Will Ferrell movie quotes

View Quote Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed a urgent and horrifying news story, and I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen. Cannonball!

View Quote Oop... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it, fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called, uh, jogging. I believe it's 'jogging' or 'yogging.' it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time! It's supposed to be wild.

View Quote [talking to Baxter, his dog] Come again? You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please. What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? I'm not even mad, that's amazing.

View Quote In the words of the late great Colonel Sanders: I'm too drunk to taste this chicken

View Quote Mr. Dennit, with all due respect, and remember I'm sayin' it with all due respect, that idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin gettin' it on.

View Quote Hey losing is never fun but here's a little something to keep your spirits up.... (flips bird) its real nice... got it at Target.... It's on sale.

View Quote "We love you, Denver!! City by the bay.... John Denver!!"

View Quote "Hey, I was on Quaaludes, I don't even remember Oslo. But I remember Boston.... and that victory was as sweet as the cream pie for which the town was named."

View Quote "Michaels and MacElroy are a freight train from Hell, okay?? We're going straight up the ass of the competition, Scott."

View Quote [Voiceover.] Dear Mitch, if you're holding this letter you already know. The house has been boarded up. The doors. The windows. Everything. We're at the Comfort Inn. Room 112. I love you. Frank

View Quote [Funnels a beer.] Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!

View Quote [Trying to talk over party noise.] Actually we've got a nice little Saturday planned. We're going to Home Depot to pick out some wallpaper, then maybe we'll hit Bed Bath and Beyond... I don't know! I don't know if we'll have enough time!

View Quote [Walks by coffee shop in New York and notices sign saying "WORLD"S BEST CUP OF COFFEE" and then bursts into the shop] You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to meet you! [The shop staff and patrons just stare indifferently]

View Quote [Walking in a park and comes across a raccoon] Hey! What's your name? My name's Buddy. [Raccoon hisses] Oh...! Does someone need a hug? [He leans in and raccoon leaps onto his neck knocking him to the ground ferociously attacking] Aah, aah! That's not cool! I just wanted a hug!

View Quote Emily: You sure like sugar, huh?
Buddy: Is there sugar in syrup?
Emily: Yes.
Buddy: Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.
Emily: So, Would You Be Staying With Us Then?

View Quote (Banging Dale's snare drum with his scrotum) John Bonham's playing Moby Dick for real!

View Quote (Wearing a Nazi outfit, to some home buyers) Hey, ****ers! Welcome to the neighborhood! My name is Craig. If you guys need any fertilizer, I've got a lot of it; Close to 80 tons. (to Derek, after the home buyers leave) Hey, Derek! Sprechen Sie Dick?

View Quote (At Derek's birthday gathering, during his and Dale's presentation of Prestige Worldwide) Last week, we put Liquid Paper on a bee... And it died.

View Quote [after a big ball of copper has been dropped on Titan]
Megamind: Guess what, Buster Brown! It's made from copper. You're powerless against it. It's the very same metal used to defeat– [Titan's fist punches out through the copper metal] …Metro Man?
Titan/Tighten: You... should STOP comparing me to Metro Man!

View Quote Megamind: Metrocity, Minion. It's all mine. If my parents could see me now…
Minion: Sir, I'm sure they're smiling down from evil heaven.

View Quote Megamind: I'm sorry. I did the best I could.

View Quote I must tell my birds!

View Quote Zis is no good! I'm not killing anyone!

View Quote [Whispered at the end of the credits] Buy Mein Kampf in paperback at Borders Bookstores... or Barnes and Noble... or online at amazon.com

View Quote In the anals of history, people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

View Quote SUCK MY ****, I'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY!

View Quote EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!

View Quote You know what i heard when i first met you? - No. - Beeew, Beeew, Beeew, Beeew. - What are you doing? - That's an ambulance, come and take me away, 'cos the sight of you stopped my heart.

View Quote (making a toast) Ok, i just wanna say What's up? Grandma, grandpa... and ... to the other two old people...What's up? ... yeah, you two.

View Quote (trying to act intelligent in front of his "girlfriend"): "Like... we see a picture of this young lady. But to the lady, are we just a picture of us? Did you ever think about that?"

View Quote (in a ballet school) I think we all experienced our own ballet today. A ballet of emotion, and feelings.

View Quote I never actually put my foot all the way down to the ground with the accelerator like that. It got me slightly aroused.

View Quote You turned my beautiful Prius into a nightmare!

View Quote All I'm asking for is total control.

View Quote Hi, I'm President Business, president of the Octan corporation and the world. Let's take extra care to follow the instructions [whispers] or you'll be murdered, and don't forget Taco Tuesday's coming next week. That's the day every rule following citizen gets a free taco and my love! Have a great day, everybody.

View Quote Bad Cop: Shut up!
Evil Villain: NO! WE DON'T SAY SHUT YOUR MOUTH! The Emmet don't get the melting chamber anymore! You're Emmet is grounded melting chamber of wasting taco tuesday! You're Emmet is bad influence and do nothing!
Bad Cop: No! That's not true.
Lord Business: You're not influence for Emmet.

View Quote This may seem like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy.

View Quote The cookies were good. Thank you for forcing me to eat them.

View Quote SHUT UP! [narrator continues] No I'm not. I'm cursing you stupid voice; so shut up and leave me alone!

View Quote Dude died in a hang gliding accident. What an idiot! Ha ha. "Ahhh! I'm hang-gliding, honey; take a good picture, I'm dead." What a freak!

View Quote Hey, Ma! The meatloaf! We want it now! The meatloaf!

View Quote Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?!

View Quote Junior was right. There is a parking problem in the city!

View Quote It's the same hat! And the same monkey! You followed me all the way from Africa? To play Peekaboo?

View Quote George, what did you do?

View Quote If you've got an ass like the North Star, wise men are gonna want to follow it.

View Quote I'm so lonely, I paid a hobo to spoon with me.

View Quote Andre the Giant gave a surprising nimble foot rub.

View Quote Now, some of you laughed at my childhood obsession with cockroaches. [chuckles] But I quickly learned that they are miracle of evolution, and I have found a way to the strength and speed and the... What is the word? ...Unsquish-ability, of the most powerful creature on the planet, which makes me indestructible and unstoppable!

View Quote Okay, let's see. Regular unleaded? Oh, wow, it is expensive, no? Okay, insert card and remove rapidly. [shows a card not read sign] Card not read? [tries it again, but gets the same result] Come on.

View Quote It's always something... Look, I can never focus on just being evil.

View Quote Captain Kirk's nipples!

View Quote How dare you?! How dare you?!

View Quote Because if you don't make it, it's your own damn vault. That's a bitch-slap of truth right there.

View Quote This beer doesn't taste good, but I like how it's making me feel.

View Quote Doug loves me. We have a good relationship. You just don't understand the situation, because if Doug's such a bad guy, [begins to realize] and he... he left me on purpose, and he hurt me on purpose, that would mean... that would mean... Doug doesn't love me.

View Quote All my life, I felt like I wasn't worth anything unless I heard those words, "Good boy". But they never came. Well, he needs to know he's hurt me. He needs to feel my pain. And he needs to pay for what he did with the only thing he truly loves! I'm gonna bite his dick off.

View Quote We've got a definite situation on our hands. Catastrophic! I can't stress that enough!

View Quote [sighs] If this got out that our dolls were coming to Los Angeles from Barbie Land as life-size versions of themselves... [panting] roaming the earth... this would be very bad.

View Quote No one rests until this doll is back in a box!

View Quote Brad Whitaker: The step-king has had enough of the king's BULLSHIT!
Dusty Mayron: Brad said a bad word.

View Quote Brad Whitaker: You built all this today? With my tools?
Dusty Mayron: Oh, no, you can't build a treehouse with a tampon, Brad.

View Quote [narrating] Here's a question for you. What do kids need more, a father or a dad? What's the difference? The way I see it, darn near anyone can be a father... [video of copulating rhinos] ...but not everyone has the patience or the devotion to be a dad. As for me, I've always wanted to be a dad. Let me tell you, I love it! Yeah! [driving] And I love my Ford Flex. It treats me to a smooth ride, and you know what? It didn't break the bank. Room enough for the whole family. [making sandwiches in the kitchen] Yes, I love being a dad. And I love these two adorable little rays of sunshine. [Dylan and Megan walk in]

View Quote Ron Burgundy: [while warming up before the news] A tarantula enjoys a fine chewing gum.

View Quote Ron Burgundy: [while warming up before the news] Snoopy was stabbed by a spear.

View Quote Ron Burgundy: Hey, Garth. How's the divorce?

View Quote Eat her **** face off, Martha!

View Quote Joe: [gestures to the feminine sunglasses Scott is wearing] Are those women's sunglasses?
Scott Johansen: No, they're Italian.
Joe: [gesturing to the thin long cigarette Scott is smoking] Well, that's a woman's cigarette - that's nice.
Scott Johansen: No - also Italian. Italian sunglasses, Italian cigarettes.
Joe: Okay. Ciao!

View Quote Tommy Papouli: Where's the money?
Frank Theodorakis: We just got robbed.
Scott Johansen: Yeah.
Frank Theodorakis: Look, the saves are all empty.
Tommy Papouli: Do you know how many times I see someone point to any empty safe and say we have no money?
Frank Theodorakis: A hundred?
Scott Johansen: 500?
Frank Theodorakis: 30,000.
Tommy Papouli: It's rhetorical, ****stick.
Frank Theodorakis: Okay.
Tommy Papouli: Shut up. This your daughter?
Scott Johansen: Where? Who, her?
Tommy Papouli: Right here.
Scott Johansen: That's such a compliment. This is my wife.
Kate Johansen: Alex?
Scott Johansen: In fact, there's our daughter.
Kate Johansen: There she is. Hello, daughter.
Scott Johansen: Hi, honey.
Kate Johansen: Don't overthink it, just be our daughter.
Scott Johansen: Come right here.
Rachel: I'm not your daughter, that's your--
[Scott pushes her into a desk and she screams]
Scott Johansen: Sorry, Rachel!
Tommy Papouli: The ****'s the matter with you?
Scott Johansen: What?
Tommy Papouli: Shoving a girl like that?
Scott Johansen: We are strict diciplinarians in our household.
Tommy Papouli: Get out of my way. I know this is your daughter.
[takes Alex by the arm]
Alex Johansen: Mom!
Scott Johansen: No, no, no!
[Tommy handcuffs himself to her]
Tommy Papouli: Cuff her.
Scott Johansen: Sweetie.
Alex Johansen: Mom.
Kate Johansen: Honey.
Scott Johansen: No.
Frank Theodorakis: Wait, no. Take me, not her.
Tommy Papouli: No. No one cares if you die.
Frank Theodorakis: Oh, thank god.
Tommy Papouli: Help 'em find the money. Oh, and hey... 300 grand. Or you'll never see your daughter again.
Alex Johansen: Mom! Dad! Help!
Carl Shackler: [raises his crooked middle finger at Scott, Kate, and Frank] **** you.
Alex Johansen: Help!
Carl Shackler: **** you.
Alex Johansen: Let go of me.