Shira quotes from Ice Age: Collision Course (2016)

Buck

Oh, right on the spleen! Utterly useless, but totally hurts.

Diego

Hey, Buck! Welcome back, buddy.

Shira

Wait, this half-a-snack is a dinosaur whisperer?

Buck

And expert salsa dancer. [scats] I have one eye, but all my original teeth. Would you like to count them? [shows his teeth]

Shira

No thank you.

Buck

And this must be... Nectarine?

Peaches

Um, Peaches.

Buck

Semantics my dear. I am deeply honored.

Julian

Sweet eye-patch. Very gangster.

Buck

Thank you! [to Peaches] I like this kid.

Buck

No worries, because I've got a plan.

Manny

Really, to stop an asteroid?

Buck

Look, the last two asteroids have pummeled the earth in the same spot, and it's about to happen again. We've got to go there and see what's attracting the asteroid. Once we know why it's coming, we can figure out how to send it somewhere else.

Granny

That plan is so dumb, I wish it had a face so I could smack it.

Manny

Let me get this straight: instead of running away from a deadly asteroid, you want us to run directly towards it.

Buck

I know it sounds suboptimal. But the good news is, it'll kill us no matter where we went!

Diego

Well, that's reassuring.

Manny

Okay. Even if we get to the crash site, how are we supposed to change what is literally written in stone?

Buck

Ah, my cynical friend, the dinos were wiped off the face of the Earth, but some escaped. They changed their fate and we can change ours, too! Who's with me?! [the Herd all look at each other, then quickly huddle in]

Manny

So what do you think?

Ellie

Honestly, I'm worried the weasel's right.

Buck

No, don't listen to the weasel. He's a raving loon! [everyone just stares at Buck severely, and he laughs] Sorry, I just love playing devil's advocate. [singsong] And looking fabulous!!

Diego

Well, Buck has saved our lives before, right?

Shira

But what if he can't this time?

Peaches

I don't know what to believe, but I'm afraid our lives will be over before they begin.

Manny

Okay...I guess we're in.

Crash and Eddie reporting for duty!

Eddie

Haha! "Dooty". [he and Crash laugh]

Buck

Excellent!

Sid

All I wanted is true love. Is that too much to ask? [crying]

Diego

Why is it so quiet?

Sid

Because the world is mourning my loss. [screams]

Manny

Ellie? Peaches? Where is everyone?

Surprise!

Ta-da!

Ellie

Happy Anniversary, honey!

Manny

Anniversary? [realized] Oh, no. That's the thing.

Julian

Okay! Now it's your turn, Bro-Dad!

Peaches

Yeah!

Crash

We wanna see what you got, Ellie.

Eddie

Manny.

Manny. Manny. Manny. Manny. Manny. Manny.

Manny

Hey, hey. Right. Uh... So, how about another hand for Ellie?

Yeah. Oh.

He forgot!

I feel so bad for Ellie.

Manny

Ellie, I... Uh...

Ohh. Ahh.

He didn't forget. That's how big Manny's love is for her!

Nice save with the light show. Wait, you didn't do this? Then who did?

Ellie

Oh, Manny. I was so afraid you'd forgotten. But you lit up the sky for me? How'd you do it?

Manny

Uh, well... A magician never reveals his secrets.

Ellie

Oh... Thank you.

Diego

I keep picturing our own kid in there. He'd be the best one.

Shira

I think you meant "she."

Diego

He.

Shira

Either way, we've been over this, Diego. Kids are afraid of us.

Diego

Yeah, but why?

Are they gonna eat us?

Hi, kids!

Shira

I even smiled this time.

Peaches

Wow, Dad. Best present ever.

Julian

You, sir, are an education in marital excellence. I'm really gonna miss you guys when we leave.

Manny

Ow!

Peaches

Um, actually, I haven't told them yet.

Julian

Oh. Surprise!

Manny

You're leaving?

Ellie

I thought you guys were gonna live with us the first couple of years.

Peaches

I know. But Julian and I kind of want to roam for a while.

Manny

Roam?

Julian

Yeah! Travel, explore, just go wherever. No plan is the best plan. That's my philosophy. Hors d'oeuvres?

Manny

That's not a plan, or a philosophy or very safe.

Peaches

Dad, we're young. We can worry about being safe when we're old and boring. Like you and Mom.

Julian

I think we should just...

Manny

Excuse me! This is a family discussion.

Julian

But aren't I part of your family?

Manny

Not yet; you're not.

Manny

Uh...Hello?

Buck

Oh! Hello, mammals.

Eddie

Hi, Buck!

Buck

Hi.

Crash

Bye, Buck!

Buck

Um, a little help.

Buck

Right on the spleen! Utterly useless, but totally hurts.

Diego

Hey, Buck. Welcome back, buddy.

Shira

Wait. This half-a-snack is the dinosaur whisperer?

Buck

And expert salsa dancer. [scats] Whoo! I have one eye but all my original teeth. Would you like to count them? [shows his teeth] Ah...

Shira

No, thank you.

Buck

And this must be Nectarine.

Peaches

Um... Peaches.

Buck

Semantics, my dear. I am deeply honored.

Julian

Sweet eye patch. Very gangsta.

Buck

Thank you. [to Peaches] I like this kid.

Manny

Buck. What are you doing here?

Buck

Well, I... [stops to stare at Stump for a moment then zips close to it] What? I'm trying! But how do you tell someone they're doomed? [to the mammals] He's stumped.

Manny

We're not doomed, Buck. It was just a meteor shower, and the show's over.

Buck

Oh, quite the contrary, old chap. It's just beginning. You see, I found a prophecy.

Manny

Do you mind?

Crash

Boy, he really sucks the fun out of everything. Doesn't he?

Eddie

Fun sucker!

Buck

I read this tablet front to back. And the story it tells is very disturbing. Every hundred million years or so, the world gets a cosmic cleansing. Before the dinosaurs, there were these horseshoe crab-looking thingies. Ugh! Yuck. Then, at the bottom of this mountain range, an asteroid hit. Boom! Bye-bye. Next, dinosaurs, mountain range, asteroid. Boom! Bye-bye. And coming up next, mammals. Mountain range, asteroid, boom! Bye-bye.

Eddie

Stupid mammals.

Crash

That's us.

Buck

Yep, and there she is. The mother of all asteroids screaming towards us. Even going underground won't save us this time.

Diego

Hey, that wasn't there before. And look what it's doing to the sky.

Buck

No worries. Because I've got a plan.

Manny

Really? To stop an asteroid?

Buck

Look, the last two asteroids have pummeled the Earth in the same spot. And it's about to happen again. We've got to go there and see what's attracting the asteroid. Once we know why it's coming, we can figure out how to send it somewhere else.

Granny

That plan is so dumb, I wish it had a face so I could smack it.

Manny

Let me get this straight. Instead of running away from a deadly asteroid, you want us to run directly towards it?

Buck

I know it sounds suboptimal, but the good news is it'll kill us no matter where we went. Well, that's reassuring.

Manny

Okay, but even if we get to the crash site, how are we supposed to change what is literally written in stone?

Buck

Ah, my cynical friend. The dinos were wiped off the face of the Earth, but some escaped. They changed their fate, and we can change ours, too. Who's with me?

Manny

So, what do you think?

Ellie

Honestly, I'm worried the weasel's right.

Buck

No! Don't listen to the weasel. He's a raving loon! [in normal voice] Sorry. I just love playing devil's advocate. And looking fabulous!

Diego

Well, Buck has saved our lives before, right?

Shira

But what if he can't this time?

Peaches

I don't know what to believe. But I'm afraid our lives will be over before they begin.

Manny

Okay. I guess we're in.

Crash and Eddie reporting for duty.

Eddie

Doody. [he and Crash laugh]

Buck

Excellent! And dirty word processed. Now, we better get on the road because time till impact is roughly...2 days, 4 hours, 1 minute and 16 seconds. 15 seconds, 14 seconds...

Diego

I think we get it.

Manny

I think we're all gonna get it.

Julian

Whoo! We look so cool. Whoa!

Granny

Ugh. What is this stuff?

Gertie

Where is he? When I am through with that one-eyed weasel...he's going to need two eye patches.

Gavin

I admire your bloodthirstitude, Gertie. But you heard them. An asteroid is coming. This changes things.

Roger

Holy freezballs! It's freezing up here. Parts are retracting into other parts.

Gertie

Would you please stop acting like a parakeet?

Gavin

It's a good thing you got your mother's eyes... or you'd be totally useless.

Roger

Well, that's just hurtful. '[screams]

Gavin

What do you see?

Roger

Nothing. Nothing. Deadly asteroid screaming towards Earth. Wait! There he is. That's too bad. He is really far away. Probably too far to reach by flight. [snaps his fingers] Oh, well. Let's just go home.

Gavin

We are not retreating! Until that weasel came along, our family made an honest living stealing dino eggs.

Roger

An honest living. Stealing. Kind of ironic, don't you think? Besides, why take out the weasel if the asteroid is just gonna take us out?

Gavin

So much sight. So little vision. If we stop the weasel and his friends from diverting the asteroid... Kablooie! It kills the weasel and everyone else... while we glide safely above it all. It'll be our paradise.

Roger

That's seems highly implausible. Just from a scientific standpoint. [Gavin and Gertie growl and glare at him.] Fine. It's a great plan. Dynamite! One of the top three or four species annihilation plans I've ever heard.

Gavin

That's better. Now let's make sure that asteroid hits.

Roger

Why can't we just fear the apocalypse like a normal family?

Gavin

All right, kids. [laughs] Let's have some fun.

Buck

Okay, everyone. Follow the trail. Never leave the trail. Okay, everyone. Leave the trail. Into the forest. Chop, chop.

Shira

But you just said...

Buck

You know I'm crazy. Come on. [Gavin flies and sees, then lets out a roar and is about to lunge at Buck. Buck jumps so high and freezes the forest.] I love the shade. Don't you?

Gavin

Well played, weasel. Stay sharp, kids. They can't hide forever.

Diego

Hey, Buck. You have a suggestion for getting around the river?

Buck

Let's see if the tablet's ancient wisdom will guide us. Let my mammals pass!

Diego

That's never gonna work.

Buck

The ancients grant us safe passage.

Julian

Sweet!

Diego

Wow, the air feels strange.

Shira

Uh...Diego?

Diego

Hmm...

Manny

What?

Eddie

Finally! We have superpowers!

Buck

Ladies and gentlemen, we have wandered into an electrical storm. [Thunder rumble] I suggest we all stay away from the trees.
Diego: Sure, no problem. It's not like we're in a forest.

Manny

Boy, Mother Nature sure is in a bad mood lately.

Ellie

Good thing we're all here to help each other.

Manny

Oh, like I always say, stay close, stay alive.

Gertie

There they are! Right out in the open. [laughs] How stupid can you be?

Gavin

Come on, kids. Dive!

Buck

Everyone, try not to create any sort of friction.

Crash

No friction. Got it.

Eddie

Yup. Cool beans. Friction is what now? [Crash and Eddie then reaches to touch each other's fingertips akin to "The Creation of Adam'.]

Diego

Oh, no.

Buck

Come on! Let's get out of here.

Sid

Hurry, Granny.

Granny

Don't you hurry me. I've been struck by lightning more times- [gets struck by lightning and dies]

Sid

Ahh! Granny!

-than you've had hot breakfasts.

Julian

Peaches!

Peaches

Julian, don't move! [panting] I have an idea.

Manny

I'm coming, sweetheart! Julian, why aren't you helping her?

Julian

Wait! No, Manny, she... [screams]

Peaches

Uh, what are you guys doing?

Manny

Helping?

Diego

What would "not helping" look like? Hey, zapheads!

Whoo!

Diego

Manny, get ready to run.

Manny

Come on, let's go!

Diego

Everybody make it?

Sid

Shira, Manny, Crash, Eddie, Ellie, Granny. Aw, shoot! I'm out of fingers.

Diego

Buck. Where's Buck?

Buck

Do you hear that? A baby! There's a baby in there!

Crash

Buck, wait! It's too dangerous.

Ellie

He's gone.

Sid

I can't believe it.

Granny

Don't know how we'll go on without you, Buck. All right, let's go.

Ellie

It's Buck!

Diego

Huh?

Buck

I got you. Don't worry, I got you. There you are. There. Say "hi," everyone.

Huh?

Buck

Isn't she gorgeous?

Sid

How can he tell it's a she?

Buck

Such a good little poochie-woochie.

Shira

Just to be clear, that's a pumpkin, right?

Buck

She has a little jaundice, but I think she'll be okay. Yes, you will. I think I'll call you... Bronwyn.

Manny

Um, little buddy? We need you back on planet Earth. While it's still here. Okay?

Buck

Right you are, mammal. Who wants to save the world from the fiery asteroid? You do!

Buck

Mmm... Okay, mammals. Let's stop here for the night.

Manny

Stop? What about the whole end-of-the-world collision thing?

Buck

Oh, asteroid's still a day off. And like my grandfather used to say... [mimics his 'grandfather'] "Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Purple sky at night, who moved my foot cream? I need my foot cream." [normal] Grampy was a confused and angry weasel.

You are so funny, J.

Julian

Stop! You're funny. Take it easy, my brother from a tiger mother.

Diego

Hasta manana, J-man.

Manny

What was that?

Diego

What was what? Oh, that! It's a cool way to peace out. Julian taught it to me.

Manny

Well, I'm glad the apocalypse is bringing you together.

Diego

He's a good kid, Manny. I like his philosophy. Give him a chance. Bond with him.

Julian

♪So light 'em up, up, up♪ ♪Light 'em up, up, up♪ ♪Light 'em up, up, up♪ ♪I'm on fire!♪

Ellie

Bonding! That's a good idea!

Manny

Oh, right. Got you.

Ellie

You take Julian. I got an idea for Peaches.

Manny

Hey, Bro-Kid.

Julian

Oh, hey, Bro-Dad. You here to rock out?

Manny

Okay. Instead of that... how about a game before bedtime?

Julian

No way! You want to play a game with me? Wow! What is honored times 1,000? No! Times one million? 'Cause whatever that equals is how honored I am.

Manny

So, is that a "yes"?

Julian

Yes, that's a "yes." It's the most "yes"! It's like "yes" with a bunch of s's... so it's like "yessssssssssssssssssss."

Manny

Great! [toss him his hockey stick] I'll see you on the ice! Happy?

Diego

Oh, boy.

Ellie

So, do you think you're ready to go out roaming on your own?

Peaches

I won't be alone. I'll have Julian.

Ellie

Sure. But with asteroids flying, no home to speak of and absolutely no support system, do you think you'll be ready for... this?

Eddie

I'm a wittle baby. [crying]

Ellie

Imagine. You're in the woods, looking for food and your baby gets sick. What do you do?

Peaches

Uh...

Ellie

No! Jiggling makes her feel worse!

Crash

♪La-la-la-la.♪ Ah! [crying]

Ellie

Oh, no! Now your older toddler has a skinned knee and a stuffy nose.

Crash

Mommy, hold me! [crying]

Ellie

Now your babies are crying. You have no food and then you come face to face with a rabid beast!

Sid

I am a rabid beast who gives rabies to babies. [roaring]

Ellie

And there's an arsonist on the loose.
Granny [laughing]

Ellie

How are you going to handle all this without our help?

Sid

Oh! Huh?

Peaches

Peaches, out!

Ellie

Well, that's just the easy stuff. There's a lot more we still need to cover.

Crash

Uh... Baby made a poopie.

Eddie

I'm a method actor, so I will need to be changed.

Buck

Reinforcements have arrived!

Gavin

All right, Roger. Lead the way.

Roger

Oh! So that's what approval sounds like.

Buck

Keep it up, dinos. Use that Jurassic super strength! Beep, beep, beep.

Gavin

Watch out, kids!

Buck

The weasel has landed.

Manny

I'll push it in. Go with Peaches and Ellie! [grunting]

Julian

No! I'm not leaving you! We'll do this together!

Peaches

Mom, where are they?

Diego

Ellie, we've got to get everyone off the volcano.

Granny

Folks, I'm outta cake, but I got salami!

Shira

Faster, faster!

Granny

I'm outta cake, but I got salami!

Diego

Granny, come on!

Granny

Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Manny

This isn't working.

Julian

Mad air on the half-pipe! Manny, I have a plan! We have to let the crystal go!

Manny

You know we're trying to get it in the volcano, right?

Julian

Manny, the only thing I want is a life with Peaches. And to prove myself to you. So, okay, two things. I want two things. Do you really think I'd waste the only chance I have left?

Manny

Okay, let's do it!

Julian

On my count. One... Two... Three!

Shira

What are they doing?

Julian

Did it work?

Manny

Yes! I take back everything I ever said about you!

Julian

Wait, what?

Manny

Now let's get out of here!

Shira

What happened?

Diego

Maybe it's the quiet before the crazy?

Crash

Eddie!

Manny

We did it. We did it!

Shira

In your face, space rock!

Diego

Yeah, baby!

Granny

Not on the lips, geezer!

Hit the road, you stupid rock. We just stopped the doomsday clock!

Manny

Bring it in, Bro-Son. Welcome to the family. And you, you coconut! I'll never doubt you again.

Buck

See? Daddy's always right. Remember that when you're older.