Jesse
Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?
Chester
I'd say it's entirely possible.
Jesse
Nelson, your dog's a stoner!
Chester
Can he also bong a beer?
Nah. All he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe.
Chinese Foooood, may I help you?
Jesse
Yeah, I like to place an order.
Um what you like?
Jesse
Yeah, I like uh... three orders of garlic chicken.
And then?
Jesse
And then, three orders of white rice.
And then?
Jesse
And then... (then he turns and asks Chester and Nelson) Oh hey, you guys want soup?
Chester & Nelson
Sure.
Jesse
Yeah, three orders of Wonton soup.
And then?
Jesse
Oh, uh some Fortune cookies too.
And then?
Jesse
Uh... Naw I think that's about it.
And then?
Jesse
No, that's it.
And then?
Jesse
No and then, I (stutters) That's, that's all I want.
And then?
Jesse
And then, and then um, and then um, and then nothin' else cause I'm done ordering, okay?
And Then?
Jesse
Uh, uh, no, no, see all, all I want is the three orders of the garlic chicken and the three orders of the white rice.
Uh-huh, and then?
Chester
And the soup dude.
Jesse
Oh, and, and the Wonton soup.
And then?
And the Cookie's Fortune.
Jesse
And, and the, and the Fortune cookies yes so, it's just the uh, it's the... the chicken, the... rice, the soup and the Fortune cookies, and that's it.
And Theeeeen?
Jesse
And then uh, you can it in a brown paper bag and come put it in my hand cause I'm ready to eat.
Annnnnd Theeeeeeeen?
Jesse
Hey, I refuse to play your Chinese Food mind games.
Annnnnnd Theeeeeeeen?
Jesse
NO!, No and then!
And Then?
Jesse
No and then!
And Then?
Jesse
No and then!
And Then?
Jesse
No and then!
And Then?
Jesse
No and then!
And Then?
Jesse
No, no and then!
Annnnnnd Theeeeeeen?
Jesse
You know you're really starting to piss me off lady.
And Then?
Jesse
And then... (laughs nervously) I'm gonna come in there... (grows livid) and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY "AND THEN" AGAIN!!!
And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!
And then...?
Jesse
Who's Johnny Potsmoker?
Chester
Oh, that's my alter ego.
Jesse
Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was my alter ego.
Chester
No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
Jesse
Oh, yeah.
Jesse
Wait a second. I just got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Chester
Maybe you should go sit on the toilet?
Jesse
No. No. You know what the feeling is? It's love!
Chester
Is that what that is?
Jesse
Yeah. I'm in love with Wanda and you're in love with Wilma.
Chester
Yeah!
Jesse
You see. Now that we know that we've been sucky boyfriends... we can change.
Chester
We can?
Jesse
Yeah, and you know what else? I'll bet you that we did buy them super cool anniversary gifts. You know why? 'Coz we love them.
Chester
And we wrapped them really cool wrapping paper?
Jesse
Yeah.
Jesse
Dude! You got a tattoo!
Chester
So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?
Jesse
"Sweet!" What about mine?
Chester
"Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse
"S - wee - t!" What about mine?
Chester
"Dude!" What does mine say?
Jesse
"Sweet!"
Idiots! [Swears in Chinese, walks up to Chester and Jesse in in English] Your tattoo says "dude." Your tattoo says "sweet." Got it?
Jesse
Oh.
Ai-yah!
Jesse
Sorry.
Chester
Hey... sorry.
Jesse
Sorry.
Jesse and Chester
Shibby!
Very sharp. Very sharp. You two number one, extra-special, very good-looking guys.
Jesse
We bought these last night?
Yeah. You were pretty [Says "**** up" in Chinese] last night.
Chester
How much are these?
You already paid for. I just do some minor alterations-you know, add the secret pockets you order.
Jesse
Hey, maybe we got the Continual Trans-sphincter. [Reaches into pockets] What's- [Pulls out kaleidoscope viewing Mr. Lee's laughing face] Oh, dude! Dude!
Chester
Sweet! Cool.
Jesse
Excuse me, but how did we pay for these suits?
You pay cash. Cold, hard cash. Crispy, new hundred dollar bills.
Jesse
You didn't, by chance, see what car we were driving, did you?
Me? No, I don't see no car.
Jesse
Hello.
Chester
Dude, we bought cell phones.
Jesse
That's not all we bought, dude.-
