N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Chazz Michael Michaels quotes

View Quote "This is my brother!! And this is my brother's new girlfriend. And she is NOT a whore!!"
View Quote "Think of it as a boob handshake.... between me and your lady's boo -- look, that's not coming out right, just call me back so I can explain, okay?? It's me, Chazz."
View Quote Get that damn bird out of my face before I break its neck!
View Quote "I'll get inside your face."
View Quote [The title of a book of poetry he published] "Let Me Put My Poems In You."
View Quote "We didn't even get to second base.... well, maybe I did...."
View Quote "Chazz Michael Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy are figure skating... BOOM!!"
View Quote "They carve it out of illegal whale bone."
View Quote "I see you still look like a 15 year old girl, but not hot!!"
View Quote "If we went to a Halloween party as Batman and Robin, I'd go as Robin. That's how much you mean to me."
View Quote "I swear to god, if you cut my head off...."
View Quote "That, young man, is how babies are made!!"
View Quote "Can one of y'all pass me a biscuit??" [While running on a treadmill]
View Quote "Throw me some chicken!!" [While running on a treadmill eating a biscuit]
View Quote "No exaggeration, I couldn't love a human baby as much as I love this brush."
View Quote "For about a month, my urine smelled like marshmallows."
View Quote "Okay, but start up there at the crotch.... that's a better access point."
View Quote "Whoever invented rope was a real a-hole."
View Quote "Hey, Nancy Kerrigan?? You an official here?? Because you have officially given me a boner. I'm a sex addict. It's my cross to bear."
View Quote "It's not gonna matter cuz' you're flat in front like Ken!!"
View Quote "How'd it go with your lady?? Carve up any ice.... with your wiener??"
View Quote "Personal philosophy -- clothing optional."
View Quote "It makes my hair shine like Orion's belt out there on the ice."
View Quote "Hey, I was on Quaaludes, I don't even remember Oslo. But I remember Boston.... and that victory was as sweet as the cream pie for which the town was named."
View Quote "They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was going to the moon. Now he's up there, laughing at them."
View Quote "I remember when we were hanging out at the bus stop in Tucson, and Gary said, 'Hey, I've got a third ball.'" [vomits]
View Quote "Damn it. I just threw up in here people. That's the reality. Another layer to the legend. I am nothing but a human onion!! In fact we all are -- oh, encore -- " [vomits]
View Quote "Oh, bring it on! Let it rain down on me!" [vomits]
View Quote "Don't make me kill her!!"
View Quote "...I'm a sex addict and I'm attracted to women..."
View Quote "I am never satisfied. It's a curse."
View Quote "We love you, Denver!! City by the bay.... John Denver!!"
View Quote "SNOWFLAKE!!"
View Quote "Michaels and MacElroy are a freight train from Hell, okay?? We're going straight up the ass of the competition, Scott."
View Quote "Troubled childhood?? If you call being a nine year old kid with a thirty-five year old girlfriend troubled."
View Quote [Leaving a message on Jimmy's answerphone] "Hey, turdface. I've just taken every single one of your teddy bears and I've stuffed them down my pants!!"
View Quote "Was it good for you, Stockholm?? 'cause it was good for me, let's have a smoke!!"
View Quote " These guys put the bone in Zamboni"
View Quote "Hi!.......YIKES.........sorry......."
  »   More Quotes from
  »   Back to the