Secretary Deb quotes from Elf (2003)

Buddy

Sorry I can't ride with you the rest of the way up, but this is where my dad works.

Well, have a good day.

Buddy

Oh, I forgot to give you a hug. [elevator door closes]

Secretary Deb

Oh, I don't know, Connie, I've never declawed kittens before. How many? Eight? I don't know if I'm gonna have time. Well, all right, just bring 'em by the camper this week, and I'll see what I can do. I'm not gonna charge you. Just bring 'em by, and I'll see what I can do. Bye.

Buddy

Excuse me. I'm here to see a Walter Hobbs. I'm Buddy the Elf.

Secretary Deb

You look hilarious. Who sent you?

Buddy

Papa Elf.

Secretary Deb

Papa Elf?!

Buddy

Mm-hmm. From the North Pole.

Secretary Deb

From the North Pole?!

Buddy

Yes.

So, you really think we should ship 'em?

Walter

No, I think we should take a $30,000 bath so some kid can understand what happened? To a puppy and a frigging pigeon? Ship 'em. [Phone rings] Yeah.

Secretary Deb

Mr. Hobbs? It's me on the intercom.

Walter

Go ahead.

Secretary Deb

Yeah, I think some one sent you a Christmas-gram. [Buddy bursts into office]

Buddy

Dad!

Walter

All right, uh, let's get it Over with.

Buddy

I walked all day and night to find you.

Walter

Uh, you look like you came from the North Pole. [Chuckles]

Buddy

That's exactly where I came from. Santa must've called you!

Walter

Oh, yeah, sure, he, uh... Just got off the cell phone with me.

Buddy

You did?!

Walter

So, go on. Go on with what? Well, are... are you gonna sing a song or something, or can I just go back to work?

Buddy

A song? Uh... yeah. Anything for you, Dad, uh... I... I'm, I'm here with my dad and we never met and he wants me to sing him a song and, um, I was adopted but you didn't know I was born. So, I'm here now, I found you, Daddy and, guess what? I love you, I love you I love you!

Walter

Wow, that was weird. You know, usually you guys just uh, you know, Put my name into jingle bells or something.

Buddy

It's me, your son. Susan Wells had me, and... And she didn't tell you, and, and, and, but now I'm here... It's me buddy. Susan Wells.

Walter

Uh, you said Susan Wells?

Buddy

Yes.

Walter

Who sent this Christmas-gram?

Buddy

What's a Christmas-gram? I want one.

Walter

I think we should call security.

Secretary Deb

Good idea.

Buddy

I like to whisper, too. It's okay, Walter's my father.

Well, your dad's busy right now.

Buddy

Okay, I'll come back later.

Yeah, you know, you're not gonna come back for a while, okay? You're gonna go back to Santa Land.

Buddy

Okay.

Yeah, why don't you go back to Gimbels?

Buddy

That's a nice purple dress. It's very purple-y

Walter

Francisco.

How's it going, Mr. Hobbs?

Buddy

Ooh, Francisco, that's fun to say..." Francisco." Do you remember me?

Secretary Deb

I do. I didn't recognize you.

Buddy

I know, I'm in work clothes. Thank you, Deborah. Deb, you have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card.

Secretary Deb

You just made my day.

Buddy

Eww.

Walter

Buddy.

Buddy

Mmm.

Walter

You don't have to drink that.

Buddy

Thank you. [Buddy begins reading a book, while Walter continues to work] Francisco...Francisco...Francisco.

Walter

Buddy?

Buddy

Am I too loud?

Walter

Just... just a little.

Buddy

Sorry.

Walter

Yes, Bud?

Buddy

Why is your name on the desk?

Walter

I bought the desk. My name's there so no one steals it.

Buddy

That's a joke, isn't it, Dad?

Walter

Yeah, Buddy, that's a joke.

Buddy

So, what are we gonna build?

Walter

No, uh, we don't do that kind of work here, pal.

Buddy

Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?

Walter

Put that down. [Answers phone] Hello? [To Buddy] Please, don't touch anything.

Buddy

Sorry.

Walter

Hey... Bud, have you... have you... Have you ever seen a mailroom?

Buddy

A mailroom? No.

Walter

No?

Buddy

No.

Walter

Oh, I mean, wow. Wow... listen, it's a place where mail from all over the world comes, uh-huh. And they sort it out there, see? And you can touch it all, and they put it in these shiny bins.

Buddy

Shiny bins?

Walter

Right. What do ya think?

Buddy

It sounds great.

Walter

Good.

Buddy

Can we go there?

Walter

Well, um... I gotta work here, maybe... maybe you can work there.

Buddy

Okay, I'll work there.

Buddy

Oh, I don't think this is the place my Dad was talking about. Is there a different mailroom?

No. This is the only one.

Buddy

It's not very shiny.

Now... over here's the trench. All the mail comes out that shooter. Scan and find the floor each piece is moving to. Put it in a canister and shove it up the tube with the same number. You got that?

Buddy

I think so. This place reminds me of Santa's workshop. Except it smells like mushrooms, and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.