[drunk]
I know I sound like a broken record but we are buddies, you're my best friend, that's it.
Mailroom Guy You know, I have really great ideas, but no one around here listens to me.
I listen to your ideas, you have great ideas.
Mailroom Guy I got to go with the flow.
Mailroom Guy No! I got to get out of the flow, that's what got me here.
Then get out of the flow.
Mailroom Guy I mean I'm 26 years old, I've got nothing to show for it.
You're young, you're so young...You know my papa, he didn't make master tinker till he was 490.
Mailroom Guy [chuckles]
490...
Tickle fight! [tickles the mailroom guy, who laughs hysterically]
[gasps]
Wow! What's this?
No, it's not. Where's the snow? [smiles]
Why are you smiling like that?
I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite!
[pause]
Make work your favorite, okay?
Work is your new favorite.
It's time for an announcement. [to the employees] Okay, people! Tomorrow morning, 10:00am, Santa's comin' to town!
SANTA!!! OH, MY GOD!!! [excitedly, to the manager] Santa, here? I know him! I know him!
He'll be here to take pictures with all of the children. 10:00am tomorrow.
Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas carol.
The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.
Thanks, but I don't sing.
Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.
I can sing, I just choose not to sing. Especially in front of other people.
If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.
Actually, there's a BIG difference.
No... no... no, there isn't. Wait... [Starts singing loud and off-key] I'm singing!/I'm in a store and I'm singing! [adeptly] I'm in a store and I'm singing!
HEY! There's no singin' in the North Pole!
Especially when we make toys! [to Jovie] See?
You sure like sugar, huh?
Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.
So, Would You Be Staying With Us Then?
How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?
You sure had it nothing to do with the fact that I was naked and in the shower?
I didn't know you were naked. Why were you here so early?
They shut my water off. What were you doing here?
You built this? They're kinda pissed about this.
[appears]
Hey guys. Have you seen the place? It's pretty good. It's a little "too good". Corporate must have sent in a professional. I don't know why somebody's gunning for my job. But look, let's remain a team, okay? Cause if I go, we all go. If you get wind of anything, call me on my radio. Channel three. Code word is "Santa's got a brand new bag." Okay? [to Jovie] Six inch ribbon curls, honey.
[rolls her eyes]
But that's impossible.
[interrupting]
SIX... inches. [storms away]
By the way, you have the most beautiful singing voice in the whole wide world.
Miles Finch It's just one of those ideas, I'm just psyched out of my mind about...ya' know, it's just one of those ideas where you're like, YES!
[brainstorming for a new book]
What about this: a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells. [hand movements]
[Buddy sees Santa in the store]
Santa.
[the children cheer excitedly]
Santa! It's me, Buddy! It's me!
Hey, buddy. How you doing?
[an elf places a child on his lap]
Santa, it's me! [but his excitement and enthusiasm fades away as he grimaces at him] Who the heck are you?
What are you talking about? I'm Santa Claus.
Uh... Why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?
Um... Well, Happy Birthday, of course! Ho, ho, ho! So, uh, how old are you son?
You're a big boy. What's your name?
And, uh, what can I get you for Christmas?
[quietly]
Paul, don't tell him what you want. He's a liar.
You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
You sit on a throne of lies.
How'd you like to be dead?! Huh?
[as the elf takes Paul off his lap after a picture]
I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right.
You smell like beef and cheese, you don`t smell like Santa.
[Buddy accidentally rips off the beard of Gimbel's Santa, and gasps. The kids scream in horror]
HE'S AN IMPOSTER! HE'S NOT SANTA!
[they get into a fight]
He's a fake! He's a fake! I saw!
Where are you goin' now? Where are you goin' now?
[he smashes Buddy's designs; the manager starts tackling the fake Santa to protect Buddy]
He's not Santa Claus! He's not Santa!
I need to tell you something.
No, no Buddy, there's something I have to tell you right now. Um, I didn't mean anything I said back there, not one word. I know you be a little, um, um... uh, chemically imbalanced, But you've been right about a lot of things. I... I don't want you to leave. You're my son, and I... love you.
