Peter La Fleur It's time to put your mouth where our balls are.
Tied for 3rd most-quoted character in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004): in 21 of its 124 quotes
Most scenes with: Steve the Pirate (8), White Goodman (4), Patches O'Houlihan (2)
I found that if you have a goal, you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed.
More lines from Peter La Fleur
7 quotes Peter La Fleur Peter La Fleur I'd love to, but I don't think they make a 'sorry your dodgeball coach just got crushed by two tons of irony' Hallmark card.
Peter La Fleur You had me at blood and semen.
Peter La Fleur Hey, White. I didn't think Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?
Peter La Fleur Thank you, Chuck Norris.
Peter La Fleur Lance Armstong: So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals? Peter LaFleur: Right now it feels a little bit like... shame.
Peter La Fleur [in a commercial for Average Joe's, now newly renovated and successful]
Hi, I'm Peter LaFleur, owner and operator of Average Joe's Gym. And I'm here to tell you, you're perfect just the way you are. But if you feel like losing a few pounds, getting healthier and making some great friends in the process, then Joe's is the place for you. Don't forget, youth dodgeball classes are forming right now. So come on down and learn a great game the way it's supposed to be played. Right, kids?
Scenes with Peter La Fleur
13 scenes Peter You want to join the cheerleaders to prove to a girl that you're not a loser?
Yeah, why?
Peter Nothing. It's just... I guess high school's changed a lot since my day.
Peter Alliteration aside, I think I'll take my chances on the court.
Yeah, you will take your chances.
Peter I know. I just said that.
I know you just said that.
Peter I'm not sure where you're going with this.
I'm not sure where you are going with this.
Peter That's what I said.
That's what I'm saying to you.
Peter Okay.
Touch?.
Peter [Peter is the only player in his team left to fight off the girl scouts in the regional qualifying match. Tired of the brats, he hurls the ball, knocking a scout to the ground]
I'm so sorry, are you okay?
Why would you hit a girl? Why?
Peter I'm so sorry, really.
Peter You're adopted. Your parents don't even love you.
Peter I think the lady asked you to leave.
This doesn't concern you, La Fleur.
Peter Not nearly as much as your hair does.
This is it, La Fleur. See you around, La Loser!
Peter Just don't go crying to your mama when I spank you in front of all these people.
And you don't go crying to your papa, after I mop it up with your face!
Joyce? How'd you make it?
Joyce I wouldn't miss this for the world!
You are so sweet... (kisses Joyce passionately)
I told you she was a lesbian.
Peter Wow, good call.
Hey! I'm not a lesbian.
Peter You're not?
No. I'm bisexual. (kisses Peter)
Oh, snap!
Peter Thank you Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris Thank you Peter.
Peter Crash, no! Crash, out! Bad dog!
Peter No grundle.
[Patches has everyone lined up to explain the strategies of dodgeball]
If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers, then you've gotta learn the five Ds of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! If you master the five Ds, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. [Justin raises his hand] Queerbait, go ahead.
Um, me? Or...I--Um...shouldn't we learn by...y'know, like dodging balls that are thrown at us, or...?
That's what this sack of wrenches is for. [empties the sack] If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
What?
Peter Uh, Patches, is this really necessary?
Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
Peter Probably not.
No! But I do it anyway, 'cause it's sterile and I like the taste!
Peter ...Okay...
[Kate throws a dodgeball underhand, breaking off the head of the White Goodman cutout. The rest of the team stares at her]
What? Eight years of softball.
Man, she gotta be a lesbian!
Peter She's not a lesbian.
All I know is that **** can play!
This is it, La Loser! You ready for the- Woo! -hurricane?
Peter Just don't go crying to mommy when I spank you in front of all these people.
And don't go crying to your daddy, after I wipe it up with your face!
Peter [As they start to walk away]
Hey, White?
Yeah?
Peter You look awfully fat in those pants.
[Steve shows up having cleaned himself up and faces Peter in the middle of the celebration.]
I just want to say I thought about what you said and you were right I'm not really a pirate.
Peter I don't know, Steve. If you're not really a pirate, who will I share this buried treasure with?
[The Casino Host opens up the treasure chest to reveal the $5 million Peter won off a long shot bet he made on Average Joe's to win.] (Reverting back to the lovable pirate he is)
Gar! Peter?
Peter Gar, Steve.
Other characters in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
More Vince Vaughn characters
Trent Walker
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell
Jeremy Grey
Reese Feldman
Brad
Wes Mantooth
Howell
Bob McAllister