Most scenes together: Peter La Fleur & Steve the Pirate (8), Peter La Fleur & White Goodman (4), White Goodman & Steve the Pirate (3)
During the ADAA-approved random drug screening, one of your players tested positive for three different anabolic steroids, and a low-grade beaver tranquilizer. Therefore, Troop 417 is disqualified. Average Joe's wins.
God damn you, Bernice! [throws her cap at a large, well-built girl scout with a moustache and hairy arms]
Cotton It appears that Average Joe's is forfeiting the final match.
That's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off.
Cotton It appears that Peter La Fleur has blindfolded himself.
Yeah, he will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
Tired of the same old you? Tired of being out of shape and out of luck with the opposite sex? Tired of being overweight and under-attractive?
Yeah! Oh, hello. I'm White Goodman, Owner, Operator, and Founder of Globo Gym America Corp, and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be stuck with what you got.
Thanks.
Here at Globo Gym, we understand that Ugliness and Fatness are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it. [climbing on the rocky wall; grunts] And that's where we come in. [cackling] Globo Gym employs a highly-trained, quasi-cultural staff of personal alterational specialists. And with our competitively-priced on-site cosmetic surgery, we can turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every morning into a Franken-fine! [wheels out a bandaged-like-a-mummy person in a wheelchair] Of course you'll still be you in a legal sense, but think of it as a thinner, more attractive, better you than you could ever become without us. How do I know? Well, I'm not only the founder of Globo Gym. I'm also a client. [a picture of a 600-pound White Goodman from 14 years ago] That's me. Six years and 600 pounds ago... before I knew how much I hated myself. But that all changed once I founded Globo Gym. But don't just take my word for it. Listen to these Globo-Gymers tell you how it is.
[The scene switches to Peter's dog walking in the living room, revealing Peter sleeping on the couch.]
What? Eight years of softball.
Man, she gotta be a lesbian!
She's not a lesbian.
All I know is that **** can play!
Don't worry about him, Justin, he's a jerk.
Yeah, he'll probably fall off the rollercoaster and break every bone in his body.
Nice, Dwight.
I'm just saying, it happens. My cousin Ray-Ray? Dead.
Joyce? How'd you make it?
Joyce I wouldn't miss this for the world!
You are so sweet... (kisses Joyce passionately)
I told you she was a lesbian.
Wow, good call.
Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
You're not?
No. I'm bisexual. (kisses Peter)
Oh, snap!
Alliteration aside, I think I'll take my chances on the court.
Yeah, you will take your chances.
I know. I just said that.
I know you just said that.
I'm not sure where you're going with this.
I'm not sure where you are going with this.
That's what I said.
That's what I'm saying to you.
Okay.
Touch?.
Crash, no! Crash, out! Bad dog!
I think the lady asked you to leave.
This doesn't concern you, La Fleur.
Not nearly as much as your hair does.
No grundle.
Thank you Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris Thank you Peter.
You want to join the cheerleaders to prove to a girl that you're not a loser?
Yeah, why?
Nothing. It's just... I guess high school's changed a lot since my day.
This is it, La Fleur. See you around, La Loser!
Just don't go crying to your mama when I spank you in front of all these people.
And you don't go crying to your papa, after I mop it up with your face!
This is it, La Loser! You ready for the- Woo! -hurricane?
Just don't go crying to mommy when I spank you in front of all these people.
And don't go crying to your daddy, after I wipe it up with your face!
Yeah?
You look awfully fat in those pants.
