Don Lino What do you mean you don't understand? What's there to understand. We've been over this 1,000 times. I don't want to have to say it again. You know, you're really giving me agita, you know that. I don't know what else to say this. Lenny, you see something, you kill it, you eat it. Period. Thanks. That's what sharks do. That's a fine tradition. What's the matter with you? Your brother, Frankie, here, he's a killer.
Don Lino He's beautiful. He does what he's supposed to do. Wipe your face, but you... I'm hearin' things. You gotta understand when you look weak, it makes me look weak.
Don Lino I can't have that.
Don Lino Lenny. Lenny. Look at me. Look at me. This handin' over the business is for both of us and you're acting like you don't even want it. I need to know you can handle that. [sighs] [splutters] Alright, alright. Right here in front of me now, eat this.
[whimpers]
Gee, thanks, Pop. Here's the thing. I'm on a diet. And I read an article about these shrimps, they're not good for ya. I tell you. You know how many calories are in one of those shrimps? A lot.
It's true. It's true and the other thing is, my sister had a baby and I took it over because she passed away, and then the baby lost its legs, and its arms and he doesn't put a stump, but I still take care of it with my wife and it's growing and it's fairly happy, but it's difficult 'cause I've been working a second shift at the factory to put food on the table, but all the love and I see that little guy's face makes worth it in the end. True story.
Don Lino [sighs]
I'm not askin' you anymore. I'm tellin' you. Eat it!
Don Lino Eat!
Don Lino Son, eat the shrimp! Please!
Don Lino Lenny! Eat, eat, eat!
Put the shrimp down! [Lenny grabs the shrimp and lets it go.] Go now. No one's looking. Get out of here. You're free now, go on. Go. Go.
You're a good person. [glares at Lino, then gestures to some other shrimp] Come on, fellas.
Pop, I can handle the reef. It's not a problem.
Don Lino No. No. We're gonna do this as a family. Frankie, I want you to take Lenny out, and show him the ropes.
Don Lino Son, you're gonna learn how to be a shark. Whether you like it or not.
Don Lino I bring you in here, look you in the eye, tell you what's what, and what?
Don Lino What "what"?
"What, what" nothin'. You said "what" first.
Don Lino I didn't say what first. I asked you what.
No, you said "And then what?", and I said "What?"
Don Lino [confused]
No, I said "what what", like what, what?
Don Lino [annoyed]
Now you're making fun of me?
No, no, no, no, you misunderstood.
Sorry we're late, Pop. Lenny had an accident. He was born.
[sarcastic laughter]
You're a comic genius.
Look, all I'm saying is the kid ain't exactly no killer.
Don Lino My Lenny is a killer! Ya hear me? A cold-blooded killer! Look at him!
[Lino and Sykes both notice Lenny obliviously spinning around on his chair; Frankie shakes his head.]
Huh?
Don Lino That's it! That is it! You are out!
What? [inflates; high-pitched] Whaddya mean I'm "out"?
Don Lino You're fired! [shoves Sykes; Sykes screams and lands on a picture across the room] And on top of that, you're gonna have to start payin' me!
Don Lino So nothing happens to that little Whale Wash of yours.
Don Lino [A dark ship. The camera fades in, showing Don Lino feeding his fish] [to his fish]
How are my babies this morning? You miss me? You doing good? Huh? Huh? [To Sykes] You see, Sykes, it's a fish-eat-fish world, [he drops a food pellet into the tank] you either take, or you get taken. [The fish sprout razor teeth and devour the pellet as Lino closes the tank's lid]
[hastily]
Truer words have never been spoken. Is that it? That all? We done?
Don Lino Now, you and me, we worked together a long, long, long time.
Please, Don Lino, it's hardly been like work.
Don Lino You know...
Don Lino Let me finish. That I've lived my life for my sons. Raising and protecting them...
You're the best! He's the best, right? Am I right or am I wrong? Am I right?
Don Lino It's all been to prepare...
Don Lino ...to prepare them...
Don Lino Yeah. It's all right. ...for the day they run the reef. Well, today is that day. [pauses; The record player gets stuck] Luca.
[moves the needle; the record player plays "Baby Got Back" by Six Mix-a-Lot; Luca quickly moves the needle again and it cuts off]
Hey, Boss, big butts! [chuckles]
Don Lino [facepalming]
Oy vey. Long story short, from now on yous work for Frankie and Lenny. Capiche?
[laughs a bit]
Lenny? Frankie, I understand, but Lenny? You can't be serious.
Don Lino I'm dead serious. It takes more than muscle to run things. Now Lenny, he's got the brains. That's something special.
Don Lino What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing. I'm just saying...
Don Lino Hey, I bring you in here, look you in the eye, tell you what's what, and what?
Don Lino What "what"?
"What, what" nothing. You said "what" first.
Don Lino I didn't say what first. I asked you what.
No, you said "And then what?", and I said "What?"
Don Lino [confused]
No, I said "what what", like what, what?! [brief pauses]
[breakling paused]
You said "what" first.
Don Lino [annoyed]
Now you're makin' fun of me?!
[hastily]
No, no, no, no, you misunderstood! [His sons arrived]
Sorry we're late, Pop. Lenny had an accident. He was born.
[sarcastic laughter]
You're a comic genius.
Look, all I'm saying is the kid ain't exactly no killer.
Don Lino My Lenny is a killer! Ya hear me? A cold-blooded killer! Look at him! [Lino and Sykes both notice Lenny obliviously spinning around on his chair; Frankie shakes his head]
Don Lino [paused; moreness annoyedling]
That's it. That's IT! You are OUT!
[shocked]
What?! [inflates; high pitched] Whaddya mean I'm "out"?!
Don Lino You're fired! [pushes Sykes; Sykes screams and lands on a picture across the room] And on top of that, you're gonna have to start paying me!
Don Lino [ominously]
So nothing happens to that little Whale Wash of yours. [Cut to the Oscar and workers at the Whale Wash]
[while shoveled the slime off the whale's tongue]
Welcome to Oscar's crib. 60 foot slime-covered tongue with canker sores, swim-in cavities and plankton-encrusted teeth for when I feel a little… [exasperated] old school!
Ah, stop your moaning, Oscar! It could be a lot worse, you know?
Yeah, that's true. I could have this job, and look like you! [laughs; sudden rumbling] Indigestion... SHE'S GONNA BLOW! [Workers start scattering]
K Knuckles
Wait! Headphone Guy's still in there. [Headphone Guy is cleaning the whale, oblivious to the rumbling]
[yelling]
I GOT YOU, HEADPHONE GUY! [he and Headphone Guy brace themselves on the whale's uvula. The scrubbers peak when...the whale let us out a small belch, sending some slime onto Oscar. The workers laughs]
[groans as he rubs the slime off him]
Still think it could be worse?
Yeah! I could look like you!
Haha! Ya'll funny. Well, see if you laugh at THIS! [throws slimeball at Pontrelli, who ducks with a laughs, and it hits in splat instructor Johnson, causing him to stagger around and accidentally hits a button that sprays soap in the whale's eye, causing the whale to screams in pain and anogy]
SOAP IN THE EYE, SOAP IN THE EYE! [Flips the emergency; the grabbers grab the screams whale very tightly; quickly cleans the whale's eye] It's alright. I'ma get you some nice coupons, we gonna get you a free hot wax and all you like that? Alright, go ahead, Big Baby.
Alright. [gets slapped on the back by Ernie and shocked, causing the bucket to land on his head]
Well, look who it is, Bernie.
Just the fish we're looking for.
Yeah. [Oscar struggles to remove the bucket]
The boss be needing to see you right now.
[getting the bucket off]
Ernie, Bernie, my jellyfish brothers. Boo-ya-ka. Hey, what's up, man? Man, it's good to see y'all... Huh? What'd you say, Ang? Okay. Fellas, I'm gonna go ahead over there. [singing] But don't worry [beatboxes] About a thing 'Cause every little thing [Bernie and Ernie shakes the head no] Is gonna be all right... [gets slapped again]
That's not the way you sing that song, one. [Cut into the Oscar is tossed into Sykes' office and rolls into his desk]
Hey, Sykes! My brother from another mother. What the deezy, baby? [Oscar tries dapping Sykes up, who sighs annoyed at his antics] Show me dat. What's going down? Hey, baby, this is all gravy today. Now snap your fin... Snap it. You're not snapping it...
[pulls his hand back]
Oscar!
Hey, don't sweat it. A lot of white fish can't do it.
Oscar, would you just sit down, okay?
[Ernie and Bernie force him into a chair]
Thank you.
I've been going over my markers. You're into me for five grand. 5 G's, okay?
5 Gs? Man, you tripping, 5 Gs.
Oh, yeah? See if [throws unpaid loan documents at Oscar] this refreshes your memory.
[As he picks them back up into a pile and places them on Sykes' desk]
That's crazy, look at that. You wrote everything down so you wouldn't forget. This a perfect example of why you're in management, and I'm not. You go, boy.
Look, I have to start paying Don Lino protection, so everything you owe me, you owe him!
Simple - the food chain! [pulls out chart] You see, on top there's Don Lino, there's me, and there's regular fish.
No. There's plankton, there's single-celled amoebas.
I'm getting there, I'm getting there. There's coral, there's rocks, there's whale poo, and then there's you.
So if Don Lino's squeezing me... he's squeezing you!
What? [the chart suddenly pulls up, catching Sykes in the chin]
Easy, boss. Find a happy place.
There is no happy place with him around! [agitated he puffs up; higher pitched] I'm SERIOUS!
AH! All right, look! Just give me another chance-! I-I'm begging you, Sykes please! Please!
[high-pitched]
All right. [deflates; normally] Because I "like" you, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to pay up.
All of it? How am I supposed to do that?
That's your problem. Bring me 5,000 clams to the racetrack tomorrow, or else.
The boys will explain. [exits his office]
[Ernie and Bernie approach Oscar while grinning and laughing in a threatening manner; cut to black as they sting him as a warning] [off-screen and strained]
Unpleasant.
[Meanwhile the Sharks mourn the loss of Frankie.]
Nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.
[singing]
I could fly higher than an eagle... If you are the wind beneath my wings [coughs] Frankie, we'll miss you.
G Giuseppe
It's a terrible thing, Don Lino. Everybody loved Frankie. May whoever did this die a thousand deaths. May his stinking, maggot-covered corpse rot in the fiery depths of hell!
Don Lino Thank you for your kind thoughts, Giuseppe.
G Giuseppe
Oh, and may Lenny be found safe and sound too. Hope he's okay.
Don Lino Oh, Lenny...
Don Lino I said some things to him... We gotta find him.
We're searching everywhere. Forget about it, he'll turn up.
Don Lino What's wrong with that kid? Why's he gotta be so different? Frankie, God rest his soul, he was perfect. Perfect. [Lenny, who has been eavesdropping outside of the window leaves with a muffled sobs] Oh... Luca. Who could have done this?
Don Lino, at this most difficult time, please accept my deepest condolences.
Don Lino Thank you, Don Feinberg, for honoring my son with your song.
I got some news, about the guy who took out Frankie. [he passes gas and the bubble knocks out an orca standing behind him]
Don Lino Let's... Yeah, let's talk over here. [They swim to the window]
He come out of nowhere, this guy. Calls himself... [turns around with a flourish] The Sharkslayer!
Don Lino [behind him tapping his shoulder]
Ira, over here...
[turns to face Lino, makes the flourish again]
Sorry. The Sharkslayer!
Don Lino Where do I find him?
He lives on the South Side. That's all we could dig up. [to the other sharks] Any other requests?
Don Lino Hey, Luca.
[off-screen]
How about that Titanic song?
OS Other Sharks
[off-screen; groaning]
Oh, please no! Not again!
Don Lino [to Luca; getting more and more vengeful as he speaks]
Get Sykes. He knows that Reef better than anybody. I want to know all about this guy. I want to know what he does. I want to know where he eats. I want to know where he sleeps. He pops a gill, I want to know about it. Who is the Sharkslayer?
[Sykes is talking to Lino over the phone]
Sykes.
[to Oscar]
Hey, hey, hey. There he is, my brother, my player, the Sharkslayer!
Yeah, whatever, Sykes, listen...
[to Lino over the phone]
Oh, and another thing: from now on, you're gonna have to start paying ME protection!
Sykes, the deal is off. That shark I killed was Don Lino's son.
What do you mean, "find out"? I've got him on the phone right now! [Oscar's eyes widen in fear] That's right, Lino. I've got the Sharkslayer right here in front of me.
[throat gesture while shaking his head]
Mm-mm! Mm-mm!
[over the phone]
And he's gonna slay you, and all your sharks.
Sykes, shut up! SHUT... UP!
Hey, hey, that's good. That's good, I like that! Shut up, Lino! Ha! SHUT UP! [Oscar groans] What? Oh, kid, he wants to talk to you.
[whispers]
No. I'm not here. I'm not here!
Yeah, he's right here. [hands Oscar the phone]
[quiet high-pitched voice]
Hello?
Don Lino [furious]
"Shut up"? "Shut up"?! You don't tell ME "shut up", I tell YOU "shut up"! [As he talks, beeping is heard on the other side of the phone] What? Hello?
Yeah, how ya doing? Lemme have a pie with everything on it. Anchovies, meatballs, mushrooms-
Don Lino [startled and annoyed]
Luca?
Oh, hi, Boss. What are you doing working at a pizza joint?
Don Lino [enraged]
GET OFF THE PHONE!!!
But I'm hungry! [reluctantly hangs up]
Don Lino [shakes his head in frustration, then returns his attention to Oscar]
My guys are coming for you, Sharkslayer! They're gonna tear you FIN FROM FIN! [slams the phone down in a rage, leaves Oscar frozen with horror]
[still oblivious to Oscar]
Come on, now who's your puff daddy, huh? Who takes care of you, huh? Huh? [turns to Ernie and Bernie play the Sharkslayer video game] Come on, you two. We've got work to do. [turns off the TV]
[unsuccessfully tries to get Sykes' attention as the latter makes his way to the elevator]
Sykes, Sykes, hold - Look, you've got it all wrong!
They're gonna write songs about you, kid. [sings] Oh, the shark bites...
Kicked his butt. [The elevator closes in Oscar's face]
Sykes! Sykes, man! [attempts to open the elevator] Come on!
Ooh. Hey, Lola, what are you doing here? Just.. you're popping out sometimes places.
Well, you said to wait, so... I've been waiting. [Music plays "Can't Wait" by Avant]
Look, I don't have a lot of time for the hand-clappy making-the-lights-go-off music-playing-in-the-dark thing.
Afraid... [laughs] Yeah, that's funny. I ain't afraid of nothing, it's just... Ooh.
Oh, baby, you are so tense.
Yeah, I've been stressed lately, you know, protecting the reef. I do that by myself, you know. It's just crazy.
It's too much, it's piling up...
Yeah, you know, one thing on top of the other. Actually, I was thinking about retiring.
You don't want to do that.
You have worked your way to the top. You don't want to go back to the bottom, do you?
You just show 'em who's boss and those sharks will leave you alone.
Yeah, you're right. Lenny.
[At the dining table room with all the sharks, Lenny disguised as dolphin and Oscar, gulps in nervous, Sykes breathing in nervous, Oscar clear throat, he trying to get the mug on the plate, hammerhead gasps in shocked, he turns around at the killer whales, he growls with the crawls, but the one orca faints on the floor.]
Will you stop screwing around? This'll never work. We're dead. We're dead!
Thank you, Sykes. Thank you. My man Sykes just begged me not to murder-lise all y'all up in here, all right. Now, I might listen to him, but then again I might not. And that depends on the individual behavior of all the individuals in here, individually. Ain't that right?
H1 Hammerhead #1
Look, he's got dolphin muscle.
H2 Hammerhead #2
My uncle Vito got whacked by one of those.
All right. Now which one of you sardines called this meeting?
Don Lino [enters]
That would be me. So, this is the Sharkslayer. I've been looking forward to meeting you. I feel like we're practically family. You know that? Funny, ain't it? I brought my kids into the world, full of love and care, and you took them out. You know who I am? Do you know who I am? I'm the Don. The boss of the Great White Sharks.
Hey, Boss, I saved you a seat.
Don Lino I've been running this reef since before you was born. And if you thought a guy like me can't get to a guy like you... Guess what? You thought wrong. [He lifted up the cover to reveal the gagged Angie.]
Pfft! Man, you the one who's wrong. I barely even know that girl. What's your name, miss?
Oh, yeah? Well, I say he's bluffing.
Marone, if I wasn't married.
How ya doing, pretty lady?
You know, Sharkslayer, there's only one thing I like better than money. Revenge.
Don Lino Your sharkslaying days are over. And there ain't nothing you can do about it. [Oscar laughs. Lenny and Sykes laugh]
Don Lino Huh? What's so funny?
You got nothing. Nothing! Sebastian, take her out. [As commanded, Lenny swoops down and "eats" Angie. Oscar hums U Can't Touch This]
Can't touch this.
Can't touch this.
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh Stop. Oscar time. [After Lenny "eats" Angie] Okay, new rules. Nobody, I repeat, nobody, makes a move without my OK. I am the Panama Canal, baby. From now on, everything [places a spoon on Giuseppe's nose] flows through me.
G Giuseppe
Heh?! What'd he do?! What'd he do?! I can't see it!
You don't lose a tooth, you don't grow one back without my okay, okay?
[nervously]
Okay. [The swordfish sneezes, stuck to the table]
If you sneeze, you don't wipe that boogie without my okay, okay?
And you don't say "okay" without my okay! Okay?! [one of the orcas faints, Lenny starts gagging]
Uh-Oh. Okay, thank you all for coming. We gotta go.
Oh, and one more thing. What is with all y'all living in the Love Boat?
Y'all are supposed to be the mob. Get yourselves a real hideout.
[to Lino]
And take a good look, Lino. It's over. You're old school...!
SA Sykes and Lenny
Oscar!
What?! [Lenny makes a last gag and retches out Angie, a violin, a sidewalk sweeper, a radio box and a Louisiana's car license plate]
The horror! THE HORROR! [one of the sharks eats the Louisiana's license plate; retches out a beach ball]
[chuckles]
Um, excuse me. [swims over to Angie] Ang, are you okay?
No, I am not okay! He ate me!
I couldn't take it. The taste was killin' me!
Don Lino [sees Lenny]
Lenny? Is that you? You're alive? [hugs Lenny] I thought I lost you. [noticed his disguise] What are you wearing? Huh? What is that? [Dejected, Lenny takes off his black and yellow scarf, then scrubs his nose with his sponge and takes off the red rubber band. The sharks gasps in assortment]
Hey, Boss, it's Lenny, he was wearing a disguise so we couldn’t recognize him, but now he's not wearing a disguise, so we do recognizing him.
[still dejected]
Hi, Pop...
Don Lino [upset; Lenny turns blue]
Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, are you out of your mind?! Do you have any idea how this looks?!
G Giuseppe
[whispers to another shark]
This is the best sit down I ever been to.
Don Lino What are you doing with this guy?! He took out your own flesh and blood, Frankie!
Don Lino But nothing! You never take sides against the family! Ever?!
Hey, Don Lino, sir. Listen, it's not his fault. This is between you and me.
Don Lino What did I ever do to YOU?! You took Frankie away, and you turned Lenny into a dolphin! [turns furiously] I'M GONNA GET YOU! [Oscar shrieks, Don Lino starts chasing him]
Oscar, swim! [opens the door] Swim for your life! [Don Lino gets wedged in a porthole while chasing Oscar]
Don Lino [calling after Oscar]
You're gonna regret the day you became the Sharkslayer!
[appears in another porthole]
Well, well, well...look who's stuck in the porthole.
Don Lino Huh?
You still hungry, big guy? Well, say hello to my little friends! [A bunch of shrimps appear and attack Lino]
Hello, Sykes' Whale Wash; And the price... [sees Don Lino chasing Oscar; alarmed] OH MY GOSH!
All right. [not knowing] Hey, you got it right! [suddenly sees Don Lino also. They swim away in fear]
Okay, somebody needs to get me out of the bubble. Today.
[Oscar pops the bubble, dreeing Angie.]
Angie...
The Sharkslayer does it again. This time, luring two sharks into his death-trap of hygiene.
[Oscar is being surrounded by the crowd cheering.]
Oscar, you're the somebody everybody wants to be. The top of the food chain. Tell our cameras how it feels to be you.
Oscar, get me outta here, quick. I need a head start to get as far away as possible.
Don Lino Look what you did to him.
It's a big misunderstanding. If you just--
Sharkslayer. Over here! One more question sharkslayer.
C Crowd
[chanting]
Sharkslayer. [in slow motion] Sharkslayer.
[The crowd is cheering for Oscar for trapping Lino and Lenny in the Whale Wash machines] [finally had it enough]
STOP! I AM NOT A REAL SHARKSLAYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRER!!!! [the crowd stops cheering and stares in disbelief, and Angie stops to look back] I lied.
Don Lino [shocked]
What?
[tearfully]
And I'm not a real financial adviser!
[awkwardly]
Okay... [to Don Lino] It was an anchor that killed Frankie. I didn't have anything to do with it, and neither did Lenny.
Don Lino [to Lenny]
Well then... If that was true, why did you run away?
Because you always wanted me to be like Frankie. I'll never be the shark you want me to be.
[to Don Lino]
What is your problem?! So your son likes kelp, so his best friend is a fish, so he likes to dress like a dolphin! So what?! Everybody loves him, just the way he is. Why can't you? Don't make the same mistake that I did. I didn't know what I had...until I lost it.
Don Lino [Unnoticed by him, Angie looks moved in the background] [close to tears]
Can you get me outta this, so I can hug my kid, and tell him I'm sorry?
Don Lino [Oscar frees Lino and Lenny from the Whale Wash machines]
Come here, you. [hugs Lenny] I love you, son. No matter what you eat, or how you dress.
[sees her]
Angie? Oh, Angie. I wish I knew now what I knew then. I mean...I wish you knew...what I knew...before this...
Mind your business, all right?! It's emotional...and it's pressure! [turns back to Angie] What I'm saying is...I didn't need the Top of the Reef. Everything I ever wanted...was right in front of me the whole time.
But what about being a somebody?
I'm a nobody without you. [Angie smiles. Crazy Joe pulls out his puppets making kissing noises] [awkwardly: to Joe] You're not helping. [chuckles]
Oh. Come here, you big dumb, dummy head! [kisses Oscar]
I never told you two this, but you're the best henchmen a guy ever had. Come on, group hug.
Sorry, man. Come, Sykes, try again, mon. Don't fret.
Forget it. The moment's gone.
So, uh, Lino... Uh, Don... We cool, right? I mean, like the reef is safe? Walk the streets, you know, without... aaah! You know.
Don Lino Yeah, we're cool.
[cheering]
Oscar. Excuse me. You've lost everything you lied so hard to achieve. Tell me, what's next for you?
Come on, everyone's waiting, Mr. Manager.
All right, I just gotta put the finishing touch on my new desk. Love ya, Pop.
All right, partner, let's see what you can do.
Sykes and Oscar's Whale Wash is now open for business.
[crowd cheering] [Christina Aguilera and Missy Elliott: "Car Wash"]
Yo, E, B. Let's get this party bumping.
Yo, yo. It's E and B on the wheels of steel.
Yo, Christina. Missy. How about we have a little Oscar-licious fun? Don't try this at home. Warm it up. I be warming it up. Okay, Jimbo, let it go!
Hey, Angie, sorry Pop and I are late, but we brought some new customers.
Come on, snap your fin. Snap it. You're not snapping it.
Don Lino I'm snapping it, I'm snapping it!
That's okay, a lot of great whites can't do it, yo.
Don Lino Yo?
Don Lino What's up with what?
Yo-yo-yo, yo-yo-yo, yo-yo-yo-yo...
Don Lino [threatening]
Hey, you say "Yo" one more time, and I'm gonna yo you!
OK, dude, I pimped your hide.
O Orca
Hey. You think this is funny? What am I, a clown to you?
Keep up with me. Don't let me lose ya. You know I'll lose ya.
You don't want none of this.
You gotta be kidding. Break it down, fellas. You got served.
