Nancy Brennan, you're 39 years old. I would not expect you to call him "Dad".
Well, I'm not going to. Ever. Even if there's a fire!
Tied for 3rd most-quoted character in Step Brothers (2008): in 12 of its 44 quotes
Most scenes with: Brennan Huff (12), Dale (9), Robert (6)
Scenes with Nancy
12 scenes Nancy Robert better not get in my face... 'cause I'll drop that mother****er.
Nancy Jesus, Brennan.
Where did he go to medical school?
Nancy He went to Northwestern and Johns Hopkins, is that good enough for you?
No, it’s not.
Nancy Well, Brennan, those are very prestigious schools.
I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
Nancy You don't know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazing that shit up every day.
Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?
It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!
You don't need permission from us to build bunk beds. You're adults, you can do what you want.
So...?
I'm not making myself clear... I don't give a ****. Now, you both have several interviews tomorrow. I would think you'd be focused on that and not building bunk beds.
So...?
We can..? No?
Nancy Yes.
Thanks. You guys are not gonna regret it.
This is the funnest night ever!
Nancy Robert was very upset, yes. He knows that you interviewed as a team. And he heard about the fart.
Oh, he did?
Nancy Yeah. You just couldn't hold it, or...?
No. I thought it was gonna be silent.
It was not silent...
It just kept going...
It got louder...
It made a sound. It was embarrassing...
It got louder.
(Robert is furious at Dale and Brennan for destroying his boat as they all come back home from Derek's birthday party.)
Dad, I can't believe you're being so stingy!
Nancy Robert, come back down!
It's a simple business decision!
You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES!
Hey, you listen to me, you geriatric ****! Two things! You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000!
Nancy Oh, stop it.
That's enough ketchup... Come on, Dale. (Pounds the table)
I like it!
That's enough.
Nancy (As Brennan takes a small bowl of sauce from the table)
Dale, I don't know if you...you might wanna try this. I make a sauce, we call it "fancy sauce"...
Nancy ...That Brennan really likes with his chicken nuggets.
It's my fancy sauce.
Nancy Well, when Brennan finishes I'll give you some of this, and its...its just ketchup and mayonnaise mixed together, so..
Its so good.
I want some fancy sauce.
I'm not done using it.
Looks good.
Can I have some fancy sauce?
Nancy Of course, of course.
I'm using it right now
Nancy So, let's let him try some. You wanna try some, Dale?
Yeah, I really would like some.
Just one last spoonful. (Stops pouring the fancy sauce)
Nancy Hey, I think you've got enough there, Brennan. So here you go. It's ketchup and mayonnaise.
Thanks. (Sniffs the sauce) Ugh! I don't like it. It smells weird.
Nancy Okay.
I'll try some.
Nancy You want some?
Sure, absolutely.
Nancy Okay. You don't mind do you Brennan?
No. (Brennan stops Robert from taking the sauce with his hand)
Nancy Brennan..
I'm not comfortable...
It's okay. It's probably not good on fish, anyway.
But my dad's king of the castle, so if he want fancy sauce, he should...
No, it's all right, Dale...
Well, if he wants fancy sauce, he can make his own batch.
Nancy (To Brennan)
So you know what? Today while you were driving around, Dale was telling me that he's really into Kung Fu, and I was telling him that you're really into Kung Fu as well.
I have a green belt...read it and weep.
I don't believe in belts. There should be no ranking system for toughness. But one time, I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.
That's not true Dale, don't be ridiculous. (Dale looks down)
Nancy So, Dale what have you been working on recently?
Well...I manage a baseball team.
Nancy Little League?
Fantasy League.
Why don't you stop being so... confrontational, Dale?
I'm not the one staring at me!
So, Brennan, what about you? I know you used to work at PetSmart.
That's right Mr. Doback.
Call me Robert.
That's right, Robin.
Robert.
Nancy Actually, Brennan is a really talented person. He's a very gifted singer.
I'm really really good.
How good?
I've been called, "the song bird, of my generation"...THAT good.
Nancy The only thing is, Brennan's very... particular about who he sings in front of so... I'm his mom, for example, and I've only heard him sing... twice.
That's funny that you say that, because I can sing too. In fact, I'll sing right now. (Singing) If you wanna get down on these hairy balls...
HEY!
Why don't you jump right in? It's a crotch party right up in here!
Stop it!
Why don't you suck on this big john?
Stop it, Dale! Stop it, stop it!
(Sarcastically laughs)
That's so funny the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.
(While playing Brennan & Dale's music video "Boats 'N Hoes")
The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria. I'll do you in the bottom while you're drinking sangria!
Nachos and Lemonheads...
Both
...on my dad's boat!
You won't go down, 'cause my dick can float!
We sail around the world, and go port to port. Every time I "****" I produce a quart.
Nancy That is offensive, Brennan, Dale.
Deadliest Catch without the crabs, we're almost out of gas...
Both
Call the Arabs!
Background voice
Boats and hoes, boats and hoes, I gotta have me my boats and hoes...
Nancy Today, I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled "rape" at the top of your lungs.
Mom, I honestly thought I was going to be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes, and at one point he said, "Let's get it on".
That was about the fighting! I'm so not a raper!
Okay, here's the deal. Number one, you will fix the **** dry wall, NOW! Number two, you have one month to find jobs or you're on your asses. I will arrange interviews for Monday, and you will GO!
Dad, why are you talking to me like this? I'm your son.
I'm not buying that crap anymore.
Nancy Today, I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled "rape" at the top of your lungs.
Mom, I honestly thought I was going to be raped, for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes and a one point he said “let’s get it on”.
That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper!
Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, okay?
I witnessed with my eyes, your testicles touching my drums set.
[losing control of his rage and yelling at Dale and Brennan]
ALL RIGHT, THAT’S IT!! That’s it. You two guys leave me no choice. No television for a week.
Nancy We are so serious, guys. [takes the remote from them]
You’re **** high!
Are you out of your mind!?
Nancy Goes in Robert’s wall safe...
Come on.
Nancy And it's gonna stay there.
No!
Okay.
On ‘Planet Bullshit’!
In the galaxy of ‘This Sucks Camel Dicks’!!!
[the family is driving home after watching Dale and Brennan's disastrous music video on Robert's boat from Derek's birthday party]
So... Big question is, aside from the damage to the boat, which we will fix, what'd you guys think of the presentation?
Nancy [Robert is too furious to answer] [measured tone]
Brennan, I think that what you did to Robert's boat was horrid. Having said that, I think that both of you boys showed a lot of enthusiasm and inventiveness.
Yes, thank you.
[to Nancy]
You gotta be kidding me. They destroyed our dream and you're calling it inventive.
Nancy No, no, no. I didn't mean it like that.
Yes, you did. Yes, you did. Come on, you did. It's gonna be four years, at least, before we can sail anywhere. And you could care less, admit it.
Nancy [offended]
I will not admit that, because it is not true.
Oh, yeah.
Nancy But, you know, I do think that you could show a little bit more attentiveness to your son and your stepson who obviously need you.
It's true, Dr. Doback. You've been very cold and unsupportive of our dreams.
Nancy Don't speak to my son like that!
Your son's costing me $80,000.
Look, we could bicker about this all night, but what's done is done, Dad. Are you guys gonna invest or not?
Dad, the wheel!
[Robert lets go of the wheel so he can lean over into the backseat and begins attacking Dale and Brennan and is furious at them for destroying his boat as they all come back home]
Dad, I can't believe you're being so stingy!
Nancy Robert, come back down!
It's a simple business decision!
You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES!
Nancy [shocked]
Brennan.
Two things! You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000!
Nancy Oh, stop it.
Or we're gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass!
Nancy Brennan!
You can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces SHIT!!!
Nancy Oh, my lord. Calm down.
[Robert grabs hold of Brennan]
Somebody should've done this a long time ago, and I'm gonna do it.
Dad, what are you doing?
Nancy Robert.
Nancy Wait! Oh, no!
Dad!
Nancy Robert! Oh!
Dad, this is not the answer.
You're next, mister. You understand me?
Yes, sir.
Let go of me. Ow!
...will not be tolerated!
My ass is on fire!
Derek
[at the house, the whole family is having a Christmas dinner]
So I just drove off, I started going on my way to Chad Michael Murray’s Christmas party. I think that was the year. And just driving…
Nancy I have to interrupt you. Robert, while the children are in the living room, I think this would be a good time to make our announcement.
What’s going on?
It's over. I'm gonna be moving in with my friend, Jack Handle, and Nancy found a townhouse in the city.
Nancy What Robert is trying to say is that we are getting a divorce.
Don't do this.
No. No!
Derek
I gotta say, I could've called this one. Yeah.
No.
Derek
Yeah.
Is it our fault?
Is it because we were bad?
Nancy No, that’s the main thing that Robert and I talked about is that we did not want you two to blame yourselves.
What can we do to fix it?
Alice
Dale, honey, are you okay?
Derek
Why are you calling him "honey"?
Nancy I cannot stress this enough. It is not your fault.
Whose fault is it? Oh, I wanna **** know!
Let's cut the shit, it is-it is directly your fault.
Nancy Robert--
[to Dale and Brennan, holding his neck in pain]
You destroyed my boat, you beat me up in your sleep, and worst of all, you made Nancy and I resent each other. It is absolutely 150% your fault!
Derek
Of course it's their fault. They're the two biggest dickheads in the world, and they're living in your house.
Nancy [Annoyed]
Shut up, Derek.
Derek
I'm sorry, but--
Nancy [Brennan starts sobbing]
Please don't cry like that. Please don't, Brennan.
Alice
DALE!!!!!!
Nancy I told you that they would feel completely to blame.
Let's grow up.
I'm going to throw up. I think I'm going to throw up.
Nancy Don't throw up.
All the nice dinner that I had. I'm gonna throw it up.
You're not gonna throw up, Dale. You're not gonna throw up.
Alice
He's gonna throw up.
Derek
[Dale throws up on Alice's lap and everybody is grossed out]
Come on.
My God, he threw up. Oh, this is ugly.
Derek
[gets his camera ready so he can take their picture]
Hey, guys. Guys.
This is not nice!
Derek
Alright, dipshits. Right here.
Stop it, Derek.
Derek
1, 2, 3...
I don't want my picture taken right now!
