Uh, Greenway's coming in tomorrow, So, what... what do we got?
Well, Morris and I have been brainstorming, and we've come up with what I think is a pretty big idea.
Morris You're gonna love it, it's fantastic.
Morris Okay, picture this... We bring in Miles Finch.
Morris The Golden Ghost. We bring him in! He's written more classics than Dr. Seuss. It ain't gonna be easy, But I think it's worth a shot.
My two top writers, my crack team, my fun squad... you came in here pitching me, the idea of hiring another writer?
Morris Yeah.
Miles Finch. I like it. [Chuckles] I like it.
Morris [Walter, Morris and Eugene are conference calling Miles Finch]
My favorite book of yours has gotta be Gus' pickles. It's existential, yet it's so accessible.
Uh, Mr. Finch, uh, Eugene Dupris here. It's a thrill just to be talking to you on our speakerphone.
Miles, um, so, what do you think? Can you fly in tomorrow?
M Miles
I'll give you five hours tomorrow, not a minute more.
Oh, that's... that's great.
M Miles
I'd like a black s500 to receive me at the airport. I need the interior of that car to be 71 degrees exactly.
D Deborah
Mr. Hobbs? There's a situation downstairs.
No, hold on, Miles. Deb, hang up.
M Miles
I do not hold. Do not put me on hold.
D Deborah
We have a problem in the mailroom.
What's going on? Don't speak... Deborah, hang up!
M Miles
That's it, I'm gone.
F Finch
I'll be there tomorrow... 71 degrees.
D Deborah
Sir, Chuck in the mailroom needs to talk to you.
Chuck... what, Chuck? I mean, what could be going on down there that's so important you had to interrupt me, what?
MF Miles Finch
[Arriving at Walter's office]
All right, let's do this.
Miles, I'm so happy you could come. Uh...
I'm Walter Hobbs. Yeah, let's get the, uh... Taken care of so we can get started here. Here you go.
M Miles
Great. All right... [Clears throat] What have you guys got so far? Go ahead.
Morris Uh... We were thinking, uh, something like this, uh... We open on a young tomato. He's had some tough times down at the farm with, you know, a rabbit, and...
M Miles
No. No tomatoes... too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable.
No, you see? I... I told you guys. I told them the very same thing...
M Miles
And no farms. Every body's pushing small town rural. A farm book would just be white noise.
What about this? Uh, a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells. [Gestures in a desperate urge of praising of originality]
Apparently, all we have is vegetables, I have no time so you know, if you've got a story here...
M Miles
I've got about five or six great starts here. [Pounds his ideas notebook on the table with a fist] I've got one idea that I'm especially psyched out of my mind about. You know, it's one of those ideas where you're like, YES! [They all react in surprised excitement]
Uh, great, could we hear it?
M Miles
I'll start with the cover. Picture this... you got, uh
Dad! I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!
Buddy, not now, uh, can you please go back to the... to the pit? I'll come and visit you in a little while, okay?
I didn't know you had elves working here.
M Miles
Oh... boy, you're... you're hilarious, my friend.
He doesn't, uh... get back to the story, please.
M Miles
All right, okay. So, on the cover above the title...
Does Santa know that you left the workshop?
M Miles
You know, we're all laughing our heads off.
Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?
Buddy... go back to the basement.
M Miles
Hey, jack weed, I get more action in a week than you've had your entire life. I've got houses in L.A., Paris, and Vail, each one of them with a 70-inch plasma screen. So, I suggest you wipe that stupid smile off your face before I come over there and smack it off! You feeling strong, my friend?! Call me elf one more time!
[Whispers]
He's an angry elf. [Miles then leaps up onto the meeting table and starts running towards Buddy, growling] Look at you. [Miles then does an airborne kick into Buddy's chest] Ow! Hey, what... Aah! I wasn't ready for that. [Miles twists his arm] Aah! Hey, hey, hey! Whoa!
Morris Ooh...
M Miles
[Buddy grabs his arm]
Call me elf one more time! Call me elf!
You're an elf. [Miles then flips Buddy off the table and into chairs]
Miles, I'm sorry, he thinks he's an elf. [Walter stops Miles from leaving, but Miles leaves] Listen, Miles... Listen, Miles!
He must be a South Pole elf.
[Lividly and sternly]
You get the hell outta here.
[Confused]
Where do you want me to go?
[Furiously]
I don't care where you go. [starts yelling at the top of his lungs] I don't care that you're an elf! I don't care that you're NUTS! I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE MY SON! GET OUTTA MY LIFE!! NOW!!
[Heartbroken, Buddy tearfully runs out of the office while the others stare at Walter tạkeṅ ạbạċk]
[Calling Walter]
Hi, it's me.
I really can't talk right now.
Well, just tell me how the pitch went.
I'm gonna be a little later than I thought, okay?
Well, don't be too late, Walter, it's Christmas Eve.
[He and Morris enters]
Walter...
Wait, um. Honey, I gotta go, okay? Love ya.
[Ḥangs up his phone]
What?
Walter, breakthrough. We found this in the conference room.
It's Miles Finch's notebook. This thing is chock full of genius ideas. I mean, look at that.
Morris And his best idea is about a peach that lives on a farm. What's more vulnerable than a peach?
I think we should go with the first pitch... it's genius.
Uh, how much time we got?
We got, like, 45 minutes.
Well, come on, let's, uh, try to get a storyboard or something ready.
Just try. No, you can't sit down and get a storyboard ready. Go and get a storyboard ready.
[Walter reading a note from Buddy]
I'm sorry I ruined your lives and crammed 11 cookies into the VCR. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. I'll never forget you. Love, Buddy.
