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Road Trip

Road Trip quotes

28 total quotes


View Quote Kyle: It's not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off.
[Josh, Rubin and E.L. are understandably repulsed]
Kyle: Because it's your dog.
Rubin: Jesus Christ!
Kyle: You know, because it's YOUR dog, get it?
Rubin: Yeah, we've got it.
View Quote Kyle: Well, we had a few drinks, danced a little, and... y'know.
E.L.: No, we don't know. Why don't you tell us?
[Kyle reaches into his bag and pulls out an oversized pair of leopard-print panties]
E.L.: What the hell is that?! Did you kill a cheetah?
Kyle: What? No, these are her underwear! She gave them to me! [puts them up to his face and sniffs them, much to everyone's disgust] I boinked her!
E.L.: ... "boinked"?
[Everyone laughs, including Kyle who is still too proud to care]
Josh: Well, Kyle, I certainly hope you got all the "boinking" out of your system, because we got a lot of driving to do today, guys.
View Quote Rubin: I just said we'd make it across. I didn't say anything about the wheels staying on.
Josh: What the hell are we gonna do now? I'm totally screwed! I don't have time to be walking through the woods right now!
View Quote Rubin: This is sort of an unusual question, but do you have any marijuana I might be able to buy from you? Our car exploded last night and I'm practically all out of my own.
Motel Clerk: Am I a drug dealer? No, I am not. Thank you for asking, though.
Rubin: No? OK. That's OK. Thanks.
Motel Clerk: Is there anything else I can help you with? Perhaps you'd like an 11-year old prostitute sent to your room. We can do that. Or maybe we can off someone for you. Hunh? How's that sound? I've got it. Why don't we start small? Would you like a fresh towel? Maybe you could roll that up and smoke it.
Rubin: [sotto, walking away] Dick.
Motel Clerk: By the way, Cheech, that credit card you guys gave me last night was maxed out, so don't go spending all your cash on needles and guns just yet.
View Quote [attempts to convince the snake to eat a mouse] Unleash the fury!
View Quote [singing] Tiny salmon swimming in a stream / Tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream / The mynah bird says, "Caw. Ca-Caw" / The chimpanzee says, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" / The friendly owl says, "Hoo, hoo-hoo" / But the salmon can only say, "Bloobloobloobloo. Blooboloobloobloo. Blooboloobolooooo-Blooblooo-Bloobloobloo." / And it's sad.
View Quote Austin? Austin, Massachusetts?
View Quote Barry, hit the lights. It's boner time!
View Quote Did I say two fingers? Better make that three.
View Quote Did you kill a cheetah?
View Quote Hey, it's 10 feet. Bob Hope could jump this in his golf cart. See, watch, I can spit across it.
View Quote Yep. I'd give us about 20 minutes before our first ass-raping.
View Quote You're already cheating! Anytime you pass up sex, you're cheating on yourself. Think about it Josh, you're in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day.