Dustin Hoffman movie quotes

View Quote (Performing Wuxi Finger Hold) You know what's the hardest part of this? The hardest part, is cleaning up afterwards.

View Quote (To Po) When you focus on Kung Fu... when you concentrate... you stink.

View Quote That flabby panda is not the Dragon Warrior!

View Quote And wherever children read, it will say "Thus perished Peter Pan."

View Quote Revenge is Mine.

View Quote He'll crow. He'll fight. He'll fly. And then... he'll die.

View Quote The problem is we always expect women to be a combination street hooker and Sunday school teacher.

View Quote I'm not anti-Christ or anti-religion, l just think it's encouraging that people are leaving the Church and going back to God.

View Quote [reading from "Time" magazine] Sick comic Lenny Bruce whose jokes about the President... Blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what's sick? Zsa Zsa Gabor will get $60,000 a week in Las Vegas, Nevada. And school teacher salaries in that state, top salary is $6,000 a year. Now, that's really sick! And that's the kind of sick l wish they would have written about.

View Quote I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here! [bangs hand on car] Actually, that ain't a bad way to pick up insurance, you know. Note: the bolded portion is ranked #27 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

View Quote I don't think I can walk anymore. I've been fallin' down a lot. I'm scared...You know what they do to ya when, when they know you can't, when they find out that you can't walk-walk. Oh Christ.

View Quote You know, with proper management, you could be takin' home fifty, maybe a hundred dollars a day, easy.

View Quote [to Martin Dardis] Look, you've been jerking my chain all day. If there's some reason you can't talk to me--like the fact that you've already leaked everything to The New York Times--just say so.

View Quote I lived here all my life, I got a million contacts, but they're all bus boys and bellhops.

View Quote Bradlee: All non-denial denials--we're dirty guys and they doubt we were ever virgins but they don't say the story is inaccurate.
Bernstein: What's a real denial?
Bradlee: If they ever start calling us goddamn liars, it's time to start circling the wagons.

View Quote Casey Schuler: I hate this bug.
Sam Daniels: Come on, Casey. You have to love its simplicity. It's one-billionth our size and it's beating us.
Casey Schuler: So, what do you wanna do — take it to dinner?
Sam Daniels: No.
Casey Schuler: What, then?
Sam Daniels: Kill it.

View Quote Sam Daniels: I know what I told you, but now I'm telling you, we're facing a new strain.
Billy Ford: What?
Sam Daniels: It spreads like flu.
Billy Ford: Impossible.
Sam Daniels: Fine! Go to the hospital, check it out yourself. Go without a mask, you'll see more clearly.

View Quote Sam Daniels: You know, fear gets a bad rap, Salt. I don't want anybody working with me who isn't scared. Okay?
Maj. Salt: Well then I'm you're man, sir.

View Quote Well, maybe to you. It's like this: Humans race, horses race. There was even a Chicken Run, but there's never been a goat race. Ever, ever, ever. Get the picture, Franny?

View Quote [to Franny] And you, Miss Softy, you just let him go, didn't you? [turns to Goose] Goose, time to earn your keep.

View Quote To me, you're just a horse with stripes who needs an attitude adjustment.

View Quote Uh oh, fifteen minutes to Wapner.

View Quote I'm an excellent driver

View Quote Of course I don't have my underwear. I'm definitely not wearing my underwear.

View Quote You know, I could lay a big line on you and we could do a lot of role-playing, but the simple truth is, is that I find you very interesting and I'd really like to make love to you.

View Quote I don't believe in hell. I believe in UNEMPLOYMENT, but not hell.

View Quote Michael: Friends?
Sandy: No, we are not friends. I don't take this shit from friends. Only lovers.

View Quote [in her audition] Oh I know what y'all really want is some gross, caricature of a woman to prove some idiotic point that power makes a woman masculine, or masculine women are ugly. Well shame on you for letting a man do that, or any man that does that. That means you, dear. Miss Marshall. Shame on you, you macho shit head.

View Quote [to April, dressed only in bra and panties] What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits... tips?

View Quote John: I'm just an untalented old has-been.
Dorothy: Were you ever famous?
John Van Horne: No.
Dorothy: Then how can you be a has-been?

View Quote [in court] There's a lot of things I didn't understand, a lot of things I'd do different if I could. Just like I think there's a lot of things you wish you could change, but we can't. Some things once they're done can't be undone. My wife, my ex-wife, says that she loves Billy, and I believe she does, but I don't think that's the issue here.If I understand it correctly, what means the most here is what's best for our son. What's best for Billy. My wife used to always say to me: 'Why can't a woman have the same ambitions as a man?' I think you're right. And maybe I've learned that much. But by the same token, I'd like to know, what law is it that says that a woman is a better parent simply by virtue of her sex? You know, I've had a lot of time to think about what it is it that makes somebody a good parent? You know, it has to do with constancy, it has to do with patience, it has to do with listening to him. It has to do with pretending to listen to him when you can't even listen anymore. It has to do with love, like, like, like she was saying. And I don't know where it's written that it says that a woman has a corner on that market, that, that a man has any less of those emotions than a woman does.Billy has a home with me. I've made it the best I could. It's not perfect. I'm not a perfect parent. Sometimes I don't have enough patience because I forget that he's a little kid. But I'm there. We get up in the morning and then we eat breakfast, and he talks to me and then we go to school. And at night, we have dinner together and we talk then and I read to him. And, and we built a life together and we love each other. If you destroy that, it may be irreparable. Joanna, don't do that, please. Don't do it twice to him.

View Quote [having lunch with his boss] So the other morning, I'm at the refrigerator... you know, getting Billy ready for school. So I'm just in my underwear and he notices I've lost weight. And he comes in and pats me. He comes up to here... [touches his stomach]... and he says "Daddy, you've really lost a lot of weight", he looks up at me and he says "And it's all gone to your nose." [laughs] He was so cute. You know?

View Quote Ted Kramer: [while Billy brings ice cream to the table] Now you listen to me! Don't be smart now. You go right back and put that back until you finish your dinner... I'm warning you, you take one bite out of that and you're in big trouble. Don't... Hey! Don't you dare... Don't you dare do that. You hear me? Hey! Stop-- Hold it right there! You put that ice cream in your mouth and you are in very, very, very big trouble! Don't you dare go anywhere beyond that... Put it down right now. I am not going to say it again. I am not going to say it again!
[Billy eats ice cream]
Ted Kramer: [loses his temper, shoots up from the chair and forcefully snatches Billy up and carts him toward his bedroom as punishment] I had enough!
Billy Kramer: [shrieking] Ow! You're hurting me! [kicks Ted]
Ted Kramer: [raging furious] OW! Don't you kick me!
Billy Kramer: I hate you!
[Ted kicks the door open as they reach the bedroom]
Ted Kramer: [furious] Well, you're no bargain either, pal! You are a spoiled, rotten little brat and I'll tell you right now... [unceremoniously dumps him on the bed]
Billy Kramer: [snapping with rude] I HATE YOU!
Ted Kramer: [still furious, ignoring Billy's rant] And I hate you back, you little shit! [storms out of the room]
Billy Kramer: [crying] I want my mommy!
Ted Kramer: [heartlessly] I'm all you got! [slams the door]
Billy Kramer: [does a tantrum] I want my mommy!

View Quote This is nothing. D'you ever shoot in Italy? Try three Italian starlets wacked out on Benzedrine and grappa, this is a walk in the park...

View Quote Corny? He says it's corny? Of course it's corny. We wouldn't be doing the flippin' thing if it wasn't corny.

View Quote That's right. During the filming of 'The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,' three of the horsemen died two weeks before the ending of principle photography. This is nothing, this is nothing. This is... this is... this is act one- The War.

View Quote I fell so completely in love with these shoes, I bought enough pairs to last my whole lifetime. This is my last pair.

View Quote [Epitaph on the gravestone] Mr. Magorium, toy impresario, wonder aficionado and avid shoe wearer.

View Quote Unlikely adventures require unlikely tools.

View Quote When you get the blanket thing you can relax because everything you could ever want or be you already have and are.

View Quote Say this blanket represents all the matter and energy in the universe, okay? This is me, this is you, And over here, this is the Eiffel Tower, right, it's Paris!

View Quote There's no such thing as nothing. There is no remainder in the mathematics of Infinity.

View Quote Dramatic irony: it'll **** you every time

View Quote You have to die. It's a masterpiece.

View Quote It's been a very revealing 10 seconds.

View Quote [in the Jade Palace library] There's so much wisdom in here, I can't find anything!

View Quote Mastering chi requires mastery of self. Oogway sat alone in a cave for thirty years, asking one question: "Who am I? Who am I?" I'm lucky if I get five minutes before you interrupt.

View Quote [to Kai] You may have destroyed the Jade Palace, but you will never succeed. There will always be someone to stop you.

View Quote You kids wanna pick your nose and flick your boogers? Do it!

View Quote But do it only when it's dry. Don't do a wet one.

View Quote [to Roz, on a three-way call with Greg] Why can't you support my dreams the way I've always supported yours? When you wanted to try new sex positions for your research, I was your guinea pig!

View Quote It seems that you have found inner peace... [frowning] And at such a young age.

View Quote Po, the day you were chosen as Dragon Warrior...was the worst day of my life. By far. Nothing else came close. It was the worst, most painful, mind destroying horrible moment... [Po: Okay.] ...I have ever experienced.

View Quote Po: Master Shifu! Master Shifu, what do we got? Pirates, Vandals of Volcano Mountain? Whatever it is, I will take them down! 'Cause I'm in a mood. I need to get something done. You know what I mean? Ahh... What you doing?
Shifu: One of master Oogway's final teachings. [performs the "Inner Peace" technique.]
Po: Whoa... how did you do that?
Shifu: Inner peace.
Po: Inner piece. That's cool. Inner piece of what?
Shifu: It's the next phase of your training. Every master must find his path to inner peace. Some chose to meditate for 50 years, in a cave just like this! Without the slimmest taste of food. Or water.
Po: Or...?
Shifu: Some find it in torture and suffering. As I did. Po, the day you were chosen as Dragon Warrior...was the worst day of my life. By far, nothing else came close. It was the worst, most painful, mind destroying horrible moment...
Po: Okay.
Shifu: ...I have ever experienced. [shudders at the thought] But once I realized the problem was not you, but within me, I found inner peace and was able to harness the flow of the universe.
Po: So that's it? I just need inner peace? My innards are already super, super peaceful.. So, all I need to do, is just get this thing going. Inner peace, you're going down! Now show me what were you doing that with your feet. I saw just sort of fancy foot...
Tigress: Po! Bandits, approaching the Musician's village
Po: Danger! Tell those musicians to start playing some action music, because it is on! Don't worry, Shifu. I'll master inner peace, as soon as I get back.
Tigress: No snack stops this time.
Po: [laughs] Snack stops! [then] Wait, you serious?

View Quote Po: Look, I appreciate the promotion, I think i’m just gonna stick to this whole “dragon warrior thing”.
Master Shifu: Dragon warrior thing? What is it that you’re holding?
Po: A cookie?
Master Shifu: Other hand.
Po: The staff of wisdom?
Master Shifu: [Slaps the cookie from Po] It was given to you by Master Oogway, Do you really think it was so you could open a restaurant? [Po tries to pick the cookie up but master shifu slides it away] Or pose for pictures?
Po: He wasn’t super specific.
Master Shifu: Oogway entrusted you with that staff so you could follow in his footsteps and become something better than you already are.

View Quote [Po is signing autographs to the villagers, when...]
Master Shifu: [off-screen] Po!
[They all see Master Shifu, who is sternly at Po.]
Po: Master Shifu! [gives him an autograph] Here, let me just… There, that’s much… worse.
Master Shifu: [deadpan] We have to talk.
Po: Absolutely. Let’s talk. Right after the ceremony. Let’s go! [hurries off with the villagers, leaving Shifu]
Master Shifu: Ceremony? What ceremony?

View Quote [While Po is getting some photos, one villager gets one with Master Shifu in it. Shifu growls in frustration.]
Po: He really captured your disapproving scowl.
Master Shifu: We need to talk. [jumps off him] Now. [snatches his staff from the villager and walks off]
Po: Hey, can I get one of those in a wallet size?
Master Shifu: [off-screen] Po!
Po: [runs off after him] Coming.

View Quote [Po and Shifu are racing each other up the palace stairs]
Master Shifu: Are you ready?
Po: Ready's my middle name!
[Po speeds off ahead, and beats Shifu to their destination: the entrance doors to the Training Hall's courtyard. Po and Shifu put their backs to the door. Po pauses to catch his breath]
Po: So what have we got? A gang of terrible rhinos? Crocs? Rabid wolves? Let's do it!
Master Shifu: Be warned: This may be the toughest challenge you will ever have to face.
[Po chuckles in anticipation. Then he blasts into the courtyard with a flying kick]
Po: Get ready to feel the THUNDA... eh?
[Instead of rabid wolves, the courtyard is full of rambunctious little rabbit children. Shifu follows Po inside]
Master Shifu: Introduction to kung fu class.
[Po watches several children beating up a training dummy, which has been redesigned to look like Po. The real Po winces as one of the children delivers a flying kick to the dummy's head]
Po: Can I use the Wuxi Finger Hold on them?
Master Shifu: [pause] I'd try not to. Remember Po, each generation teaches the next one, and so the art of kung fu lives on; in you, and now in these... [A rabbit flies past them and crashes off-screen] uh... delightful children. [Shifu speeds outside]
Po: What?
Master Shifu: Good luck. [slams the doors shut, trapping Po inside]
[Not expecting this challenge at all, Po rushes to the door and sees Shifu walking away through a crack]
Po: Wait a second! Master Shifu! Master Shi- come on! Auugh. [gulps and slowly approaches the students] Okay, if you'll just take a seat... er, hello? [The rabbits continue to play-fight] Hey, settle down now... [no response] Okay, er...
[Po spots a nearby gong and strikes it with a flying kick, getting the students' attention at last]
Po: Get those cotton tails on the floor!
Rabbit Children: The Dragon Warrior!
[The students rush over and sit on the floor in front of Po]
Po: Thank you...

View Quote [Po and Shifu are racing each other up the palace stairs]
Master Shifu: Are you ready?
Po: Ready's my middle name! [speeds off ahead, and beats Shifu to their destination: the entrance doors to the Training Hall's courtyard. He and Shifu put their backs to the door. He pauses to catch his breath] So what have we got? A gang of terrible rhinos? Crocs? Rabid wolves? Let's do it!
Master Shifu: Be warned: This may be the toughest challenge you will ever have to face.
Po: [chuckles in anticipation. Then he blasts into the courtyard with a flying kick] Get ready to feel the THUNDA...eh?
[Instead of rabid wolves, the courtyard is full of rambunctious little rabbit children]
Master Shifu: [follows Po inside] Introduction to kung fu class.
[Po watches several children beating up a training dummy, which has been redesigned to look like Po. The real Po winces as one of the children delivers a flying kick to the dummy's head]
Po: [to Shifu] Can I use the Wuxi Finger Hold on them?
Master Shifu: [pause] I'd try not to. Remember Po, each generation teaches the next one, and so the art of kung fu lives on; in you, and now in these... [A rabbit flies past them and crashes off-screen] uh... delightful children. [speeds outside]
Po: What?
Master Shifu: Good luck. [slams the doors shut, trapping Po inside]
Po: [not expecting this challenge at all, Po rushes to the door and sees Shifu walking away through a crack] Wait a second! Master Shifu! Master Shi - come on! Auugh. [gulps and slowly approaches the students] Okay, if you'll just take a seat...er, hello? [the rabbits continue to play-fight] Hey, settle down now... [no response] Okay, er... [spots a nearby gong and strikes it with a flying kick, getting the students' attention at last] Get those cotton tails on the floor!
Rabbit Children: The Dragon Warrior! [rush over and sit on the floor in front of Po]
Po: Thank you.
Rabbit 1: Are we gonna learn the cool kung fu moves?
Po: Yes. [The students cheer.]
Rabbit 1: Now we're really gonna start kicking butt!
Po: Hey, hey, hold on. Kicking butt is just a small part of kung fu. It's awesome, but it's small.
Rabbit Children: Huh?
Po: Kung fu means "Excellence of Self"; being the best you can be. That's what it's about, bunnies!
[A shy young rabbit walks up and taps Po on the leg.]
Rabbit 2: I wanna learn "Tigress Style"...
Rabbit 1: [groans] Aren't we going to fight?
Rabbit 3: Yeah, like the Furious Five!
Po: The Furious Five, huh? They are cool, aren't they? But it wasn't fighting that made them amazing. No. They each had to learn the secrets of kung fu before they became excellent.
Rabbit 1: Secrets? What secrets?
Po: Oh, I shouldn't really say. That's why it's a secret. It's top secret.
Rabbit Children: Pleeeeaaase tell us. Tell us, pleeeeeeaaaaase...
Po: Aww... Okay. but don't tell anyone I told you, because I'll deny it- I'll be like, "What? I didn't tell them anything." Alright...

View Quote [On the outside within the Training Hall's courtyard are the sounds of Po and Master Shifu bickering.]
Master Shifu: What did you say? Don't act so arrogant! You pickin' a fight with me?!
Po: Arrogant!? I've been working here longer than you have! And then you come in acting all bossy!
[They glare and growl at each other, even as they leave the main hall.]
Master Shifu: [last lines] I'd beat you to a pulp!
Po: [last lines] I'm the one who'd beat you to a pulp!