'Little did he know', That means there's something he doesn't know, which means there's something you don't know, did you know that?
Karen Eiffel
Emma Thompson · 17 quotes
Harold Crick
Will Ferrell · 14 quotes
Professor Jules Hilbert
Dustin Hoffman · 10 quotes
Ana Pascal
Maggie Gyllenhaal · 6 quotes
Penny Escher
Queen Latifah · 5 quotes
Most scenes together: Karen Eiffel & Penny Escher (5), Harold Crick & Professor Jules Hilbert (4), Harold Crick & Ana Pascal (2)
Stranger than Fiction quotes
Page 1 of 3You're staring at my tits.
Uuh.. I wu.. I don't think I was. I don't think I would do that. If I was I can assure you, it was only as a representative of the United States Government.
Hell Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.
What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?
Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led... and, of course, the quality of the pancakes.
I've devised a test. How exciting is that? Composed of 23 questions which I think might help uncover more truths about this narrator. Now Howard... Harold, these may seem silly but your candor is paramount.
Harold. Ok.
So. We know it's a woman's voice. The story involves your death. It's modern. It's in English and I'm assuming the author has a cursory knowledge of the city.
Sure.
Okay, good. Question one. Has anyone recently left any gifts outside your home? Anything. Gum, money, a large wooden horse.
I'm sorry?
Just answer the question.
No.
Do you find yourself inclined to solve murder mysteries in large luxurious homes to which you, let me finish, to which you may or may not have been invited?
No. No, no, no.
Alright. On a scale of one to ten, what would you consider the likelihood you might be assassinated?
Assassinated?
One being very unlikely ten being expecting it around every corner.
I have no idea.
O.K. let me rephrase. Are you the king of anything?
Like what?
Anything. King of the lanes at the local bowling alley.
King of the lanes?
King of the lanes, king of the trolls,
King of the Trolls?
Yes, uh uh uh a clandestine land found underneath your floor boards.
No.
Huh?
No. That's ridiculous.
Agreed. Let's start with ridiculous and move backwards. Now, was any part of you at one time part of something else?
Like do I have someone else's arms?
Well is it possible at one time that you were made of stone, wood, lye, varied corpse parts? Or, earth made holy by rabbinical elders?
No. Look, look. I'm sorry, but what do these questions have to do with anything?
Nothing. The only way to find out what story you're in is to determine what stories you're not in. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables, and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's Monster, or a golem. Hmm? Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.
Good. Do you have magical powers?
'Harold thought it was Wednesday.' Did you hear it?
Lady at bus stop
Who's Harold?
I am.
Lady at bus stop
Don't worry Harold, it's Wednesday.
What would you do if you knew you were going to die? Possibly soon...
Dave Am I the richest man alive?
No, you're you.
Dave Do I have superpowers?
What? No, you're you.
Dave Well you said it was hypothetical.
All right, you're really good at math.
Dave That's a skill, not a superpower.
Fine, you're really good at math and you're invisible. What would you do?
Dave Easy. I'd go to space camp.
You're invisible and you'd go to space camp?
Dave I didn't pick invisible, you picked invisible.
Married?
No.
Ever?
Engaged to an auditor. She left me for an actuary.
You were right. This narrator might very well kill you. So I humbly suggest that you just forget all this and go live your life.
Go live my life? I am living my life. I'd like to continue to live my life.
I know. Of course. I mean all of it. However long you have left. You know, I mean, Howard,you could use it to have an adventure. You know, invent something, or just finish reading Crime and Punishment. Hell, Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.
What's wrong with you? Hey. I don't wanna eat nothing but pancakes. I wanna live. Who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?
Harold, if you'd pause to think. I believe you'd realize that that answer's inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led and, of course,the quality of the pancakes.
You don't understand. What I'm saying.
Yes, I do.
But you have to understand that this isn't a philosophy or a literary theory or a story to me. It's my life.
Absolutely. So just go make it the one you've always wanted.
What's this?
It's literature on the nicotine patch.
I don't need a nicotine patch, Penny. I smoke cigarettes.
And I suppose you smoked all these cigarettes?
No, they came pre-smoked.
Are you Ms. Eiffel?
Yes.
Excellent. May I ask what you're doing?
Research.
Oh. Am I interrupting?
Yes!
I'm sorry.
I will gladly and quietly help you kill Harold Crick.
And this coming from someone who's never thought about leaping off a building.
Sitting in the rain isn't going to write a book.
That illustrates exactly how much you know about writing books.
[Harold gives Ana bags of flour and confesses his love for her.]
Miss Pascal, I've been odd and I... I know that I've been odd. And... I want you.
What?
There are so many reasons, so many influences in my life that are telling me, at times quite litterally, that I should have come here and bring you these. But... but I'm doing this because I want you.
You want me?
In no uncertain terms.
Isn't there some very... clearer and established... rule about... fraternization?
Auditor/ auditee protocol?
Yeah!
Yeah, but I don't care.
Why?
Because I want you.
Alright, who just said "Harold just counted brush strokes"?