Michelle
Are you going to teach us anything? Or are we just going to sit here?
Dewey
Just do whatever you want.
Summer
I want to learn from my teacher.
Dewey
Besides that! Freddy, what do you like to do?
Freddy
I dunno... burn stuff?
Dewey
Oh, you wanna learn something?
Summer
Yes, I do.
Dewey
You want me to teach you something? [most of the students nod] Here's a useful lesson for you: give up. Just quit. Because in this life, you can't win. Sure, you can try. [really getting angry] But in the end you're just gonna lose, BIG TIME. Because THE WORLD is run by The Man.
Frankie
Who?
Dewey
The Man. Oh, you don't know The Man? [class shakes their heads] He's everywhere. In the White House, down the hall, MISS MULLINS, she's The Man. And The Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! Okay? And there used to be a way to stick it to The Man. It was called rock ‘n’ roll. But guess what. Oh, no. The Man ruined that too with a little thing called MTV! So don’t waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome, because The Man’s just going to call you a fat, washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!!!!
Dewey
Now, listen, normal kids would have been stoked to slack off, but not you guys, because you're not normal, you're special. And because I think you guys have the right attitude, I think it's time we started our new class project.
Lawrence
A science project?
Dewey
No. It's called... "Rock Band".
Marta
Is this a school project?
Dewey
Yes. And it's a requirement. And it may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test your head [points to his head], and your mind [points to his jaw], and your brain too [points to his forehead].
Summer
Will other schools be competing?
Dewey
You could say that. You could say that every school in the state will be competing for the top prize.
Billy
What's the prize?
Dewey
A win will go on your permanent record. Hello Harvard, Yo?
Dewey
Mornin', Summer.
Summer
Groupie?
Dewey
What's the matter?
Summer
You want me to be a groupie?
Dewey
Well, groupie is an important job.
Summer
I researched groupies on the Internet. and they do stuff, weird stuff with the band!
Dewey
No, that's not true! They're like cheerleaders.
Summer
I don't want to be a cheerleader. Look, my mother's a room parent, and she's not gonna be happy when she hears about this.
Dewey
Okay, I didn't want to say this to you in front of the other kids 'cause I didn't want to make 'em jealous, but I made a special position just for you. And it's the most important job of all: band manager.
Summer
Band manager?
Dewey
Oh, yeah.
Summer
What's that?
Dewey
Well, I'm gonna be busy rocking out, so it's up to you to make sure everyone is doing their job. Summer, you're in charge of everything.
Summer
Okay.
Freddy
What are we gonna play?
Dewey
Uh, you don't have to worry about that. We have awesome material, which I wrote.
Zack
Let's hear it.
Dewey
What?
Zack
Let's hear your song.
Dewey
I'll play you my song, if you wanna hear it. Thing is, I just want you to keep in mind that...I wrote it in like, 15 minutes, and uh, it's not done yet, and you might not like it-
Freddy
Just play the song, Schneebly!
Dewey
Okay! I will sing it for you, just, uh, let me get in the zone, I wasn't planning on unveiling it, but I will sing it. Teeth of the tongue, and the lips. [performs vocal exercise] Okay, it starts off...a dark stage, and then a beam of light. and then you can see me and my guitar. [imitating his guitar] Dew-neew-dew-neew... " In the end of time, there was a man who knew the road, and the writing was written on the stone." And then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles. Roadies, that means dry ice, we're gonna talk about this later. "In the ancient time, an artist led the way, but no-one seemed to understand." Chimes, Freddy. "In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, and the legend of the rent was way past due!" And, Katie, you come in with the bass! [imitating the bass] Rim-bim-bim-bim-bim-beru-beru-bum-bara-bara-bara-bum-bum-bum! "Well, you think you'll be just fine without me, but you're mine! You think that you can kick me out of the band?" And then, Zack, you come in with a face-melter. [imitates the guitar] Rew-new-new-didli-new-didli-new-didli-new! Okay? "Well, there's just one problem there, the band is MINE! How can you kick me out [high pitched] of what is mine?" And then, sh- "Hawaii Five-O". You see that show? Okay. Well, there's a drum solo in it, that goes...shugadugadugaduga! "You're not hardcore, unless you live hardcore" And then, that's where I want the backup singers to be all like, "No, you're not hardcore. [high pitched] No, you're not hardcore! [reverts to normal singing voice] Unless you live hardcore. [imitating backup singers] Unless you live hardcore! [back to his own voice] But the legend of the rent, was way hardcore! BOOM! Big old explosion, some, like, confetti comes down. Anyway, that's all I got so far, it's a work in progress.
Summer
I liked it, Mr. Schneebly. I thought it was really catchy.
Dewey
Thank you.
Dewey
If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at The Man, and right now I'm The Man. That's right, I'm The Man, and who's got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who's gonna tell me off?
Freddy
Shut up, Schneebly!
Dewey
That's it, Freddy. That's it! Who can top him?
Get outta here, stupid.
Dewey
Yes, Alicia.
Summer
You're a joke. You're the worst teacher I've ever had.
Dewey
Summer, that is great. I like the delivery because I felt your anger.
Summer
Thank you.
Lawrence
You're a fat loser, and you have body odor.
Dewey
All right. All right! Now is everyone nice and ticked off?
Yeah!
Dewey
Good! Time to write a rock song! Now what makes you mad more than anything in the world? Billy?
Billy
You.
Dewey
Billy, we've already told me off. Let's move on.
Billy
You're tacky and I hate you.
Dewey
Okay, you see me after class.
Dewey
OK, we are good to go.
Summer
No, we're not. Freddy took off.
Dewey
What? Where?
Summer
Some guys invited him out to their van.
Dewey
WHAT?! Come on, you guys!
Dewey
Summer, you get an A+ and fifty gold stars!
Summer
I didn't do it for the grade.
Dewey
Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing. So get off your 'ath, let's do some math. Math, math, math, math, math. Three minus four is...
Summer
Negative one.
Dewey
That's riiiiight. And six times a billion is...
Six billion?
Dewey
Nailed it! And 54 is 45 more than...What is the answer Marta?
Marta
Nine.
Dewey
No it's eight.
Marta
No, it's nine.
Dewey
Yes, I was just testing you, it's nine. And that's a magic number.
Dewey
Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, [clicks tounge] drive safe.
Zack's Father
Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?
Summer's Mother
Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?
Lawrence's Father
And how is this homework?
Dewey
Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law 'cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...
Zack's Father
You expect us to believe this garbage?
Tomika
Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?
Tomika's Mother
What project?
Lawrence
Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.
Lawrence's Father
Competing?
Summer
It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.
Summer's Mother
Well, what's the project, Summer?
Summer
It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.
Summer's Mother
Oh.
Summer
You might as well tell 'em, Mr. Schneebly.
Dewey
Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... [Ned looks at Dewey as the cop continues talking with Patty] And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? 'Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... [Mullins and another cop get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first cop] Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...
Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?
Dewey
Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.
Zack's Father
What's going on?
Summer's Mother
What's happening, Officer?
Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.
What?
This man is Ned Schneebly.
Patty
Yeah, he's not even a teacher!
Dewey
You called the cops?!
Ned
She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.
Patty
You're apologizing to him?!
Ned
Sorry.
Mullins
Ned... [looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned, is this true? Who are you?
Dewey
My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.
[The parents start murmuring in confusion; Dewey flees]
Michelle
So, his name really wasn't Mr. Schneebly?
Freddy
Nah, it was, like, Dewey somethin'...
What about the project?
Frankie
Wake up, Marco. There was no project.
Zack
He just wanted us to play a show so we could make some money.
Summer
I can't believe we weren't getting graded on any of this.
Freddy
What are you so bummed about? We had a three week vacation. Yeah, it was a waste of time, but it was a lot better than school.
Lawrence
It was not a waste of time.
Freddy
Hate to break it to you, bro, but yeah, that's what it was.
Lawrence
You're an idiot.
Freddy
Hey, shut up!
Lawrence
No, you shut up!
Freddy
Hey, you wanna go?!
Tomika
Hey, if you touch him, I'll shove those sticks down your throat, got it?! [Freddy retreats] [to class] Mr. S was cool. We worked too long and hard not to play the show!
Freddy
Okay, so what are we supposed to do?
I say we get out of here and play the show.
Dewey
Guys, you don't have to listen to those hacks! Come on, band meeting, right now, gather round. Alright. Frankie, how's security?
Frankie
We're set.
Dewey
Gordon, what about the lights?
The light board's up in the balcony. I'll patch it up there.
Dewey
Alright. Okay, now, Billy, how's beautification?
Billy
Are you kidding?
Dewey
Okay, listen up, you guys, we only have one song to let these guys know who we are...so I think we should play Zack's.
Zack
But why? I mean...really?
Dewey
Yes! The thing is, you guys, I ain't that good. I'm not, I can admit it, but, dude, you're ten years old, you're already better than me, your song rocks harder, so let's play it! But hey, you know what? That's just one guy's opinion. This ain't my band, it's our band, we all have a say.
Summer
We haven't practiced that one as much. I mean, we might not win.
Dewey
Hey. We didn't come here to win, we came to play one great show. And on Zack's song, you guys really rock. You know my vote, who else is with me?
Dewey
Alright, let's pray. God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick butt. We are your humble servants, please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name, we pray. Amen.
Amen.
Dewey
Now let's get out there and MELT SOME FACES!
Yeah!
Summer
What's wrong?
Dewey
'What's wrong?' Summer, didn't you hear we lost?!
Freddy
Chill out, dude. Rock isn't about getting an A. Sex Pistols never won anything.
Lawrence
Don't let the Man get you down.
Zack
You gotta cheer up, we played a great show.
Dewey
We did, didn't we? It was unbelievable, wasn't it?!
Summer
Yeah.
