Jack Black movie quotes

View Quote [watching the clock, waiting for the end of the day] Yes! We did it! Gimme some of that, yeah, that's it. I will see you cats on the flip-flop later!

View Quote Okay, Miss Dumbum ain't your teacher today, I am. And I have a headache, and the runs.

View Quote We will continue our lecture on the Man when we return. Have a good music class.

View Quote He was so deadly in fact that his enemies would go blind from overexposure to pure awesomeness!

View Quote (smugly) Oh, you know this hold?

View Quote I sucked more than anyone in the history of kung fu — in the history of China — in the history of sucking!

View Quote "And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty, and beauty stayed his hand. And from that day forward, he was as one dead."

View Quote There's still some mystery left in this world, and we can all have a piece of it. For the price of an admission ticket.

View Quote It wasn't the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast.

View Quote [The Four Tops: I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)] Lenny: Hey, Oscar!
Oscar: Hey, I can't talk. I gotta find Angie. I need to tell her I love her.
Man: [singing] You come and you go...
Male Fish: Way to go, Oscar.

View Quote Lenny: Ah! Oh! Ow, ow, ow! Dow! OWWWW!

View Quote Don Lino: What do you mean you don't understand? What's there to understand. We've been over this 1,000 times. I don't want to have to say it again. You know, you're really giving me agita, you know that. I don't know what else to say this. Lenny, you see something, you kill it, you eat it. Period. Thanks. That's what sharks do. That's a fine tradition. What's the matter with you? Your brother, Frankie, here, he's a killer.
Frankie: Thanks, Pop.
Don Lino: He's beautiful. He does what he's supposed to do. Wipe your face, but you... I'm hearin' things. You gotta understand when you look weak, it makes me look weak.
Lenny: I know.
Don Lino: I can't have that.
Lenny: Pop, I'm sorry.
Don Lino: Lenny. Lenny. Look at me. Look at me. This handin' over the business is for both of us and you're acting like you don't even want it. I need to know you can handle that. [sighs] [splutters] Alright, alright. Right here in front of me now, eat this.
Lenny: [whimpers] Gee, thanks, Pop. Here's the thing. I'm on a diet. And I read an article about these shrimps, they're not good for ya. I tell you. You know how many calories are in one of those shrimps? A lot.
Shrimp: It's true. It's true and the other thing is, my sister had a baby and I took it over because she passed away, and then the baby lost its legs, and its arms and he doesn't put a stump, but I still take care of it with my wife and it's growing and it's fairly happy, but it's difficult 'cause I've been working a second shift at the factory to put food on the table, but all the love and I see that little guy's face makes worth it in the end. True story.
Don Lino: [sighs] I'm not askin' you anymore. I'm tellin' you. Eat it!
Shrimp: No, have mercy!
Lenny: Pop, please...
Don Lino: Eat!
Shrimp: No eat!
Don Lino: Son, eat the shrimp! Please!
Lenny: No, please.
Don Lino: Lenny! Eat, eat, eat!
Lenny: Put the shrimp down! [Lenny grabs the shrimp and lets it go.] Go now. No one's looking. Get out of here. You're free now, go on. Go. Go.
Shrimp: You're a good person. [glares at Lino, then gestures to some other shrimp] Come on, fellas.
Frankie: Pop, I can handle the reef. It's not a problem.
Don Lino: No. No. We're gonna do this as a family. Frankie, I want you to take Lenny out, and show him the ropes.
Frankie: Oh, come on, Pop.
Don Lino: Son, you're gonna learn how to be a shark. Whether you like it or not.

View Quote Lemme tell you something about Steve King: Steve King wishes he could write like me. And I've sold way more books than him, but nobody ever talks about that! [Zach: Okay.] WAY MORE BOOKS!

View Quote [about reviving Hannah] I may have written one more book.

View Quote This is your last warning. You stay away from us, or something very bad will happen.

View Quote [to the Werewolf of Fever Swamp] Follow the scent. Lead me to Stine.

View Quote [last lines] See you in your dreams! [laughs evilly as he gets sucked into the book]

View Quote So what’s the plan, friend? You must’ve brought me out for something fun. Terrorize the locals? Destroy the town? Let's get SILLY!

View Quote [being knocked off of Stine's car] NOT COOL!

View Quote [last lines; after typing "The Invisible Boy's Revenge" on Stine's typewriter] You forgot about me! [leaves hand marks on the glass and laughs as Stine screams]

View Quote Being the Dragon Warrior is all I know. It's who I am. What do I know about being a spiritual leader?

View Quote General Kai? Lord Shen? Those are all my old nemesis-es. Nemes-ee. Nemes-i?

View Quote Perhaps you know me better as... the Kung Fu Panda!

View Quote Justice is about to be served! [at his dad's café] We'll have two Justice platters, please.

View Quote [leaps into a fight] Enemies of justice, prepare for... [sees he's leapt too far and is going over them] Are you kidding me? [crashes]

View Quote [seeing Master Flying Rhino's battle armor] I think I just peed a little!

View Quote [Last lines, when the Griffin's topiary waste splat onto the Chair with The End card] Bad kitty! Use the litter box!

View Quote Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

View Quote [To Lewis] I can give you the right books, teach you the right spells, but that last 1%, that's up to you.

View Quote I was going to make you into the next Marylin Monroe! But no! Now you're just going to be.... Laundry girl!

View Quote I am Robocop. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of Robocop.

View Quote I'm not saying your uncle is illerate, maybe he just needs to go to nightschool.

View Quote Mario: Hey! Leave him alone!
Luigi: Mario?
Bowser: [releases Donkey Kong] You just don't know when to quit!
Mario: Yeah, I've been told that before.

View Quote Snow King: That is but a taste of our fury. Do you yield?
Bowser: [chuckles] I do not.

View Quote Bowser: What is your name?
Luigi: Uh...Luigi.
Bowser: Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world.
Luigi: [smiles nervously] Wow. Uh, yay.
Bowser: But there's one problem, Luigi. There's a human traveling with my fiancé; has a mustache, just like you. Do you know him?
Luigi: No. No!
Bowser: Ah, tough one, I see. Maybe this'll get you to talk. [pulls at a strand of Luigi's mustache with his claws]
Luigi: Do you think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it? Because I don't.
Bowser: [plucks the strand off, then pulls at more of Luigi's mustache] Do you know him?!
Luigi: Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! I know him. Yes, I know him. Yeah, he's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world.
Bowser: Do princesses find him atttractive?!
Luigi: They do if they have good taste. [Bowser rips part of his mustache] AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Bowser: [tosses him to the ground] Get him outta my sight! We'll see how tough this Mario is when he watches me kill his brother!
Luigi: Where am I?

View Quote [gets out of his car] Oh no. Not...Haunted Halloween. [sees a skeleton chasing people] Oh, my writing was so cliché back then. [sees a red balloon] I knew it! I knew I came up with that first! [sees the Tesla tower, refers to Slappy] That clever little dummy's writing his own ending. Not in my book he's not.

View Quote My first book? [holds the book] You realize I wrote this when I was around your age. More of an amateur work, really, but I'm sure you'll all agree it shows an undeniable promise of a brilliant young writer.

View Quote [about saving the world with his typewriter] It's been done before. Once before. Maybe twice. Maybe more.

View Quote Yeah, yeah. He said, "Come back with the baby, or don't come back at all!" [laughing evilly]

View Quote [Diego: You wanna try to maul something, don't you, Zeke?] [whining anxiously] I wanna keep mauling. [Diego: Then what are you waiting for?]

View Quote Look at all of that meat. Let's get them! [Diego: Not yet! We'll just bring the other whole pack and bring this mammoth down; feel everyone ready. For now!]

View Quote I have this theory. I think, historically, women have been held back in so many ways that when they get power like they do behind the wheel, they can't help but abuse it. It's akin to Hannah Arendt's Eichmann theory about prison guards and prisoners switching roles.

View Quote I haven't had that thing yet, where you realize that you're not the most important person in the world.

View Quote Malcolm: I wanna punch that guy in the nose.
Pauline: You've never hit anyone.
Malcolm: I have too!
Pauline: Who?
Malcolm: Lots of people. You don't know them. They're not around cause I punched them.
[Pauline bursts out laughing]

View Quote Rob. Top 5 musical crimes perpetrated by Stevie Wonder in the 80s and 90s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins... is it better to burn out or fade awaaay?

View Quote Ah man, that's great. That's the fun thing about workin' in a record store - you get to play crappy pap you don't even wanna listen to.

View Quote Let 'em riot. We're Sonic-****in'-Death Monkey.

View Quote At least I got rid of that stupid hat. Now I got this stupid hat.

View Quote I'm the old, fat dude!

View Quote HOW IS THIS GUY A CHARACTER IN AN ADVENTURE GAME?!

View Quote I'm Bowser Jr., and I'm gonna be taking my father... now!

View Quote Princess Rosalina! You're coming with me!

View Quote From the ashes of his father's defeat rises a new conqueror. The Bowser name shall be feared once more!

View Quote Zed: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.

View Quote [from trailer]
Zed: [pointing to wheels] What are these big, round things for?
Cain: They're wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll.
[Zed and Oh are riding on the cart, with their arms in the air] Oh: I feel like a bird!

View Quote Oh: I'm a virgin by choice.
Zed: Ha! Not *your* choice!

View Quote The wind...It's what makes it so warm at this time of the year. Legend has it, when Santa Anas blow, all bets are off, anything can happen.

View Quote [plays melody he wrote for Iris] Iris, if you were a melody...I used only the good notes.

View Quote It's Christmas Eve and we are going to celebrate being young and being alive.

View Quote [Po and Shifu are racing each other up the palace stairs]
Master Shifu: Are you ready?
Po: Ready's my middle name!
[Po speeds off ahead, and beats Shifu to their destination: the entrance doors to the Training Hall's courtyard. Po and Shifu put their backs to the door. Po pauses to catch his breath]
Po: So what have we got? A gang of terrible rhinos? Crocs? Rabid wolves? Let's do it!
Master Shifu: Be warned: This may be the toughest challenge you will ever have to face.
[Po chuckles in anticipation. Then he blasts into the courtyard with a flying kick]
Po: Get ready to feel the THUNDA... eh?
[Instead of rabid wolves, the courtyard is full of rambunctious little rabbit children. Shifu follows Po inside]
Master Shifu: Introduction to kung fu class.
[Po watches several children beating up a training dummy, which has been redesigned to look like Po. The real Po winces as one of the children delivers a flying kick to the dummy's head]
Po: Can I use the Wuxi Finger Hold on them?
Master Shifu: [pause] I'd try not to. Remember Po, each generation teaches the next one, and so the art of kung fu lives on; in you, and now in these... [A rabbit flies past them and crashes off-screen] uh... delightful children. [Shifu speeds outside]
Po: What?
Master Shifu: Good luck. [slams the doors shut, trapping Po inside]
[Not expecting this challenge at all, Po rushes to the door and sees Shifu walking away through a crack]
Po: Wait a second! Master Shifu! Master Shi- come on! Auugh. [gulps and slowly approaches the students] Okay, if you'll just take a seat... er, hello? [The rabbits continue to play-fight] Hey, settle down now... [no response] Okay, er...
[Po spots a nearby gong and strikes it with a flying kick, getting the students' attention at last]
Po: Get those cotton tails on the floor!
Rabbit Children: The Dragon Warrior!
[The students rush over and sit on the floor in front of Po]
Po: Thank you...

View Quote [Po and Shifu are racing each other up the palace stairs]
Master Shifu: Are you ready?
Po: Ready's my middle name! [speeds off ahead, and beats Shifu to their destination: the entrance doors to the Training Hall's courtyard. He and Shifu put their backs to the door. He pauses to catch his breath] So what have we got? A gang of terrible rhinos? Crocs? Rabid wolves? Let's do it!
Master Shifu: Be warned: This may be the toughest challenge you will ever have to face.
Po: [chuckles in anticipation. Then he blasts into the courtyard with a flying kick] Get ready to feel the THUNDA...eh?
[Instead of rabid wolves, the courtyard is full of rambunctious little rabbit children]
Master Shifu: [follows Po inside] Introduction to kung fu class.
[Po watches several children beating up a training dummy, which has been redesigned to look like Po. The real Po winces as one of the children delivers a flying kick to the dummy's head]
Po: [to Shifu] Can I use the Wuxi Finger Hold on them?
Master Shifu: [pause] I'd try not to. Remember Po, each generation teaches the next one, and so the art of kung fu lives on; in you, and now in these... [A rabbit flies past them and crashes off-screen] uh... delightful children. [speeds outside]
Po: What?
Master Shifu: Good luck. [slams the doors shut, trapping Po inside]
Po: [not expecting this challenge at all, Po rushes to the door and sees Shifu walking away through a crack] Wait a second! Master Shifu! Master Shi - come on! Auugh. [gulps and slowly approaches the students] Okay, if you'll just take a seat...er, hello? [the rabbits continue to play-fight] Hey, settle down now... [no response] Okay, er... [spots a nearby gong and strikes it with a flying kick, getting the students' attention at last] Get those cotton tails on the floor!
Rabbit Children: The Dragon Warrior! [rush over and sit on the floor in front of Po]
Po: Thank you.
Rabbit 1: Are we gonna learn the cool kung fu moves?
Po: Yes. [The students cheer.]
Rabbit 1: Now we're really gonna start kicking butt!
Po: Hey, hey, hold on. Kicking butt is just a small part of kung fu. It's awesome, but it's small.
Rabbit Children: Huh?
Po: Kung fu means "Excellence of Self"; being the best you can be. That's what it's about, bunnies!
[A shy young rabbit walks up and taps Po on the leg.]
Rabbit 2: I wanna learn "Tigress Style"...
Rabbit 1: [groans] Aren't we going to fight?
Rabbit 3: Yeah, like the Furious Five!
Po: The Furious Five, huh? They are cool, aren't they? But it wasn't fighting that made them amazing. No. They each had to learn the secrets of kung fu before they became excellent.
Rabbit 1: Secrets? What secrets?
Po: Oh, I shouldn't really say. That's why it's a secret. It's top secret.
Rabbit Children: Pleeeeaaase tell us. Tell us, pleeeeeeaaaaase...
Po: Aww... Okay. but don't tell anyone I told you, because I'll deny it- I'll be like, "What? I didn't tell them anything." Alright...

View Quote [On the outside within the Training Hall's courtyard are the sounds of Po and Master Shifu bickering.]
Master Shifu: What did you say? Don't act so arrogant! You pickin' a fight with me?!
Po: Arrogant!? I've been working here longer than you have! And then you come in acting all bossy!
[They glare and growl at each other, even as they leave the main hall.]
Master Shifu: [last lines] I'd beat you to a pulp!
Po: [last lines] I'm the one who'd beat you to a pulp!

View Quote [About to get on the bus to leave for the Army, to his brother, Richie] So long, ****.

View Quote DIE, YOU ALIEN SHITHEAD! [Prepares to shoot, but a Martian notices him] Uh-oh. [Drops his gun and holds up a flag] I surrender! [The Martian disintegrates him with a ray gun]

View Quote Billy Glenn Norris: Bye-bye, Grandma.
Grandma Florence Norris: Goodbye, Thomas.
Billy Glenn Norris: It's Billy Glenn, Grandma.
Grandma Florence Norris: I know, Thomas.

View Quote Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?

View Quote Firefighter: What's your name?
Lance: Uh, Joe... John... uh, Joe-John.
Firefighter: Your name's Joe-John?
Lance: John-ston, Johnston. Joe.
Firefighter: You wanna tell me what happened here?
Lance: Uh, there was a fire, I dunno, I came by and it's... checkin out the fire.
Firefighter: Well that lady uh, Mona? She said that you two were in the building together when the fire started.
Lance: Yeah, she's a liar, cuz I dunno her so whatever, whatever she says is a lie, so...
Firefighter: K, so you're saying you weren't in the building with that woman?
Lance: No, not I! Aright, she started it, aright? Because she was like "I hate my job, I'm gonna burn this mother down!" And I said "You better not... you better not!"
Firefighter: She said it was an electrical fire.
Lance: It was. It was a total electrical fire, it was like uh, the switches had sparks comin out, and the sockets, and uh it was like the 4th of July, man!
Firefighter: Why aren't you wearing your pants, Joe?
Lance: I tripped, and uh then I had to take 'em off to run faster out of the flames... [coughing] I think I inhaled some smoke, will you excuse me one second, I'll be right back. [runs away in the background]
Firefighter: [into walkie talkie] We got a sprinter. Five foot five, no pants, unkempt... portly.