Ben Stiller movie quotes

View Quote The original Greek word "model" means "misshapen ball of clay", and I try to think about that every time I go in front of the camera.

View Quote [Upon seeing the model of the "Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too] What is this, a center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building? The center has to be at least... three times bigger than this!

View Quote Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful, I think.

View Quote I earned this body, and I built this temple with nothing more than some elbow grease and a little can-do attitude... and yes, a large inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman.

View Quote Yeh, that's me taking the bull by the horns, it's how I like to run my business. It's a metaphor. But that actually happened though.

View Quote I don't know if you've ever seen a hundred thousand dollars before, except perhaps in the movies. But let me show you something that gets lost in the translation. [opens briefcase revealing single stack of bills]

View Quote I feel like a mile-high pastrami on rye, on the fly from the deli in the sky! Let's go WILD!

View Quote [to Marty, after the island is divided between them and Marty calls his side the fun side] This is the fun side! This is where we are gonna have a great time surviving until we go home! Your side stinks! You're on the Jersey side of this cesspool!

View Quote I'M GONNA KILL YOU! I'm gonna strangle you, then bury you, then dig you up and clone you and kill all your clones! And then I'll never talk to you AGAIN!

View Quote [After accidentally shooting a horse] Are you okay, little pony?

View Quote Come on cap, don't drag Hutch into this. I shot the pony.

View Quote Stop shooting my car!

View Quote "Don't mess with the volcano, my man, 'cause I will go Pompeii on your... butt."

View Quote "Do yourself a favor and don't punch my clock 'cause I'm a Pantera's box you do not wanna open!"

View Quote "Well here I thought I was with a couple of real superheroes, the Shoveller and the Blue Raja! But really, it's Lazy Boy and... and... the recliner! Lazy Boy and the Recliner!"

View Quote I'd better get upstairs...and pay a little visit to the shower fairy.

View Quote Sorry, folks. Had to pay a little visit to the urinal fairy.

View Quote Jack: I'm a realist. I understand it's the 21st century, and you've probably had premarital relations with my daughter. But under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway. Is that understood?
Greg: Of course, yeah.
Jack: Good. Keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours.

View Quote Everything in this museum comes to life at night. It's freakin' awesome!

View Quote Come to work with me tonight. You won't be disappointed.

View Quote Do the Mayans look happy to you?

View Quote Good morning, Campers. Today is evaluation day. The key word here is value. Do you have any? Not yet. But by the time camp is over, you will all be a bunch of skinny winners.

View Quote Attention Campers; Lunch has been canceled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it.

View Quote "Congratulations, you've just joined the 76% of Americans who forget to stretch before doing any physical activity.

View Quote Nobody's tempted, nobody...

View Quote [sarcastically] Our dear friend the Buddha? How's he doing? It's been so long. Do you ever listen to yourself?

View Quote Don't do that.

View Quote How?! Me, Alex! Me and... me friends fly, fly in great metal bird, then... plummet! [imitates a falling bomb] Smash ground, go boom! Then here we emerge. We offer only happiness and good greetings.

View Quote My name is Alex. Ix. Like New York Knicks?

View Quote Apparently, lions don't dance.

View Quote Blow me down!

View Quote I could have sworn we had more stuff.

View Quote She just manipulated me somehow. She's very crafty. She's a crafty old... lady.

View Quote In order to get home, we will come up with something fresh, something brand new, something never before seen! Off the chain! Something that'll blow that circus promoter away!

View Quote [Marty drives a van] What are you doing? Zebras can't drive, only penguins and people can drive!

View Quote [After defeating Dubois for the first time] Au revoir, Dubois!

View Quote Dear Starbucks, in your attempt to manufacture culture out of fast food coffee you've been surprisingly successful for the most part. The part that isn't covered by 'the most part' sucks.

View Quote It's the harder, more painful decision to stay free but that's what adulthood is.

View Quote All the men out here dress like children and the kids dress like superheroes.

View Quote I've learned along the way you can discover more by allowing yourself to be surprised by what you encounter.

View Quote He's not evil. He's just young.

View Quote It's like... he once saw a sincere person and he's been imitating him ever since.

View Quote Reuben Feffer: You're on the non-plan plan!
Polly Prince: I am NOT on the non-plan plan!

View Quote Reuben Feffer: (yelps) Rat! Rat in the house!
Polly Prince : Oh, no, no. This is Rodolfo. He's a ferret.

View Quote Reuben Feffer: So whose party is this again?
Sandy Lyle: It's an art opening for this Dutch guy, Jost. His art sucks, but he used to sell me really good pot. [pause]
Sandy Lyle: Oh, man, I'm so friggin' horny.

View Quote Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been telling you that since I was eleven.

View Quote [into Jack's spy-camera, during end credits] Hey, look at me, Jack. What am I? [gruff voice] I am a frozen caveman! Study me, Jack! Learn how strange the Focker genetic code is! We are weird mutants who hug and kiss! We show emotion! [growls] Jack must learn from us, and chip away with his hammer of truth! Wooga-booga!

View Quote Jack Byrnes: I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.
Greg Focker: It was Barry Poppins.
Jack Byrnes: What kind of a sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?
Roz Focker: Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.
Jack Byrnes: It was your idea?
Roz Focker: Yes.
Jack Byrnes: What is wrong with you people?!
Bernie Focker: You people?
Dina Byrnes: I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.
Jack Byrnes: Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?
Greg Focker: Jack, he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?
Jack Byrnes: He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his development.
Roz Focker: The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.
Greg Focker: Mom...
Jack Byrnes: What are you saying?
Roz Focker: I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here. And I've got news for you, Jack,. Prodigies don't eat their own boogers.
Jack Byrnes: And I have news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.
Pam Byrnes: Okay, Dad. That's my fiancee.
Jack Byrnes: I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.
Roz Focker: Why? Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.
Jack Byrnes: The Little Jack in me? [Greg is getting extremely frustrated]
Roz Focker: Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed?
Greg Focker: Mom, stop.
Bernie Focker: Key question!
Roz Focker: My guess is no.
Jack Byrnes: Would you spare my the drugstore psychology?
Greg Focker: [everyone starts arguing] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP! Okay?! [the arguing stops] Jack, I'm not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying, so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone a second, I came back in, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.

View Quote You can't change the plan unless you check with the people who are financing the plan which is, last time I checked, your mother and I.

View Quote Larry is talking about his son

View Quote I mean, get the degree, then take a break.

View Quote [as Scorcher] Who left the fridge open?

View Quote You know, there were times when I was doing Jack that I actually felt ****. Like, really ****. I mean, I brushed my teeth ****, I rode the bus ****.

View Quote In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb.

View Quote You've been planning an alien invasion... in my Costco?

View Quote Evan: [Looking at green gunge] Wait a second. I've seen this stuff before.
Franklin: Had you just won a Kids' choice award?

View Quote Bob: What the **** is he doing here?
Evan: It's ok he saved us!
Franklin: Ya he came in here jackin' dicks left and right.