Now, listen, normal kids would have been stoked to slack off, but not you guys, because you're not normal, you're special. And because I think you guys have the right attitude, I think it's time we started our new class project.
Lawrence A science project?
No. It's called... "Rock Band".
Is this a school project?
Yes. And it's a requirement. And it may sound easy, but nothing could be harder. It will test your head [points to his head], and your mind [points to his jaw], and your brain too [points to his forehead].
Will other schools be competing?
You could say that. You could say that every school in the state will be competing for the top prize.
A win will go on your permanent record. Hello Harvard, Yo?
If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at The Man, and right now I'm The Man. That's right, I'm The Man, and who's got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who's gonna tell me off?
That's it, Freddy. That's it! Who can top him?
A Alicia
Get outta here, stupid.
You're a joke. You're the worst teacher I've ever had.
Summer, that is great. I like the delivery because I felt your anger.
Lawrence You're a fat loser, and you have body odor.
All right. All right! Now is everyone nice and ticked off?
Good! Time to write a rock song! Now what makes you mad more than anything in the world? Billy?
Billy, we've already told me off. Let's move on.
You're tacky and I hate you.
Okay, you see me after class.
[Dewey starts lying to the parents about what he's been teaching their kids]
Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, [clicks tounge] drive safe.
Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?
Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?
Lawrence's Father [holds up a copy of Yes's "Fragile"]
And how is this homework?
Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law 'cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...
You expect us to believe this garbage?
[Dewey looks out in the hallway and sees a cop]
Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?
Lawrence Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.
Lawrence's Father Competing?
It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.
Well, what's the project, Summer?
[Dewey sees the cop talking with Patty]
It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.
You might as well tell 'em, Mr. Schneebly.
Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... [Ned looks at Dewey as the cop continues talking with Patty] And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? 'Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... [Mullins and another cop get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first cop] Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...
C Cop
Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?
Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.
What's happening, Officer?
C Cop
Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.
C Cop
This man is Ned Schneebly.
Yeah, he's not even a teacher!
[points to Patty]
She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.
You're apologizing to him?!
[to Dewey]
Ned... [looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned, is this true? Who are you?
My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.
[The parents start murmuring in confusion; Dewey flees]
[The entire class is depressed after learning the truth about Dewey and the Battle of the Bands]
So, his name really wasn't Mr. Schneebly?
Nah, it was, like, Dewey somethin'...
M Marco
What about the project?
Wake up, Marco. There was no project.
He just wanted us to play a show so we could make some money.
I can't believe we weren't getting graded on any of this.
What are you so bummed about? We had a three week vacation. Yeah, it was a waste of time, but it was a lot better than school.
Lawrence It was not a waste of time.
Hate to break it to you, bro, but yeah, that's what it was.
Lawrence You're an idiot.
Lawrence No, you shut up!
[stands up in Lawrence's defense]
Hey, if you touch him, I'll shove those sticks down your throat, got it?! [Freddy retreats] [to class] Mr. S was cool. We worked too long and hard not to play the show!
Okay, so what are we supposed to do?
A Alicia
I say we get out of here and play the show.
[half asleep]
How'd you guys get in here?
Why aren't you guys in school?
Lawrence We did what you told us. We stuck it to the Man.
Forget about everything I told you. Look, I'm a loser, okay? You listen to my advice, you'll end up like me with nothing.
Come on, man, quit goofing around. This is serious business. We're on a mission. One great rock show can change the world. [bus horn honks from outside] Look out the window.
[Dewey looks outside to find the school bus with all the other kids calling for him to come down]
No way... That is so punk rock...
