Daddy's Home 2015 quotes

Brad Whitaker

The step-king has had enough of the king's BULLSHIT!

Dusty Mayron

Brad said a bad word.

Brad Whitaker

You built all this today? With my tools?

Dusty Mayron

Oh, no, you can't build a treehouse with a tampon, Brad.

Dusty Mayron

So the King raised his mighty sword and rained steel down upon the Step King.

Brad Whitaker

But the Step King blocked it with his shield. And swung his cat o'nine tails into the King's smug face.

Dusty Mayron

Which the King easily brushed aside like the feather of a gull. And then the King did counter with a barrage of slashes and thrusts so fast and precise the Step King had no way to party.

Yay!

Dusty Mayron

But he did. He did. He parried all of them. Easily. It was no big deal.

Aww.

Brad Whitaker

Then he grabbed the King's sword right out of his hand and smashed it over his knee.

Boo!

Dusty Mayron

That's when the King pulled out a pump-action Mossberg shotgun!

Brad Whitaker

Which is completely anachronistic. So if we're gonna be doing any time period, then the Step King just happened to be wearing Kevlar body armor.

Dusty Mayron

Concussion grenade!

Brad Whitaker

Hand grenade.

Dusty Mayron

Rocket launcher.

Brad Whitaker

Missile launcher.

Dusty Mayron

Air strike.

Brad Whitaker

Nuclear strike.

Dusty Mayron

Black hole.

Brad Whitaker

God.

Brad Whitaker

Here's a question for you. What do kids need more, a father or a dad? What's the difference? The way I see it, darn near anyone can be a father... [video of copulating rhinos] ...but not everyone has the patience or the devotion to be a dad. As for me, I've always wanted to be a dad. Let me tell you, I love it! Yeah! [driving] And I love my Ford Flex. It treats me to a smooth ride, and you know what? It didn't break the bank. Room enough for the whole family. [making sandwiches in the kitchen] Yes, I love being a dad. And I love these two adorable little rays of sunshine. [Dylan and Megan walk in]

Dusty Mayron

It looks like we got our self's a dad-off, Brad.