Role Models quotes
53 total quotes
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Augie: Hey, Danny, you wanna come see my turtle?
Danny: I'm fine.
Ronnie: Of course he has a turtle.
Danny: I'm fine.
Ronnie: Of course he has a turtle.
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Augie: Naysayers tell me "You should be embarrassed", "You should not be fighting", "You look like a young Marvin Hamlisch". I say "Nay, I am not embarrassed", "I will fight", "Who the **** is Marvin Hamlisch?"
Danny: He wrote the music for The Sting.
Wheeler: That's a good movie.
Danny: He wrote the music for The Sting.
Wheeler: That's a good movie.
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Barista: Good morning, can I take your order?
Beth: Can I get a tall chai?
Danny: And a large black coffee.
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a Venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Beth: He means a Venti. Yeah, the biggest one you got.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, Venti is twenty.
Beth: Danny.
Danny: Yeah. "Large" is large. In fact, "Tall" is large. And "Grandé" is Spanish for "Large."
Beth: Danny?
Danny: Venti's the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. [sarcastically] Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: [annoyed and irritated] Look, dick. Venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini?
Beth: [to Barista] How much is that? Here's a $10.
Danny: [to Barista] Do you, uh, accept lira, or is it all Euros now?
Beth: [to Barista] You know what, just keep the change. [to Danny, annoyed] Jesus, Dan, you know what they call the sizes here. You know what, you've been picking fights with everybody. The girl at the party--
Danny: She said ASAP.
Beth: [sarcastically] Oh, ASAP. Oh, I'm sorry. Huge crime.
Danny: It's like "24/7," or "Been there, done that." You hate that, too.
Beth: I don't hate it enough to let it ruin my day. Ugh. It's getting worse. You know, man, the sun is shining. But you have lost the ability to take any joy in life. I-I can't stand it anymore! You're just a miserable dick now! You're mean to everybody! And F.Y.I. (For your information), it's called a Venti because it's 20 ounces! 20! Venti!
[Beth storms out, and Danny looks at his coffee]
Danny: [to everyone; curiously] Is that true?
Beth: Can I get a tall chai?
Danny: And a large black coffee.
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a Venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Beth: He means a Venti. Yeah, the biggest one you got.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, Venti is twenty.
Beth: Danny.
Danny: Yeah. "Large" is large. In fact, "Tall" is large. And "Grandé" is Spanish for "Large."
Beth: Danny?
Danny: Venti's the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. [sarcastically] Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: [annoyed and irritated] Look, dick. Venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini?
Beth: [to Barista] How much is that? Here's a $10.
Danny: [to Barista] Do you, uh, accept lira, or is it all Euros now?
Beth: [to Barista] You know what, just keep the change. [to Danny, annoyed] Jesus, Dan, you know what they call the sizes here. You know what, you've been picking fights with everybody. The girl at the party--
Danny: She said ASAP.
Beth: [sarcastically] Oh, ASAP. Oh, I'm sorry. Huge crime.
Danny: It's like "24/7," or "Been there, done that." You hate that, too.
Beth: I don't hate it enough to let it ruin my day. Ugh. It's getting worse. You know, man, the sun is shining. But you have lost the ability to take any joy in life. I-I can't stand it anymore! You're just a miserable dick now! You're mean to everybody! And F.Y.I. (For your information), it's called a Venti because it's 20 ounces! 20! Venti!
[Beth storms out, and Danny looks at his coffee]
Danny: [to everyone; curiously] Is that true?
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Beth: Danny! What is your problem?
Danny: I'm sorry, alright? I'm not Wheeler, happy in some brainless job. No goals, no ambition.
Beth: You don't know how Wheeler feels. For all you know he hates his job as much as you do.
Wheeler: I love this job!
Guy: Hey Wheeler, she's tasting your beast!
Danny: I'm sorry, alright? I'm not Wheeler, happy in some brainless job. No goals, no ambition.
Beth: You don't know how Wheeler feels. For all you know he hates his job as much as you do.
Wheeler: I love this job!
Guy: Hey Wheeler, she's tasting your beast!
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Beth: Yes, Wheeler?
Wheeler: This may be a stupid question. The Get Out of Jail Free Card: Is that real?
Beth: That's not a stupid question.
Danny: It's real in the game of Monopoly.
Wheeler: Yeah it's based on true events.
Danny: Like what?
Wheeler: Chance.
Wheeler: This may be a stupid question. The Get Out of Jail Free Card: Is that real?
Beth: That's not a stupid question.
Danny: It's real in the game of Monopoly.
Wheeler: Yeah it's based on true events.
Danny: Like what?
Wheeler: Chance.
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Danny: (while urinating neon green liquid) Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss.
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Danny: Eight hours down, 142 to go.
Wheeler: This sucks ass.
Danny: Dude, I just spent the afternoon in Middle-earth with glee-glop and the floopty-doos, all right? Give me a ****ing break.
Wheeler: This sucks ass.
Danny: Dude, I just spent the afternoon in Middle-earth with glee-glop and the floopty-doos, all right? Give me a ****ing break.
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Danny: Goddamn it, Ronnie!
Ronnie: What? Because I'm black you think I did it?
Danny: No, 'cause you did it is why I think you did it. (Ronnie jumps on tent pole) Let me tell you something, I am not your Big, and I'll hit you. I will hit a child. I've never done that before, but I will punch you in the face.
Ronnie: Let's dance, Ben Affleck!
Ronnie: What? Because I'm black you think I did it?
Danny: No, 'cause you did it is why I think you did it. (Ronnie jumps on tent pole) Let me tell you something, I am not your Big, and I'll hit you. I will hit a child. I've never done that before, but I will punch you in the face.
Ronnie: Let's dance, Ben Affleck!
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Danny: I bet if i suggested a game of Quidditch, he'd **** in his pants.
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Danny: I'm in a rut, we're in a rut. Let's shake things up. I have an idea, let's get married! I don't have a ring...
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Danny: It's not you, I hate having dinner with people.
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Danny: Man, why do you bow for that guy?
Augie: Because he's the king, and he rules the entire realm.
Danny: Oh, he rules the entire realm? Oh, my bad. Is that when he is or isn't whacking it to The Sims?
Augie: Because he's the king, and he rules the entire realm.
Danny: Oh, he rules the entire realm? Oh, my bad. Is that when he is or isn't whacking it to The Sims?
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Danny: No, I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.