Alvin and the Chipmunks 2007 quotes

Ian Hawke

Let's talk about your song, Dave.

David Seville

Well, as crazy as it sounds, the original inspiration came to me-

Ian

The song sucks, Dave.

David Seville

What?

Ian

Your song? It is awful. I hate it. Yeah, I mean, who is going to sing it? Justin? Fergie? Not a chance. I need something new; I need something fresh!

David Seville

That is new!

Ian

The next big thing. Dave, we go way back, all right? And we have both come a long way since college. You, not so much. I wanted to like that song, but you heard it. (Not that good.) If I was not your friend, I would say "Dave, you go right back out of this office and you keep writing music. You'll get there someday." But I am your friend, so I am going to tell you that there is no sense in writing songs that no one is ever, EVER going to sing.

David Seville

Ever?

Theodore

Uncle Ian?

Ian

W... What are you doing here?

Theodore

Can I sleep with you? I had a nightmare.

Ian

Ohhhh... you had a nightmare? I had a nightmare too. I-in my nightmare, um, I had to put together 37 dates in 42 days, in 16 different countries. And, and, I had to coordinate 121 different radio and print interviews in five different languages. [picks up Theodore] But you know what, Theo? The only difference is, in my nightmare, [talks at his face] when I open my eyes, it doesn't END!

Theodore

So... is that a no? [Ian throws him out the door in the next shot] Whoa! [lands on the floor] Oh... ooh... [gets up and walks back to his room]

Theodore

Dave? [jumps up onto the bed] Are you awake?

David Seville

I am now.

Theodore

I had a nightmare. Can... I sleep with you?

David Seville

Umm...

Theodore

You won't even know I'm here.

David Seville

Okay, sure, but stay on that side of the bed.

Theodore

Oh, oh, oh, okay. [goes to the other side, but then snuggles up with Dave]

David Seville

Theodore, That's not your side of the bed,. [then gives in with a sigh]

Alvin

Stupid... cork... doesn't...

Alvin

Whoa!

Claire

Oh!

Alvin

Yikes! [giggles nervously] Oops.

Not gonna say it.

Alvin

Uh-oh!

Simon

Good grief.

Claire

Are you still not gonna say it?

Nope!

I'm gonna say it. [yells] ALVIN!!!

Alvin

Okay!!!

Alvin

That's it! I can't take this anymore. I can't! I give up! I'm sick of struggling for survival, competing with gophers and earthworms and that loser sparrow who always takes my nuts. And I'm especially sick of this stupid, stupid TREE!!

Simon

Whoa! What's happening?!

Theodore

Guys! I think he made it angry!

Oh, my God! Theodore, did you just...

Theodore

Um, um...

Simon

It's a raisin, Dave.

Prove it.

Simon

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, you got me. Look, I wanna talk to all of you guys. Where's Alvin? Alvin!

Simon

BLEAH!! [to Theodore] You owe me big time!

Alvin?!

Alvin

Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me...

Alvin

There's this new thing: It's called "knocking"!

Get out!

Alvin

Uh, I'm waiting for the rinse cycle.

Out! [pulls Alvin out of the dishwasher]

Alvin

Whoa, whoa! I'm takin' a shower, here!

You know, if I made a list of my worst days ever, guess what? Today would be at the top of the list!

Alvin

And it's still early.

Clam it, sudsy!

Are you guys always like this?

Simon

We're kids, Dave.

Well, where are your parents?

Simon

When you're a chipmunk, your parents take care of you for a week, then they take off.

Alvin

Our parents were hippies. They left early to join a commune.

Off to bed. Come on. We start work tomorrow. I want you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by 8:00.

Alvin

My tail isn't bushy till 9:00.

Not my problem. Now go to sleep.

Squirrels can't talk!

Alvin

Whoa, wap-ap-ap-oh. Watch it, genius. We're Chipmunks. Chip-Munks!

Chipmunks can't talk either! [turns on lights]

Simon

Well, our lips are moving and words are coming out.

This isn't happening. [closes his eyes, talking to himself] I am not talking to chipmunks. I am not talking to chipmunks.

Alvin

So, how's that working for you, Dave?

Uh, h-how do you know my name?

Alvin

I'll take that one. We read your mail. By accident.

Simon

You really oughta pay that utility bill, Dave. You ever hear of a credit rating?

What was that?!

Simon

Uh, nothing, just... a little stage fright? [whimpers]

Theodore

I thought my heart was gonna explode!

Alvin

We're not performing monkeys, Dave! Why do we have to sing for that guy anyway?

Well, how's this? Pretend I need the money and I hate my job and you're staying at my place so you owe me.

Theodore

We're sorry, Dave.

Yeah, that helps. [sighs] Never mind, I'm late for work.

Theodore

Ooh-ooh-ooh, Can we go with you?

What? So that you can mess that up, too? Uh-uh. You're goin' home.

Ian

Your song sucks, Dave.

What?

Ian

Your song? It's awful. I hate it. Yeah, I mean, who's gonna sing it? Justin? Fergie? Not a chance. I need something new, I need something fresh.

Simon

A little situation here, Dave. Theodore vacuumed up Alvin.

Theodore

Alvin!

Alvin

Dave! Help!

What?!

Simon

Well, at least it wasn't the garbage disposal. [giggles nervously]

Theodore

Just stay calm! [gets sucked into vacuum; shrieks]

Simon

And there goes Theodore.

Simon

We're getting off on the wrong foot. Allow us to introduce ourselves. Hello. I'm Simon. The smart one. He's Alvin.

Alvin

The awesomest one.

Theodore

And I'm Theodore.

Oh, nice to meet you. Now get outta my house!

Theodore

But... we talk.

Which only makes me want you out of my house that much more. It's creepy. Unnatural. Somewhat evil.

Alvin

I kinda liked him better when he was unconcious.

Theodore

Where are we?

Alvin

Well, I think they remodeled our forest. I like it. Stylish, yet functional--

Theodore

Uh, but where did the mountains go?

Simon

Give me a break. We're in a building, Theodore.

Alvin

Gross! Is this his house?

Simon

No. It's his garbage can.

Alvin

Oh.