"No, no, no! He has to know! He's always cryin!"
Ricky Bobby
Will Ferrell · 57 quotes
Cal Naughton, Jr.
John C. Reilly · 27 quotes
Jean Girard
Sacha Baron Cohen · 24 quotes
Reese Bobby
Gary Cole · 22 quotes
Texas Ranger Bobby
Grayson Russell · 18 quotes
Walker Bobby
Houston Tumlin · 15 quotes
Lucius
Michael Clarke Duncan · 11 quotes
Glenn
Jack McBrayer · 5 quotes
Bill Weber
Bill Weber · 3 quotes
Carley
Leslie Bibb · 3 quotes
Chip
Ted Manson · 3 quotes
From outtakes
3 quotes
Commercials
1 quote
From Ricky and Cal's Commercials
1 quote
Most scenes together: Ricky Bobby & Cal Naughton, Jr. (7), Ricky Bobby & Jean Girard (5), Ricky Bobby & Lucius (5)
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby quotes
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Announcer at Racetrack
As it stands now, Jean Girard is sitting on the pole, which is of course a statement of fact and in no way a comment on the driver's sexual orientation.
Ricky Bobby wins! You'll never see anything like that in a hundred lifetimes! It was completely illegal and in no way will count, but, man, that was something!
We'd like to thank you for joining us for NBC's coverage of NASCAR. Coming up next, it's "Ice Dancing To The Hits Of Motown".
[about Walker and Texas Ranger]
If we wanted us some wussies, we would have named them 'Dr. Quinn' and 'Medicine Woman', okay?
Opening title card
America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, bad-ass speed. - Eleanor Roosevelt, 1936.
Nice denim shorts, dude!
Speed News Announcer
Before each race, Jean Girard spends time with his prize-winning horses, who are also gay.
Ricky Bobby in the #62 car is on the move. He's sliding from 26th place to 18th place. Now let's go to John Hannafin, who's in the stands with a country music legend. [Cuts to Hannafin in the stands]
John Hannafin
Thank you, Sean. I'm here with one of the greatest country music stars of all-time, Kenny Rogers. Kenny, what do you think of the race so far?
Kenny Rogers
[obviously not Kenny Rogers]
It's great. They're going really fast.
John, that's not Kenny Rogers.
John Hannafin
In the song "The Gambler", you sang "You gotta know when to walk away and know when to run." Should Ricky Bobby have stayed away from racing?
"Kenny Rogers"
Mr. Bobby's very competitive. If he wants to race, he should race.
John Hannafin
Well, this is John Hannafin with Kenny Rogers. And now back to you, Bill.
Well, that, of course, was not Kenny Rogers.
Benny Parsons Not even close!
Cal
[as Ricky prepares to start his first race]
Remember when we got kicked out of biology for playing with Matchbox cars?!
Ricky
Yeah!
Cal
Who's **** now?!
Ricky
Yeah!
Cal
Hey, what are you doin' after this?
Ricky
After the race?
Cal
Yeah!
Ricky
I don't know, but it feels like we're wastin' a lot of time!
Cal
Aw, I know! I'm just excited!
Cal
[talking to his crew chief over the radio]
Hey, Jarvis?
Jarvis Yeah, Cal?
Cal
If you slept with your best friend's wife, why would he apologize to you?
Jarvis Yeah, I don't know, Cal. That's weird.
Cal
That's what I'm sayin'! My head's all tied up...like a pretzel! I got a pretzel in my head!
Cal
Hey, when you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time, how do you control the volume on the T.V.?
Ricky
Why would you have the stereo and the T.V. on at the same time?
Cal
'Cause I like to party.
Cal
I like to think of Jesus with, like, big eagle's wings, singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with, like, an angel band, and I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk...
Hey, Cal, why don't you just shut up?
Cal
Yes, ma'am.
Cal
Shake and Bake?
Ricky
No. Never again.
Cal
You're right. I was a total dick, man.
Ricky
From now on, [points to Cal] it's Magic Man...[points to himself] and El Diablo.
Cal
What--What's Diablo mean?
Ricky
It’s, like, Spanish for, like, a fighting chicken.
Cal
That's awesome! With the claws?
Ricky
Yeah, with the claws. With the claws and a beak!
Cal
How'd you come up with that, man?
Ricky
Just--sometimes, things click.