Jonathan Barnavelt quotes from The House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018)

View Quote [First lines, writing letter] Dear Lewis: Enclosed, please find one bus ticket and two silver dollars for your trip to Michigan. I'm really sorry about the loss of your parents. Your mom was my sister, so that makes you family. And I'll do my best to make you feel right at home. As Einstein said, life is like a bicycle. To stay balanced, you got to keep moving forward. And so will we. I look forward to meeting you. Your Uncle Jonathan. PS Sorry for the stain on the letter. That's chocolate.

View Quote [Last lines, when the Griffin's topiary waste splat onto the Chair with The End card] Bad kitty! Use the litter box!

View Quote Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

View Quote There's a clock in the walls. We don't know what it does, except... something horrible.

View Quote [To Lewis] I can give you the right books, teach you the right spells, but that last 1%, that's up to you.

View Quote We don't know where the clock is or what it does, except something horrible. No, we gotta do the responsible thing: lie to the kid.

View Quote [Upon being surrounded by possessed pumpkins] Don't worry, their teeth are made of pumpkin, they can't really hurt us. [Pumpkin projectile vomits in his face] Okay, I made that one up.

View Quote Jonathan Barnavelt: Have a look around, it's perfectly safe... [a tentacled monster opens a door, Jonathan shoves it back]
Lewis Barnavelt: That's safe?
Jonathan Barnavelt: As long as it's fed.

View Quote Lewis Barnavelt: But, Uncle Jonathan, don't I have to have dinner before I'm allowed to have cookies?
Jonathan Barnavelt: Well, why not just eat cookies for dinner? They're far more delicious.
Lewis Barnavelt: I know. It's just, we had these house rules.
Jonathan Barnavelt: Well, not in this house. There's no bedtime, bath-time or meal-time. You can eat cookies till you throw up for all I care. You'll see. Things are quite different here.

View Quote Mrs. Hanchett: [Early one night] You've been playing your saxophone again.
Jonathan Barnavelt: Madame, not everyone can appreciate the intricacies of a free-form jazz odyssey.
Mrs. Hanchett: I don't care what you play. But you're playing at 3:00 in the morning, so I'm begging you.
Jonathan Barnavelt: I'll try to keep it down around 3:00 a.m. But, uh -- them's my best jammin' hours!

View Quote Lewis Barnavelt: So, how long have you lived next door to Uncle Jonathan?
Florence Zimmerman: Oh, we've been friends forever, ever since I came here. Ran here, actually. From Paris. After the War. [Notices Lewis giving her a sly grin] And no, to answer that look you're giving me, your uncle and I aren't anything kissy-faced.
Jonathan Barnavelt: [In another room, but he overheard that] Gross!

View Quote Mrs. Zimmerman: So, you told Lewis everything?
Jonathan Barnavelt: Well, not everything.

View Quote Jonathan Barnavelt: [The clock strikes] Three gongs... Last time, it was four. What happens when it gets down to one?
Mrs. Zimmerman: Nothing good, that's for certain.

View Quote Lewis Barnavelt: [After preparing for Isaac Izzard's reapparition] Uncle Jonathan... This is my fault.
Jonathan Barnavelt: Lewis, you helped us, you're the one who decoded the blueprints.
Lewis Barnavelt: No. I mean, I'm the one who brought Isaac back.
Mrs. Zimmerman: Lewis?
Jonathan Barnavelt: What are you talking about?
Lewis Barnavelt: I opened the cabinet. I used your book. I-I'm so, so, so sorry.
Jonathan Barnavelt: No, you couldn't have. You don't know enough magic to pull off a spell like that.
Lewis Barnavelt: I just followed the directions. I bled onto the book.
Mrs. Zimmerman: Oh, Lewis. Blood magic?
Jonathan Barnavelt: That was my one rule.
Lewis Barnavelt: I-I know. I'm sorry.
Jonathan Barnavelt: And you broke it?
Lewis Barnavelt: I didn't mean to.
Jonathan Barnavelt: So you opened a forbidden cabinet and performed an unholy ritual on accident?
Lewis Barnavelt: I didn't know Isaac was evil. You never told me.
Jonathan Barnavelt: Oh, so this is my fault?
Lewis Barnavelt: I didn't say that.
Jonathan Barnavelt: [Furious now] Then what are you saying? What the hell were you thinking?
Lewis Barnavelt: [Sobbing] I just wanted Tarby to be my friend again. And I want my parents back. And I figured, if it worked here, I could go home and try it on them. I just want my mom.
Jonathan Barnavalet: [More calmly] I'm sorry. It was a mistake, you coming here.

View Quote Jonathan Barnavelt: [upon listening to Isaac telling story of meeting his so-called teacher in the Black Forest] That wasn't a warlock. It wasn't even human. That was a demon, you reckless idiot!
Isaac Izzard: [chuckles] Yes, Azazel, the fourth prince of Hell.