Detective Allen Gamble How do they walk away in movies when it explodes behind them? There's no way! I call bullshit on that! When they flew the Millennium Falcon out of the Death Star and it was followed by the explosion - that was bullshit!
Most-quoted character in The Other Guys (2010): in 20 of its 46 quotes
Most scenes with: Detective Terry Hoitz (12), David Ershon (3)
I think we all experienced our own ballet today. A ballet of emotion, and feelings.
More lines from Detective Allen Gamble
5 quotes Detective Allen Gamble Detective Allen Gamble I never actually put my foot all the way down to the ground with the accelerator like that. It got me slightly aroused.
Detective Allen Gamble (while interrogating Ershon)
I'm gonna make you eat a plate of human shit!
Detective Allen Gamble You turned my beautiful Prius into a nightmare!
Detective Allen Gamble Gator needs his gat, you punk-ass BITCH!
Scenes with Detective Allen Gamble
14 scenes
Alan, listen to me. Danson and Highsmith are gone. Their desks are empty. Someone has to fill those seats. That someone is us, okay? This city's dying for a hero.
Gamble Is it?
Yeah.
Gamble What about nine million socially-conscious and unified citizens, all just stepping up and doing their part?
As a little kid, didn't you dress up and play cops and robbers?
Gamble I'll tell you what I did as a little kid. I went to school and made my bed. And at age 11, I audited my parents. And believe me, there were some discrepancies, and I was grounded.
What the hell are you?
Gamble You're mad at us, huh, Gene?
First off, don't call me Gene. I'm your captain.
Guys, do you remember the "Be Smart" speech?
Gamble Sure.
All right. Well, What did you do? What'd you do about it?
Gamble The opposite. We were not smart, Captain Gene.
It's just "Captain." Just "Captain." It's not "Captain Gene." I don't have a kiddie show. That sounds creepy, "Captain Gene."
You know what I just did? I just walked out that door, saw a couple detectives, and I was about to start bad mouthing you behind your back, but I stopped myself, because my pops taught me that a man who talks behind somebody's back is a coward.
Gamble Wow, I actually appreciate that.
Good, 'cause I'm gonna tell you directly to your face.
Gamble No. You don't have to.
No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal? It sounds feminine.
Gamble Hmm.
If we were in the wild, I would attack you. Even if you weren't in my food chain, I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion, and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you! And then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.
Gamble [pause]
Okay, first off, a lion swimming in the ocean? Lions don't like water. If you'd placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that'd make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20-foot waves, I'm assuming it's off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full-grown, 800-pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends? You lose that battle. You lose that battle nine times out of ten. And guess what? You've wandered into our school of tuna, and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated.
Yeah?
Gamble And said, "You know what? Lion tastes good. Let's go get some more lion." We've developed a system to establish a beachhead and aggressively hunt you and your family. And we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring...
How you gonna do that?
Gamble We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time, but an hour, hour 45, no problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get more oxygen, and then stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and outmanned. [goes back to typing] Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope. [Hoitz throws Gamble's hot coffee on his shirt]
What the hell is this?
Gamble It's my car. It's a Prius.
I literally feel like I'm driving around in a vagina.
You feel that, Allen? Huh? That tingling in your balls? Big metal butterflies fluttering around your stomach?
Gamble Are you sure you don't have testicular cancer?
Sheila Hi.
Gamble Hi.
Sheila You must be Terry. I'm sorry I've been hiding, honey, but this dinner was tricky.
Who are you?
Sheila I'm Dr. Sheila Gamble, his wife.
Come on, seriously. Who is that?
Sheila His old lady.
Gamble Sweetie, it's a workstation.
Sheila Got it.
Gamble And you come in here, dressed like a hobo, it's distracting.
Sheila I know you're working. I'm so sorry.
Come on, seriously.
Gamble Come on, what?
Who is that?
Gamble That's the old... That's the old ball and chain.
Sheila Get over here. [she tries to kiss him but he pulls away]
Gamble Not... Not right now.
Sheila Okay.
Gamble Look, they're not all first-round picks, okay?
Come on, are you gonna tell me who that is?
Let's hear it from the top, every detail.
I think the best way to tell this story is by starting at the end, briefly, then going back to the beginning; then periodically returning to the end, maybe giving different characters' perspectives throughout. Just to, you know, give it a bit of dynamism . Otherwise it's just sort of a linear story (makes yawning gesture)
Gamble Just tell us what happened!
I lost a bunch of money for some people and now they want it back.
Gamble Excuse me, but you're under arrest, okay?
What?
Gamble You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do or say can be used, umm [to Hoitz] What's the next part?
As a floatation device.
Gamble As a floatation device. You know what? That's very funny. I've never Miranda-ed anyone before.
Really?
Are you guys for real? Am I being Punk'd?
You could let me go, and i'll give you ten million dollars each. It's not a bribe.
Gamble Of course it's a bribe! You're offering to pay us money to not do our job.
Hazmat Officer
[They found Gamble's Prius]
Well, here she is. They left her under an overpass for the night.
Gamble You find anything?
Hazmat Officer
Yeah. We found a lot of stuff. From bodily fluid and hair samples, we determined that a bunch of old, homeless dudes had an orgy in the car.
Gamble Oh, God.
Hazmat Officer
Yeah. You know what that's called when they do that in there? That's called a soup kitchen. It's pretty rough stuff. Not long after that, a mama raccoon came along and gave birth on the floor.
Gamble What about fingerprints? You find any fingerprints?
Hazmat Officer
Nope, couldn't get a one.
Investigator
Found a cell phone.
Gamble Yeah, that's mine.
Any signs of a struggle or spent shells?
Hazmat Officer
No. Believe me, everybody that was in on this orgy was more than willing. In fact, they even left you a note here. "Thanks for the F-shack. Love, Dirty Mike and the boys." Here's something we found. We found about a dozen unscratched lottery tickets. No fingerprints or nothing. Check that out. Yeah, it's a real shame, you know. I got myself a Prius. It's a hell of a machine.
Gamble It's my first brand-new car. I've never owned a new car.
Hazmat Officer
Watch out. In the back, there's a baby mouse in a used condom. Really gross.
Gamble [Hoitz and Gamble barely survive an explosion]
I can't hear! I can't hear! There's blood blisters on my hands! Oh, my God! How do you walk away in a movie without flinching when it explodes behind them? There's no way! I call bullshit on that! When they flew the Millennium Falcon outside of the Death Star, and it was followed by the explosion, that was bullshit!
Don't you dare badmouth Star Wars! That was all accurate!
Gamble [Hoitz throws down his computer and stomps on it in anger]
What are you doing?
We just handed all of our evidence over to the bad guys' lawyer!
Gamble [in his Gator voice]
Are you a big man? Huh? I'm talking to you!
What?
Gamble Do you wake up in the mornin' and say, "I'm puttin on my big boy pants. Look, I'm wearin' a belt. I got big boy pants on."
No.
Gamble Put on a little jacket, you go, you take you lunch cause you have big boy pants on? You got your big boy pants and your snack? I can say big loud things! I can be demonstrative!
Stop!
Gamble [starts stomping on Hoitz's computer]
We don't, we don't do that shit!
You're scarin' the shit outta me man, stop it!
Gamble Is this how you conduct yourself? In a democracy?
What the hell are you doing, man?
Gamble [in normal voice]
I'm so tired of you getting angry and yelling all the time. It's exhausting! It's like I'm partners with the Hulk.
Gamble [Hoitz and Gamble after interrogating Ershon]
Look, I'm really sorry about that. I just... I saw how aggressive you were being, and I thought "Wow, I gotta go even bigger than that since we're doing 'Bad cop, bad cop'".
What? No, I said "Good cop, bad cop". I'm the bad cop, you're the good cop.
Gamble Okay, then there it is. That's it. I thought you said "Bad cop, bad cop".
[Hoitz and Gamble get attacked by masked figures on motorbikes]
Watch out! Columbian drug lords!
Gamble Where are you getting this from?
Gamble [Hoitz takes them all out single-handedly]
Wow. Imagine where you'd be if you hadn't shot Jeter.
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