Hey, Crazy Joe!
Crazy Joe Now you live in a great penthouse, can I be your financial advisor?
That's a billboard, Crazy Joe.
Crazy Joe You live in a billboard? And they call me crazy!
Played by David P. Smith 
Shark Tale (2004) · 53 quotes
Shark Tale (2004) · 53 quotes
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Shark Tale (2004): in 13 of its 53 quotes
Most scenes with: Oscar (8), Lenny (5), Sykes (3)
Scenes with Crazy Joe
13 scenes Crazy Joe Crazy Joe STOP! I AM NOT A REAL SHARKSLAYER! [The crowd stops cheering and stares in disbelief.] I lied.
Crazy Joe [tearfully]
And I'm not a real financial adviser!
[awkwardly]
Okay... [to Lino] It was an anchor that killed Frankie. I didn't have anything to do with it, and neither did Lenny.
Because you always wanted me to be like Frankie. I'll never be the shark you want me to be.
[to Lino]
What is your problem?! So your son likes kelp, so his best friend is a fish, so he likes to dress like a dolphin! So what?! Everybody loves him, just the way he is. Why can't you? Don't make the same mistake that I did. I didn't know what I had... until I lost it.
[Unnoticed by him, Angie looks moved in the background] [close to tears]
Will you get me outta this, so I can hug my kid, and tell him I'm sorry?
[Oscar frees Lino and Lenny from the Whale Wash machines]
Come here, you. [hugs Lenny] I love you, son. No matter what you eat, or how you dress.
Hi, I'm Oscar. You might think you know, but you have no idea. [rap music] Welcome to my crib. The good life, the way the other half lives. Check it out, I got my 60" inch high-def, flatscreen TV with 6-speaker surround-sound, CD, DVD, PlayStation hook-up, and an 8-track player for days when you're feeling just a little... [beatbox] old school. [laughs] 'Cause even a superstar Mack daddy fish like me has to have the necessities.
Shorty #1
[appears]
Yeah, like money! [Camera zooms out to show Oscar standing in front of billboard ad]
Come on, Shorties, why you messing with my fantasy?
Shorty #1
'Cause you're so broke, your baloney has no first name.
That's very funny.
Crazy Joe Hey, Oscar. Over here. I gotta talk to ya.
Be right there. Hang onto these.
Shorty #3
Oscar, you da fish.
Yo, dude.
Yo, Crazy Joe!
Crazy Joe Now that you live in a great penthouse, can I be your financial advisor?
That's a billboard, Crazy Joe.
Crazy Joe You live in a billboard? And they call me crazy! [laughs insanely while floating away with an umbrella]
Shorty #1
Hey, Oscar! Look who came to visit!
[turns around and freaks out]
YAAH!!! [They shorties spray-painted the billboard with a pic of Oscar being devoured by a shark bursting through the penthouse floor]
No, don't do that! Shouldn't you kids be in school?
Shouldn't you be at work?
Right back at me, eh? Little smart mouth? Now I'm on my way and y'all stay outta trouble. [turns back to the graffiti] And clean that stuff up!
Shorty #3
See ya! [The Shorties clean the graffiti]
Crazy Joe [Missy Elliott: "Car Wash"]
See ya, Oscar. [laughs]
Yo, what's up, fellas? Big O's in the house.
Crab
Hi, Oscar.
Eels
Hi, Oscar!
What's up? Hey. Reef side. Yo, Johnson, is it lunch yet?
Johnson
You just got here.
That's my point. Hey, Headphone Guy. Looking good, ladies.
Turtle
Hey, Oscar.
Keep up the bad work. Huh? I'm already punched in? Angie.
Lenny, if you want to make Pop happy, you've got to kill something.
Or, I could find an old, sick fish and just wait.
It's getting around, the other day at the restaurant, you know how fish talk. Biddi-bip, biddi-bop, this-that, the other, then how you doing? Boom! Forget about it, ya dead.
Okay, seriously, I can't understand wise-guy, so you're gonna have to be specific.
Oh specific? You want specific? [smacks him] Be a shark for once in your life!
Ow! [downhearted] Oh, what am I going to do?
[apologetically]
Oh, Lenny, forget it about, okay, look, we do a couple practice runs, badda-bing, badda-boom, Pop's happy, you're a shark, life goes on, capisce?
Okay, okay, capisce.
[noticing Oscar's anchoring]
Wait, wait... Whoa. Bingo. Right there, dead ahead. You see it? TV Dinner. [the two hunker on the outer border of the divot] Don't get easier than this.
All right. Come on. Eye of the tiger. Frankie, I can do this! What if I can't do this?
Then don't bother coming home.
Good point! All right. [swims to the bottom of the wasteland]
Hit him in the tail again. I like the funny face he make.
On the face. Yeah.
BLOW OUT! [they swim away in panic]
[Manages to get an arm free and removes his gag]
Uh... Guys? Guys, don't leave me alone. Come on, there could be sharks out here!
[he is near, Oscar notices him and screams]
Oh, no. Wait. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I'm not gonna…
Lenny.
What?
Like this. [makes animalistic chews motions and sounds, Lenny licks Oscar's back, only to recoil in disgust]
Just get it over with. Wait a minute. Do me a favor, don't chew me. I'm not for that.
I'm not gonna eat you.
Come on! Don't do the whole head trip thing with me.
Listen to me. Don't move until I tell you. [bites the seaweed free]
Ahhh! Back up! [Lenny makes animalistic noises as he fans the sand around him to make a cloud and obscure Frankie's vision]
That's it, Len. There you go, buddy! That's it. Wave those fins, baby! Dig in!
Huh?
Now, when I turn around, you take off. Tastes just like chicken. [Turns around acting like he has devoured Oscar] Mmm. Mmm.
[seeing Oscar behind Lenny; facepalming]
Oh, no! [Lenny looks and notice Oscar is still there.] OH!!!
What did I tell you?!
I'm sorry. I didn't get it. You want me to go now?!
What are you doing?! Just go!
That's it! I've had enough to here! [snarls. Having enough of Lenny not eating Oscar, Frankie charged right at Oscar to eat him.]
Oh, no!
Hurry! Swim! No, Frankie, wait!
NO!!! Get you boy! Get you boy! EEF! EEV! OH, NO!
[Before Frankie can eat Oscar, an anchor suddenly drops from a ship above and strikes Frankie on the head before he could bite the fish. Ernie and Bernie turn their heads fast from the distant. Lenny sees Frankie badly injured by a fallen anchor.] [gasps]
Frankie! [bites the chain of the anchor and throws the anchor to the other side]
I'm here, Frankie.
Come closer.
Yes, what is it?
I'm so cold...
That's just because we're cold-blooded. [Frankie angrily slaps him] Ow!
Frankie, no.... [gasps, wailing] NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [sobs] This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Frankie! How am I ever gonna explain this to Pop...? [gasps] Oh, no! [tearfully swims away and passes Oscar, who squeaks and lands in front of the now-deceased Frankie]
[finds Frankie dead behind him, thinks he's alive, and starts screaming crazily]
Watch it! Back up! I'm crazy! I be tripping! [makes karate moves and noises until he accidentally kicks Bernie]
Ow! What the...?! [Oscar, Ernie, and Bernie start screaming loudly; Oscar hides behind the dead Frankie, protesting]
Don't hurt us! We're sorry! It was all Ernie's idea! [Ernie nods, then looks at Bernie angrily. Then they were surprised]
Oscar?
Did you kill that shark?!
[looks down at Frankie's body before having an idea]
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Exactly how it looks; that's how it is.
What happened?
Oh, you... You want to know what happened.
Yeah.
You're standing on top of a shark. Go on, Mon.
Well, I'll tell you what happened. [Cut to the outside of the Whale Wash, as Oscar tells lies to the fish about killing the shark]
Big old shark, about 75, 100 feet long. So, he's swimming at me, right? With teeth like razors.
Razors.
And I was all like, "You come at me like that? You come at the O like that?"
Hey, do the muscle thing! The muscle thing!
Oh, right, right, right, right. So I told that dude, I said, "You see this guy?" [points at right bicep] And I pointed like this, "Well, he's got a brother, and he lives right over here." [points at left bicep] "And I think it's time for a little..."
Oscar and Angie
Family reunion! [Everyone cheers]
You see, mon. I told you.
We were right there. Right here.
Pardon me. Move it!
Oh. Sorry. Sorry. She seems so nice on TV.
Oscar, Katie Current. As the first fish in history to ever take on a shark and win, tell me: Does this mean you're now protector of the reef, new sheriff in town, the big kahuna?
Katie, I'm gonna keep it real. I can call you Katie, right?
Of course.
Any shark try to mess around in Oscartown is going down! [crowd cheering]
Yeah, it's poetic. In the heat I get poetic.
Oscar. Hmm. Oscar.
[shooting the press away]
Get out of here, you barracudas. Any further questions will be fielded by me.
And you are?
I'm his manager. Sykes, with a "y".
Crazy Joe And I'm his financial advisor. [everyone turns confused to Joe] You want to see my puppets? [raspy voice] Hello.
Could you excuse us for a moment, please? [to Sykes in a hushed tone] My manager?
Kid, you're a superstar. We're gonna make a fortune! Just let me handle it.
What about the 5 Gs?
Forget the 5 Gs. From now on, we're partners.
So what are we talking about here?
I'm thinking 90-10 split.
That's generous.
You're the I'm 10 I take my 90 off the top.
I don't think so.
Talk to me.
You get 15.
70.
20.
75.
Dude, you're going the wrong way.
Oscar and Sykes
50/50.
You happy?
No. You happy?
No.
Oscar and Sykes
Deal. [They dap one another up successfully]
My manager and I are now prepared to take your questions.
Oscar, are you going to continue working here at the Wash?
Please, I barely work here now. [everyone laughs]
Keep it up, kid. You're slaying 'em.
No. He's slaying sharks.
Hey, that's good. That's good, I like that. Oscar the Sharkslayer.
Whoa! A sharkslayer.
You heard it here first. From now on, any shark tries to bother this reef, it's his funeral.
[Both Oscar and Lenny are sneaking through Southside drain unseen] [whispers]
Okay, Lenny. Follow my every move, and don't make a sound.
[whispers]
You got it. [echoes] Oh an echo. [a little louder] Echooo! Now batting for the Southside Sharks #15-- [Oscar slaps him] Ow! It's not okay to hit!
[# Justin Timberlake & Timbaland: Good Foot] [They get out of the manhole cover and hide once the police dolphin passed. Lenny was told to stay here as Oscar stealthy swims to the Whale Wash warehouse. Oscar tells him to stay quiet once he comes out.]
Get your tail in there.
Do you think anybody heard that?
Crazy Joe Who was that? Who? Hey. Who's out there?
Yo. Crazy Joe.
Crazy Joe I thought I heard something. Did you get that shark?
You have no idea, Joe.
Crazy Joe That's great. Well, gotta go. My show's on.
Hey, a bed. Oh, yeah, that's good. That's heaven, yeah. Snuggly, buggly, wuggly. I love you, man.
Whoa. Hold up.
You're my new best friend.
Stop it. Okay, you wanna be friends? Fine. But we gotta lay down some rules. Rule number one: No snuggly, buggly... Whatever that just was.
You got it. Anything else?
Rule number two, and this is the most important rule. In the event that possibly you get hungry...
Don't worry, I won't eat anyone. If you haven't noticed, I'm different from other sharks. Let's put it that way, leave it at that. Good night.
Define "different".
You'll laugh.
I'm not gonna laugh.
That's what you say, and then what happens later? You laugh.
Lenny, I give you my word.
Okay, I will tell you. I'm... I'm a vegetarian.
What do you mean, that's it? You're the first fish I ever told. I'm tired of keeping it a secret. And my dad, he'll never accept me for who I am. What's wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you, man. I think all sharks should be like you.
God, that's sweet of you to say.
And stop blaming yourself for what happened.
Really?
If you wanna blame anybody, blame me. If I hadn't been there in the first place, none of this would've happened.
Gee, if Pop knew that, he'd ice you for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, he is. [Oscar realizes this and gulps in fear as the background spins behind him] Hey. Are you alright? [Then the background drops backwards to the ground, and the shark from Oscar's right gobbles him up. We pull back as it was revealed to be the video games that Ernie and Bernie are playing video games]
Oh, man. I told you.
I'm doing it.
X, circle, X, X, double left, square, right trigger down-down, square-square.
Oh, double square! Respect.
Respect.
[Music plays "Get it Together" by India Arie. Oscar leaves in whale wash warehouse, heartbreaks, swimming in the city, looking at the TV screen as Oscar holding at Lenny's mouth.]
You can't handle the truth. You've got Shark Breath. [Oscar on TV screen eating the mint, word saying with ding sounds: " 'O' mints, on the next one, drinking the soda bottle, "Coral Cola" choir singing "Get Real", the fish kids playing the bubbles.]
What you kids doing? How many times I have to tell you? It's past your bedtime. Go on.
Crazy Joe [Shortie #3 spaying with can at her shell]
Hey. What are you kids up to? That looks pretty good. You guys should do this for a living. [back in Oscar's Apartment, going outside, Oscar saw the whale.]
Preparation "O". It slays hemorrhoids like Oscar slays sharks. Hey, Oscar. Preparation O.
Angie was right. I am a joke.
Hey, Sharkslayer. Why are you out here? All your friends are inside.
Not all my friends.
You mean that little bottom feeder from the Whale Wash? Forget about her. She's a nobody.
No, I'm the nobody.
[laughs]
Oh, let me guess. She told you that she loves you. Is that it? [laughs] It's not like you feel the same way about her. [laughs]
[realizing he loves Angie more than Lola]
You know what, I don't think this is gonna work out.
[chuckles, but then stops]
Wait. Are you dumping me? [Oscar sadly nods, but gasps as she gives him a livid glare] Let me explain something to you. [Cut to inside]
[dances with a fish girl]
We're gonna party like it's your birthday... [they suddenly hear a thudding sound and see Lola whacking Oscar against the windows with a thunk] Ha! Young love. [he and the other partygoers laugh. Lola angrily slams Oscar one more time and sulks away. Oscar slowly slides down, his saliva leaves an impression of a heart implanted on the window. The Four Tops: "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)"]
Hey, Oscar!
Hey, I can't talk. I gotta find Angie. I need to tell her... I love her!
Man
[singing]
You come and you go...
Way to go, Oscar.
Okay, somebody needs to get me out of the bubble. Today.
The Sharkslayer does it again. This time, luring two sharks into his death-trap of hygiene.
Wait no.
[Oscar is being surrounded by the crowd cheering.]
Oscar, you're the somebody everybody wants to be. The top of the food chain. Tell our cameras how it feels to be you.
Angie.
Oscar, get me outta here, quick. I need a head start to get as far away as possible.
Look what you did to him.
It's a big misunderstanding. If you just--
Sharkslayer. Over here! One more question sharkslayer.
Crowd
[chanting]
Sharkslayer. [in slow motion] Sharkslayer.
[The crowd is cheering for Oscar for trapping Lino and Lenny in the Whale Wash machines] [finally had it enough]
STOP! I AM NOT A REAL SHARKSLAYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRER!!!! [the crowd stops cheering and stares in disbelief, and Angie stops to look back] I lied.
Crazy Joe [tearfully]
And I'm not a real financial adviser!
[awkwardly]
Okay... [to Don Lino] It was an anchor that killed Frankie. I didn't have anything to do with it, and neither did Lenny.
Because you always wanted me to be like Frankie. I'll never be the shark you want me to be.
[to Don Lino]
What is your problem?! So your son likes kelp, so his best friend is a fish, so he likes to dress like a dolphin! So what?! Everybody loves him, just the way he is. Why can't you? Don't make the same mistake that I did. I didn't know what I had...until I lost it.
[Unnoticed by him, Angie looks moved in the background] [close to tears]
Can you get me outta this, so I can hug my kid, and tell him I'm sorry?
[Oscar frees Lino and Lenny from the Whale Wash machines]
Come here, you. [hugs Lenny] I love you, son. No matter what you eat, or how you dress.
[sees her]
Angie? Oh, Angie. I wish I knew now what I knew then. I mean...I wish you knew...what I knew...before this...
Crazy Joe You're blowing it, man!
Mind your business, all right?! It's emotional...and it's pressure! [turns back to Angie] What I'm saying is...I didn't need the Top of the Reef. Everything I ever wanted...was right in front of me the whole time.
But what about being a somebody?
I'm a nobody without you. [Angie smiles. Crazy Joe pulls out his puppets making kissing noises] [awkwardly: to Joe] You're not helping. [chuckles]
Oh. Come here, you big dumb, dummy head! [kisses Oscar]
I never told you two this, but you're the best henchmen a guy ever had. Come on, group hug.
Sorry, man. Come, Sykes, try again, mon. Don't fret.
Forget it. The moment's gone.
So, uh, Lino... Uh, Don... We cool, right? I mean, like the reef is safe? Walk the streets, you know, without... aaah! You know.
Yeah, we're cool.
[cheering]
Oscar. Excuse me. You've lost everything you lied so hard to achieve. Tell me, what's next for you?
[arrives at Oscar's former penthouse]
Hello? Hello? Oscar? Listen, Baby, I know I was a bad girl, but you'd have to be crazy not to take me back.
Crazy Joe [appears in front of Lola]
Did someone say crazy?
Crazy Joe Hey! You gonna eat the rest of your popcorn? [eats the popcorn, groaning] Too much butter! Hey! A nacho! [eats the nacho]
Crazy Joe [# Mary J Blige: Got To Be Real] [flies up to the end credits]
You're not even halfway done yet.
Crazy Joe [# Cheryl Lynn: Sweet Kind Of Life]
What? You see this guy? He hardly worked on the movie at all! Always on the phone, yakking, yakking, yakking. Hah!
Crazy Joe [# Pussycat Dolls: We Went As Far As We Felt Like Going]
Man, have you guys seen what's playing next door? Hoo-hoo! Stinky!
Other characters in Shark Tale
Oscar
Will Smith
Lenny
Jack Black
Sykes
Martin Scorsese
Ernie
Ziggy Marley
Bernie
Doug E. Doug
Angie
Renée Zellweger
Don Lino
Robert De Niro
Luca
Vincent Pastore
Lola
Angelina Jolie
Frankie
Michael Imperioli
Katie Current
Katie Couric
Don Feinberg
Peter Falk
Fish
Mrs. Sanchez
Shelley Morrison
Pontrelli
Saverio Guerra
Shark
Shorties
Shorty #2
Shrimp
David Soren
Whale
Sean Bishop