Justin Long movie quotes

View Quote [To a panicked crowd] Okay, everyone, everyone, please, listen up. We're not getting eaten, or harvested, or having our brains barbecued. The universe isn't scary. It's really amazing. [Crowd stares] And don't forget to pick up your planetary yo-yos! [picks out a yo-yo and does a trick] We've got one for each of you. [crowd cheers]

View Quote [During a show at the Planetarium] Space... a universe of mystery. Well, today, the mystery will be unveiled. Thanks to science, we know the universe is nearly 500 miles long, and it contains—you're not going to believe this—over 1,000 stars.

View Quote [After Chuck's landing] Mom, Dad!! There is a ship in the-- [looks at his parents direction and surprisingly sees Chuck]

View Quote Hey, guys! Look what I won! [pulls out a plush toy replica of himself] Isn't he cute? Look at that face!

View Quote That's insulting. We are very mature.

View Quote [trailer] Whoa. Buzzkill.

View Quote 'Cause we are SHIT heads now, and we'll be SHIT heads forever and nothing you say can do or stamp can take that away from us!

View Quote [when Hoyt Ambrose comes to talk to him] Let me guess, you want me to sign a petition banning minorities from your yacht club. No?

View Quote Listen guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn't go to college. Albert Einstein. You know? Pocahontas never went to college. Corey Feldman and Corey Haim; they had a great run. Both Lewis and Clark. Suzanne Somers. Bono.

View Quote ...Trish...I think we found our body...

View Quote Get a load of that nasty old thing. What is that, the vehicle choice of assholes and **** serial killers?

View Quote This guy must have 500, maybe 600 bodies down there, and I've seen 'um! Stuck up on the walls like some psycho version of the Sistine Chapel!

View Quote I mean, come on! The caribou are laughing at us. Now that's a moon I don't wanna howl to.

View Quote Looks like we're eatin' caribou tonight, boys!

View Quote Kate's hot.

View Quote [to Tess] I can get away, but you're gonna have to slow her down. [to The Mother] Hey, come get your baby! [throws Tess off the side of the water tower. The Mother dives off the water tower after Tess, and lands underneath her on the ground]

View Quote [to Frank, after watching him do something horrific on a video tape] What is wrong with you? The **** is wrong with you? Hey! Hey, I'm talking to you, you ****! [Frank pulls a gun out of his drawer] Hey, hey, hey, whoa. [Frank points the gun at his own head] No, no, no, wait! [Bang!]

View Quote AJ: This is my fault.
Andre: It don't matter whose fault it is.
AJ: It does! I hurt somebody! That matters. I don't know if I'm a bad person. But I might be. I might be a bad person. Or maybe I'm a good person who just did a bad thing. I can't change what I've done. I can just try and fix it. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fix it.

View Quote I'm so scared. This guy wants to turn me into an animal or something...

View Quote I don't wanna die in Canada!

View Quote Howard Howe: Never be ashamed of fear, Mr. Bryton. Fear is the unelected governor that keeps our actions moral.
Wallace Bryton: Who said that?
Howard Howe: I did. Just now.

View Quote So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.

View Quote If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.

View Quote Gigi: I would rather be like that, then be like you.
Alex: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?
Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.

View Quote Matt Farrell: What's the plan?
John McClane: Find Lucy and kill everyone else.

View Quote [from the unrated version]
Matt Farrell: You just killed a helicopter with a car!
John McClane: Hundreds of thousands of people die from car accidents every year. That was just, like, four more.

View Quote [from the theatrical version]
Matt Farrell: You just killed a helicopter with a car!
John McClane: I was out of bullets.

View Quote Peter: You want to join the cheerleaders to prove to a girl that you're not a loser?
Justin: Yeah, why?
Peter: Nothing. It's just... I guess high school's changed a lot since my day.

View Quote [Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]
Patches: If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers you gotta learn the five D's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five D's, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. [Justin raises his hand] Queerbait, go ahead.
Justin: Shouldn't we learn by dodging balls that are thrown at us?
Patches: That's what this sack of wrenches is for. [empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?!
[Patches hurls a wrench in Justin's face, and he squeals in pain]
Patches: Any other questions?
Justin: OH MY GOD!!! [still writhing in agony on the floor]

View Quote [Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]
Patches: If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers, then you've gotta learn the five Ds of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five Ds, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. [Justin raises his hand] Queerbait, go ahead.
Justin: Um, me? Or...I--Um...shouldn't we learn by...y'know, like dodging balls that are thrown at us, or...?
Patches: That's what this sack of wrenches is for. [empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?
[Patches hurls a wrench in Justin's face, and he screams in pain]
Patches: Any other questions?
Justin: [screams] Oh, my God! [still writhing in agony on the floor]
Peter: Uh, Patches, is this really necessary?
Patches: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter: Probably not.
Patches: No! But I do it anyway, 'cause it's sterile and I like the taste!
Peter: ...Okay...