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Patches O'Houlihan quotes

View Quote I ain't crazy, and I ain't a guy! I'm Patches O'Houlihan, and I'm your new coach.
View Quote [When questioned on learning how to dodge balls] That's what this sack of wrenches is for. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball! [Throws wrench at Justin, hitting him square in the face] Any other questions?
View Quote If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball!
View Quote Just remember the five D's of dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and... Dodge.
View Quote Holy hell son, you're about as useful as a ****-flavoured lollipop!
View Quote Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No! But I do it anyway, cause it's sterile and I like the taste.
View Quote Oh my sweet dick, it's magic!
View Quote Take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you.
View Quote If you want dodgeball victory you gotta grab it by its haunches and hump it into submission, that's the only way!
View Quote Remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation. So, when you're picking players in gym class, remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team. That way you can gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here.
View Quote And can someone catch a god-damn ball! It's like watching a bunch of r****ds trying to **** a doorknob out there!
View Quote [Deep breath in] I love the smell of q***f in the morning!
View Quote I've got some hookers in my room... wanna go celebrate? My treat!
View Quote Suit yourself, q***r! [when Peter declines the above offer]
View Quote You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!
View Quote Come on! I've seen better runs in my shorts!
View Quote They're too good and you suck something awful.
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