2nd most-quoted character in Meet the Fockers (2004): in 7 of its 17 quotes
Most scenes with: Jack Byrnes (4), Pam Byrnes (3), Dina Byrnes (2)
Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been telling you that since I was eleven.
Greg Focker Hey, look at me, Jack. What am I? [gruff voice] I am a frozen caveman! Study me, Jack! Learn how strange the Focker genetic code is! We are weird mutants who hug and kiss! We show emotion! [growls] Jack must learn from us, and chip away with his hammer of truth! Wooga-booga!
Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. Do you know what that is?
Greg Focker Love, friendship... just love, I think.
His legacy.
Greg Focker That, too.
If your family's circle joins in my family's circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain.
I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.
Greg Focker It was Barry Poppins.
What kind of a sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?
Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.
It was your idea?
Yes.
What is wrong with you people?!
You people?
I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.
Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?
Greg Focker Jack, he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?
He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his development.
The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.
Greg Focker Mom...
What are you saying?
I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here. And I've got news for you, Jack,. Prodigies don't eat their own boogers.
And I have news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.
Okay, Dad. That's my fiancee.
I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.
Why? Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.
The Little Jack in me? [Greg is getting extremely frustrated]
Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed?
Greg Focker Mom, stop.
Key question!
My guess is no.
Would you spare my the drugstore psychology?
Greg Focker Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP! Okay?! [the arguing stops] Jack, I'm not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying, so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone a second, I came back in, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.
Greg Focker Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes.
Love you, baby! (blows kiss)
Greg Focker I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and... [blabbers incoherently] rub my face in 'em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry for you being perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'ma looking, and I'm-a LIKIN... [sees Jorge] In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet, sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabel.
Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down.
Greg Focker No, no, no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest.
Please... sit.
Greg Focker We conceived a child. And his name is Jorge Villalobos. Come on up here, Jorge. This is the fruit of my loins. Come on! Search your feelings, Jorge. You know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. [everyone applauds] Oh, and Jack? PAM'S PREGNANT. [Pam gasps in horror] Focker... out. [falls backward, passing out]
Oh, stuff your muskrat, Jack! He shot Greg with truth serum before his speech.
Greg Focker What?!
He did the same thing to Pam's junior prom date!
Greg Focker Wait a minute. Yes. Yes! Wait a minute! You stuck a needle in my neck!
You drugged my son?!
I had no choice. He refuses to tell the truth.
Because he's terrified and thinks he has to impress you. He's had us trying to impress you, but in my opinion, Jack, I think it's you, who should be trying to impress us!
Yes! There you go, Jacko! Yes! Man, we're gonna have a grandchild! Come on, we should be celebrating.
How could you not see it? Greg is completely unfit to handle a child. He's neglected his own son for 15 years.
Greg Hey, Jack, I didn't even know he existed.
That's right.
Oh, who knows what to believe with you? You're dishonest about everything.
You're so much better, Jack? Why don't you tell everybody what you did last night to Greg at the party?
Muskrat, Dina.
Oh, stuff your muskrat, Jack! He shot Greg with truth serum before his speech.
Greg What?!
He did the same thing to Pam's junior prom date!
Greg Wait a minute. Yes, yes! Wait a minute! You stuck a needle in my neck!
You drugged my son?
I had no choice. He refuses to tell the truth.
Because he's terrified and thinks he has to impress you. He's had us trying to impress you. But in my opinion, Jack, I think it's you who should be trying to impress us!
Jack, you've insulted me, my wife, my son, our entire way of life. I've sat back and taken it, but now you've crossed the line, sir, and I am going to have to kick your ass.
Derek Zoolander
White Goodman
Alex the Lion
David Starsky
Mr. Furious
Gaylord 'Greg' Focker
Larry Daley
Tony Perkis Jr
