Neil deBuck Weasel quotes from Ice Age: Collision Course (2016)

Neil deBuck Weasel

Mars – The Red Planet. Cold, dry, inhospitable to life. But billions and billions of years ago, Mars looked like this. There were lakes, rivers, oceans – the perfect conditions for life to form. So, what happened? Why was life unable to take hold? Where did the water go? We may never know.

Neil deBuck Weasel

The universe...a vast expanse of space and matter. It includes all that we see, and all that we know. Since the beginning of time, we have wondered how it came to be. A gloriously orchestrated plan? A chance series of events? Or something much, much dumber?

Crash

What are you doing, Buck?

Buck

All rocks tell a tale. [licks a rock] Where we've been and where we're heading.

Eddie

Ah!

Buck

That, however, is a turd.

Peaches

Julian... I want you to know that if we don't make it...if we never get married...you were the only one for me.

Julian

Hey, come on! Of course we'll make it, and we will get married.

Peaches

But maybe it's the universe telling us we won't.

Sid

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're going to let one tiny little 300-mile-wide asteroid ruin your plans?

Peaches

How can we think about our future when we may not have one?

Sid

Hey, we're going to stop this thing, and you'll get married. Bada-bing, bada-boom! Well, not boom. Forget I said boom. [gasps] I know! I'll be your wedding planner! It'll take your mind off all this end-of-the-world stuff.

Peaches

Actually, we were just gonna wing it! Keep it low-key.

Sid

What? [on Julian's tusks] Peaches, Peaches. Sweetheart, you don't just wing the happiest day of your life! No, you seize it, and you cherish it. You strangle it with good intentions. [hops back down to the ground] Ooh. Let's start with your hair. Undo with a top bun? Traditional. Or updo with a fishtail braid. Flirtatious. [Crash giggles] But maybe a little trashy.

Peaches

Ugh.

Sid

And garter belts! Today, Ed is modeling laced daisies. While Crash is rocking a more elegant ivy... that's all about the calves. Ooh. We need a seating chart! The singles table, the kids table, the weird relatives table...the smelly table, two more smelly tables.

Manny

Look at him.

Julian

Oh, you're gonna love it.

Manny

Who walks like that? "Oh! Look at me. I'm Julian. Forget the asteroid. Gimme a hug, Bro-Dad!" [clears throat] Look at that pretty bird there.

Julian

Yeah! That is a pretty bird. Good eye, Manny.

Manny

Yeah. The sky is literally falling, and she thinks we're just gonna let her stroll into the wilderness with Mr. No Plans Bouncy Walk.

Ellie

Stop picking on him.

Manny

Come on, El, you're not still mad at me, are you?

Ellie

No. I'm not still mad. Because that's not how I want to spend what could be our final days together. But if we somehow survive that planet-killing hunk of space rock, you're in for it.

Manny

If we survive, we lose our daughter.

Ellie

Well, I've been thinking about that, too. What if...

Manny

Ooh. I know! We destroy the relationship, right? That way we never have to let her go... and she'll just stay our little girl forever! [Laughs crazily]

Ellie

No, you psychopath! What if we convince them to stay near us?

Manny

Oh! That's better. I like it. But how?

Ellie

The way we always get her to do what we want. We make her think it's her idea.

Manny

You sneaky, sneaky minx! [giggles]

Ellie

Let's just hope we haven't lost our touch.

Buck

Found it! Behold, mammals! A sneak preview of the asteroid to come. A space rock. Fresh from the cosmos. [licks it] Mmm, mmm, mmm. I taste iron, carbon. [gargles] Oh! And a hint of nickel. [sighs] Space tastes lonely.

Crash

Hey, look! I found another one.

Eddie

Me, too!

Crash

Hey! Yours is attracted to me.

Eddie

No. Yours is attracted to me. We're just too attractive!

Diego

Stupendous! Now we have something to play with during our final hours.

Buck

You're missing the point, Tiger. They're magnets. And if these space rocks are magnetic, so is that! This can only mean one thing.

Crash

And that would be...?

Buck

Allow me.

Eddie

Whoa! Where are we?

Buck

You are in my brain.

Crash

Hmm. Kind of chilly.

Neil deBuck Weasel

Gentlemen, here's what we know. Space rocks? Magnetic. Asteroid? Also, magnetic.

Buck

Famed astrophysicist Neil deBuck Weasel! He knows the cosmos.

Ipso facto, thusly and ergo the crash site must have a heap of these things attracting the asteroid.

Buck

Ooh. Pythagoras Buck. He's got the right angle.

What if we use the magnets to attract the asteroids somewhere else? As in, not towards Earth.

Theoretically speaking, if we can launch enough of these into space, they will pull the asteroid off course.

Neil deBuck Weasel

Thus, saving the world.

Eddie

So, we just need to go to the crash site and launch a bunch of rocks into space. That's easy, right?

Manny

Oh, yeah. Sounds like a real piece of cake.

Buck

This is progress! Now we know exactly what we don't know how to do. Vamanos, mammals! This trail will take us directly to the crash site.

Buck

Bad news! Somebody up there doesn't like us. We're six minutes behind schedule!

Manny

Double time, everyone. We need that big crystal.

Julian

Oh. Hey, Bro-Dad!

Diego

We got company!

Granny

Ooh. I'll put out the sponge cake.

Buck

Steady. Steady.

Roger

Sorry about this. I'm really conflicted right now.

Gavin

That's more like it, Roger. Now finish him.

Buck

Wait! Wait, you don't understand. You see that? If that asteroid hits, we all die.

Gavin

If it hits, we all die. [crying then laughing] That's where you're wrong. See, while you run for your mammal lives, we'll be high in the sky...[scaredy angrily] cruising above it all.

Neil deBuck Weasel

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

Gavin

We'll be as safe as those little birdies. [One meteor hits a bird] Lucky shot. [More meteors hit more birds] Very lucky shot? [A giant meteor hits Earth]

Roger

I knew it. I was right. There's no paradise.

Gertie

What? I'm too young to go extinct! [screams]

Buck

She gets it! Now, please, we haven't got much time!

Gavin

What are you waiting for? Kill him!

Roger

No, Dad. I won't let you. Do you want to know what I love about our family? That we're alive. There are more important things than your pride right now. If you care about us... you should not kill him. You should help him, Dad.

Gertie

Pop, I hate to say this, but my freaky little brother may be right.

Buck

As a father, I would work with my worst enemy... to ensure a brighter future for my little one.

Neil deBuck Weasel

Mars. The Red Planet. Cold, dry, inhospitable to life.

Neil deBuck Weasel

But billions and billions of years ago...Mars looked like this. [shows what Mars looks like as Earth] There were lakes, rivers, oceans...the perfect conditions for life to form. So, what happened?

Neil deBuck Weasel

Why was life unable to take hold?

Neil deBuck Weasel

Where did the water go? [behind him the UFO hits Mars, creating an purple shockwave that turns Mars into a red planet] We may never know.
[?]

Neil deBuck Weasel

The black hole. No piece of cosmic garbage is too small, too insignificant, or too pathetic to escape its mighty– [Scrat and his acorn finally escape from the black hole] Ah, never mind.
[As Scrat hugs his acorn, The Black hole (in a smaller form) reappears sucking the acorn away and disappears, Scrat looked surprised, then he screams loudest in frustration as he floats in space]