Tomika Mr. S, I don't think I can sing.
What're you talkin' about? C'mere.
Listen, Tomika, what's going on? What do you mean, you can't sing?
Tomika I don't feel good. I feel sick. Just let Alicia and Marta do it.
No! They can't sing like you can, I need you in the chorus! What is it, are you nervous?
[Tomika nods]
Yeah? Why? What are you afraid of?
Tomika They're gonna laugh at me.
What? Why would they laugh at you?
Tomika I dunno. 'Cause I'm fat?
Tomika... Hey, you've got something everybody wants: You've got talent, girl! You have an incredible singing voice, and I'm not just saying that. You've heard of Aretha Franklin, right? Okay, she's a big lady. But when she starts singing, she blows people's minds! Everybody wants to party with Aretha! And, uh, you know who else has a weight issue?
Tomika Who?
Me. But once I get up on stage and start rockin', people worship me! Because I'm sexy! And chubby, man.
Tomika Why aren't you on a diet?
Because I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Look, you know what? That's not even the point. The thing is, you're a rock star now. All you gotta do is just go out there and rock your heart out. People are gonna dig you, I swear. Let's go out there and show 'em what we got, what do you say?
[Dewey starts lying to the parents about what he's been teaching their kids]
Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, [clicks tounge] drive safe.
Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?
Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?
[holds up a copy of Yes's "Fragile"]
And how is this homework?
Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law 'cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...
You expect us to believe this garbage?
Tomika [Dewey looks out in the hallway and sees a cop]
Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?
Tomika's Mother What project?
Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.
It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.
Well, what's the project, Summer?
[Dewey sees the cop talking with Patty]
It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.
You might as well tell 'em, Mr. Schneebly.
Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... [Ned looks at Dewey as the cop continues talking with Patty] And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? 'Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... [Mullins and another cop get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first cop] Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...
C Cop
Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?
Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.
What's happening, Officer?
C Cop
Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.
C Cop
This man is Ned Schneebly.
Yeah, he's not even a teacher!
[points to Patty]
She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.
You're apologizing to him?!
[to Dewey]
Ned... [looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned, is this true? Who are you?
My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.
[The parents start murmuring in confusion; Dewey flees]
[The entire class is depressed after learning the truth about Dewey and the Battle of the Bands]
So, his name really wasn't Mr. Schneebly?
Nah, it was, like, Dewey somethin'...
M Marco
What about the project?
Wake up, Marco. There was no project.
He just wanted us to play a show so we could make some money.
I can't believe we weren't getting graded on any of this.
What are you so bummed about? We had a three week vacation. Yeah, it was a waste of time, but it was a lot better than school.
It was not a waste of time.
Hate to break it to you, bro, but yeah, that's what it was.
Tomika [stands up in Lawrence's defense]
Hey, if you touch him, I'll shove those sticks down your throat, got it?! [Freddy retreats] [to class] Mr. S was cool. We worked too long and hard not to play the show!
Okay, so what are we supposed to do?
A Alicia
I say we get out of here and play the show.
