Gertie Look at that! I got an egg. How many eggs did you poach, little brother?
Do we have to steal other creatures' eggs? I mean, couldn't we just go vegan?
Gertie Sure, we could eat vegans.
Whoops! Oh-oh-oh! Son, sometimes I wonder how you snuck into this family.
'[singibg] ♪Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro♪ [spoken] With you in a minute. I'll have to rinse and repeat.
That weasel is such a buzzkill. Let's go, kids.
Don't worry, ma'am. I'll catch the crew that poached your egg. It's a pun! I'm winking under the eye patch. [singing] ♪A mother is crying.♪ ♪A damsel in distress.♪ ♪Foreboding intruders have made such a mess.♪ ♪What I detect is a lack of respect?♪ ♪For all that is precious and dear.♪ ♪I am the pint-sized protector of this lost world.♪ [spoken] But my friends call me Buck. Well played, guys. [singing] ♪I have a message, bullies not welcome.♪ ♪Return what you've stolen.♪ ♪Go back where you came from.♪ ♪You know I'm greater, so don't be a hater.♪ ♪You may be Jurassic, but I am fantastic.♪ [singing] ♪Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro Figaro♪ [spoken] Oh, love that bit. [singing] ♪Running and climbing, and spinning and grinning.♪ ♪And dashing and diving and dodging.♪ ♪And sliding and gliding, and staying alive.♪ ♪And these are a few of the things.♪ ♪That I do before lunch.♪ ♪Death-defying.♪ ♪Danger denying.♪ ♪Look, I'm flying.♪ ♪You might think I'm mad.♪ ♪But, hey, you only live once.♪ ♪No need to thank me.♪ ♪But if you insist, I won't resist.♪ ♪Who smells like fish?♪ Hold on to your butts! [singing] ♪Class Dis...♪ ♪...missed!!!♪ Good egg. Here you are, my lady. Go! I'll lead them away. Oh, that was fun! Same time, same place, next week? Toodles!
Congratulations, weasel. You just signed your death warrant.
Weaseled my way out of that one. Hmm. What's all that flash and dazzle about? Who puts a rock in the middle of the jungle? Ha! Blimey! What is this place? Whoops!
Right on the spleen! Utterly useless, but totally hurts.
[laughs]
Hey, Buck. Welcome back, buddy.
Wait. This half-a-snack is the dinosaur whisperer?
And expert salsa dancer. [scats] Whoo! I have one eye but all my original teeth. Would you like to count them? [shows his teeth] Ah...
And this must be Nectarine.
Semantics, my dear. I am deeply honored.
Sweet eye patch. Very gangsta.
Thank you. [to Peaches] I like this kid.
Buck. What are you doing here?
Well, I... [stops to stare at Stump for a moment then zips close to it] What? I'm trying! But how do you tell someone they're doomed? [to the mammals] He's stumped.
We're not doomed, Buck. It was just a meteor shower, and the show's over.
[hops close to Manny's face]
Oh, quite the contrary, old chap. It's just beginning. You see, I found a prophecy.
[?] [Crash & Eddie keep drumming all the time until Manny takes the drum sticks away, much to their disbelief]
Do you mind?
Boy, he really sucks the fun out of everything. Doesn't he?
I read this tablet front to back. And the story it tells is very disturbing. Every hundred million years or so, the world gets a cosmic cleansing. Before the dinosaurs, there were these horseshoe crab-looking thingies. Ugh! Yuck. Then, at the bottom of this mountain range, an asteroid hit. Boom! Bye-bye. Next, dinosaurs, mountain range, asteroid. Boom! Bye-bye. And coming up next, mammals. Mountain range, asteroid, boom! Bye-bye.
[chuckles]
Stupid mammals.
Yep, and there she is. The mother of all asteroids screaming towards us. Even going underground won't save us this time.
Hey, that wasn't there before. And look what it's doing to the sky.
No worries. Because I've got a plan.
Really? To stop an asteroid?
[shows the tablets on the prophecy]
Look, the last two asteroids have pummeled the Earth in the same spot. And it's about to happen again. We've got to go there and see what's attracting the asteroid. Once we know why it's coming, we can figure out how to send it somewhere else.
That plan is so dumb, I wish it had a face so I could smack it.
Let me get this straight. Instead of running away from a deadly asteroid, you want us to run directly towards it?
I know it sounds suboptimal, but the good news is it'll kill us no matter where we went. Well, that's reassuring.
Okay, but even if we get to the crash site, how are we supposed to change what is literally written in stone?
Ah, my cynical friend. The dinos were wiped off the face of the Earth, but some escaped. They changed their fate, and we can change ours, too. Who's with me?
[the Herd all look at each other, then quickly huddle in]
So, what do you think?
Honestly, I'm worried the weasel's right.
[in high-pitched voice]
No! Don't listen to the weasel. He's a raving loon! [in normal voice] Sorry. I just love playing devil's advocate. And looking fabulous!
Well, Buck has saved our lives before, right?
But what if he can't this time?
I don't know what to believe. But I'm afraid our lives will be over before they begin.
CA Crash and Eddie
[salute in unison chorus.]
Crash and Eddie reporting for duty.
[laughs]
Doody. [he and Crash laugh]
Excellent! And dirty word processed. Now, we better get on the road because time till impact is roughly...2 days, 4 hours, 1 minute and 16 seconds. 15 seconds, 14 seconds...
I think we're all gonna get it.
Whoo! We look so cool. Whoa!
Gertie [???] [roaring]
Where is he? When I am through with that one-eyed weasel...he's going to need two eye patches.
I admire your bloodthirstitude, Gertie. But you heard them. An asteroid is coming. This changes things.
Holy freezballs! It's freezing up here. Parts are retracting into other parts.
Gertie Would you please stop acting like a parakeet?
It's a good thing you got your mother's eyes... or you'd be totally useless.
Well, that's just hurtful. '[screams]
[sighs]
Nothing. Nothing. Deadly asteroid screaming towards Earth. Wait! There he is. That's too bad. He is really far away. Probably too far to reach by flight. [snaps his fingers] Oh, well. Let's just go home.
We are not retreating! Until that weasel came along, our family made an honest living stealing dino eggs.
An honest living. Stealing. Kind of ironic, don't you think? Besides, why take out the weasel if the asteroid is just gonna take us out?
So much sight. So little vision. If we stop the weasel and his friends from diverting the asteroid... Kablooie! It kills the weasel and everyone else... while we glide safely above it all. It'll be our paradise.
That's seems highly implausible. Just from a scientific standpoint. [Gavin and Gertie growl and glare at him.] Fine. It's a great plan. Dynamite! One of the top three or four species annihilation plans I've ever heard.
That's better. Now let's make sure that asteroid hits.
Why can't we just fear the apocalypse like a normal family?
Hey, Buck. You have a suggestion for getting around the river?
Let's see if the tablet's ancient wisdom will guide us. Let my mammals pass!
[?]
The ancients grant us safe passage.
[?]
Wow, the air feels strange.
Finally! We have superpowers!
Ladies and gentlemen, we have wandered into an electrical storm. [Thunder rumble] I suggest we all stay away from the trees.
Diego: Sure, no problem. It's not like we're in a forest.
Boy, Mother Nature sure is in a bad mood lately.
Good thing we're all here to help each other.
Oh, like I always say, stay close, stay alive.
Gertie There they are! Right out in the open. [laughs] How stupid can you be?
Everyone, try not to create any sort of friction.
Yup. Cool beans. Friction is what now? [Crash and Eddie then reaches to touch each other's fingertips akin to "The Creation of Adam'.]
[The possums' fingers connect and the static electrity causes a massive thunderstrike.]
Come on! Let's get out of here.
Don't you hurry me. I've been struck by lightning more times- [gets struck by lightning and dies]
G Graany
[gets struck by lightning again and is revived]
-than you've had hot breakfasts.
Julian, don't move! [panting] I have an idea.
I'm coming, sweetheart! Julian, why aren't you helping her?
Wait! No, Manny, she... [screams]
[groans]
Uh, what are you guys doing?
What would "not helping" look like? Hey, zapheads!
Shira, Manny, Crash, Eddie, Ellie, Granny. Aw, shoot! I'm out of fingers.
Do you hear that? A baby! There's a baby in there!
Buck, wait! It's too dangerous.
CA Crash and Eddie
[gasping]
Don't know how we'll go on without you, Buck. All right, let's go.
[singing]
♪And if that pterodactyl don't fly.♪ ♪Daddy's gonna blind his remaining eye♪ [yawns] Sweet dreams, little one.
Lucky pumpkin! It must be nice to have a loving father. Whoo. Okay, here we go. You can do this, Roger. Yay! Kidnapping! Look, I'm sorry. It's not me. I would never do something like this. It's my father. He's crazy.
I can't believe he pulled it off! Way to go, dum-dum!
Gertie Whatever! I could've done the same thing.
Well, well. Looks like you're not stopping that asteroid now, are you, weasel?
Gertie That's not the weasel. That's... I don't know what that is.
Whoa! Is it my time, angel?
Gertie Time for what?
I'm coming to the light. Can't wait to see all those dead relatives I hate.
Gertie Ahh! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
Ahh! Demon angel! Mess with Granny, get knocked on your fanny.
And that's how it's done.
Hello? Angel? Am I in heaven? It's so dark and squishy in here.
[from offscreen in Gavin's stomach]
Oh, no! I can still see the light.
Gertie [Gavin panicks and eventually gets a beating by Granny inside]
Pop! I'll save you.
[The Dino birds scream while Gavin punches Granny in the nose.]
Oh, well. Probably for the best.
Gertie Yeah, probably.
Bad news! Somebody up there doesn't like us. We're six minutes behind schedule!
Double time, everyone. We need that big crystal.
Gertie [screeching]
MA Manny and Julian
[gasping]
Ooh. I'll put out the sponge cake.
Sorry about this. I'm really conflicted right now.
That's more like it, Roger. Now finish him.
Wait! Wait, you don't understand. You see that? If that asteroid hits, we all die.
[mocking]
If it hits, we all die. [crying then laughing] That's where you're wrong. See, while you run for your mammal lives, we'll be high in the sky...[scaredy angrily] cruising above it all.
[In Buck's head...]
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
We'll be as safe as those little birdies. [One meteor hits a bird] Lucky shot. [More meteors hit more birds] Very lucky shot? [A giant meteor hits Earth]
I knew it. I was right. There's no paradise.
Gertie What? I'm too young to go extinct! [screams]
She gets it! Now, please, we haven't got much time!
What are you waiting for? Kill him!
[steps in]
No, Dad. I won't let you. Do you want to know what I love about our family? That we're alive. There are more important things than your pride right now. If you care about us... you should not kill him. You should help him, Dad.
Gertie Pop, I hate to say this, but my freaky little brother may be right.
As a father, I would work with my worst enemy... to ensure a brighter future for my little one.
