So, boom! [slams his phone, cracking the screen]
Spike: [laughs] Good luck running a business with this idiot. [throws a balled-up napkin at Luigi]
Mario: [catches the balled-up napkin; in tranquil fury] Say that again about my brother, and you're gonna regret it. [throws ball back at Spike]
Spike: Oh, yeah? [grabs Mario by the overalls] Get this through your tiny brain, Mario: you're a joke, and you always will be. [throws Mario on the ground, leaves some money, and exits]
Luigi: Are you insane? He's 3 times than your size.
Mario: Luigi, c'mon. Y'know, you can't be scared all the time.
Luigi: Mmm, you'd be surprised. [hears his cracked phone begins to ring with the Nintendo GameCube boot-up music and answers] Hello, Super Mario Brothers. Uh-huh? A drip in your faucet? That's great! I mean, that's...That's great you called us because we can be there, and we can fix it right away. Okay. [hangs up] Mario, we got one! The Super Mario Brothers are in business!
Mario: Woohoo!
Luigi: [sarcastically] Oh, great. Spike's here.
Mario: Hey, Spike.
Spike: Yeah. [mockingly] "It's-a me!" [laughs] Ooh, yeah. [seriously] Tell me, have you even gotten one call since you two have left me to start your dumb company?
Luigi: As a matter of fact, Spike, we have. [points at his phone]
Mario: Wow. Really?
Luigi: Uh, yeah. Our mom called, and she said, "Oh, boys, that's the best commercial I've ever seen!" And I said, "Thank you very much, Mother, we're very proud of it." So, boom! [slams his phone, cracking the screen]
Spike: [laughs] Good luck running a business with this idiot. [throws a balled-up napkin at Luigi]
Mario: [catches the balled-up napkin; in tranquil fury] Say that again about my brother, and you're gonna regret it. [throws ball back at Spike]
Spike: Oh, yeah? [grabs Mario by the overalls] Get this through your tiny brain, Mario: you're a joke, and you always will be. [throws Mario on the ground, leaves some money, and exits]
Luigi: Are you insane? He's 3 times than your size.
Mario: Luigi, c'mon. Y'know, you can't be scared all the time.
Luigi: Mmm, you'd be surprised. [hears his cracked phone begins to ring with the Nintendo GameCube boot-up music and answers] Hello, Super Mario Brothers. Uh-huh? A drip in your faucet? That's great! I mean, that's...That's great you called us because we can be there, and we can fix it right away. Okay. [hangs up] Mario, we got one! The Super Mario Brothers are in business!
Mario: Woohoo!
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Bowser: What is your name?
Luigi: Uh...Luigi.
Bowser: Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world.
Luigi: [smiles nervously] Wow. Uh, yay.
Bowser: But there's one problem, Luigi. There's a human traveling with my fiancé; has a mustache, just like you. Do you know him?
Luigi: No. No!
Bowser: Ah, tough one, I see. Maybe this'll get you to talk. [pulls at a strand of Luigi's mustache with his claws]
Luigi: Do you think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it? Because I don't.
Bowser: [plucks the strand off, then pulls at more of Luigi's mustache] Do you know him?!
Luigi: Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! I know him. Yes, I know him. Yeah, he's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world.
Bowser: Do princesses find him atttractive?!
Luigi: They do if they have good taste. [Bowser rips part of his mustache] AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Bowser: [tosses him to the ground] Get him outta my sight! We'll see how tough this Mario is when he watches me kill his brother!
Luigi: Where am I?
Luigi: Uh...Luigi.
Bowser: Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world.
Luigi: [smiles nervously] Wow. Uh, yay.
Bowser: But there's one problem, Luigi. There's a human traveling with my fiancé; has a mustache, just like you. Do you know him?
Luigi: No. No!
Bowser: Ah, tough one, I see. Maybe this'll get you to talk. [pulls at a strand of Luigi's mustache with his claws]
Luigi: Do you think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it? Because I don't.
Bowser: [plucks the strand off, then pulls at more of Luigi's mustache] Do you know him?!
Luigi: Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! I know him. Yes, I know him. Yeah, he's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world.
Bowser: Do princesses find him atttractive?!
Luigi: They do if they have good taste. [Bowser rips part of his mustache] AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Bowser: [tosses him to the ground] Get him outta my sight! We'll see how tough this Mario is when he watches me kill his brother!
Luigi: Where am I?
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Bowser: Princess Peach, brave as ever. [Kamek appears aside him] As you can see, I have the Super Star.
Peach: If you're going to use it, use it now. [points her harpoon at Bowser]
Bowser: No, Princess, I stole this star for us. I guess...love really makes a guy come out of his shell, heh-heh-heh. [beat; to Kamek] I told you that line wouldn't work!
Kamek: You're doing great.
Luigi: Mario.
Peach: If you're going to use it, use it now. [points her harpoon at Bowser]
Bowser: No, Princess, I stole this star for us. I guess...love really makes a guy come out of his shell, heh-heh-heh. [beat; to Kamek] I told you that line wouldn't work!
Kamek: You're doing great.
Luigi: Mario.
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[Tanooki Mario swoops down and catches Luigi before he can drop into the lava]
Luigi: Huh?
Tanooki Mario: Lu!
Luigi: Mario?! [laughs]
Tanooki Mario: I told ya! See? As long as we're together, everything is gonna be okay!
Luigi: [laughs] Mario, why do you look like a bear? What is this?
[Donkey Kong frees Cranky Kong from his cage]
Cranky Kong: Ya did good, kid. Make your pecs dance, you deserve it.
Donkey Kong: No time now, definitely later.
[Bowser, trapped in ice, regains consciousness and sees Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and Donkey Kong together; he breathes fire and sets his head free.]
Bowser: [bellowing] LAUNCH THE BOMBER BILL, AND DESTROY THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!!!!
[Bomber Bill shoots out of the volcano-like opening in Bowser's Castle and speeds at Peach's Castle]
Peach: No...
[Tanooki Mario flies beside the Bomber Bill, trying to get its attention]
Tanooki Mario: Hey, hey...Hey, over here! [tries hitting the Bomber Bill's side, to no effect. He tries pushing the Bomber Bill's front, but ends up with his back against its tip.] You asked for it! [smacks the Bomber Bill's eye with his tail. The Bomber Bill stops in mid-air, bending the flagpole on top of Peach's Castle, glaring at him] Heh. Hello. [the Bomber Bill chases him through the Mushroom Kingdom. He crashes through a large mushroom] Ow! [gets the Bomber crashing into two more large mushrooms, getting some of the last one in his mouth before spitting it out] Really?! [spots the Warp Pipe that first brought him to the Mushroom Kingdom] Follow me! [starts leading the Bomber Bill to the Warp Pipe] Come on. [gets the Bomber Bill flying straight into the Warp Pipe's direction and speeds up] Little closer. [gets as close as possible to the Warp Pipe without going in it and flies upward at the last second; in slow motion] Mamma mia! [normal speed; Bomber Bill is sucked into the Warp Pipe with great force, but it explodes after floating into the Warp Zone, creating a visible disturbance on the outside of the Mushroom Kingdom's Warp Pipe] Huh?
[The Warp Pipe creates an explosion that throws Tanooki Mario against the wall of Bowser's Castle and powers him down. Mario falls before grabbing onto a ledge of Bowser's Castle. The Warp Pipe pulls Luigi, Peach, Toad, Bowser, and Donkey Kong in. Mario loses his grip on the ledge and is pulled after them]
Luigi: Huh?
Tanooki Mario: Lu!
Luigi: Mario?! [laughs]
Tanooki Mario: I told ya! See? As long as we're together, everything is gonna be okay!
Luigi: [laughs] Mario, why do you look like a bear? What is this?
[Donkey Kong frees Cranky Kong from his cage]
Cranky Kong: Ya did good, kid. Make your pecs dance, you deserve it.
Donkey Kong: No time now, definitely later.
[Bowser, trapped in ice, regains consciousness and sees Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and Donkey Kong together; he breathes fire and sets his head free.]
Bowser: [bellowing] LAUNCH THE BOMBER BILL, AND DESTROY THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!!!!
[Bomber Bill shoots out of the volcano-like opening in Bowser's Castle and speeds at Peach's Castle]
Peach: No...
[Tanooki Mario flies beside the Bomber Bill, trying to get its attention]
Tanooki Mario: Hey, hey...Hey, over here! [tries hitting the Bomber Bill's side, to no effect. He tries pushing the Bomber Bill's front, but ends up with his back against its tip.] You asked for it! [smacks the Bomber Bill's eye with his tail. The Bomber Bill stops in mid-air, bending the flagpole on top of Peach's Castle, glaring at him] Heh. Hello. [the Bomber Bill chases him through the Mushroom Kingdom. He crashes through a large mushroom] Ow! [gets the Bomber crashing into two more large mushrooms, getting some of the last one in his mouth before spitting it out] Really?! [spots the Warp Pipe that first brought him to the Mushroom Kingdom] Follow me! [starts leading the Bomber Bill to the Warp Pipe] Come on. [gets the Bomber Bill flying straight into the Warp Pipe's direction and speeds up] Little closer. [gets as close as possible to the Warp Pipe without going in it and flies upward at the last second; in slow motion] Mamma mia! [normal speed; Bomber Bill is sucked into the Warp Pipe with great force, but it explodes after floating into the Warp Zone, creating a visible disturbance on the outside of the Mushroom Kingdom's Warp Pipe] Huh?
[The Warp Pipe creates an explosion that throws Tanooki Mario against the wall of Bowser's Castle and powers him down. Mario falls before grabbing onto a ledge of Bowser's Castle. The Warp Pipe pulls Luigi, Peach, Toad, Bowser, and Donkey Kong in. Mario loses his grip on the ledge and is pulled after them]
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Mario: Hey! Leave him alone!
Luigi: Mario?
Bowser: [releases Donkey Kong] You just don't know when to quit!
Mario: Yeah, I've been told that before.
Luigi: Mario?
Bowser: [releases Donkey Kong] You just don't know when to quit!
Mario: Yeah, I've been told that before.
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[Mario and Luigi defeat Bowser with the Super Star; they, Peach, and Donkey Kong approach Bowser]
Bowser: Peaches. [chuckles nervously] Uh, listen, this is not the way I pictured it, but give me one more chance.
Peach: Ew, no. [brings out the Mini Mushroom]
Bowser: No-no-no-no-no-! [Peach stuffs a Mini Mushroom into Bowser's mouth, causes him to shrink; in a high-pitched voice] Hey! Hey! That is not cool!
Donkey Kong: Ha! He got the Blue Mushroom!
[Toad puts Bowser into a jar]
Mario: See? Told ya I'd get you a pet turtle.
Peach: [giggles] Not bad, mustache. And Luigi, you're so brave.
Luigi: Oh, thanks. [chuckles] Yeah, it's kind of my thing.
Bowser: Peaches. [chuckles nervously] Uh, listen, this is not the way I pictured it, but give me one more chance.
Peach: Ew, no. [brings out the Mini Mushroom]
Bowser: No-no-no-no-no-! [Peach stuffs a Mini Mushroom into Bowser's mouth, causes him to shrink; in a high-pitched voice] Hey! Hey! That is not cool!
Donkey Kong: Ha! He got the Blue Mushroom!
[Toad puts Bowser into a jar]
Mario: See? Told ya I'd get you a pet turtle.
Peach: [giggles] Not bad, mustache. And Luigi, you're so brave.
Luigi: Oh, thanks. [chuckles] Yeah, it's kind of my thing.
Other characters in The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023): Mario · Bowser · Peach · Donkey Kong · Cranky Kong · Kamek
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