Jim
[after seeing Darren's leg during the skateboarding accident]
O-oh god! Get him a job! I mean get him an ambulance! You get a job, he's got a job already!
Scenes with Jim
6 scenes Jim
Jim
Hey, Gord, the water cold enough for ya? [turns the water temp level down, then breaks into the bathroom, then flushes the toilet]
Jim
Don't tell me you're so goddamn stupid you can't even tell the difference between hot and cold. [opens shower to find Gord with a soap on a rope in scuba gear]
Jim
What the **** is going on?
Gord
I'm underwater! Look! I found a treasure.
Jim
A treasure? That's soap on a rope!
Gord
SHHHHHH!!! I'm pretending it's a treasure!
Jim
Get outta my goddamn scuba gear you imbecile!
Gord
I'm gonna make you so proud.
Jim
Make your daddy proud.
Gord
You're gonna be so proud. Proud? Proud.
[pulls out of parking space and honks at a pedestrian] Get the **** outta the way!
Jim
Wait a minute, you're crippled.
Gord
Dad..
Betty
Wha--what?
Gord
Dad..
Betty
You got a problem with my legs?
Jim
No, you've got a problem with your legs. Either that or you're just lazy.
Darren
[Gord is building his skateboard ramp early in the morning]
Shh! Gord! Gord! Don't hammer 'em so loud. Geez, it's late, you're gonna wake up your parents.
Gord
You're right. I should probably use the electric nail gun.
Darren
Yeah.
Darren
[Gord starts using it and it creates even more noise]
Shh! Gord!
Gord
What?
Jim
Oh, boys. Will you two ****s stop making so **** much noise? We're sleeping.
Darren
[Gord starts nailing in more hammers to annoy Jim]
Shhh!
Jim
Goddamnit! IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING! Stop the **** hammering!
Mr. Malloy
Gordy! I got a kid over here, okay! Gord, are you guys almost done over there?
Gord
Yeah, nearly, Mr. Malloy.
Andy
Hey, Gord. Can I play on your ramp tomorrow?
Gord
Sure, Andy. Any time.
Darren
[Jim screams out of rage then goes back into the house]
Does your dad got, like, bowel problems?
Therapist
Jim, do you hear what Gord is saying here?
Jim
I hear him boohooing about his broken wheelie-board ramp. Is that what you mean?
Therapist
Yes, Jim. But do you understand what he's saying? Sounds to me like he just wants you to accept him as your son. To approve of him and what he wants to do with his life. How does that make you feel?
Jim
First of all, I don't give a rat's ass what this punk wants. As long as he lives in my house and eats my food, I make the rules.
Gord
I wanna eat chicken burgers!
Julie
[Jim stands up]
Jim, don't hurt my baby. Now, sit down.
Jim
You're an embarrassment to my family.
Gord
Oh, yeah? Well, at least I don't touch Freddy.
Jim
Say what?
Therapist
Excuse me?
Gord
Yeah, he touches my little brother. He takes him behind the furnace and touches him.
Jim
See the insanity I put up with?
Gord
He's embarrassed.
Julie
Jim!
Gord
He touches my little brother. He...he...[looks at his fingers] he fingers him.
Jim
You're a goddamn liar.
Julie
Jim! Do you touch him? Do you finger our boy?
Jim
Don't you get wacky on me. What the **** are we talking about?
Therapist
Mr. Brody, this is very serious. Based on what I've heard here today, I am required by law to notify the authorities.
Gord
You hear that, Dad? You're gonna pay! He's a molester. He's a chiiild molester!
Jim
[throws statue threw window and then jumps out screaming]
You'd better run, you liaaaaaaar!
