Elf (2003) · 57 quotes
Emily
You sure like sugar, huh?
Buddy
Is there sugar in syrup?
Emily
Yes.
Buddy
Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.
Emily
So, Would You Be Staying With Us Then?
Walter
Are you crazy? He can't stay here.
Emily
We can't just throw him out in the snow.
Walter
Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.
Emily
Walter, he's your son.
Walter
Hey, uh... I'm gonna eat in the bedroom, okay? I, uh, I got a bunch of stuff to go over.
Emily
Are you sure?
Walter
I'm... I'm just way behind on a bunch of stuff.
Emily
Okay.
Michael
Can I eat in my room?
Emily
No.
Michael
Why not? Dad's eating in his room. [Mimics father's voice] I got a bunch of homework to go over, and I'm way behind on a bunch of stuff.
Emily
You're eating here.
Emily
Oh, my God! Walter, this is... this is wonderful, you... you have another son. Wonderful. Oh, gosh, I... I guess I never really thought of it that way. This is incredible, I... you know, it's a little complicated, But it's nothing that we can't handle.
Walter
Honey?
Emily
What?
Walter
He thinks he's an elf.
Emily
I'm sorry, what?
Walter
He think he's a Christmas elf.
Emily
Oh, come on, Walter, I'm sure he doesn't actually think he's an elf.
Buddy
And then, I traveled through the 7 levels of the candy cane forest, past the sea of swirly-twirly gumdrops, and then, I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel. [Ṗroċeeds to then down an entire 2-litter bottle of Coca-Cola in one sịppịṅg]
Emily
Ahh. So, where were you for the last 30 years?
Buddy
The North Pole. Can you pass the maple syrup? Please?
Emily
I... I didn't put... it's spaghetti.
Buddy
Oh, you know what? I think I have some. [Reaches into his sleave and miraculously produces a mini bottle of maple syrup] Yes.
Emily
You sure like sugar, huh?
Buddy
Is there sugar in syrup?
Emily
Yes.
Buddy
Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.
Emily
So, would you be staying with us then?
Buddy
You mean I can stay?
Emily
Of course you can.
Walter
Emily.
Emily
How... how long do you think you'll be with us?
Buddy
I... I hadn't really planned it out, but I was thinking, like... forever.
Walter
Emily? Can I just speak to you for a minute in the, uh, kitchen, please? [In the kitchen to Emily] Are you crazy? He cannot stay here.
Emily
Clearly, he has some serious issues. We can't just throw him out in the snow.
Walter
Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.
Emily
Walter, he's your son.
Buddy
Did you hear that?
Michael
You are so weird.
Buddy
What should we put on it first?
Michael
Lights!
Buddy
Oh, good. And then, after that?
Michael
Ornaments!
Buddy
Ornaments, okay.
Walter
What the hell's that?
Michael
A Christmas tree.
Walter
A Christmas tree?
Michael
Buddy chopped it down in the park.
Walter
Emily.
Emily
I don't know what you're making such a big deal about. They were just having a little fun.
Walter
Oh, fun? So felonies are fun now? I thought, see, felonies were felonies.
Emily
Okay, the tree thing was bad. I'll get him to plant another one. But at least Michael is happy for once.
Walter
What, uh, what's that supposed to mean?
Emily
Well, I don't think it's any secret, Walter, that you haven't exactly been there for him.
Walter
I'll tell you what, why don't we just pull him outta school and let the, uh, deranged elf man raise him? Then they can have lots of fun committing felonies.
Michael
How are we gonna get the star on top?
Buddy
I got it. [Buddy takes a running sprint, jumps on the couch, and grabs a hold of the tree, only for him to take the tree down along with him]
Walter
I mean, what are we gonna do? We can't... we can't leave him alone here. He's gonna destroy the place.
Emily
Why don't you, um... why don't you take off tomorrow? You know, and you could stay home and watch him?
Walter
Oh, no. No, I can't stay home tomorrow, I have a budget meeting tomorrow. Well, honey, I can't take off, I'm one... one bad pitch away from getting fired... one.
Emily
Well, I tell you what, I have an idea then. Why don't you take buddy to work with you?
Emily
Hi, it's me.
Walter
I really can't talk right now.
Emily
Well, just tell me how the pitch went.
Walter
I'm gonna be a little later than I thought, okay?
Emily
Well, don't be too late, Walter, it's Christmas Eve.
Eugene
Walter...
Walter
Wait, um. Honey, I gotta go, okay? Love ya.
Emily
Oh, say hi to Buddy.
Walter
What?
Eugene
Walter, breakthrough. We found this in the conference room.
Walter
What is it?
Eugene
It's Miles Finch's notebook. This thing is chock full of genius ideas. I mean, look at that.
Morris
And his best idea is about a peach that lives on a farm. What's more vulnerable than a peach?
Walter
What, uh, what do we do?
Eugene
I think we should go with the first pitch... it's genius.
Walter
Uh, how much time we got?
Eugene
We got, like, 45 minutes.
Walter
Well, come on, let's, uh, try to get a storyboard or something ready.
Eugene
Come on, let's do it.
Walter
Just try. No, you can't sit down and get a storyboard ready. Go and get a storyboard ready.
Eugene
Oh, boy! Go.
Buddy
I'm sorry I ruined your lives and crammed 11 cookies into the VCR. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. I'll never forget you. Love, Buddy.
