Elf (2003) · 57 quotes
Most-quoted character in Elf (2003): in 41 of its 57 quotes
Most scenes with: Walter (11), Papa Elf (6), Jovie (6)
You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to meet you! [The shop staff and patrons just stare indifferently]
Buddy Hey! What's your name? My name's Buddy. [Raccoon hisses] Oh...! Does someone need a hug? [He leans in and raccoon leaps onto his neck knocking him to the ground ferociously attacking] Aah, aah! That's not cool! I just wanted a hug!
Buddy Wow! What's this?
This is the North Pole.
Buddy No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Buddy No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Buddy No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.
Buddy No, it's not. Where's the snow? [smiles]
Why are you smiling like that?
Buddy I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite!
Buddy Okay.
Work is your new favorite.
Buddy Fine.
It's time for an announcement. [to the employees] Okay, people! Tomorrow morning, 10:00am, Santa's comin' to town!
Buddy SANTA!!! OH, MY GOD!!! [excitedly, to the manager] Santa, here? I know him! I know him!
He'll be here to take pictures with all of the children. 10:00am tomorrow.
Buddy 10:00am tomorrow!
Santa's comin' to town.
Buddy Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas carol.
No way.
Buddy The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.
Thanks, but I don't sing.
Buddy Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.
I can sing, I just choose not to sing. Especially in front of other people.
Buddy If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.
Actually, there's a BIG difference.
Buddy No... no... no, there isn't. Wait... [Starts singing loud and off-key] I'm singing!/I'm in a store and I'm singing! [adeptly] I'm in a store and I'm singing!
HEY! There's no singin' in the North Pole!
Buddy Yes, there is!
No, there's not!
Buddy We sing all the time!
No, there's not!
Buddy Especially when we make toys! [to Jovie] See?
Yeah?
I think someone sent you a Christmas gram. (escorts Buddy in)
Buddy DAD!!!!
How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?
Buddy I heard you singing.
You sure had it nothing to do with the fact that I was naked and in the shower?
Buddy I didn't know you were naked. Why were you here so early?
They shut my water off. What were you doing here?
Buddy Building this.
You built this? They're kinda pissed about this.
Hey guys. Have you seen the place? It's pretty good. It's a little "too good". Corporate must have sent in a professional. I don't know why somebody's gunning for my job. But look, let's remain a team, okay? Cause if I go, we all go. If you get wind of anything, call me on my radio. Channel three. Code word is "Santa's got a brand new bag." Okay? [to Jovie] Six inch ribbon curls, honey.
Buddy By the way, you have the most beautiful singing voice in the whole wide world.
Buddy Santa.
Hey! Ho, ho, ho!
Buddy Santa! It's me, Buddy! It's me!
Hey, buddy. How you doing?
Buddy Santa, it's me! [but his excitement and enthusiasm fades away as he grimaces at him] Who the heck are you?
What are you talking about? I'm Santa Claus.
Buddy No, you're not.
Uh... Why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Buddy Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?
Um... Well, Happy Birthday, of course! Ho, ho, ho! So, uh, how old are you son?
Four.
You're a big boy. What's your name?
Paul.
And, uh, what can I get you for Christmas?
Buddy Paul, don't tell him what you want. He's a liar.
Hey! Let the kid talk.
Buddy You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
Just cool it, zippy!
Buddy You sit on a throne of lies.
Look, I'm not kiddin'.
Buddy You're a fake.
I'm a fake?
Buddy Yes!
How'd you like to be dead?! Huh?
Fake?
Ha, ha! He's kidding.
Buddy You stink.
I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right.
Buddy You smell like beef and cheese, you don`t smell like Santa.
OK.
Buddy HE'S AN IMPOSTER! HE'S NOT SANTA!
Buddy He's a fake! He's a fake! I saw!
Come here! Come here!
Buddy He's a fake!
Where are you goin' now? Where are you goin' now?
Buddy He's not Santa Claus! He's not Santa!
You sure like sugar, huh?
Buddy Is there sugar in syrup?
Yes.
Buddy Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.
So, Would You Be Staying With Us Then?
Buddy Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited five hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news - I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?
Go away!
Buddy I know I sound like a broken record but we are buddies, you're my best friend, that's it.
You know, I have really great ideas, but no one around here listens to me.
Buddy I listen to your ideas, you have great ideas.
I got to go with the flow.
Buddy Then go with the flow.
No! I got to get out of the flow, that's what got me here.
Buddy Then get out of the flow.
I mean I'm 26 years old, I've got nothing to show for it.
Buddy You're young, you're so young...You know my papa, he didn't make master tinker till he was 490.
490...
Buddy Tickle fight! [tickles the mailroom guy, who laughs hysterically]
Buddy Sorry.
You missed.
Buddy What do you mean I missed?
You missed. [kisses Buddy]
Passion Fruit spray?
Buddy Fruit spray? Sure. [takes bottle and sprays it in his mouth, then reacts in surprise and disgust]
Buddy I like to whisper too!
Buddy Hey! Have you seen these toilets?! They're gi-normous!
Well, I think it's time you start your tinker training.
Buddy Santa's sleigh.
You're gonna help me make it fly.
Buddy I thought the magical reindeer made The sleighs fly.
And where do the reindeer get their magic from?
Buddy Christmas spirit. Everybody knows that.
Well, silly as it sounds, a lot of people down south don't believe in Santa Claus.
Buddy What?! Well, who do they think puts all their toys under the tree?
Well, there's a rumor floating around that, uh, that the parents do it.
Buddy That's... that's ridiculous. I mean, parents couldn't do that all in one night. What about Santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat them, too?
Yeah, I, uh, I... I know, uh, and every year less and less people believe in Santa Claus. I mean, we have a real energy crisis on our hands.
Buddy Oh.
I mean, just see how low the, uh Claus meter is.
Buddy That's shocking.
That's why I came up with this little beauty in the '60s. [Turns over sleigh engine]
Buddy Wh- what is it?
It's a Kringle 3000... A 500-reindeer power jet turbine engine. Without it, the sleigh couldn't get more than, uh, a few feet off the ground. Well, it looks like we got a short in the thermo coupler. You wanna give me a hand with that? You want me to help?
As much as, uh, Buddy was accepted by his family and friends, there were a few drawbacks to being, uh, a human in, uh an elf's world.
Buddy Hey, Ming Ming. Um... I'm gonna be a little bit short on today's quota.
It's all right, Buddy. Just how many Etch-a-Sketches did you get finished? Come on, Buddy. How many?
Buddy I made, uh... 85. [All the elves stop and stare]
Eighty-five? That puts you... 915 off the pace.
Ooh... that's bad.
Buddy Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy maker in the world. I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. [All the elves gasps]
No, Buddy, you're not a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. We all just have different talents, that's all.
Buddy Seems like everyone else have the same talents except for me.
You... you have, you have lots of talents, uh... special talents in fact, like um, uh...
Buddy Special talents?
You changed the batteries in the smoke detector.
You sure did... triple-As. And in six months, you'll have to check 'em again... Won't he?
And you're the only baritone in the elf choir. You bring us down whole octave.
In a good way.
See, Buddy? You're not a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. You're just... special.
And so, Buddy was sent where the... the special elves work.
Hey, Foom Foom... I hate to do this to you, but you think you could help me pick up the slack on those etch-a-sketches?
No problem. I appreciate it.
Buddy is killing me. I already got Lum Lum and Choo Choo pullin' doubles.
That was quick thinking yesterday with that “special talents” thing.
I feel bad for the guy. I just hope he doesn't get wise.
Well, if he hasn't figured out he's a human by now, I don't think he ever will.
Buddy I think they're too small.
You're just... special.
You don't look so good, Buddy. Are you okay?
Buddy I'll be okay, I just need a glass of water. [Buddy faints, falling on Pom Pom]
Aah! Buddy...
Buddy, are you okay?
Buddy I'm sorry, Papa. I just need some alone time.
Buddy, I... I think we... we have to talk. Buddy, uh, I think there's something I... I probably should tell you. You probably should have found out a long... A long time ago.
Buddy My dad works there?
Empire State Building.
Hey, buddy, wanna pick some snow berries?
Buddy Not now, Arctic Puffin.
Hello, Buddy.
Buddy Oh... hi, Leon.
Why the long face, partner?
Buddy It seems I'm... I'm not an elf.
'Course you're not. You're 6'3" and had a beard since you were 15.
Buddy Papa says my real father lives in a magical place far away. I don't know what to do.
At least you have a daddy. I was just rolled up one day and left out here in the cold.
Buddy Thing is, I've never even left the North Pole.
Buddy, I've been around the world many times when I was a young cumulonimbus cloud. It's a wonderful place, filled with wondrous creatures... Except dogs. Oh, by the way, don't eat the yellow snow.
Buddy Oh, I know that.
All I'm saying is this might be the golden opportunity to find out who you really are.
So, I hear you're going on a little journey to the big city.
Buddy Yup. Ahh. I'm kind a nervous. [Santa chuckles] Leon says New York is pretty different.
Oh, don't pay attention to Leon. He's never been anywhere. He doesn't have any feet. I've been to New York thousands of times.
Buddy Really?
Mm-hmm.
Buddy What's it like?
Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, Leave it there. It's not free candy.
Buddy Oh.
Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original, but the real one's on the 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show," that doesn't mean that They're letting you look at presents before Christmas.
Buddy Can't wait to see my dad... we're gonna go ice skating and... and eat sugar plums.
Yeah, that's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. You know, Buddy... [sighs] your father... well... he's on the Naughty List.
Buddy NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [Camera races to highlight of Walter Hobbs on the "naughty" page of Santa's book]
Listen, some people, they just lose sight of what's important in life. That doesn't mean they can't find their way again, huh? Maybe all they need is just a little Christmas spirit.
Buddy Well, uh, I... I'm good at that.
I know you are.
And I'll... I'll always, uh, I'll always be here for you. Now, uh... Go... uh, get.
Buddy Bye, guys.
Bye, buddy. Take care.
Bye, Buddy. Hope you find your dad.
Buddy Thanks, Mr. Narwhal. Bye.
Buddy Sorry I can't ride with you the rest of the way up, but this is where my dad works.
Well, have a good day.
Buddy Oh, I forgot to give you a hug. [elevator door closes]
Oh, I don't know, Connie, I've never declawed kittens before. How many? Eight? I don't know if I'm gonna have time. Well, all right, just bring 'em by the camper this week, and I'll see what I can do. I'm not gonna charge you. Just bring 'em by, and I'll see what I can do. Bye.
Buddy Excuse me. I'm here to see a Walter Hobbs. I'm Buddy the Elf.
Buddy Papa Elf.
Papa Elf?!
Buddy Mm-hmm. From the North Pole.
From the North Pole?!
Buddy Yes.
So, you really think we should ship 'em?
No, I think we should take a $30,000 bath so some kid can understand what happened? To a puppy and a frigging pigeon? Ship 'em. [Phone rings] Yeah.
Mr. Hobbs? It's me on the intercom.
Go ahead.
Yeah, I think some one sent you a Christmas-gram. [Buddy bursts into office]
Buddy Dad!
Buddy I walked all day and night to find you.
Uh, you look like you came from the North Pole. [Chuckles]
Buddy That's exactly where I came from. Santa must've called you!
Oh, yeah, sure, he, uh... Just got off the cell phone with me.
Buddy You did?!
So, go on. Go on with what? Well, are... are you gonna sing a song or something, or can I just go back to work?
Buddy A song? Uh... yeah. Anything for you, Dad, uh... I... I'm, I'm here with my dad and we never met and he wants me to sing him a song and, um, I was adopted but you didn't know I was born. So, I'm here now, I found you, Daddy and, guess what? I love you, I love you I love you!
Wow, that was weird. You know, usually you guys just uh, you know, Put my name into jingle bells or something.
Buddy It's me, your son. Susan Wells had me, and... And she didn't tell you, and, and, and, but now I'm here... It's me buddy. Susan Wells.
Uh, you said Susan Wells?
Buddy Yes.
Who sent this Christmas-gram?
Buddy What's a Christmas-gram? I want one.
Good idea.
Buddy I like to whisper, too. It's okay, Walter's my father.
Well, your dad's busy right now.
Buddy Okay, I'll come back later.
Yeah, you know, you're not gonna come back for a while, okay? You're gonna go back to Santa Land.
Buddy Okay.
Yeah, why don't you go back to Gimbels?
Passion fruit spray?
Buddy Fruit spray? Sure. [He sprays it in his mouth and then starts crying in pain]
Sorry.
Gimbel's Manager: Psst! [Grunts and gestures to "come here"] Hey, come... come here!
Buddy Me?
Gimbel's Manager: Yes! What are you doing down here?! You're not supposed to be down here! You can shop on your break, you don't... [grabs Buddy] come on, get upstairs!
Buddy Okay, I didn't know!
Gimbel's Manager: Well You should know!
Buddy Are you mad at me?
Gimbel's Manager: No.
Buddy Are you sure?
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, I'm sure! Just do your job!
Buddy Okay, fair enough.
Buddy Wow! What's this?
Gimbel's Manager: This is the North Pole.
Buddy No, it's not.
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.
Buddy No, it's not.
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.
Buddy No, it isn't.
Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.
Buddy No, it's not! Where's the snow? [smiles]
Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?
Buddy I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite.
Gimbel's Manager: [pause] Make work your favorite, okay?
Buddy Okay.
Gimbel's Manager: Work is your new favorite.
Buddy Fine.
Gimbel's Manager: It's time for an announcement. [To the employees] Okay, people! Tomorrow morning, 10 am, Santa's comin' to town!
Buddy SANTA! OH, MY GOD! [Excitedly, to the manager] Santa, here? I KNOW HIM!
Gimbel's Manager: He'll be here to take pictures with all of the children. 10 am tomorrow.
Buddy 10 am tomorrow!
Gimbel's Manager: Santa's comin' to town.
Buddy Dad! I knew that you'd come, I love you for coming. Officer Tom, this is my Dad. This is Walter... he came. He bailed me out. They gave me one phone call. [repeats] And I said," I know who I'm gonna call... Walter Hobbs. And sure enough, you showed up. You did, they said you weren't gonna show up. They told me so many times...
Shh. Just who the heck are you, and what is your problem?
Buddy I'm Buddy. I'm your son.
Wait, um... Tell me, tell me, tell me, uh... Where did you get this picture?
Buddy Papa Elf gave it to me.
Listen... is this some kind a game? What do you want, some money?
Buddy No! I just wanted to meet you, And I thought you might wanna meet me.
Who wouldn't wanna meet you?
Buddy I thought maybe we could make gingerbread houses, eat cookie dough, go ice skating, and... and maybe even hold hands.
Uh-huh. Come with me.
Buddy Okay.
Okay. What have we got here?
Buddy, don't eat those. [Grabs Buddy's hand on third reach, and Buddy reveals the cotton balls in other hand in a magician's trick]
We got to really hurry up, Walter, because I'm double-booked for the rest of the afternoon.
Buddy Am I sick?
Yeah, but that's not why we're here. We're here to do a test, come on.
Buddy What kind of test?
It's just a test to find out if you're my son or not.
Buddy Why am I sitting on paper?
Because it's sanitary for the other patients. Now, would you sit still so I can do the finger prick?
Buddy Finger prick! Oh...! It's cold.
Yeah, just please sit still, please?
Buddy Okay, can I listen to your necklace?
No, you can't.
Will you just sit still...?
Buddy Why is there a skeleton over there?
I don't know. Walter, could you please...?
Buddy If I squint, it looks like a pirate flag.
Could you please have him sit still?
Buddy Does he have a name?
No, he hasn't got a name. I'm sorry, Ben. I am sorry.
I have a lot of sick patients waiting.
Would you please hold still? Please.
Buddy He got mad at me.
Yes, he did. He did. The sooner you sit still, the sooner we can get this mess over with.
Buddy Okay. Then can we eat sugar plums?
You betcha. We'll eat sugar plums, make gingerbread houses, and we'll even paint eggs.
Buddy Well, painting eggs, that's Easter. [The doctor pricks his finger] Ow!
Buddy Oh... my finger has a heartbeat.
It won't hurt so much after a while. What's your name?
Buddy Buddy.
I'm Carolyn.
Buddy Hi. What do you want for Christmas?
A Suzy-talks-a-lot.
Buddy I'll put in a good word with the big man.
Thanks. Your costume is pretty.
Buddy Oh, it's not a costume. I'm an elf. Well, technically, I'm a human, but I was raised by elves.
Oh, I'm a human raised by humans.
Buddy Hmm. Cool.
Oh, my God! Walter, this is... this is wonderful, you... you have another son. Wonderful. Oh, gosh, I... I guess I never really thought of it that way. This is incredible, I... you know, it's a little complicated, But it's nothing that we can't handle.
Honey?
What?
He thinks he's an elf.
I'm sorry, what?
He think he's a Christmas elf.
Oh, come on, Walter, I'm sure he doesn't actually think he's an elf.
Buddy And then, I traveled through the 7 levels of the candy cane forest, past the sea of swirly-twirly gumdrops, and then, I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel. [Ṗroċeeds to then down an entire 2-litter bottle of Coca-Cola in one sịppịṅg]
Ahh. So, where were you for the last 30 years?
Buddy The North Pole. Can you pass the maple syrup? Please?
I... I didn't put... it's spaghetti.
Buddy Oh, you know what? I think I have some. [Reaches into his sleave and miraculously produces a mini bottle of maple syrup] Yes.
You sure like sugar, huh?
Buddy Is there sugar in syrup?
Yes.
Buddy Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup.
So, would you be staying with us then?
Buddy You mean I can stay?
Of course you can.
Emily.
How... how long do you think you'll be with us?
Buddy I... I hadn't really planned it out, but I was thinking, like... forever.
Emily? Can I just speak to you for a minute in the, uh, kitchen, please? [In the kitchen to Emily] Are you crazy? He cannot stay here.
Clearly, he has some serious issues. We can't just throw him out in the snow.
Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.
Walter, he's your son.
Buddy Did you hear that?
Buddy Dad? Dad? Dad! [Walter comes in door]
What?
Buddy I can't go to sleep, unless I get tucked in.
What?
Buddy I can't go to sleep unless I get tucked in.
I am not gonna tuck you in.
Buddy I... I promise I'll go right to sleep.
Fine.
Buddy Tickle fight, tickle fight!
Buddy, stop.
Buddy Tickle fight. Tickle...
Stop stop, stop.
Buddy Sorry.
It's all right. Hey, uh, [Clears throat] you just lay there and go to sleep.
Buddy Okay.
Okay.
Buddy Dad?
Hmm?
Buddy I love you.
Okay. Go to sleep now.
Where did you say you were from?
Buddy Oh, yeah, candles burning low, lots of mistletoe, lots of snow and ice everywhere we go, choirs singing carols right outside my door, all these things and more. I wish Dad were here.
Why?
Buddy 'Cause he's the greatest Dad in the whole wide world.
Are you kidding? He's the worst Dad in the world.
Buddy What do you mean?
All he does is work.
Buddy Working's fun.
Not the way he does it. All he cares about is money. He doesn't care about you, or me, or anybody.
Buddy Well, he is on the naughty list.
Buddy Like who?
The girl you're staring at.
Buddy Oh, uh... Yeah.
Why don't you ask her out?
Buddy Out?
You know, on a date... to eat food.
Buddy Food?
Yes, real food, not candy. And if she says yes, you're in. It's like a secret code girls have.
Well, look who it is.
Buddy Hi, Jovie. Hi. Oh, uh, this is Michael. I'm his brother.
Hi.
So, what are you doing here? Did Gimbels give you your job back?
Buddy No. But things worked out pretty good. They gave me a restraining order.
Well, um, you should probably get outta here.
Buddy Ho ho ho! But... I really wanted to see you, and... and I think you're beautiful, and I, um... I feel really warm when I am around you, And, um, my tongue swells up. So... Do you wanna go eat food?
Do I... do I wanna eat food?
Buddy Mm-hmm, you know, uh, the code... food.
Well, I just had my lunch break.
Buddy Oh, okay. I understand.
But I'm free on Thursday.
Buddy Thursday! Thursday! Come on. That'd be great. All right. Was that okay?
You did great, man.
Buddy What should we put on it first?
Lights!
Buddy Oh, good. And then, after that?
Ornaments!
Buddy Ornaments, okay.
What the hell's that?
A Christmas tree.
A Christmas tree?
Buddy chopped it down in the park.
Emily.
I don't know what you're making such a big deal about. They were just having a little fun.
Oh, fun? So felonies are fun now? I thought, see, felonies were felonies.
Okay, the tree thing was bad. I'll get him to plant another one. But at least Michael is happy for once.
What, uh, what's that supposed to mean?
Well, I don't think it's any secret, Walter, that you haven't exactly been there for him.
I'll tell you what, why don't we just pull him outta school and let the, uh, deranged elf man raise him? Then they can have lots of fun committing felonies.
How are we gonna get the star on top?
Buddy I got it. [Buddy takes a running sprint, jumps on the couch, and grabs a hold of the tree, only for him to take the tree down along with him]
I mean, what are we gonna do? We can't... we can't leave him alone here. He's gonna destroy the place.
Why don't you, um... why don't you take off tomorrow? You know, and you could stay home and watch him?
Oh, no. No, I can't stay home tomorrow, I have a budget meeting tomorrow. Well, honey, I can't take off, I'm one... one bad pitch away from getting fired... one.
Well, I tell you what, I have an idea then. Why don't you take buddy to work with you?
Buddy That's a nice purple dress. It's very purple-y
Francisco.
How's it going, Mr. Hobbs?
Buddy Ooh, Francisco, that's fun to say..." Francisco." Do you remember me?
I do. I didn't recognize you.
Buddy I know, I'm in work clothes. Thank you, Deborah. Deb, you have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card.
You just made my day.
Buddy Eww.
Buddy Mmm.
You don't have to drink that.
Buddy Thank you. [Buddy begins reading a book, while Walter continues to work] Francisco...Francisco...Francisco.
Buddy?
Buddy Am I too loud?
Just... just a little.
Buddy Sorry.
Buddy Why is your name on the desk?
I bought the desk. My name's there so no one steals it.
Buddy That's a joke, isn't it, Dad?
Yeah, Buddy, that's a joke.
Buddy So, what are we gonna build?
No, uh, we don't do that kind of work here, pal.
Buddy Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?
Put that down. [Answers phone] Hello? [To Buddy] Please, don't touch anything.
Buddy Sorry.
Hey... Bud, have you... have you... Have you ever seen a mailroom?
Buddy A mailroom? No.
No?
Buddy No.
Oh, I mean, wow. Wow... listen, it's a place where mail from all over the world comes, uh-huh. And they sort it out there, see? And you can touch it all, and they put it in these shiny bins.
Buddy Shiny bins?
Right. What do ya think?
Buddy It sounds great.
Good.
Buddy Can we go there?
Well, um... I gotta work here, maybe... maybe you can work there.
Buddy Okay, I'll work there.
Buddy Oh, I don't think this is the place my Dad was talking about. Is there a different mailroom?
No. This is the only one.
Buddy It's not very shiny.
Now... over here's the trench. All the mail comes out that shooter. Scan and find the floor each piece is moving to. Put it in a canister and shove it up the tube with the same number. You got that?
Buddy I think so. This place reminds me of Santa's workshop. Except it smells like mushrooms, and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.
Hi.
Buddy Wow. You look miraculous.
So do you.
Buddy Thank you.
What would you like to do?
Buddy I got some ideas. [He turns around starts walking with Jovie following]
All right, let's do this.
Miles, I'm so happy you could come. Uh...
Yeah.
I'm Walter Hobbs. Yeah, let's get the, uh... Taken care of so we can get started here. Here you go.
Great. All right... [Clears throat] What have you guys got so far? Go ahead.
Uh... We were thinking, uh, something like this, uh... We open on a young tomato. He's had some tough times down at the farm with, you know, a rabbit, and...
No. No tomatoes... too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable.
No, you see? I... I told you guys. I told them the very same thing...
And no farms. Every body's pushing small town rural. A farm book would just be white noise.
What about this? Uh, a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells. [Gestures in a desperate urge of praising of originality]
Apparently, all we have is vegetables, I have no time so you know, if you've got a story here...
I've got about five or six great starts here. [Pounds his ideas notebook on the table with a fist] I've got one idea that I'm especially psyched out of my mind about. You know, it's one of those ideas where you're like, YES! [They all react in surprised excitement]
Uh, great, could we hear it?
I'll start with the cover. Picture this... you got, uh
Buddy Dad! I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!
Buddy, not now, uh, can you please go back to the... to the pit? I'll come and visit you in a little while, okay?
Buddy I didn't know you had elves working here.
Oh... boy, you're... you're hilarious, my friend.
He doesn't, uh... get back to the story, please.
All right, okay. So, on the cover above the title...
Buddy Does Santa know that you left the workshop?
You know, we're all laughing our heads off.
Buddy Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?
Buddy... go back to the basement.
Hey, jack weed, I get more action in a week than you've had your entire life. I've got houses in L.A., Paris, and Vail, each one of them with a 70-inch plasma screen. So, I suggest you wipe that stupid smile off your face before I come over there and smack it off! You feeling strong, my friend?! Call me elf one more time!
Buddy He's an angry elf. [Miles then leaps up onto the meeting table and starts running towards Buddy, growling] Look at you. [Miles then does an airborne kick into Buddy's chest] Ow! Hey, what... Aah! I wasn't ready for that. [Miles twists his arm] Aah! Hey, hey, hey! Whoa!
Ooh...
Call me elf one more time! Call me elf!
Buddy You're an elf. [Miles then flips Buddy off the table and into chairs]
Miles, I'm sorry, he thinks he's an elf. [Walter stops Miles from leaving, but Miles leaves] Listen, Miles... Listen, Miles!
Buddy He must be a South Pole elf.
Buddy Where do you want me to go?
I don't care where you go. [starts yelling at the top of his lungs] I don't care that you're an elf! I don't care that you're NUTS! I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE MY SON! GET OUTTA MY LIFE!! NOW!!
[Heartbroken, Buddy tearfully runs out of the office while the others stare at Walter tạkeṅ ạbạċk]
I really can't talk right now.
Well, just tell me how the pitch went.
I'm gonna be a little later than I thought, okay?
Well, don't be too late, Walter, it's Christmas Eve.
Wait, um. Honey, I gotta go, okay? Love ya.
Oh, say hi to Buddy.
Walter, breakthrough. We found this in the conference room.
What is it?
It's Miles Finch's notebook. This thing is chock full of genius ideas. I mean, look at that.
And his best idea is about a peach that lives on a farm. What's more vulnerable than a peach?
What, uh, what do we do?
I think we should go with the first pitch... it's genius.
Uh, how much time we got?
We got, like, 45 minutes.
Well, come on, let's, uh, try to get a storyboard or something ready.
Come on, let's do it.
Just try. No, you can't sit down and get a storyboard ready. Go and get a storyboard ready.
Oh, boy! Go.
Buddy I'm sorry I ruined your lives and crammed 11 cookies into the VCR. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. I'll never forget you. Love, Buddy.
Buddy Hey! You found it.
Buddy!
Buddy I need to tell you something.
No, no Buddy, there's something I have to tell you right now. Um, I didn't mean anything I said back there, not one word. I know you be a little, um, um... uh, chemically imbalanced, But you've been right about a lot of things. I... I don't want you to leave. You're my son, and I... love you.
Buddy Santa, why are they chasing us?
I put them on the Naughty List and they never forgave me.
And so, with a little help, Buddy managed to save Christmas. And his spirit saved a lot of other people, too. Walter started his own independent publishing company. His first book was written by a brand new, critically acclaimed children's author. The book was Elf... a, uh, "fictional" story about an adopted elf named Buddy who was raised in the North Pole, went to New York, ate spaghetti, worked in a shiny mailroom, and eventually saved Christmas.
Buddy "First, I traveled through the seven levels of the Candy Cane Forest, past the Sea of Twirly-Swirly gumdrops, and then, I walked through the Lincoln tunnel..."
And as for me, I can't complain. Buddy comes up to visit from time to time. Oh, thank you, Jovie. That's very sweet of you.
You're welcome, Papa. But you can do the job when you're in town.
Hey, Suzie. Come here, little one. When it snows, ain't it thrilling? Papa wants to see you.
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