Beth Are there any guys out there who are JUST NORMAL?
E.L.
Seann William Scott · 11 quotes
Rubin
Paulo Costanzo · 8 quotes
Josh
Breckin Meyer · 7 quotes
Barry
Tom Green · 6 quotes
Most scenes together: E.L. & Josh (3), Rubin & Josh (3), E.L. & Rubin (2)
Road Trip quotes
Page 1 of 2 Beth 
Corky the Dog Hey, Jack, have that bitch make me some blueberry pancakes... Right now.
Corky the Dog Hey, Old man... I got the ****in' munchies real bad... what about you?
Grandpa Manilow
You gonna pass that doobie?
Jacob [Text on his T-shirt]
"God is awesome."
It's supposed to be a challenge, it's a shortcut! If it were easy it would just be the way.
This is the Joseph H. Nelson Memorial Library, here. Okay? It was built in the 1600s.
Student in the Tour
1600s? It says it was built in 1951.
That's the address. Okay? Wise-ass.
Can we please feed Mitch now?
No. If he overeats, he could die.
So? It would be worth it.
Beth What do you look for in a girl?
She should be smart, and funny.
Beth Do you feel better yet?
I feel a little bit better, yes.
Beth What else do you look for?
[bends down to talk to Josh's dick]
What do you think little man? Don't you ever want to experience something new?
[pretends to be Josh's dick with squeaky high pitched voice]
It ain't easy beings Josh's penis. Nothing has happened for two months it feels like I'm in a coma. I wish I was your dick EL, because this is torture. If something doesn't happen soon, I'm just going to pack up my balls and leave.
Just copy off someone.
I can't. It's all essay and stuff. You know, if I fail this, my average is shot, I might lose my financial aid, I could not be allowed on campus next semester.
Well, you're ****, then. You might as well come to my party tonight, hook up with Beth, and at least enjoy your last week at college.
I'm not hooking up with anybody, alright? I've made a commitment to Tiffany. I'm invested in this relationship.
Invested? Who are you, Charles Schwab? Would you listen to yourself? I would give my life for one night of consensual sex with her.
Well, there are these rules that guys have, an understanding as to what exactly constitutes cheating. Take your situation for example: it's not cheating. It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state.
That makes no sense.
Hey, don't look at me Kyle, OK, I didn't make up the rules.
No no, this is legit, I- I've actually read an article about this. There's a whole bunch of them, it's like- they're like loopholes. Right, for argument's sake, let's say that you were sleeping with two girls at the same time, it- it wouldn't be cheating because they would cancel each other out.
Exactly. Or if, uh, you're too wasted to remember- it is not cheating. Because if you can't really remember it, it never really took place.
Barry, fast forward to the horny stuff.
[The tape fast forwards, only to play more of the video message to Tiffany]
Is this the kind of shit you've been sending Tiffany?
I thought I told you to mail this yesterday?
Yeah, it was on your desk I mailed it this morning.
[Josh scrabbles on the floor for the video]
W-w-w-wait a second. Tell me you mailed the Beth tape to Tiffany.
Shit! Oh, no! Oh, no!
Hey, hey.
What?
Did you make a copy? Because if you made a copy we could watch the copy.
Frat member
[Holding up a white hood]
Are you in the Ku Klux Klan?
Whoa whoa, that isn't ours.
That's not mine!
OK, hold on, th-there's obviously some explanation.
Frat member
There is. See your boy here's an evil bigot, and now he's gonna die.
[faints]
You can teach ancient philosophy in 46 hours?
I can teach Japanese to a chimp in 46 hours. You just have to find a way to relate the material.