Good morning. Can I help you?
Whale One wash and mouth, please.
Whale Please.
Kelp Scrape. We're having a special, what do you say?
Whale Why not? It's mating season, and I'm feeling lucky! [leaves]
[Phone rings]
Whale of the wash, and the price... [blissful sigh] Oh, my gosh. [camera pans to Angie doodling her crush on Oscar] May I suggest a barnacle peel? Removes lines and salt damage. Good.
OH, MY GOSH! [quickly hides her secret paper] Hi Oscar!
Thanks for covering for me. [over the phone] Hey yo, Angie needs to get her freak on! Could ya hold for one moment please? Thanks, dawg! [hangs up]
Come on, Ang! Dance with me, mama! ♪ You might not ever be rich! ♪
Oscar! You're gonna get me fired!
You? Fired? [scoffs] That can't happen, 'cause then I'd have absolutely NO reason to come to work.
[sheepishly]
Oh, you don't mean that.
'Course I do. You're, like, my best friend. [Angie gasps; then when Oscar's not looks, dramatically pretends to jab herself in the heart with her pen. When Oscar turns back to her, she quickly hides the pen with a sheepish giggle] Listen, tell me what you think about this. This is like the best idea ever, all right. It's a sure thing, guaranteed cash extravaganza. Bottled water.
All I need is an advance on my paycheck from the boss and, Ang, I am out of this place. I mean, I am... pschoo!
Oscar. Instead of getting in Mr. Sykes' face with another get-rich-quick scheme, go do something you're actually good at: your job, which by some miracle you still have.
Oh. I almost forgot. I brought you some breakfast.
You didn't. Kelpy Kremes?
Your favorite. By the way, you're still on hold.
Oh, my gosh! Thank you for holding. Busy, busy. Go. How can I help you? No, I'm sorry. Mr. Sykes is at a meeting right now. He won't be back till later.
[A dark ship. The camera fades in, showing Don Lino feeding his fish] [to his fish]
How are my babies this morning? You miss me? You doing good? Huh? Huh? [To Sykes] You see, Sykes, it's a fish-eat-fish world, [he drops a food pellet into the tank] you either take, or you get taken. [The fish sprout razor teeth and devour the pellet as Lino closes the tank's lid]
[hastily]
Truer words have never been spoken. Is that it? That all? We done?
Now, you and me, we worked together a long, long, long time.
Please, Don Lino, it's hardly been like work.
Let me finish. That I've lived my life for my sons. Raising and protecting them...
You're the best! He's the best, right? Am I right or am I wrong? Am I right?
It's all been to prepare...
Yeah. It's all right. ...for the day they run the reef. Well, today is that day. [pauses; The record player gets stuck] Luca.
[moves the needle; the record player plays "Baby Got Back" by Six Mix-a-Lot; Luca quickly moves the needle again and it cuts off]
Hey, Boss, big butts! [chuckles]
[facepalming]
Oy vey. Long story short, from now on yous work for Frankie and Lenny. Capiche?
[laughs a bit]
Lenny? Frankie, I understand, but Lenny? You can't be serious.
I'm dead serious. It takes more than muscle to run things. Now Lenny, he's got the brains. That's something special.
What's that supposed to mean?
Nothing. I'm just saying...
Hey, I bring you in here, look you in the eye, tell you what's what, and what?
"What, what" nothing. You said "what" first.
I didn't say what first. I asked you what.
No, you said "And then what?", and I said "What?"
[confused]
No, I said "what what", like what, what?! [brief pauses]
[breakling paused]
You said "what" first.
[annoyed]
Now you're makin' fun of me?!
[hastily]
No, no, no, no, you misunderstood! [His sons arrived]
Sorry we're late, Pop. Lenny had an accident. He was born.
[sarcastic laughter]
You're a comic genius.
Look, all I'm saying is the kid ain't exactly no killer.
My Lenny is a killer! Ya hear me? A cold-blooded killer! Look at him! [Lino and Sykes both notice Lenny obliviously spinning around on his chair; Frankie shakes his head]
[paused; moreness annoyedling]
That's it. That's IT! You are OUT!
[shocked]
What?! [inflates; high pitched] Whaddya mean I'm "out"?!
You're fired! [pushes Sykes; Sykes screams and lands on a picture across the room] And on top of that, you're gonna have to start paying me!
[ominously]
So nothing happens to that little Whale Wash of yours. [Cut to the Oscar and workers at the Whale Wash]
[while shoveled the slime off the whale's tongue]
Welcome to Oscar's crib. 60 foot slime-covered tongue with canker sores, swim-in cavities and plankton-encrusted teeth for when I feel a little… [exasperated] old school!
Ah, stop your moaning, Oscar! It could be a lot worse, you know?
Yeah, that's true. I could have this job, and look like you! [laughs; sudden rumbling] Indigestion... SHE'S GONNA BLOW! [Workers start scattering]
K Knuckles
Wait! Headphone Guy's still in there. [Headphone Guy is cleaning the whale, oblivious to the rumbling]
[yelling]
I GOT YOU, HEADPHONE GUY! [he and Headphone Guy brace themselves on the whale's uvula. The scrubbers peak when...the whale let us out a small belch, sending some slime onto Oscar. The workers laughs]
[groans as he rubs the slime off him]
Still think it could be worse?
Yeah! I could look like you!
Haha! Ya'll funny. Well, see if you laugh at THIS! [throws slimeball at Pontrelli, who ducks with a laughs, and it hits in splat instructor Johnson, causing him to stagger around and accidentally hits a button that sprays soap in the whale's eye, causing the whale to screams in pain and anogy]
Whale Ohh! Ohh! My eye! OHH!!
SOAP IN THE EYE, SOAP IN THE EYE! [Flips the emergency; the grabbers grab the screams whale very tightly; quickly cleans the whale's eye] It's alright. I'ma get you some nice coupons, we gonna get you a free hot wax and all you like that? Alright, go ahead, Big Baby.
Whale Thanks, Oscar.
Alright. [gets slapped on the back by Ernie and shocked, causing the bucket to land on his head]
Well, look who it is, Bernie.
Just the fish we're looking for.
Yeah. [Oscar struggles to remove the bucket]
The boss be needing to see you right now.
[getting the bucket off]
Ernie, Bernie, my jellyfish brothers. Boo-ya-ka. Hey, what's up, man? Man, it's good to see y'all... Huh? What'd you say, Ang? Okay. Fellas, I'm gonna go ahead over there. [singing] But don't worry [beatboxes] About a thing 'Cause every little thing [Bernie and Ernie shakes the head no] Is gonna be all right... [gets slapped again]
That's not the way you sing that song, one. [Cut into the Oscar is tossed into Sykes' office and rolls into his desk]
Hey, Sykes! My brother from another mother. What the deezy, baby? [Oscar tries dapping Sykes up, who sighs annoyed at his antics] Show me dat. What's going down? Hey, baby, this is all gravy today. Now snap your fin... Snap it. You're not snapping it...
[pulls his hand back]
Oscar!
Hey, don't sweat it. A lot of white fish can't do it.
Oscar, would you just sit down, okay?
[Ernie and Bernie force him into a chair]
Thank you.
I've been going over my markers. You're into me for five grand. 5 G's, okay?
5 Gs? Man, you tripping, 5 Gs.
Oh, yeah? See if [throws unpaid loan documents at Oscar] this refreshes your memory.
[As he picks them back up into a pile and places them on Sykes' desk]
That's crazy, look at that. You wrote everything down so you wouldn't forget. This a perfect example of why you're in management, and I'm not. You go, boy.
Look, I have to start paying Don Lino protection, so everything you owe me, you owe him!
Simple - the food chain! [pulls out chart] You see, on top there's Don Lino, there's me, and there's regular fish.
No. There's plankton, there's single-celled amoebas.
I'm getting there, I'm getting there. There's coral, there's rocks, there's whale poo, and then there's you.
So if Don Lino's squeezing me... he's squeezing you!
What? [the chart suddenly pulls up, catching Sykes in the chin]
Easy, boss. Find a happy place.
There is no happy place with him around! [agitated he puffs up; higher pitched] I'm SERIOUS!
AH! All right, look! Just give me another chance-! I-I'm begging you, Sykes please! Please!
[high-pitched]
All right. [deflates; normally] Because I "like" you, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to pay up.
All of it? How am I supposed to do that?
That's your problem. Bring me 5,000 clams to the racetrack tomorrow, or else.
The boys will explain. [exits his office]
[Ernie and Bernie approach Oscar while grinning and laughing in a threatening manner; cut to black as they sting him as a warning] [off-screen and strained]
Unpleasant.
[Music plays "Get it Together" by India Arie. Oscar leaves in whale wash warehouse, heartbreaks, swimming in the city, looking at the TV screen as Oscar holding at Lenny's mouth.]
You can't handle the truth. You've got Shark Breath. [Oscar on TV screen eating the mint, word saying with ding sounds: " 'O' mints, on the next one, drinking the soda bottle, "Coral Cola" choir singing "Get Real", the fish kids playing the bubbles.]
What you kids doing? How many times I have to tell you? It's past your bedtime. Go on.
[Shortie #3 spaying with can at her shell]
Hey. What are you kids up to? That looks pretty good. You guys should do this for a living. [back in Oscar's Apartment, going outside, Oscar saw the whale.]
Whale Preparation "O". It slays hemorrhoids like Oscar slays sharks. Hey, Oscar. Preparation O.
Angie was right. I am a joke.
Hey, Sharkslayer. Why are you out here? All your friends are inside.
You mean that little bottom feeder from the Whale Wash? Forget about her. She's a nobody.
[laughs]
Oh, let me guess. She told you that she loves you. Is that it? [laughs] It's not like you feel the same way about her. [laughs]
[realizing he loves Angie more than Lola]
You know what, I don't think this is gonna work out.
[chuckles, but then stops]
Wait. Are you dumping me? [Oscar sadly nods, but gasps as she gives him a livid glare] Let me explain something to you. [Cut to inside]
[dances with a fish girl]
We're gonna party like it's your birthday... [they suddenly hear a thudding sound and see Lola whacking Oscar against the windows with a thunk] Ha! Young love. [he and the other partygoers laugh. Lola angrily slams Oscar one more time and sulks away. Oscar slowly slides down, his saliva leaves an impression of a heart implanted on the window. The Four Tops: "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)"]
Hey, I can't talk. I gotta find Angie. I need to tell her... I love her!
M Man
[singing]
You come and you go...
