Dewey quotes from School of Rock (2003)

Dewey

Okay, Miss Dumbum ain't your teacher today, I am. And I have a headache, and the runs.

Dewey

We will continue our lecture on the Man when we return. Have a good music class.

Dewey

Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.

Dewey

The School of Rock. And we shall teach rock ‘n’ roll to the world.

Dewey

Now you played hard in here, people, and I am proud of every last stinking one of you. So let's just give this everything we got. We may fall on our faces, but if we do, we will fall with dignity! With a guitar in our hands, and rock in our hearts! And in the words of AC/DC: "We roll tonight to the guitar bite, and for those about to rock, I salute you."

Dewey

I heard you in music class. You guys can really play. [angrily] Why didn't anyone tell me?!

Dewey

Dude, is my face okay? I think you melted it off! [laughs]

Patty

He is a lazy freeloader, and it's time for all this dysfunction to stop.

Ned

Keep it... Can't we just do this later? I mean, you know how he gets in the morning.

Patty

Ned, aren't you tired of letting people push you around?

Ned

Yes. [sighs]

Patty

Then get in there and do it! [Ned refuses, so Patty pulls the curtain aside]

Dewey

What? What is it?

Ned

Dewey, hey, it's the first of the month, and, uh, I would like your share of the rent now, please.

Dewey

Oh, man! You know I don't have it! You wake me up for that? Come on, man! [falls back asleep]

Ned

Sorry. [Patty glares at him fiercely; more sternly] Dewey! I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.

Patty

Yeah, try $2,200!

Dewey

Okay, you guys, the band is about to hit it bigtime. We're gonna win Battle of the Bands, and when I'm rolling in the Benjamins, I will throw you and your dog a bone. Good night.

Patty

Oh, give it up! Your band has never made two cents!

Ned

Patty, come on! I'm on this!

Patty

Oh, you're on this? You're on this? He's walking all over you!

Dewey

Mommy, could we please talk about this later?

Patty

Uh, no, we can't talk about it later because Ned and I have to go to work. We have jobs. We contribute to society, all right? I am an assistant to the mayor of the city. "Hello?!"

Dewey

What?! Can you get her out of here, please? Why?! Why her?!

Patty

And Ned has the most important job there is.

Dewey

Temping?

Ned

Dewey, a substitute teacher is not a temp!

Dewey

He's a babysitter!

Ned

Oh, yeah, you think it's so easy? Well, I'd like to see you try. You wouldn't last one day.

Dewey

Dude, I service society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rockin' ain't no walk in the park, lady!

Patty

All right, this is useless, all right? You tell him that if he doesn't come up with the rent by the end of the week, he's out of here!

Ned

Dewey, I'm not paying your share of the rent, so... I don't know, I mean, maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.

Dewey

What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?

Patty

Oh, my God, he's an idiot! [leaves]

Dewey

Dude, I've been mooching off you for years, and it's never been a problem until she showed up. Just dump her, man!

Ned

Yeah, well, if you don't come up with some money, she's gonna dump me. She's fed up.

Dewey

Really? Because that would be a good thing! She's a nightmare!

Ned

Come on! I may never have another girlfriend! I mean, just come on! Come up with some money, please! Please!

Dewey

Okay, for you. Not for her, man, for you.

Ned

Thank you.

Dewey

Hey! What's up? Is that a new song? Who's this guy?

Dewey, we're taking the Battle of the Bands seriously this year.

Dewey

Good, because I need the money. Now, listen. If we're gonna win this thing, we gotta actually start playing some music.

I agree. You're fired.

Dewey

Your lyrics, now, don't take this the wrong way, Theo, are lame. But I've been sitting on some awesome material, so...

Dewey, did you hear what I said? We voted. You're out. This is Spider; he's replacing you.

What's up, dawg?

I was gonna tell you last night, Dewey, but you passed out, man.

Dewey

Okay, you're gonna kick me out of the band? You're gonna fire me? Well, this is my band. I brought us together.

Theo wanted you out. There's nothing I could do.

Shut up, man. You voted him out, too. I didn't tell you what to do. Dewey, listen to me. You're a good guitar player, but it's the 20-minute solos, it's the stage dives. We're trying to land a record deal here, man, and you're an embarrassment.

Dewey

Read between the lines, Theo. Read between the lines!

Dewey, man, I hope this doesn't come between us. Like, I care about you, man.

Dewey

You forgot about one thing. It's called the music. And I don't even care. You know what? So what? I don't wanna hang out with wannabe corporate sellouts. I'm gonna form my own band. We're gonna start a revolution. And you're gonna be a funny little footnote on my epic ass. I feel sorry for you guys.

Dewey

Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah, it's a 1968 Gibson SG, mint condish. [pause] No. That's all? Well, that's a mistake. No, Hendrix played this guitar. [the person on the other end hangs up] Hello?!

Dewey

Yeah?

Mullins

Is this Mr. Schneebly?

Dewey

No, he's not here.

Mullins

Oh, could you take a message for me?

Dewey

Um... Yeah.

Mullins

Hi, my name's Rosalie Mullins. I'm the principal here at Horace Green Prep, and we're having a little emergency here; one of our teachers broke her leg on the way to school this morning, and all of our subs are already working. Pat Wickam at Milton Prep recommended I give Mr. Schneebly a call. Do you know if he's available?

Dewey

Um... How long is the gig?

Mullins

Excuse me?

Dewey

Uh, how long is the job?

Mullins

My guess is as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.

Dewey

Mmm-hmm. So how much are we talkin' here?

Mullins

We pay our substitutes 650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?

Dewey

Hold on a sec... Oh, you know what? I think he's just comin' in right about... Ned, phone! [pretends to pass the phone, then speaks in a deep voice] Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.

Mullins

Mr. Schneebly... This is considered the best elementary school in the state and we maintain that reputation by adhering to a strict code of conduct, faculty included.

Dewey

You know what? You don't have to worry about me 'cos i'm tough. If a kid gets outta line, I got no problem, smackin' 'em in the head.

Mullins

No. No, we don't use corporal punishment here.

Dewey

Okay, so just... verbal abuse?

Dewey

OK, Teach. Teach. Teach. Alright, look, here’s the deal. I’ve got a hangover. Who knows what that means?

Frankie

Doesn't that mean you’re drunk?

Dewey

No. It means I was drunk yesterday.

Freddy

It means you're an alcoholic.

Dewey

Wrong.

Freddy

You wouldn't come to work unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!

Dewey

Mmm-hmm. What's your name?

Freddy

Freddy Jones.

Dewey

Mmm, Freddy Jones, shut up!

Dewey

Okay, yes, you can be in my band, but, Ned, no power plays, man. I've got vision up the butt, so just go with it.

Ned

No, thanks.

Dewey

You're not a teacher, Ned. You're the cross-dressing, blood-sucking incubus from Maggot Death. That's the real you!

Ned

Dewey, I'm not a sexy satanic god anymore. I'm a working stiff. And that's cool.

Dewey

She's got you brainwashed, man.

Patty

Can you see that I'm working?

Dewey

That's terrific. But who are you, babe? This is my apartment, babe.

Patty

Oh... Not if you don't pay your rent, it's not. Get a job!

Dewey

I got a job, okay? I'm gonna have your rent by the end of the week. Go tell the mayor.

Patty

You got a job. Doing what?

Dewey

I do what Ned does, I'm temping.

Ned

I'm not a temp, I'm a sub. And soon I'll be a certified teacher.

Dewey

Come on, man! One show, $20,000 prize, we split it 60-40, grab your bass, and come back to the garage, brother! I mean, don't you miss rocking out?

Patty

Dewey, if you think anyone in the right mind is gonna wanna be in a band with you, you're more delusional than I thought.

Ned

Dewey, you know, maybe it's time to give up those dreams. I did, and things are going really great for me.

Michelle

Are you going to teach us anything? Or are we just going to sit here?

Dewey

Just do whatever you want.

Summer

I want to learn from my teacher.

Dewey

Besides that! Freddy, what do you like to do?

Freddy

I dunno... burn stuff?

Dewey

Oh, you wanna learn something?

Summer

Yes, I do.

Dewey

You want me to teach you something? [most of the students nod] Here's a useful lesson for you: give up. Just quit. Because in this life, you can't win. Sure, you can try. [really getting angry] But in the end you're just gonna lose, BIG TIME. Because THE WORLD is run by The Man.

Frankie

Who?

Dewey

The Man. Oh, you don't know The Man? [class shakes their heads] He's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, MISS MULLINS, she's The Man. And The Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! Okay? And there used to be a way to stick it to The Man. It was called rock ‘n’ roll. But guess what. Oh, no. The Man ruined that too with a little thing called MTV! So don’t waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome, because The Man’s just going to call you a fat, washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!!!!

Dewey

Now, listen, normal kids would have been stoked to slack off, but not you guys, because you're not normal, you're special. And because I think you guys have the right attitude, I think it's time we started our new class project.

Lawrence

A science project?

Dewey

No. It's called... "Rock Band".

Marta

Is this a school project?

Dewey

Yes. And it's a requirement. And it may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test your head [points to his head], and your mind [points to his jaw], and your brain too [points to his forehead].

Summer

Will other schools be competing?

Dewey

You could say that. You could say that every school in the state will be competing for the top prize.

Billy

What's the prize?

Dewey

A win will go on your permanent record. Hello Harvard, Yo?

Dewey

I pledge allegiance...

I pledge allegiance...

Dewey

...to the band...

...to the band...

Dewey

...of Mr. Schneebly...

...of Mr. Schneebly...

Dewey

...and will not fight him...

...and will not fight him...

Dewey

...for creative control...

...for creative control...

Dewey

...and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band. [class mumbles incoherently] LET'S GET ROCKIN'!!!! [class cheers]

Dewey

Mornin', Summer.

Summer

Groupie?

Dewey

What's the matter?

Summer

You want me to be a groupie?

Dewey

Well, groupie is an important job.

Summer

I researched groupies on the Internet. and they do stuff, weird stuff with the band!

Dewey

No, that's not true! They're like cheerleaders.

Summer

I don't want to be a cheerleader. Look, my mother's a room parent, and she's not gonna be happy when she hears about this.

Dewey

Okay, I didn't want to say this to you in front of the other kids 'cause I didn't want to make 'em jealous, but I made a special position just for you. And it's the most important job of all: band manager.

Summer

Band manager?

Dewey

Oh, yeah.

Summer

What's that?

Dewey

Well, I'm gonna be busy rocking out, so it's up to you to make sure everyone is doing their job. Summer, you're in charge of everything.

Summer

Okay.

Freddy

What are we gonna play?

Dewey

Uh, you don't have to worry about that. We have awesome material, which I wrote.

Zack

Let's hear it.

Dewey

What?

Zack

Let's hear your song.

Dewey

I'll play you my song, if you wanna hear it. Thing is, I just want you to keep in mind that...I wrote it in like, 15 minutes, and uh, it's not done yet, and you might not like it-

Freddy

Just play the song, Schneebly!

Dewey

Okay! I will sing it for you, just, uh, let me get in the zone, I wasn't planning on unveiling it, but I will sing it. Teeth of the tongue, and the lips. [performs vocal exercise] Okay, it starts off...a dark stage, and then a beam of light. and then you can see me and my guitar. [imitating his guitar] Dew-neew-dew-neew... " In the end of time, there was a man who knew the road, and the writing was written on the stone." And then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles. Roadies, that means dry ice, we're gonna talk about this later. "In the ancient time, an artist led the way, but no-one seemed to understand." Chimes, Freddy. "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, and the legend of the rent was way past due!" And, Katie, you come in with the bass! [imitating the bass] Rim-bim-bim-bim-bim-beru-beru-bum-bara-bara-bara-bum-bum-bum! "Well, you think you'll be just fine without me, but you're mine! You think that you can kick me out of the band?" And then, Zack, you come in with a face-melter. [imitates the guitar] Rew-new-new-didli-new-didli-new-didli-new! Okay? "Well, there's just one problem there, the band is MINE! How can you kick me out [high pitched] of what is mine?" And then, sh- "Hawaii Five-O". You see that show? Okay. Well, there's a drum solo in it, that goes...shugadugadugaduga! "You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore" And then, that's where I want the backup singers to be all like, "No, you're not hardcore. [high pitched] No, you're not hardcore! [reverts to normal singing voice] Unless you live hardcore. [imitating backup singers] Unless you live hardcore! [back to his own voice] But the legend of the rent, was way hardcore! BOOM! Big old explosion, some, like, confetti comes down. Anyway, that's all I got so far, it's a work in progress.

Summer

I liked it, Mr. Schneebly. I thought it was really catchy.

Dewey

Thank you.

Michelle

Mr. S? We came up with some names for the band.

Dewey

Yeah? Hit me.

The Bumblebees?

Dewey

No, it's sissy.

The Koala Bears?

Dewey

No! What are you talkin' about? It's too sissy!

We were just discussing testing. Which test do you find most effective, the TAAS or the Wilson-Binet?

Dewey

I say no testing, and I will tell you why, Joe.

Gabe.

Dewey

Gabe. I believe... that the children are the future. Now listen, you can teach them well, but buddy, you have got to let them lead the way. Let the children's laughter...just remind us of how we used to be. That's what I decided long ago.

Isn't that a song?

Dewey

No, uh, I don't think so. No, no it isn't.

No? Are you sure?

Dewey

Mmm-mmm.

Dewey

Look, the first thing you do when you start a rock band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band to be. So who do you like? Blondie?

Marta

Christina Aguilera.

Dewey

Who? No! Come on. What? You, Shortstop.

Puff Daddy.

Dewey

Wrong. Billy?

Billy

Liza Minnelli?

Dewey

What are you...? You guys! This project is called "Rock Band". I'm talking about bands that rock. Led Zeppelin. [the class gives him blank stares] Don't tell me you guys have never got the Led out. Jimmy Page, Robert Plant? Ring any bells? What about Sabbath? AC/DC? Motörhead?! OH, WHAT DO THEY TEACH IN THIS PLACE?!

Freddy

Um, are we going to be goofing off like this every day?

Dewey

Uh, we're not goofing off, we're creating musical fusion.

Freddy

Well, are we going to be creating musical fusion every day?

Dewey

Yeah, get used to it.
[Freddy smiles]

Dewey

If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at The Man, and right now I'm The Man. That's right, I'm The Man, and who's got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who's gonna tell me off?

Freddy

Shut up, Schneebly!

Dewey

That's it, Freddy. That's it! Who can top him?

Get outta here, stupid.

Dewey

Yes, Alicia.

Summer

You're a joke. You're the worst teacher I've ever had.

Dewey

Summer, that is great. I like the delivery because I felt your anger.

Summer

Thank you.

Lawrence

You're a fat loser, and you have body odor.

Dewey

All right. All right! Now is everyone nice and ticked off?

Yeah!

Dewey

Good! Time to write a rock song! Now what makes you mad more than anything in the world? Billy?

Billy

You.

Dewey

Billy, we've already told me off. Let's move on.

Billy

You're tacky and I hate you.

Dewey

Okay, you see me after class.

Tomika

Mr. S, I don't think I can sing.

Dewey

What're you talkin' about? C'mere.

Dewey

Listen, Tomika, what's going on? What do you mean, you can't sing?

Tomika

I don't feel good. I feel sick. Just let Alicia and Marta do it.

Dewey

No! They can't sing like you can, I need you in the chorus! What is it, are you nervous?

Dewey

Yeah? Why? What are you afraid of?

Tomika

They're gonna laugh at me.

Dewey

What? Why would they laugh at you?

Tomika

I dunno. 'Cause I'm fat?

Dewey

Tomika... Hey, you've got something everybody wants: You've got talent, girl! You have an incredible singing voice, and I'm not just saying that. You've heard of Aretha Franklin, right? Okay, she's a big lady. But when she starts singing, she blows people's minds! Everybody wants to party with Aretha! And, uh, you know who else has a weight issue?

Tomika

Who?

Dewey

Me. But once I get up on stage and start rockin', people worship me! Because I'm sexy! And chubby, man.

Tomika

Why aren't you on a diet?

Dewey

Because I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Look, you know what? That's not even the point. The thing is, you're a rock star now. All you gotta do is just go out there and rock your heart out. People are gonna dig you, I swear. Let's go out there and show 'em what we got, what do you say?

Dewey

OK, we are good to go.

Summer

No, we're not. Freddy took off.

Dewey

What? Where?

Summer

Some guys invited him out to their van.

Dewey

WHAT?! Come on, you guys!

Dewey

I totally screwed up. I told the kids that if they practiced, they'd get into the Battle of the Bands.

What'd you tell them that for?

Dewey

I don't know, I just...I wanted to give them something to look forward to, to keep their spirits up. Look at them. [he and the Coordinator look at the kids, who are faking sick] They're terminal. Every last one of them. And all they wanted to do before they bit the dust was play Battle of the Bands.

What do they all have?

Dewey

It’s a... rare blood disease. "Stick-it-to-da-man-neosis."

What's that? I've never heard of it.

Dewey

You're lucky. Because it's hell.

Dewey

Summer, you get an A+ and fifty gold stars!

Summer

I didn't do it for the grade.

Dewey

Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing. So get off your 'ath, let's do some math. Math, math, math, math, math. Three minus four is...

Summer

Negative one.

Dewey

That's riiiiight. And six times a billion is...

Six billion?

Dewey

Nailed it! And 54 is 45 more than...What is the answer Marta?

Marta

Nine.

Dewey

No it's eight.

Marta

No, it's nine.

Dewey

Yes, I was just testing you, it's nine. And that's a magic number.

Mullins

In your experience, how does Horace Green compare to the other schools that you’ve taught at?

Dewey

Oh, your school is the best.

Mullins

You're just saying that.

Dewey

I'm not. Do you know that kids at other schools just have fun all the time? They're running around. There's no discipline. They're happy. It's anarchy. This is the best school I have ever teached at. I swear.

Mullins

They hate me.

Dewey

No, they don't.

Mullins

Yes, they do, I can see. I wasn't always like this, you know, I wasn't always wound this tight. There was a time where I was fun. I was funny! I was. But you can't be funny and be the principal of a prep school! No, you cannot. Because when it comes to their kids, these parents have no sense of humor. No. And if something goes wrong its my head in the smasher. And these parents will come down on me like a nuclear bomb! I can't make a mistake! I gotta be perfect! And that pressure has turned me into something that I never wanted to be...! [mouths "a bitch"]

Dewey

No, you're not.

Mullins

Yes, I am. I am a big one!

Dewey

I dunno... They might be a little distracting...

Billy

It's glitter-rock, and it's glam, and it's fabulous!

Dewey

Billy, it's just not the right style.

Billy

Style? You're gonna talk to me about style? You can't even dress yourself! Look at that bow tie!

Dewey

Don't you be talkin' about my bow tie!

Billy

You know what? I give up, they can just wear their uniforms.

Dewey

That's not a bad idea...

Ned

What are you all dressed up for?

Dewey

Uh, I got a hot date.

Ned

That's weird. I got a check from Horace Green Prep for $1,200. I've never even worked there. [picks up the phone and starts dialing Horace Green]

Dewey

What are you doing?

Ned

Calling the school. [speaks into phone] Hi, this is Ned Schneebly. Um... [Dewey breaks the call; Ned eyes him suspiciously] Dewey? What's going on?

Dewey

I told them 15 times, make it out to cash!

Ned

Dewey?

Dewey

I did something bad, Ned.

Ned

No...

Dewey

Yeah. They called, looking for a sub, and I said I was you, just to make some money. But then I got there, and the kids--they rock, man! There's this kid, Larry, who's like, "I'm not cool," but now he's like... [scatting] And there's this other girl who can sing like... [humming] But then she thought she was too fat to sing, so they were all dying of this rare blood disease, and then the principal got drunk. And now, we're playing tomorrow at Battle of the Bands! Isn't that great? It's the coolest thing that ever happened! One day, that's all I ask, Ned. And then I will come clean. I'll tell everyone it was my fault, you had nothing to do with it, you'll be fine, one day!

Patty

Ned, home.

Dewey

Don't say anything to her. Please? She'll blow it. She'll blow everything. Please?

Patty

Hey. What's going on?

Dewey

Nothing. I got a hot date, that's what's going on. [mouths and makes gestures at Ned to keep quiet] See you later. [leaves]

Patty

What's going on, Ned?

Ned

Nothing.

Patty

Nothing? Well...

Dewey

Okay, I don't think I can go in there.

Mullins

What's wrong?

Dewey

Roz... I'm not a teacher.

Mullins

Oh, Ned, a substitute is a teacher.

Dewey

No, no, I'm not a teacher. I'm a fraud.

Mullins

No! You're not! You're a dedicated, talented teacher, and those parents are gonna love you! Now, just get in there, and tell those parents what you've been teaching their kids.

Dewey

Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, [clicks tounge] drive safe.

Zack's Father

Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?

Summer's Mother

Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?

Lawrence's Father

And how is this homework?

Dewey

Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law 'cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...

Zack's Father

You expect us to believe this garbage?

Tomika

Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?

Tomika's Mother

What project?

Lawrence

Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.

Lawrence's Father

Competing?

Summer

It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.

Summer's Mother

Well, what's the project, Summer?

Summer

It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.

Summer's Mother

Oh.

Summer

You might as well tell 'em, Mr. Schneebly.

Dewey

Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... [Ned looks at Dewey as the cop continues talking with Patty] And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? 'Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... [Mullins and another cop get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first cop] Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...

Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?

Dewey

Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.

Zack's Father

What's going on?

Summer's Mother

What's happening, Officer?

Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.

What?

This man is Ned Schneebly.

Patty

Yeah, he's not even a teacher!

Dewey

You called the cops?!

Ned

She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.

Patty

You're apologizing to him?!

Ned

Sorry.

Mullins

Ned... [looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned, is this true? Who are you?

Dewey

My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.
[The parents start murmuring in confusion; Dewey flees]

Patty

I have nothing to say to you.

Ned

Me neither.

Dewey

Okay, I'm goin' to bed.

Patty

You know, Dewey, it's one thing to throw your life away, but then to put Ned's career in jeopardy is so selfish!

Dewey

Hey! You're the one who told me to be like Ned and get a job.

Patty

Yeah, yeah, I told you to be like Ned, Dewey! I didn't tell you to be Ned! And you're not even gonna apologize?

Dewey

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING THE COPS! It's not like I murdered anybody! I just wanted to play a great show! I was this close!

Ned

SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Would you both just cut it out for one second?!

Dewey

Look, I'm sorry, dude. I was desperate. You can't understand. It was easy for you to give up music. It ain't easy for me.

Ned

It wasn't easy for me. I miss it.

Dewey

Well, then why'd you give it up?

Ned

'Cause I couldn't keep kidding myself anymore. You can blame it all on bad luck, but in the end, maybe we just weren't that good. Sometimes, you gotta know when to quit.

Dewey

Maybe you're right, maybe I suck.

Ned

That's not what I said.

Dewey

Well, music is my life, man. What do you want me to do?

Ned

I don't know, but... I think it's time you moved out. Sorry.

Dewey

How'd you guys get in here?

Freddy

Front door was open.

Dewey

Why aren't you guys in school?

Lawrence

We did what you told us. We stuck it to the Man.

Dewey

Forget about everything I told you. Look, I'm a loser, okay? You listen to my advice, you'll end up like me with nothing.

Freddy

Come on, man, quit goofing around. This is serious business. We're on a mission. One great rock show can change the world. [bus horn honks from outside] Look out the window.

Dewey

No way... That is so punk rock...

Dewey

Guys, you don't have to listen to those hacks! Come on, band meeting, right now, gather round. Alright. Frankie, how's security?

Frankie

We're set.

Dewey

Gordon, what about the lights?

The light board's up in the balcony. I'll patch it up there.

Dewey

Alright. Okay, now, Billy, how's beautification?

Billy

Are you kidding?

Dewey

Okay, listen up, you guys, we only have one song to let these guys know who we are...so I think we should play Zack's.

Zack

But why? I mean...really?

Dewey

Yes! The thing is, you guys, I ain't that good. I'm not, I can admit it, but, dude, you're ten years old, you're already better than me, your song rocks harder, so let's play it! But hey, you know what? That's just one guy's opinion. This ain't my band, it's our band, we all have a say.

Summer

We haven't practiced that one as much. I mean, we might not win.

Dewey

Hey. We didn't come here to win, we came to play one great show. And on Zack's song, you guys really rock. You know my vote, who else is with me?

Dewey

Alright, let's pray. God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick butt. We are your humble servants, please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name, we pray. Amen.

Amen.

Dewey

Now let's get out there and MELT SOME FACES!

Yeah!

Summer

What's wrong?

Dewey

'What's wrong?' Summer, didn't you hear we lost?!

Freddy

Chill out, dude. Rock isn't about getting an A. Sex Pistols never won anything.

Lawrence

Don't let the Man get you down.

Zack

You gotta cheer up, we played a great show.

Dewey

We did, didn't we? It was unbelievable, wasn't it?!

Summer

Yeah.

Michelle

Mr. S? We came up with some names for the band.

Dewey

All right, hit me.

The Bumblebees?

Dewey

No, it's too sissy.

The Koala Bears?

Dewey

No! What are you talking about? It's too sissy!

Dewey

Hey, Miss Mullins.

Michelle

How about, Pig Rectum?

Mullins

Michelle!

Dewey

It's a science project.

Marta

What is that?

Dewey

It's an encore. They want us to go play another song! It's good! Go, you guys!

Dewey

Wait, no, no, just the band! Okay, everybody, go!