Walker Bobby quotes from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

Walker Bobby

Daddy, you made that grace your bitch.

Walker Bobby

I like to think of Jesus like a ninja, fightin' off evil samurai.

Walker Bobby

Shut up, Chip, or I'll go apeshit on your ass!

Walker Bobby

I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!

Walker Bobby

Greatest generation my ass, Tom Brokaw is a punk!

Walker Bobby

Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!

Walker Bobby

Send that weird man back to Indonesia!

Walker

Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy!

Texas Ranger

I don't even know what that means, but I love it!

Walker

Shut up in here, I'm tryin' to sleep!

Texas Ranger

One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!

Texas Ranger

I gotta tell ya Granny, this blows!

Walker

How much more of this?

Well, I don't know. When are you boys going to stop tossing me the radio in the bathtub?

Reese

Look, all I got to my name is a car, and a duffel bag full of underwear and sweet, stinky weed.

Walker

How much you sellin' that weed for, old man?

Ricky Bobby

How was school today, boys?

Walker Bobby

I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge. [Chip is startled]

Ricky Bobby

Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR?

Texas Ranger Bobby

Well, the teacher asked me what was the capitol of North Carolina. I said Washington D.C.

Cal Naughton, Jr.

Bingo!

Ricky Bobby

Nice.

Texas Ranger Bobby

And she said 'No, you're wrong.' I said 'You got a lumpy butt!' She got mad at me and yelled at me, and I pissed in my pants. And I never did change my pee pants all day, I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee pants.

Cal Naughton, Jr.

I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.

Walker

Grandpa, how about you take us fishin' and tell us life lessons, and stories about your childhood?

Reese Bobby

I got a better idea. How 'bout you boys go around back and dig a hole, and I'll go get another beer?

Texas Ranger

Someone didn't love you enough when you were little, did they?
Reese Bobby': That's a good call. [he hands Texas Ranger his beer] Here, that's worth a nickel.

Texas Ranger

Tragic.

I get emotional. You guys are workin' so hard, and I'm just so proud of you. You remind me of me, precocious and full of wonderment.

I tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed. These two are two in a million, just like Carley's ta-tas. You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee it.

Carley

Thank you, Cal.

Walker

That's real sweet of you, Cal.

Cal, that's a real nice sentiment. That's about one of the nicest things you ever said.

Well, I mean it.

Carley

Stop it, gonna make me cry.

It comes from the heart.