I've devised a test. How exciting is that? Composed of 23 questions which I think might help uncover more truths about this narrator. Now Howard... Harold, these may seem silly but your candor is paramount.
Harold. Ok.
So. We know it's a woman's voice. The story involves your death. It's modern. It's in English and I'm assuming the author has a cursory knowledge of the city.
Sure.
Okay, good. Question one. Has anyone recently left any gifts outside your home? Anything. Gum, money, a large wooden horse.
I'm sorry?
Just answer the question.
No.
Do you find yourself inclined to solve murder mysteries in large luxurious homes to which you, let me finish, to which you may or may not have been invited?
No. No, no, no.
Alright. On a scale of one to ten, what would you consider the likelihood you might be assassinated?
Assassinated?
One being very unlikely ten being expecting it around every corner.
I have no idea.
O.K. let me rephrase. Are you the king of anything?
Like what?
Anything. King of the lanes at the local bowling alley.
King of the lanes?
King of the lanes, king of the trolls,
King of the Trolls?
Yes, uh uh uh a clandestine land found underneath your floor boards.
No.
Huh?
No. That's ridiculous.
Agreed. Let's start with ridiculous and move backwards. Now, was any part of you at one time part of something else?
Like do I have someone else's arms?
Well is it possible at one time that you were made of stone, wood, lye, varied corpse parts? Or, earth made holy by rabbinical elders?
No. Look, look. I'm sorry, but what do these questions have to do with anything?
Nothing. The only way to find out what story you're in is to determine what stories you're not in. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables, and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's Monster, or a golem. Hmm? Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.
Good. Do you have magical powers?
