Jean Girard Hakuna Matata, bitches!
3rd most-quoted character in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006): in 24 of its 177 quotes
Most scenes with: Ricky Bobby (5), Cal Naughton, Jr. (2)
And now, the matador shall dance with the blind shoemaker!
More lines from Jean Girard
17 quotes Jean Girard Jean Girard By the way, Ricky, I watched the Highlander movie. It was shit!
Jean Girard You have spilled my macchiato.
Jean Girard [when asked about what French people are famous for]
We invented democracy, existentialism, and the m?nage-à-trois.
Jean Girard You know the sixty-nine, with the head down in that place? [jerks his head to his right] We came up with it.
Jean Girard [to Ricky]
Tomorrow, you are going to get beaten. Beaten real bad, cowboy!
Jean Girard What has America ever given the world, apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the Thighmaster?
Jean Girard [After breaking Ricky's arm]
Your injury is one of ignorance and pride!
Jean Girard Ah, "Reecky Booby"! Now we shall dance...and yes, it will be a slow jam!
Jean Girard You must decide, "Reecky Booby". Is it foolish pride, or is it greatness for you?
Jean Girard [on the Shake and Bake]
What is that, is that a catchphrase or is it, uh, epilepsy?
Jean Girard It makes no sense! This "Shake and Bake", it's nonsense!
Jean Girard Where are you, "Reecky Booby"? Come face your destroyer!
Jean Girard Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.
Jean Girard [to Ricky]
I am a racing car driver, just like you, except I am from Formula Un.
Jean Girard My husband Gregory and I wish for that which every other couple wish for: to retire to Stockholm and design a currency for dogs and cats to use.
Jean Girard [about holding hands with Ricky]
It is a sign of friendship in many cultures, it is not sexual at all. Do not be bothered by the fact I have an erection right now. It has nothing to do with you.
Scenes with Jean Girard
6 scenes Jean Monsieur "Booby", by defeating me today, you have set me free. And for that, I thank you. [He offers his hand to Ricky]
Ricky
[shoving Girard's hand away]
I will never shake your hand. Ever. But I will give you this...[he passionately kisses Girard]
Jean Sir...you taste...of America.
Ricky
Thank you. [Girard leans in for another kiss] Noooo...once was good. Once was good.
Ricky
No one plays jazz here at The Pit Stop!
Jean Then why is the song on the jukebox?
Bartender
We keep it on there for profiling purposes. We also got the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.
Jean Soon you will know what it is like to be defeated by the hands of someone who is truly better than you. As William Blake wrote, "The cut worm forgives the plow."
Ricky
Well, just let me quote the late, great, Colonel Sanders. Who said, "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."
Jean What has that got to do with this?
Cal
I got a message for all of them, ready? Shake...and Bake!
Ricky
What does that do, does that blow your mind? That just happened!
Jean Do you know why I came to America, "Reecky Booby"?
Ricky
Public schools, health care systems, giant water parks, I mean, the same reason anybody comes to America.
Jean I came here for you to beat me.
Ricky
What the hell are you talkin' about?
Jean My husband Gregory and I wish for only that which every other couple wishes for: to retire to Stockholm and design a currency for dogs and cats to use. But before I can do that...
Ricky
That's dumb.
Jean It's not dumb!
Ricky
It is dumb.
Jean Why is it dumb?
Ricky
I don't know.
Jean But before I can do that, I must be defeated by a driver who's truly better than me.
Ricky
So you're gonna lose to me on purpose?
Jean No.
Ricky
No?
Jean NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart, and you will probably lose, but maybe, juuuust maybe, you might challenge me. God needs the Devil. The Beatles needed The Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my...Katie Couric?
Ricky
Wow. [chuckles] I feel like I'm in Highlander.
Jean [they both laugh]
What is the Highlander?
Ricky
It's a movie.
Jean Any good?
Ricky
Very good. It won the Academy Award.
Jean Oh? For what?
Ricky
For best movie ever made. Look, I came here to tell you one thing: Come race time tomorrow, I'm comin' for you, all right?
Jean May God be with you.
Ricky
Yeah.
Jean Because although today I am friendly...tomorrow...will be WAR!
Ricky
All right.
Jean Girard Eh, everybody, this is my 'usband, Gregory. [Everyone gasps, and someone drops their beer]
Gregory [waves]
See you at the track!
Cal
Did he just say "husband"?
Herschell
Sweet Lord! Dennit hired a gay Frenchman as your teammate!
The room's startin' to spin real fast... cause of... cause of the gayness. Cal, I love you. [Ricky faints]
Ricky? Ricky! Oh, God!
Bob Jenkins
[The scene fades to black, then cuts to the middle of a SPEED Channel broadcast]
...But you know fans of NASCAR; the drivers; everybody is talking about this new driver Jean Girard. Let's find out a little more about him from our reporter Davey Wesling.
Davey Wesling
Talented. Eccentric. Dominating. These are the words that define Jean Girard. [clips of Girard tending to his horses are shown] Before each race, Jean Girard spends time with his world-class horses, who are also gay. [changes to clips of Girard with Gregory] Jean's days are filled with sun-drenched walks with his beloved husband Gregory. [cuts to Gregory training six German Shepherds to balance on each other] Though Gregory is no stay-at-home spouse: He's a world-class trainer of German Shepherds! Only time will tell if Jean's foray into NASCAR will end up in victory lane. [The SPEED anchors are dumbstruck]
Jean Do you know why I came to America, "Reecky Booby"?
Ricky
To have a chalupa and marvel at the wisdom of George W. Bush; I mean, the same reason anyone comes to America.
Other characters in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby
Will Ferrell
Cal Naughton, Jr.
John C. Reilly
Reese Bobby
Gary Cole
Texas Ranger Bobby
Grayson Russell
Walker Bobby
Houston Tumlin
Lucius
Michael Clarke Duncan
Glenn
Jack McBrayer
Bill Weber
Bill Weber
Carley
Leslie Bibb
Chip
Ted Manson
From outtakes
Susan
Amy Adams
Commercials
From Ricky and Cal's Commercials
