Elf (2003) · 57 quotes
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Elf (2003): in 7 of its 57 quotes
Most scenes with: Buddy (5), Walter (5), Emily (3)
Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited five hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news - I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?
Michael Go away!
Hey, uh... I'm gonna eat in the bedroom, okay? I, uh, I got a bunch of stuff to go over.
Are you sure?
I'm... I'm just way behind on a bunch of stuff.
Okay.
Michael Can I eat in my room?
No.
Michael Why not? Dad's eating in his room. [Mimics father's voice] I got a bunch of homework to go over, and I'm way behind on a bunch of stuff.
You're eating here.
Oh, my God! Walter, this is... this is wonderful, you... you have another son. Wonderful. Oh, gosh, I... I guess I never really thought of it that way. This is incredible, I... you know, it's a little complicated, But it's nothing that we can't handle.
Honey?
What?
He thinks he's an elf.
I'm sorry, what?
He think he's a Christmas elf.
Oh, come on, Walter, I'm sure he doesn't actually think he's an elf.
And then, I traveled through the 7 levels of the candy cane forest, past the sea of swirly-twirly gumdrops, and then, I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel. [Ṗroċeeds to then down an entire 2-litter bottle of Coca-Cola in one sịppịṅg]
Ahh. So, where were you for the last 30 years?
The North Pole. Can you pass the maple syrup? Please?
I... I didn't put... it's spaghetti.
Oh, you know what? I think I have some. [Reaches into his sleave and miraculously produces a mini bottle of maple syrup] Yes.
You sure like sugar, huh?
Is there sugar in syrup?
Yes.
Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.
So, would you be staying with us then?
You mean I can stay?
Of course you can.
Emily.
How... how long do you think you'll be with us?
I... I hadn't really planned it out, but I was thinking, like... forever.
Emily? Can I just speak to you for a minute in the, uh, kitchen, please? [In the kitchen to Emily] Are you crazy? He cannot stay here.
Clearly, he has some serious issues. We can't just throw him out in the snow.
Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.
Walter, he's your son.
Michael You are so weird.
Michael Where did you say you were from?
Oh, yeah, candles burning low, lots of mistletoe, lots of snow and ice everywhere we go, choirs singing carols right outside my door, all these things and more. I wish Dad were here.
Michael Why?
'Cause he's the greatest Dad in the whole wide world.
Michael Are you kidding? He's the worst Dad in the world.
What do you mean?
Michael All he does is work.
Working's fun.
Michael Not the way he does it. All he cares about is money. He doesn't care about you, or me, or anybody.
Well, he is on the naughty list.
Michael You like her?
Like who?
Michael The girl you're staring at.
Oh, uh... Yeah.
Michael Why don't you ask her out?
Out?
Michael You know, on a date... to eat food.
Food?
Michael Yes, real food, not candy. And if she says yes, you're in. It's like a secret code girls have.
Well, look who it is.
Hi, Jovie. Hi. Oh, uh, this is Michael. I'm his brother.
Michael Hi.
So, what are you doing here? Did Gimbels give you your job back?
No. But things worked out pretty good. They gave me a restraining order.
Well, um, you should probably get outta here.
Ho ho ho! But... I really wanted to see you, and... and I think you're beautiful, and I, um... I feel really warm when I am around you, And, um, my tongue swells up. So... Do you wanna go eat food?
Do I... do I wanna eat food?
Mm-hmm, you know, uh, the code... food.
Well, I just had my lunch break.
Oh, okay. I understand.
But I'm free on Thursday.
Thursday! Thursday! Come on. That'd be great. All right. Was that okay?
Michael You did great, man.
What should we put on it first?
Michael Lights!
Oh, good. And then, after that?
Michael Ornaments!
Ornaments, okay.
What the hell's that?
Michael A Christmas tree.
A Christmas tree?
Michael Buddy chopped it down in the park.
Emily.
I don't know what you're making such a big deal about. They were just having a little fun.
Oh, fun? So felonies are fun now? I thought, see, felonies were felonies.
Okay, the tree thing was bad. I'll get him to plant another one. But at least Michael is happy for once.
What, uh, what's that supposed to mean?
Well, I don't think it's any secret, Walter, that you haven't exactly been there for him.
I'll tell you what, why don't we just pull him outta school and let the, uh, deranged elf man raise him? Then they can have lots of fun committing felonies.
Michael How are we gonna get the star on top?
I got it. [Buddy takes a running sprint, jumps on the couch, and grabs a hold of the tree, only for him to take the tree down along with him]
I mean, what are we gonna do? We can't... we can't leave him alone here. He's gonna destroy the place.
Why don't you, um... why don't you take off tomorrow? You know, and you could stay home and watch him?
Oh, no. No, I can't stay home tomorrow, I have a budget meeting tomorrow. Well, honey, I can't take off, I'm one... one bad pitch away from getting fired... one.
Well, I tell you what, I have an idea then. Why don't you take buddy to work with you?
As you know, we need a big launch, fast, to get the company back on track. So I think I speak for my fellow board members when I say, this better be good.
Before I get into the story, let me start with the cover, okay? Now, just picture this...
Michael Dad! I gotta talk to you.
Michael, what is it?
Michael Buddy ran away.
What?
Michael He left a note. I'm scared, Dad. He's gone.
Let me just finish this meeting and then we'll figure it out, okay?
Michael Figure out what? Buddy cares about everybody. All you care about is yourself.
Hey, Michael. Wait. We're gonna have to reschedule this, Mr. Greenway.
We don't have time to reschedule. I wanna hear the damn thing now. Son, you'll have to wait.
No, don't tell my kid what to do. Can't we do this another time, Mr. Greenway?
I flew in just to hear this pitch and I intend to.
It's gonna have to wait.
If you wanna keep your job, Hobbs, you will pitch me this book right now.
Well, up yours.
Michael Yeah, up yours.
Hey.
Hobbs. Hobbs! HOBBS! YOU WALK OUT OF HERE, A-AND-AND YOU’RE FINISHED AT GREENWAY! YOU’RE FINISHED!
Hey! You found it.
Michael Buddy!
I need to tell you something.
No, no Buddy, there's something I have to tell you right now. Um, I didn't mean anything I said back there, not one word. I know you be a little, um, um... uh, chemically imbalanced, But you've been right about a lot of things. I... I don't want you to leave. You're my son, and I... love you.
