Seann William Scott movie quotes

View Quote Oh, yeah! The Stif-meister's coming back to Grand Harbor! Deck the halls, bye-bye Great Falls, wipe my ass and lick my balls! It's Stifler time, baby! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

View Quote [after Finch describes watering a ficus as a "pure tantric moment"] Finch, stay the **** away from that ficus. That is a jizz-free ficus.

View Quote When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you ****ers learn anything in college?

View Quote Danny: Eight hours down, 142 to go.
Wheeler: This sucks ass.
Danny: Dude, I just spent the afternoon in Middle-earth with glee-glop and the floopty-doos, all right? Give me a **** break.

View Quote Augie: Naysayers tell me "You should be embarrassed", "You should not be fighting", "You look like a young Marvin Hamlisch". I say "Nay, I am not embarrassed", "I will fight", "Who the **** is Marvin Hamlisch?"
Danny: He wrote the music for The Sting.
Wheeler: That's a good movie.

View Quote Beth: Yes, Wheeler?
Wheeler: This may be a stupid question. The Get Out of Jail Free Card: Is that real?
Beth: That's not a stupid question.
Danny: It's real in the game of Monopoly.
Wheeler: Yeah it's based on true events.
Danny: Like what?
Wheeler: Chance.

View Quote Enough with all this fortune-cookie philosophy, okay? This is America. We don't have enlightenment here. We have Big Macs, strip clubs, shopping malls, Las Vegas and HBO! You got it?

View Quote So, I figured it out. Why hot dogs come in packages of ten and hot dog buns come in packages of eight. See, the thing is, life doesn't always work out according to plan. So be happy with what you've got, because you can always get a hot dog.

View Quote Man, if I knew I was gonna pay, I wouldn't have cabbed it.

View Quote Gee, thanks for inviting me to the graduation party, ****er.

View Quote "Congratulation, Jism!"

View Quote Oh wedding this, suck my ass that. I'm special, you're special, we're all just a bunch of special ****ers. Well, you know what? Im-a gonna get laid Finch-****er and it's going to be like oh so good. And I'm gonna' be like "You like this shit, mama?" and she's gonna be like "**** right, doggy, give it to me. Suck on my nipples like you're milking a cow!"

View Quote Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

View Quote Here's an idea: why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and **** use them!

View Quote I'll see you guys tonight, i'll look for you in the "No **** Section", right?

View Quote [To Chuck] If you have to do a number one... [places newspapers down on the floor] use these papers. If it's a number two, go outside... and if it's number three... I can't help you.

View Quote My little Rovie! [Sobs] I can still hear his wagging little antenna! [Rover wags his antenna and makes a sound] Rover? [Turns around] Rover?! ROVER, ROVER!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!

View Quote [Rover gets caught] Rover? NOOOOOOOO!

View Quote Crash: [spotting Sid on the lava river] Look, He's right there!
Buck : Roger.
Eddie: No, Sid!
Buck : I know, Roger.
Crash: Why don't we get Sid first, and then we go back for Roger?
Buck : Uh... Never mind.

View Quote Crash: Dude, you're awesome! You're like the brother I never had!
Eddie: Me, too!

View Quote [when Ellie is going into labor]
Crash: Can you try to hold it (the baby) in?
Ellie: [from off] Will somebody slap him for me?
Eddie: [slaps Crash] Done and done. [dusts off hands]

View Quote Did I say two fingers? Better make that three.

View Quote Did you kill a cheetah?

View Quote Yep. I'd give us about 20 minutes before our first ass-raping.

View Quote Crash: It's a beautiful day out here on the ice as father meets daughter in a quest for hockey supremacy.
Eddie: It's Peaches meets Manny.
Crash: Mammoth meets mammoth.
Eddie: Mano a mano.
Crash: Meema me moo-ma.
Eddie: Mama may mee-mee.
Manny: Will you two quit it?
Crash: M-okay.
Eddie: Meanie.
Manny: The blazing mammoth takes it on the breakaway. There's never been a player so tough, so graceful.
Peaches: So desperate to score.
Manny: He fakes right. He fakes left.
Peaches: He fakes knowing how to play. What's wrong? Lose something?
Crash and Eddie: Hey, what's that stink I smell out there? It's Manny! Hey, hey. It's Manny! Whoo! You stink!
Manny: Okay, Fuzzball. Let's see what you got.
Peaches: You asked for it.
Peaches: Yes! She dominates! Again.
Manny: Oh, please. I went easy on you. It's called good parenting.
Peaches: Yeah, right. Face it. I rule the ice now.
Manny: Oh, you talk a big game, hotshot. All right, how about best of three?
Julian: Whoo-hoo! Yes! Touchdown! Wait, no, that's not right. Not touchdown. What is it? Uh, hole-in-one! Whoo!
Peaches: Julian!
Julian: Sorry.
Peaches: Honey, I scored! Did you see me?
Julian: Yeah! And you were amazing.
Peaches: Careful!
Julian: Oh, the ice is really icy. It's like super-sized, extra value icy. But I'm getting better, right?
Manny: Okay, we'll play... later.
Ellie: So, she whupped your butt again, huh?
Granny: And with a butt that size, that's a whole lot of whuppin'.
Manny: Nobody was whupped. There was no whupping. It's just a loving father sharing some strategy with his only daughter.
Granny: Didn't know sucking was a strategy.
Crash: Okay, it's our turn.
Eddie: Let's show them how it's done!
Crash: You're going down, eh?
Julian: Ta-ta-da-da! For you, my mom-in-law-to-be. Buttercups! Nature's sunshine.
Manny: Isn't sunshine nature's sunshine?
Ellie: Aw! Thank you, Julian. It's been so long since anyone's given me flowers. But you're marrying our daughter. You don't have to keep bringing us presents.
Julian: But it makes me happy. And for you, my guru, my rock, my main mammoth! To you, I give the greatest gift of all.
Manny: Wait. What are you doing?
Julian: Come on, Bro-Dad. Bring it in.
Julian: Oh! I can feel your heart beating.
Manny: Okay. That's enough of that.
Ellie: You better get used to it. They'll be living right next door.
Peaches: Come on, Julian. Wanna go?
Ellie: Actually, weren't you gonna help me with the thing?
Peaches: Oh! Right. The thing. Gotta do the thing.
Manny: I can do the thing.
Both: No!
Peaches: It's a girl thing.
Ellie: Hey! Why don't you go do a guy thing? You know, you don't spend nearly enough time with your friends.
Manny: I don't?
Ellie: I'll see you later. () On this special day.
Manny: Uh... Okay.
Julian: Have you told them about our decision yet?
Peaches: No. I'm waiting for the right time.
Manny: Come on, Romeo. Walk with me. I'm gonna watch some butterflies come out of their cocoons.
Julian: Whoa! Really?
Manny: No.
Peaches: Goodbye, sweetie.
Ellie: Aw! I remember when Manny and I used to be like that.
Granny: Not me! Love them and leave them, and take half of everything. That's my motto.

View Quote Sid: [crying] All I wanted is true love. Is that too much to ask? [crying]
Diego: Why is it so quiet?
Sid: Because the world is mourning my loss. [screams]
Manny: Ellie? Peaches? Where is everyone?
All: Surprise!
Crash and Eddie: Ta-da!
Ellie: Happy Anniversary, honey!
Manny: Anniversary? [realized] Oh, no. That's the thing.
Julian: Okay! Now it's your turn, Bro-Dad!
Peaches: Yeah!
Crash: We wanna see what you got, Ellie.
Eddie: Manny.
All: Manny. Manny. Manny. Manny. Manny. Manny.
Manny: Hey, hey. Right. Uh... So, how about another hand for Ellie?
Male Molehog: Yeah. Oh.
Female Diatryma: He forgot!
Female Guest: I feel so bad for Ellie.
Manny: Ellie, I... Uh...
All: Ohh. Ahh.
Male Molehog: He didn't forget. That's how big Manny's love is for her!
Manny and Sid: Nice save with the light show. Wait, you didn't do this? Then who did?
Ellie: Oh, Manny. I was so afraid you'd forgotten. But you lit up the sky for me? How'd you do it?
Manny: Uh, well... A magician never reveals his secrets.
Ellie: Oh... Thank you.
Diego: I keep picturing our own kid in there. He'd be the best one.
Shira: I think you meant "she."
Diego: He.
Shira: Either way, we've been over this, Diego. Kids are afraid of us.
Diego: Yeah, but why?
Lily: Are they gonna eat us?
Diego and Shira: Hi, kids!
Shira: I even smiled this time.
Peaches: Wow, Dad. Best present ever.
Julian: You, sir, are an education in marital excellence. I'm really gonna miss you guys when we leave.
Manny: Ow!
Peaches: Um, actually, I haven't told them yet.
Julian: Oh. Surprise!
Manny: You're leaving?
Ellie: I thought you guys were gonna live with us the first couple of years.
Peaches: I know. But Julian and I kind of want to roam for a while.
Manny: Roam?
Julian: Yeah! Travel, explore, just go wherever. No plan is the best plan. That's my philosophy. Hors d'oeuvres?
Manny: That's not a plan, or a philosophy or very safe.
Peaches: Dad, we're young. We can worry about being safe when we're old and boring. Like you and Mom.
Julian: I think we should just...
Manny: Excuse me! This is a family discussion.
Julian: But aren't I part of your family?
Manny: Not yet; you're not.

View Quote Sid: Uh...Does that look like a problem to you?
Diego: A ball of fire heading directly towards us? Why would that be a problem?
Manny: What if you fall in a ditch and get amnesia? What then, huh?
Diego: Manny, we have a problem.
Manny: Not now. I have a problem.
Digeo: This one's a little bigger.
Manny: I don't think so.
Diego: Manny!
Manny: What?
Ellie: Manny?
Manny: Uh, okay. Party's over, everybody. Have a good night. And leave right now!
Ellie: What are you talking about? The party just got started.
Manny: Yeah. [yawns] Just getting kind of sleepy. Everyone should go. And duck. Possibly cover!
Ellie: Hey, what's gotten into you?
Male Start: Look! There's more coming!
Male Macrauchenia: Meteor shower!
Eddie: Meteor?
Crash: Shower?
Male Molehog: Manny's love is killing us!
Ellie: I suppose this is all part of your magic show for me?
Manny: Abracadabra?
Peaches: Can you guys deal with this later?
Diego: Come on. We need to take cover.
Crash: Whoo-hoo! I'm on fire!
Eddie: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Me too! We're smoking hot, baby!
Crash: Incoming!
Manny: Those are ours! Are you okay? How many tusks do you see?
Crash: Tree.
Manny: Three?
Crash: No! Tree!
Manny: Everybody, jump!
Granny: Whee!
Manny: The cave! Get inside! Move! Move! It's okay, sweetheart. Daddy's...
Sid: Hey, it sounds like it's slowing down. Yup, it's definitely over. [chuckling nervously] [A meteor crashes in front of him, which obscures smoke on the screen. The smoke clears. Ellie turns Sid around, revealing him to be half burnt] Except for that one.
Manny: We might wanna think about moving underground for a while.

View Quote Jesse: Who's Johnny Potsmoker?
Chester: Oh, that's my alter ego.
Jesse: Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was my alter ego.
Chester: No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
Jesse: Oh, yeah.

View Quote Jesse: Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?
Chester: [opens the cupboard to find it's entirely full of pudding] I'd say it's entirely possible.

View Quote Jesse: Nelson, your dog's a stoner!
Chester: Can he also bong a beer?
Nelson: Nah. All he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe.

View Quote [trying to compose a bad protest song] Hey Mr. Science Guy... don't spray that aerosol in my eye... for... for I... I don't really wanna die. I'm a noble rabbit...

View Quote Jay: And I can't believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that shit. Don't you know fast food makes girls fart?
Brent: [getting into the van] Say, what's all this talk about farting?

View Quote Jay: [after tossing Brent out of the van] Now who's stupid, you dirty sheep ****er?
Brent: I would *never* **** a sheep!
[sees a sheep in a nearby field]
Brent: Hey there. How you doing?
[reaches for a condom]
Brent: I *love* animals.
[goes for the sheep]

View Quote Roland Taverner: We're taking the ATM machine with us to Mexico.

View Quote Roland Taverner: Sounds neat... How does he stop the global deceleration?

View Quote Boxer Santaros: Do you ever feel like there's a thousand people locked inside of you?
Roland Taverner: Sometimes.
Boxer Santaros: But it's your memory that keeps them glued together. Keeps all these people from fighting one another. Maybe in the end, that's all we have. The Memory Gospel.

View Quote Peaches: Santa has a naughty list?
Manny: Yeah. And if you're not good, then he puts your name on it.
Crash: We're never good!
Eddie: Then why start now?
[Eddie hits Crash's crotch]
Manny: And if your name's on the naughty list, you don't get Christmas!
[Sid, Crash and Eddie gasp]
Sid: But, NO! Why me? Except the fact that it's my fault.

View Quote Peaches: [to Manny; angrily] If anyone deserves to be on the naughty list, Dad, it's you! [walks off in a huff]
Ellie: She sure told you, didn't she?
Manny: Well, too bad. I'm a grown-up. Grown-ups don't believe in the naughty list.
[Cuts to Sid]
Sid: [mumbles instinctively and starts crying] I'm not getting Christmas!
Eddie: Don't cry, Sid.
Sid: Why not?
Crash: Your tears are freezing solid.

View Quote [Sid has accidentally broken the Christmas rock, and Manny snarls angrily at him]
Sid: [backing away] Okay, okay, let's just keep it together. It really is about the spirit of Christmas, isn't it?
Manny: You're about to be a spirit of Christmas Sid.
Sid: [hugging his trunk] Manny, please, I'm so sorry!
Manny: You know what, Sid? I'm the least of your worries. You gotta answer that to Santa.
Sid: Santa? Santa Claus?
Manny: He's never gonna forgive this. You just got yourself on...Uh, uh. Santa's naughty list. [Sid gasps]
Peaches: Santa has a naughty list?
Manny: Yeah. Yeah, and if you're not good, then he puts your name on it.
Crash: We're never good!
Eddie: Then why start now? [kicks Crash's crotch]
Manny: Well, if your name's on the naughty list, you don't get Christmas!
[Sid, Crash, Eddie, & Peaches Gasps in shock]
Sid: But, no! Why me? Besides the fact that it's my fault. Heh.

View Quote Travis: I'm just saying that whatever my father is paying you, I will double it.
Beck: No.
Travis: I'll quadruple it.
Beck: No.
Travis: I'll double it and quadruple it.
Beck: No.
Travis: You're being unreasonable.

View Quote Travis: Let me get this straight - you never use guns?
Beck: No.
Travis: Never.
Beck: Never.
Travis: What if your best friend was gonna die, you wouldn't pick up a gun?
Beck: No guns.
Travis: Santa Claus would pick up a gun to save his best friend.
Beck: Do I look like Santa Claus? Do I look like Santa Claus to you? I pick up a gun, bad things happen to people. I don't like that.
Travis: What kind of things?
Beck: Very bad things, Travis. [points behind Travis] Move.
Travis: [starts to walk, then pauses] What about knives? [Beck gives him a shove to get him moving] You know, my father doesn't share the same distaste for guns you do.
Beck: He's your father; he's not gonna kill you.
Travis: The only thing Billy Walker cares about is what's good for business. Now, the question is, Mr. Beck: What's good for your business?
Beck: [stops and looks at Travis] I don't make deals with men like you.
Travis: You don't even know me.
Beck: You're just like every other jackass I've taken down. First they try to run, then they try to fight, then they try to negotiate. And when that doesn't work, they do the same thing you're about to do when you realize it's over.
Travis: [unimpressed] What's that?
Beck: You're gonna get down on your hands and knees, and you're gonna beg me for a break. Well, guess what? I don't give breaks. No breaks.
Travis: You don't understand the situation.
Beck: You shot the wrong guy. You borrowed money from the wrong guy. You slept with the wrong guy's wife. I. Don't. Care. Your mistake.
Travis: What about you, Mr. Beck? Haven't you ever made a mistake? [Beck pauses, then points again] I know. Move. [continues walking] No breaks. That's just lame. [mocking Beck] "Noo breaks. Oh, I don't give breaks. Santa Claus doesn't give any breaks!"

View Quote Travis: You come into my town. Mess up my bar. Eyeballin' my woman.
Beck: Eyeballin' your woman?
Travis: Oh it's on.
[Travis begins waving his feet slowly in the air]
Travis: What's this over here? Is this your little friend, do you know him? You want a little thunder! Or a little lightning! Thunder, lightning, thunder, lightning-
[Travis lunges forward with his hands]
Travis: EARS!!!
[Beck easily punches Travis down]