“If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers you gotta learn the...” – Patches, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story ... Movie Quotes Database

Patches

[Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]

If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers you gotta learn the five D's of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five D's, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. [Justin raises his hand] Queerbait, go ahead.

Justin

Shouldn't we learn by dodging balls that are thrown at us?

Patches

That's what this sack of wrenches is for. [empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

Justin

What?!

Patches

[Patches hurls a wrench in Justin's face, and he squeals in pain]

Any other questions?

Justin

OH MY GOD!!! [still writhing in agony on the floor]

In this scene

Patches O'Houlihan Rip Torn More Patches quotes →

Steve the Pirate Alan Tudyk More Steve the Pirate quotes →

Justin Justin Long More Justin quotes →

More from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Cotton It appears that Average Joe's is forfeiting the final match. Pepper That's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off. Cotton It appears that Peter La Fleur has blindfolded himself. Pepper Yeah, he will not be able to see very well, Cotton. Peter You want to join the cheerleaders to prove to a girl that you're not a loser? Justin Yeah, why? Peter Nothing. It's just... I guess high school's changed a lot since my day.