Snow King
That is but a taste of our fury. Do you yield?
Bowser
[chuckles]
I do not.
Scenes with Bowser
11 scenes Bowser
Kamek
[as Bowser is singing "Peaches"]
Sire.
Bowser
[growls]
What?
Kamek
A report from our intelligence; A mustachioed human has arrived in the Mushroom Kingdom. [Bowser angrily growls; stumbles in fear] The princess has been training him. They are up to something, sire.
Bowser
[calms himself]
Sit. Jam with me. [Kamek sits next to Bowser, as he starts playing the Underground Theme] This, uh, human, where did he come from?
Kamek
We aren't sure.
Bowser
Does the princess...like him?
Kamek
Sire, look in the mirror; you have nothing to worry about.
Bowser
I know that. I'm not threatened. [slams cover on Kamek's fingers]
Kamek
[screams in pain]
Bowser
FIND OUT WHO HE IS, AND WHAT THEY'RE PLANNING!! [slams his fist and storms off]
Kamek
[painfully]
I'm on it, sire. May I lift the cover?
Bowser
[walking away]
Not yet. Pain is the best teacher.
Bowser
What is your name?
Luigi
Uh...Luigi.
Bowser
Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world.
Luigi
[smiles nervously]
Wow. Uh, yay.
Bowser
But there's one problem, Luigi. There's a human traveling with my fiancé; has a mustache, just like you. Do you know him?
Luigi
No. No!
Bowser
Ah, tough one, I see. Maybe this'll get you to talk. [pulls at a strand of Luigi's mustache with his claws]
Luigi
Do you think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it? Because I don't.
Bowser
[plucks the strand off, then pulls at more of Luigi's mustache]
Do you know him?!
Luigi
Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! I know him. Yes, I know him. Yeah, he's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world.
Bowser
Do princesses find him atttractive?!
Luigi
They do if they have good taste. [Bowser rips part of his mustache] AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Bowser
[tosses him to the ground]
Get him outta my sight! We'll see how tough this Mario is when he watches me kill his brother!
Luigi
Where am I?
Peach
No! No, Mario!
Cranky Kong
[gasps]
No! No! [The flying Clown Cars starts snatching him and the Kongs away] Get your clown claws off of me!
Bowser
[cackling]
Goodbye, Mario.
Peach
We have to get home.
Donkey Kong
[From above Rainbow Road, Mario and Donkey Kong are falling] [throws debris]
HEY! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
Mario
My fault?! You're the one who-
Donkey Kong
STOP TALKING! I don't want the last thing I hear before I die to be your- [he and Mario crash into the ocean. Donkey Kong is knocked unconscious, but Mario manages to bring him up to the surface by pulling him by his tie. A large creature closes its jaws beneath them. They surface]
Donkey Kong
Mario... you saved my life.
Mario
Yeah, well...I won't tell anyone. But I don't know or remember what happened.
Donkey Kong
No, thank you. Good, please don't.
Mario
Okay. [hears bubbling sound from below] Uh...did you just...feel something?
Donkey Kong
[The Maw-Ray rises up out of the water behind them. Mario and Donkey Kong scream and start swimming away]
Swim!
[The Maw-Ray closes its jaws around them]
Bowser
Princess Peach, brave as ever. [Kamek appears aside him] As you can see, I have the Super Star.
Peach
If you're going to use it, use it now. [points her harpoon at Bowser]
Bowser
No, Princess, I stole this star for us. I guess...love really makes a guy come out of his shell, heh-heh-heh. [beat; to Kamek] I told you that line wouldn't work!
Kamek
You're doing great.
Luigi
Mario.
Kamek
[As Peach is about to marry Bowser]
Ah-he-he-hem. Dearly belov- [Peach punches him] Agh!
Bowser
Huh?
Dry Bone
[All Koopas gasp]
Drama.
Peach
You really thought I'd marry you?
Bowser
Kinda.
Peach
[without missing a beat]
I'd never marry a monster. [powers up with Ice Flower, becoming Ice Peach]
Bowser
[enraged]
THEN WE ARE BREAKING UP RIGHT NOW!
[They start fighting]
Luigi
[Tanooki Mario swoops down and catches Luigi before he can drop into the lava]
Huh?
Tanooki Mario
Lu!
Luigi
Mario?! [laughs]
Tanooki Mario
I told ya! See? As long as we're together, everything is gonna be okay!
Luigi
[laughs]
Mario, why do you look like a bear? What is this?
Cranky Kong
[Donkey Kong frees Cranky Kong from his cage]
Ya did good, kid. Make your pecs dance, you deserve it.
Donkey Kong
No time now, definitely later.
Bowser
[Bowser, trapped in ice, regains consciousness and sees Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and Donkey Kong together; he breathes fire and sets his head free.] [bellowing]
LAUNCH THE BOMBER BILL, AND DESTROY THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!!!!
Peach
[Bomber Bill shoots out of the volcano-like opening in Bowser's Castle and speeds at Peach's Castle]
No...
Tanooki Mario
[Tanooki Mario flies beside the Bomber Bill, trying to get its attention]
Hey, hey...Hey, over here! [tries hitting the Bomber Bill's side, to no effect. He tries pushing the Bomber Bill's front, but ends up with his back against its tip.] You asked for it! [smacks the Bomber Bill's eye with his tail. The Bomber Bill stops in mid-air, bending the flagpole on top of Peach's Castle, glaring at him] Heh. Hello. [the Bomber Bill chases him through the Mushroom Kingdom. He crashes through a large mushroom] Ow! [gets the Bomber crashing into two more large mushrooms, getting some of the last one in his mouth before spitting it out] Really?! [spots the Warp Pipe that first brought him to the Mushroom Kingdom] Follow me! [starts leading the Bomber Bill to the Warp Pipe] Come on. [gets the Bomber Bill flying straight into the Warp Pipe's direction and speeds up] Little closer. [gets as close as possible to the Warp Pipe without going in it and flies upward at the last second; in slow motion] Mamma mia! [normal speed; Bomber Bill is sucked into the Warp Pipe with great force, but it explodes after floating into the Warp Zone, creating a visible disturbance on the outside of the Mushroom Kingdom's Warp Pipe] Huh?
[The Warp Pipe creates an explosion that throws Tanooki Mario against the wall of Bowser's Castle and powers him down. Mario falls before grabbing onto a ledge of Bowser's Castle. The Warp Pipe pulls Luigi, Peach, Toad, Bowser, and Donkey Kong in. Mario loses his grip on the ledge and is pulled after them]
Bowser
[In Brooklyn, Mario sees a Star; Bowser gets up and sees Mario close to it] [furiously enraged]
Mario! [Mario runs to the Star, but Bowser jumps in his way] You want this? [they fight] You ruined my wedding! [throwing things; Mario dodges] I was finally gonna be happy! [throws Mario at the car] Now you will suffer...LIKE ME! [throws a car at Mario, but he dodges and runs. Then Bowser chases Mario and whips him with this tail, sending him flying into Punch-Out! Pizzeria. Then he hides from Bowser] You thought you could stop me? You worthless, weak, little nothing. COME OUT AND FIGHT! Or are you too scared?! [Mario doesn't answer; arrogantly chuckles] Just when I thought.
Mario
Hey! Leave him alone!
Luigi
Mario?
Bowser
[releases Donkey Kong]
You just don't know when to quit!
Mario
Yeah, I've been told that before.
Bowser
[Mario and Luigi defeat Bowser with the Super Star; they, Peach, and Donkey Kong approach Bowser]
Peaches. [chuckles nervously] Uh, listen, this is not the way I pictured it, but give me one more chance.
Peach
Ew, no. [brings out the Mini Mushroom]
Bowser
No-no-no-no-no-! [Peach stuffs a Mini Mushroom into Bowser's mouth, causes him to shrink; in a high-pitched voice] Hey! Hey! That is not cool!
Donkey Kong
Ha! He got the Blue Mushroom!
Mario
[Toad puts Bowser into a jar]
See? Told ya I'd get you a pet turtle.
Peach
[giggles]
Not bad, mustache. And Luigi, you're so brave.
Luigi
Oh, thanks. [chuckles] Yeah, it's kind of my thing.
Bowser
[Last lines in mid-credits; Bowser is singing the reprised "Peaches" song in a big bird cage]
♪ Mario, Luigi and a Donkey Kong, too / A thousand troops of Koopas couldn't keep me from you / Princess Peach, at the end of the line / I'll make you mine / Oh, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches / Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches / I love you / Oh- ♪
Toad Guard
Hey! Quiet in there! Lights out, little guy. [taps the bird cage with his weapon]
Bowser
[enraged; in high-pitched voice]
Hey! You can't treat me like this! Do you know who I am? I am Bow-- [The Toad Guard slams the door with screen cuts to black; sighs]
