Look at that! I got an egg. How many eggs did you poach, little brother?
Roger Do we have to steal other creatures' eggs? I mean, couldn't we just go vegan?
Sure, we could eat vegans.
Whoops! Oh-oh-oh! Son, sometimes I wonder how you snuck into this family.
'[singibg] ♪Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro♪ [spoken] With you in a minute. I'll have to rinse and repeat.
That weasel is such a buzzkill. Let's go, kids.
Don't worry, ma'am. I'll catch the crew that poached your egg. It's a pun! I'm winking under the eye patch. [singing] ♪A mother is crying.♪ ♪A damsel in distress.♪ ♪Foreboding intruders have made such a mess.♪ ♪What I detect is a lack of respect?♪ ♪For all that is precious and dear.♪ ♪I am the pint-sized protector of this lost world.♪ [spoken] But my friends call me Buck. Well played, guys. [singing] ♪I have a message, bullies not welcome.♪ ♪Return what you've stolen.♪ ♪Go back where you came from.♪ ♪You know I'm greater, so don't be a hater.♪ ♪You may be Jurassic, but I am fantastic.♪ [singing] ♪Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro Figaro♪ [spoken] Oh, love that bit. [singing] ♪Running and climbing, and spinning and grinning.♪ ♪And dashing and diving and dodging.♪ ♪And sliding and gliding, and staying alive.♪ ♪And these are a few of the things.♪ ♪That I do before lunch.♪ ♪Death-defying.♪ ♪Danger denying.♪ ♪Look, I'm flying.♪ ♪You might think I'm mad.♪ ♪But, hey, you only live once.♪ ♪No need to thank me.♪ ♪But if you insist, I won't resist.♪ ♪Who smells like fish?♪ Hold on to your butts! [singing] ♪Class Dis...♪ ♪...missed!!!♪ Good egg. Here you are, my lady. Go! I'll lead them away. Oh, that was fun! Same time, same place, next week? Toodles!
Congratulations, weasel. You just signed your death warrant.
Weaseled my way out of that one. Hmm. What's all that flash and dazzle about? Who puts a rock in the middle of the jungle? Ha! Blimey! What is this place? Whoops!
Right on the spleen! Utterly useless, but totally hurts.
[laughs]
Hey, Buck. Welcome back, buddy.
Wait. This half-a-snack is the dinosaur whisperer?
And expert salsa dancer. [scats] Whoo! I have one eye but all my original teeth. Would you like to count them? [shows his teeth] Ah...
And this must be Nectarine.
Semantics, my dear. I am deeply honored.
Sweet eye patch. Very gangsta.
Thank you. [to Peaches] I like this kid.
Buck. What are you doing here?
Well, I... [stops to stare at Stump for a moment then zips close to it] What? I'm trying! But how do you tell someone they're doomed? [to the mammals] He's stumped.
We're not doomed, Buck. It was just a meteor shower, and the show's over.
[hops close to Manny's face]
Oh, quite the contrary, old chap. It's just beginning. You see, I found a prophecy.
[?] [Crash & Eddie keep drumming all the time until Manny takes the drum sticks away, much to their disbelief]
Do you mind?
Boy, he really sucks the fun out of everything. Doesn't he?
I read this tablet front to back. And the story it tells is very disturbing. Every hundred million years or so, the world gets a cosmic cleansing. Before the dinosaurs, there were these horseshoe crab-looking thingies. Ugh! Yuck. Then, at the bottom of this mountain range, an asteroid hit. Boom! Bye-bye. Next, dinosaurs, mountain range, asteroid. Boom! Bye-bye. And coming up next, mammals. Mountain range, asteroid, boom! Bye-bye.
[chuckles]
Stupid mammals.
Yep, and there she is. The mother of all asteroids screaming towards us. Even going underground won't save us this time.
Hey, that wasn't there before. And look what it's doing to the sky.
No worries. Because I've got a plan.
Really? To stop an asteroid?
[shows the tablets on the prophecy]
Look, the last two asteroids have pummeled the Earth in the same spot. And it's about to happen again. We've got to go there and see what's attracting the asteroid. Once we know why it's coming, we can figure out how to send it somewhere else.
That plan is so dumb, I wish it had a face so I could smack it.
Let me get this straight. Instead of running away from a deadly asteroid, you want us to run directly towards it?
I know it sounds suboptimal, but the good news is it'll kill us no matter where we went. Well, that's reassuring.
Okay, but even if we get to the crash site, how are we supposed to change what is literally written in stone?
Ah, my cynical friend. The dinos were wiped off the face of the Earth, but some escaped. They changed their fate, and we can change ours, too. Who's with me?
[the Herd all look at each other, then quickly huddle in]
So, what do you think?
Honestly, I'm worried the weasel's right.
[in high-pitched voice]
No! Don't listen to the weasel. He's a raving loon! [in normal voice] Sorry. I just love playing devil's advocate. And looking fabulous!
Well, Buck has saved our lives before, right?
But what if he can't this time?
I don't know what to believe. But I'm afraid our lives will be over before they begin.
CA Crash and Eddie
[salute in unison chorus.]
Crash and Eddie reporting for duty.
[laughs]
Doody. [he and Crash laugh]
Excellent! And dirty word processed. Now, we better get on the road because time till impact is roughly...2 days, 4 hours, 1 minute and 16 seconds. 15 seconds, 14 seconds...
I think we're all gonna get it.
Whoo! We look so cool. Whoa!
[???] [roaring]
Where is he? When I am through with that one-eyed weasel...he's going to need two eye patches.
I admire your bloodthirstitude, Gertie. But you heard them. An asteroid is coming. This changes things.
Roger Holy freezballs! It's freezing up here. Parts are retracting into other parts.
Would you please stop acting like a parakeet?
It's a good thing you got your mother's eyes... or you'd be totally useless.
Roger Well, that's just hurtful. '[screams]
Roger [sighs]
Nothing. Nothing. Deadly asteroid screaming towards Earth. Wait! There he is. That's too bad. He is really far away. Probably too far to reach by flight. [snaps his fingers] Oh, well. Let's just go home.
We are not retreating! Until that weasel came along, our family made an honest living stealing dino eggs.
Roger An honest living. Stealing. Kind of ironic, don't you think? Besides, why take out the weasel if the asteroid is just gonna take us out?
So much sight. So little vision. If we stop the weasel and his friends from diverting the asteroid... Kablooie! It kills the weasel and everyone else... while we glide safely above it all. It'll be our paradise.
Roger That's seems highly implausible. Just from a scientific standpoint. [Gavin and Gertie growl and glare at him.] Fine. It's a great plan. Dynamite! One of the top three or four species annihilation plans I've ever heard.
That's better. Now let's make sure that asteroid hits.
Roger Why can't we just fear the apocalypse like a normal family?
Oh! So close! These pucks go fast.
Just watch the puck all the way into the stick.
Too bad you and Peaches are moving away. If you stayed, we could do this all the time.
Okay. Show me the heat! I'm like a hockey ninja! Hey, Peaches! Looks like you got a new hockey partner to replace your dad.
Such a mystery why he wants to move far away.
I didn't mean to do it. It's not my fault the kid has no reflexes.
How could you do that to him? I thought you liked Julian.
Well, you don't act like it. When you look at him, all you see is an obstacle. Or worse, a target. But I see a sweet guy who's trying his hardest to impress you.
No! Both of you, just stop! If we survive, I'm still getting married, and I'm still leaving home. Whether you're happy for me or not.
Don't give me that look. She said both. That means you, too.
And this widdle astewoid went wee, wee, wee, all the way home.
Roger Hey...
Eh... Because Daddy and his fwiends saved the world.
[singing]
♪And if that pterodactyl don't fly.♪ ♪Daddy's gonna blind his remaining eye♪ [yawns] Sweet dreams, little one.
Roger Lucky pumpkin! It must be nice to have a loving father. Whoo. Okay, here we go. You can do this, Roger. Yay! Kidnapping! Look, I'm sorry. It's not me. I would never do something like this. It's my father. He's crazy.
I can't believe he pulled it off! Way to go, dum-dum!
Roger Oh. Thanks, Dad.
Whatever! I could've done the same thing.
Well, well. Looks like you're not stopping that asteroid now, are you, weasel?
Roger Huh?
That's not the weasel. That's... I don't know what that is.
Whoa! Is it my time, angel?
I'm coming to the light. Can't wait to see all those dead relatives I hate.
Ahh! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
Roger But, Dad...
Ahh! Demon angel! Mess with Granny, get knocked on your fanny.
And that's how it's done.
Hello? Angel? Am I in heaven? It's so dark and squishy in here.
[from offscreen in Gavin's stomach]
Oh, no! I can still see the light.
[Gavin panicks and eventually gets a beating by Granny inside]
Pop! I'll save you.
[The Dino birds scream while Gavin punches Granny in the nose.]
Oh, well. Probably for the best.
Roger Definitely.
Bad news! Somebody up there doesn't like us. We're six minutes behind schedule!
Double time, everyone. We need that big crystal.
MA Manny and Julian
[gasping]
Ooh. I'll put out the sponge cake.
Roger Sorry about this. I'm really conflicted right now.
That's more like it, Roger. Now finish him.
Wait! Wait, you don't understand. You see that? If that asteroid hits, we all die.
[mocking]
If it hits, we all die. [crying then laughing] That's where you're wrong. See, while you run for your mammal lives, we'll be high in the sky...[scaredy angrily] cruising above it all.
[In Buck's head...]
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
We'll be as safe as those little birdies. [One meteor hits a bird] Lucky shot. [More meteors hit more birds] Very lucky shot? [A giant meteor hits Earth]
Roger I knew it. I was right. There's no paradise.
What? I'm too young to go extinct! [screams]
She gets it! Now, please, we haven't got much time!
What are you waiting for? Kill him!
Roger [steps in]
No, Dad. I won't let you. Do you want to know what I love about our family? That we're alive. There are more important things than your pride right now. If you care about us... you should not kill him. You should help him, Dad.
Pop, I hate to say this, but my freaky little brother may be right.
As a father, I would work with my worst enemy... to ensure a brighter future for my little one.
Reinforcements have arrived!
All right, Roger. Lead the way.
Roger Oh! So that's what approval sounds like.
Keep it up, dinos. Use that Jurassic super strength! Beep, beep, beep.
[gasping]
I'll push it in. Go with Peaches and Ellie! [grunting]
No! I'm not leaving you! We'll do this together!
Ellie, we've got to get everyone off the volcano.
Folks, I'm outta cake, but I got salami!
I'm outta cake, but I got salami!
[grunting]
This isn't working.
Mad air on the half-pipe! Manny, I have a plan! We have to let the crystal go!
You know we're trying to get it in the volcano, right?
Manny, the only thing I want is a life with Peaches. And to prove myself to you. So, okay, two things. I want two things. Do you really think I'd waste the only chance I have left?
On my count. One... Two... Three!
MA Manny and Julian
[grunting]
Yes! I take back everything I ever said about you!
Now let's get out of here!
Maybe it's the quiet before the crazy?
In your face, space rock!
CA Crash and Eddie
[singing]
Hit the road, you stupid rock. We just stopped the doomsday clock!
Bring it in, Bro-Son. Welcome to the family. And you, you coconut! I'll never doubt you again.
See? Daddy's always right. Remember that when you're older.
